Horrifying(funny) moments as parents

TripleJ3

I'm anxiously awaiting the day when I no longer have to escort her into public restrooms or take her with me. She -- being 4 -- has no volume control and loves to ask questions when we're in the loo.

"MOMMY?"
"Yes?"
"ARE YOU GOING PEE?"
"Ayep."
"ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T HAVE TO POOP?"
"Why, yes but thanks for asking."

Or, "IS THAT YOUR FRONT BUTT?"

Or, "WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE *kitten* IN HERE?" (Yeah, when she starts kindergarten, I'm expecting lots of parent-teacher conferences.)

She sounds like my 5 yr old (almost 6) daughter! After her first day of preschool I asked how she liked her teacher. She told me that lady was always bossing us around, telling us what to do. I told her to get used to it.

Thats was when I first got the feeling of my future consisting of parent-teacher conferences.

Oishii

For the first week of term my 4 year old said his best friend was the boy with the fat head! We explained that it might be a good idea to find out his name instead, but it was an excellent description because I knew who he meant as soon as I met him :laugh:

Fortunately the boy's mum never heard him say it, but she told me her son can't remember names either. I suspect my son may be known as 'the boy who never shuts up'!

beautybiz

My kids are big now but when my daughter was small her friend came over and had a splinter in her finger she kept saying ow as I removed it and cleaned her up. I had family over later that week and she made the announcement that "Mommy had a splinter in her finger last night". My Mother asked her "really are you sure?" she said "yes". Mom asks "how do you know?" She proudly answers " I heard her saying Oh Oh Oh Daddy must have been taking the splinter out". :blushing:

cabaray

I've got so many, but I'm gonna go way back. When my 12 year old was only a week old, I was nursing her in the recliner. I was so exhausted, I dosed off. I woke up to hearing my baby hit the floor face first!!! Luckily, it was thick carpeting and she didn't even wake up until I grabbed her in horror.

elsham

As a single Dad...this is both embarassing and proud....

My son & I were at Best Buy checking out when he looks up at this cute girl running the register and says.... Can I have you number? Now mind you, my son is 5. Both she and I said "WHAT?" with the immediate response of "Can I have your number? I want to call you later."

And you know what...he got the digits.

LOL! Your kid could teach guys a thing or two about how it's done, haha.

42hockeymom

First some back story: My husband and I were married at very young ages. I was 18, he was 22. We would always say "move your fat *kitten*" instead of "excuse me".

When our oldest was 3 (she's 21 now) we were grocery shopping in a very old and small store. We came around the corner and there was a rather large woman who had her cart sideways and there was no way past her in the aisle. My husband and I looked at eachother, rolled our eyes and appearantly our daughter who sitting in the cart facing us saw this. Just when I was going to say "excuse me" to her, sweet little angelic 3 yo turns around and says "Lady, MOVE YOUR FAT *kitten*". Hubby starts laughing so hard he promptly walks away leaving me alone, trying to apologize to the lady. I was 24 by then, and luckily realized that children are sponges and they hear and immitate EVERYTHING! We re-thought our strategy about how we should say things to each other.


But boy oh boy I cannot wait until she has children of her own! I'm gonna be teaching them some interesting stuff!

Nikki582

My son is 5, for the last 18 months he's claimed that my friend's daughter, 4, is his girlfriend - they hold hands, they cuddle on the couch watching movies, they're seriously cute.

The other day he gave her a big cuddle.... and then SQUEEZED HER BUM! :noway:

And it was her mum that saw it!! :laugh:

MisterDubs303

OK, I’m not a parent, but a teacher. Had I been the parent in this situation I would have stepped in front of a bus and left my child to fend for himself.

We took a class of mixed-aged grade school kids to the Denver Mint on a field trip once. This class was a group of students with emotional challenges. The cutest little 6 or 7 year old boy you’ve ever laid eyes on had a meltdown just before the tour was over. Normal so far. But his meltdown included screaming at the top of his lungs in language that would make a sailor blush, mostly directed at the African-American security guard, including uncountable f-ing N*&#rs. Old building, marble halls, endless echoes. I’ve worked with emotionally challenged teenagers for years and I’ve seen just about everything, but this little guy shocked me to death. I was so embarrassed, not to mention a little curious about the environment he was being raised in. I can’t imagine what it would have been like if his parents would have been there instead of me.

love22step

There were plenty of horrifying moments raising four kids. One occurred in a motel room when my 3-yr.-old daughter picked up a container of baby powder, turned it upside-down over the A/C unit, and squeezed. A white cloud instantly filled the room! I dusted up as much as I could, but I'm glad I wasn't around to hear the cleaning lady's thoughts.

fitjunk

Last yr we took our 2 kids to Negril for a holiday. Our 4 yr old son asked us (infront of the meal servers) why all of these chocolate people don't melt in the hot sun! OMG what do you say to that! Horrible!

MisterDubs303

"IS THAT YOUR FRONT BUTT?"

Now that's something that a single guy like me has never heard before.
I learned something today. Now I can go to bed.

catshark209

My son said "Mom my butt itches!!", in the parking lot of a hotel we were about to check into. We were on a trip and the lot was full....
Yeah not fun.:embarassed:

Fatchickslim

I've got so many, but I'm gonna go way back. When my 12 year old was only a week old, I was nursing her in the recliner. I was so exhausted, I dosed off. I woke up to hearing my baby hit the floor face first!!! Luckily, it was thick carpeting and she didn't even wake up until I grabbed her in horror.

