no support at home or work!!!

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  • Karabobarra
    Karabobarra Posts: 782 Member
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    I get my support and motivation from my awesome friends on here.

    I'm a single mom with a more than full time job and although my kids are teenagers they still require my time and attention, my job is a desk job and most days I end up working through lunch and not taking a break, it would be heaven to come home and have the support of someone saying "I got this...go hit the gym" but usually I find kids who need homework help, a dinner that needs to be cooked or cleaned up and a couple loads of laundry screaming at me.

    I've lost over 60 pounds, dropped three sizes and only one person at my work has said anything. In fact I've actually lost friends because I've lost weight. There's days when I wonder if it's worth it, the constant watching what I eat, the exercising when I don't want to, the time it takes away from other things and the losing friends. Then I remember I started this to get healthy, not to just lose weight, I'm not doing it for them...I'm doing it for me ... and I'm worth it, my kids are worth it.
    One of my friends told me to write down five reasons why you are trying to lose weight or get healthy then post them where you can see them everyday...I did this and it was very effective at keeping my motivation up...especially since I would see it every morning, it just kept the thought present in my mind all day.

    I guess my best advice is to lean on your mfp friends...they are here for some of the same reasons and they truly make my journey alot easier to bare,

    Good luck :-)
  • ingeh
    ingeh Posts: 513 Member
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    I hear you! My partner needs to lose weight himself, hes put on 4st in 3 yrs so quite abit. Im trying to lose 3-4st myself and if I mention it to him hes not bothered. Id like him to say "well done for wnating to be healthy/making healthy choices" but he doesnt so I just get on with it!
  • budgetqueen79
    budgetqueen79 Posts: 310 Member
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    I was in the same boat so I joined here and started a Youtube channel documenting my journey. Sometimes they just don't understand the struggle. Now I am down 80 lbs. There is nothing wrong with reaching outside of your circle to get the encouragement and motivation you need. You can add me on here or youtube.
  • lovelee79
    lovelee79 Posts: 362
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    Yup its a strange phenomenon! My husband wanted to go buy ice cream for watching Biggest Loser tonight! I literally burst into tears! I told him I needed his support and that he can't eat that junk in front of me. He said ok, and didn't get the ice cream.
    I feel like I have no one to truly support me and that's why I am here, to get the motivation, and give it also!

    Add me if you like!! I'm very new here!! I love MFP !
    Best wishes to you! :)
  • fitnhealthyccthatsme
    fitnhealthyccthatsme Posts: 359 Member
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    I have to depend mostly on the support of my MFP friends.

    A few of my family and friends around me have commented about how much I've lost. A couple of persons have asked how I'm doing it and when I begin my story, their eyes sorta glaze over...LOL. No one wants to work hard for the long term goal. Lots of folks want a quick fix. This week's joke at work has been, "what's Cheryl eating for lunch today... a green bean?" Yesterday they upped it to 2 green beans! My co-workers (those who I spend 40+ hrs with weekly), have thrown a lot of garbage at me ... that same garbage that is keeping them at their current weights. It got bad for me one day at work when they were about to sit down around the table with two pizzas. I got up and walked out of the office. I sent an e-mail to my boss and explained how I love pizza and could not handle sitting around the table watching them eat it and I needed to get out of the office for lunch. It happened to be a particularly stressful day so it all worked out.

    Although it's not easy, it's worth it. I think I have a photo on my profile about that. Anyone is willing to use it. It seems so fitting here with the struggles we go through and the challenges we face on this journey to a life change. I offer friendship to anyone who wants it. I may not be totally 100% supportive, but I'll do my best. I'm also a single mom of a teenager and I work full time. There's not a lot of time for me after homework and chores, but I'm pushing through.

    Hang in there, MFP is an awesome place for support and encouragement. I've been very pleased at how these message boards are full of supportive and encouraging folks who are there to help us get thru. :flowerforyou:
  • rajivdubey
    rajivdubey Posts: 382 Member
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    I lost 77 pounds in 2004. Initially I was discouraged and laughed at. I did it on my own and once I started showing positive effects, there was no looking back.

    I think initially people laugh at you "Ha! look at him/her how will he/she will lose so much of weight?" Then once you start showing positive signs people are stunned!

    To have drastic weight loss you have to make drastic changes in your lifestyle, which may bother people! But what the heck? Its your life and your body! You have got to do it for yourself!
  • KitCatMcG
    KitCatMcG Posts: 29 Member
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    I like this idea!!! The list of things were you can see it! I might do that :)
  • leemarie324
    leemarie324 Posts: 63 Member
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    I was dealing with the same thing when I started working out. All my co workers would make fun of me for eating salad and drinking water, and walking on my lunch break, and now they are all saying "wow you look so good" and "you are doing so good and were so proud of you"..You just gotta ignore them and worry about number 1 and thats yourself! :)
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    At the end of the day it's our own responsibility to get healthy. No one can hold our hand or get us to our destination. While support really makes things easier it's up to make the change. If your family can't help you, know what, that's why yo have us (MFP). :)
  • SneakyTam
    SneakyTam Posts: 11 Member
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    They say the best revenge (and lets face it - who wouldnt want revenge on those who dont support our journey to better ourselves!!) is living well!!! Like everyone else here is pretty much saying do it for you! Once you reach your goal weight and everyone is telling you how great you look and asking you how you did it, you can say I did it with the support of my fitness pals : )

    Good luck & Keep at it!!!
  • LaComadreja14
    LaComadreja14 Posts: 277 Member
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    This is kinda long but hear me out, its worth it:
    I am short (5ft nothin) with very thin wrists/hands and I work as a phlebotomist (I draw blood among other things) meaning, I wear scrubs at work. Being short and wearing baggy scrubs while having thin wrists/hands makes everyone at work think I am thinner than I am. When I started MHP I was 134 lbs w/ 33% body fat... I also had recently found out that I had high triglycerides, I wanted to get in shape and get healthy.
    The girls at work didn't understand and/or thought I was joking the first time I refused a piece of cake. The days went on and for a while no one took me seriously- them or my out of work friends (or basically everyone except my fiancee) Everyone tells me I'm skinny (obv not if I have 33% body fat which is clinically overweight) and no one (except my fiancee) supported me at first, even the people I know who work out laughed when I asked for tips/help and said I didn't need to loose weight.

    I have never been one to let other's get me down, I am not about to start now. So, I ignored the disbelievers and the haters and I pushed on. I started reading shape magazine and stealing work out ideas from it, I started looking up fitness stuff on you tube, started belly dancing again, (thinking about getting a zumba dvd too)

    Basically, I started to put my shiny new fitness/nutrition mantra into action (stop making excuses, start making changes <-- someone else probably thought of this before but w.e. lol) according to my scale I lost 7lbs. I don't see it and my clothes aren't fitting well but my fiancee see's it and he always tells me how great I'm looking lately.. even the girls at work are coming around. I get complimented for sticking to my guns, they asked to see my progress and we're impressed (again, I see no changes, lol, but its good to hear)

    It sucks though when we have RX Representatives come to the office, they bring lunch and sometimes we choose, sometimes we don't. Yesterday, RX reps came- they had said the day before that they were bringing panera so I didn't bring lunch... well, that morning the doctor decided she wanted Moe's instead and everyone else agreed with her. I was bummed but I ate the kids meal (which isn't tooo bad).. I kinda felt like "wtf guys?! All of u say u wanna loose weight but when you have the choice between a healthy lunch or burritos, tortilla chips and cheese dip- you choose the burritos and cheese dip?!" but, there is always a silver lining and I try to keep my eye on it. Silver lining to that situation? At least it wasn't McDonalds, lol.

    Basically, my advice to you:

    Understand that people don't always have the drive to do things they want to do so when they see others doing things they want to do or succeeding where they failed- lack of support, jokes and all that mess is just a defense mechanism because they didn't have what it takes to get where you are/ where your going. Just see past that and ignore the dumb comments. Just because they're not supporting you, doesn't mean they don't care/don't love you- they are probably just uncomfortable with change, don't know how to react or are wishing they had your drive. This doesn't mean you can't love them, everyone has faults- it doesn't make them bad people. Understand them and ignore negativity, that's it.

    Know that, even if it's a lonely road, you are the only person who can change yourself- it is in your hands, it is your decision to let their support (or lack their off) help (or hinder) your progress. Choose not to let their lack of support affect you. In the end, you will be better off and they will see :)

    Shrug 'em off, this is your time to do you. You have made the decision to change yourself for the better- this isn't a team effort and although support is nice to have, it isn't essential to make changes. The only things essential to making changes are your belief in yourself, your motivation, your drive, and your body in action- you just keep on believing in yourself, keep on chuggin chick and you will get there. Let the inspiration come from yourself, you aren't doing this for them- you are doing this for you.
  • speedyme
    speedyme Posts: 86 Member
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    Have you tried joining a group? I signed up for bootcamp and the trainers and participates are amazing. We have the same goal of getting healthy, so the support from all is great.
  • Scorpioangel
    Scorpioangel Posts: 951 Member
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    Oh yeah I had a lot of "non supporters" and now that I am healthier than ever I have more comments than ever! It's so annoying because I want to tell some of these people that they drink too much alcohol, don't excercise and NEED to and they need to go ON a diet. It ticks me off it really does. It does come down to jealousy I think.. it also reminds others of things that they should be doing but can't or won't (due to excuses). These are the things I have experienced and I bet I am not on the same boat!