I've sure there are many nursing mums (me included when I was nursing my twins) who had close calls with this! I know I nodded of in the chair and woke up panicing more than once, but luckily hadn't gotten to the dropping stage, you're not the first and you won't be the last!

Fatchickslim

When my eldest was about two my husband was driving trucks and was away alot, and of course his uniform daily was a pair of overalls, consequently when we would go into town for a walk more than once she would point to men walking past and yell out "Daddy"! I'm got some odd looks!

And this is a story I heard about some people who lived down the road from us, they were having a party and they're daughter who was about 5 at the time came into the lounge wearing a strap on, on her butt saying "look at my tail".

81Kyra

My friend has a daughter who is 7 as is my youngest son, she picked him up after school one day so they could play...when my friend brought him home she told me they were playing out back with her barbies when she went to check on them the barbies were naked...my friend asked "What are you guys doing?" Her daughter replied "Oh we weren't being gross they just wanted to feel the wind on their bodies." lol

The same son when he was about 3yrs for some reason went through a phase of asking random guys "Are you my daddy?" when I was at the store with him...I told my husband who thought it was funny until he did it while we were all out together. lol sooo embarassing!

My oldest son who is now 13, when he was about 5 or 6 we were at a restaurant and he was scribbling on a piece of paper all of a sudden held it up really high to show my husband and I and "shouted Look I can write like the Mexican people do!" He was really excited about it too, everyone just stared at us.

81Kyra

Oops accidentally posted it twice.

justsummie

A few months ago we were going for a ride in Grandma's car. I was strapping my 2 1/2 year old into her carseat and I had to lean across her to reach the belt. She giggles and says "Hey, it looks like we are having sex." She is very smart and very verbal for her age so I'm not usually surprised by the things she comes up with but this time I was in shock,

liftingbro

#1- My daughter is 4 now but when she was three I was giving her a bath and we got here all washed up and I was just sitting there letting her play and I was reading. She says "Dady...look, it's taking" using her girl parts. I turned beat red and told my wife. "Honey, you need to finish this bath". I was so flabbergasted it was unbeleivable.

#2- My wife was out shopping with my daughter. On the way to the store my daughter was asking my wife what those hooks but the door in the car are, the ones to hang clothes on. My wife told her they're hooks. So, they get into the store and my daughter brings up the hooks again and calls them "hookers". Then she was sitting there quietly in the cart and seemed like she was thinking and then she blurted out very loudly, "Mommy! My daddy has hookers!". Of course the store is crowded and a in a small town, so that was interesting.

dragonbait0126

When my neice, who is now about to turn 12, was about 6 or 7 we were shopping in Target. At the time the country song "Some Beach" was popular and played on the radio quite often. As we are going through the store she's singing the song very loudly. The problem? She sang "some b*tch" instead of beach. I kept trying to correct her and give her the correct lyrics and she would just argue with me, still very loudly, that I was wrong.I turned at the end of an aisle and just as I did she starts singing it again. I look up and there was a lady down the way who heard her and just started cracking up laughing.

Her brother youngest brother, who just turned 6, would get off the bus from school last year and blow kisses to all the girls as they all yelled "bye cody" to him. The other boy, who just turned 8, had about 20 peice of scrap paper with phone numbers written on them that their mom discovered one day as she was cleaning their room of dirty laundry. When asked who the numbers belonged to he replied they were various girls at school. They are such play boys!

CoryIda

My mom loves to tell people this story:

When I was 3, I was playing with one of my friends, a little boy named Billy. I was doing something silly and he looked at me and said "Cory, you're ridiculous" but, because he was only 3, it sounded like "Cory, you're di'c'less."
My response? "Of course I am! I'm a GIRL!"

jamiesgotagun

Son (who is 6) and I were on 4 wheelers this weekend and he did a doughnut, scared the crap out of me, his response was
"that was really awesome".

dragonbait0126

I can't believe I forgot this one.

My other neice just turned 8 so for her birthday she came and spent the night with us. We went to the mall to see a movie and took her to Build-A-Bear. Keep in mind that my husband is called some version of monkey by all the kids (i.e. Uncle monkey, monkey Gary, Gary monkey, etc). The guy who ran the stuffing machine was talking to her and asked what movie we were going to see. She said dolphin tale so he asked her about her favorite animals. The conversation went:

BAB guy: What's your favorite sea animal?
Neice: a dolphin
BAB guy: What's your favorite land animal?
Neice: A monkey
BAB guy: Why is that your favorite?
Neice: Because my Uncle Gary is a monkey.

I started cracking up and looked at my husband who was just standing there shaking his head. LOL.

twistofcain

Just yesterday we were at Target and my wife was talking with someone in Starbucks. Well, our son has already taken a fair liking of the opposite sex at 2 and a women in her 50's walked by and he sits up in the buggy and rips open his button up onsie as he is staring at her....

I was talking with my dad the other day and he had my half sister over who is 4. She got one of the leapster tablets for her birthday a few months ago, well it has the options like all real tablets to take pictures and record video. My dad has a shrub that attracts Monarch Butterflies so he told her to go over and record them. Well, she walked up to them and they flew to other side, so she went to the other side and the same thing happened. So she went back to our dad and was showing him the video she had shot. Apparently, after the butterflies flew away the second time she calmly said "**** The Butterflies". Of course she denies it said it was the butterflies that said it.