    1. People bothering me because I don't want to get wasted (don't want the calories sorry!)... Coincidentally people who are so obsessed with getting wasted seem to be broke??! Maybe lay off the alcohol is what I want to say!
    2. People saying I am going to turn into a skeleton (um no)
    3. People saying I have an eating disorder (I don't, I eat 1,600 a day)
    4. People saying I am too skinny (I am not I am a healthy weight)
    5. People saying I eat "weird" (no that's called eating clean)
    6. People saying I work out too much (and I was thinking they don't work out enough! LOL)
    7. People saying men like big women (Ok that is all fine and dandy but I am doing this for my health)
    8. People trying to push me to eat more (give it up already ok??? I am an adult!)

    Sorry had to vent LOL :)
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    Are the people who are non-supportive, also out of shape themselves?

    Something to consider.
  • ammbbbeeeerrrrr
    ammbbbeeeerrrrr Posts: 70
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    Im going through the same thing. My boyfriend has been gaining weight recently while I have been trying to lose.
    He was very skinny before he began to gain, so he doesnt look bad, or anything but you can tell.

    I spend a lot of time with his family, and they know im dieting, but they're not so i really think they could care less. They have junk food everywhere, and always offer it to me and it is very frustrating esp. when everyone wants to have drinks and I just allow myself one.

    My friends don't really care. I have one friend who recently lost over 70 pounds, and she understands, but thats about it.
    I've been big before, then got skinny and i know what that comes with also. The rumors of how you lost it because it's rare for people to do it "the right way."
    You basically never win. Either way. lol

    I dont know what advice to give you because people are going to be themselves no matter what! just stay motivated, and i know it is VERY hard to do that when everyone around you eats unhealthy. Good luck!
  • Scorpioangel
    Scorpioangel Posts: 951 Member
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    Are the people who are non-supportive, also out of shape themselves?

    Something to consider.

    Good point and yes they are! Every single one of them now that I think about it! LOL!!!!
  • Scorpioangel
    Scorpioangel Posts: 951 Member
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    Im going through the same thing. My boyfriend has been gaining weight recently while I have been trying to lose.
    He was very skinny before he began to gain, so he doesnt look bad, or anything but you can tell.

    I spend a lot of time with his family, and they know im dieting, but they're not so i really think they could care less. They have junk food everywhere, and always offer it to me and it is very frustrating esp. when everyone wants to have drinks and I just allow myself one.

    My friends don't really care. I have one friend who recently lost over 70 pounds, and she understands, but thats about it.
    I've been big before, then got skinny and i know what that comes with also. The rumors of how you lost it because it's rare for people to do it "the right way."
    You basically never win. Either way. lol

    I dont know what advice to give you because people are going to be themselves no matter what! just stay motivated, and i know it is VERY hard to do that when everyone around you eats unhealthy. Good luck!

    It is extremely hard!!!! At least some people know not to bother me about junk anymore (I only had to say no thanks like 10909808 times LOL but it finally sunk in haha). :)
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    so crazy, you would think that the ones who love you would want you to be healthier, and help you on that journey. but, noooooooooooo, not me and my friends, family and co-workers. it is driving me crazy! anybody else have this same problem? how do you cope with your lonely weight loss journey?

    I am very sorry you have to deal with this. Unfortunately, it's common in families where obesity is a common problem. Seems to me that this is jealousy more than anything else. Just stick to your guns and try to surround yourself with new friends who are more health conscious. Congratulations on your monumental loss! :)
  • juleseybaby
    juleseybaby Posts: 712 Member
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    Definitely do the list for yourself - post it at home and at work.

    I have found that even those who think they are being supportive still are NOT. My family is SO happy that I am working to get healthy... however - they still want only bad food (mainly my hubby and my son). I admit - I still have some yuck food in my diary. I am not attempting to eat clean at this point. But those meals are once a day, if that. The guys would eat fast food for every meal if they could. :grumble:

    Also - I have quit smoking multiple times. I found that I craved support for that more than anything. I wanted that high-five from family and friends. I got it for a while... but then they forgot. Then it stopped altogether. :cry: I found myself getting angry with them for NOT realizing what an effort I was making and for forgetting to encourage me. Then, I finally decided that I had to do it FOR ME. Not for them. Not for that quick 'good job' that didn't mean CRAP when I really wanted a cigarette after a bad day. And I just stopped. I haven't had a smoke since August 28th. I have passed a MAJOR test by going out with friends to do karaoke and still did not smoke. Oh, I wanted one. But I didn't do it.

    YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
  • denisegolden
    denisegolden Posts: 206 Member
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    OMGOODNESS, everyone has been great...thanks, i needed that boost! things are still bad here, but i know i do have support at mfp...even from people who knew nothing about me...that pretty much rocks!!!:glasses:

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