she said 'YOU DON'T NEED TO EAT THAT'

wickedcricket

ok - I'm kind of perplexed - need some input here. I have an 'acquaintance' who I THOUGHT was a friend. We went on vacation together. I only take ONE trip a year, all I can afford & went with this ***** to the Grand Canyon. We're out all day, she's already spent all HER vaca money so we packed a lunch. Now, I had money, I COULD HAVE eaten anything I wanted all day but no - I ate the stupid sandwich and NOTHING ELSE ALL DAY - let's say 12 hours. ALL DAY LONG, SHE'S SNACKING ON FAMILY SIZE LAYS POTATO CHIPS.
now, we get back to our condo, it's 8pm and I'm STARVING! we're on VACATION- there's no food prepared in the fridge and she's sitting at the table, STILL EATING THESE POTATO CHIPS so I grabbed the bag & got a handful. Just to stop my stomach from growling. I had NO INTENTION OF finishing the bag - btw I've already lost 20 lbs. and this ***** says 'YOU DON'T NEED TO EAT THOSE'
so - WHAT would you say/do?
I don't think I want to talk to her anymore - am I being to sensitive? You tell me

papastu

is she bigger than you?

you could just laugh it off of course

stangma

I'm optomistic (sp?) thinking she did not want you to sabatoge yourself! A good friend would tell you that - maybe she was not very diplomatic about it. :>/

DannyMussels

You sound furious.


Looking back, it wasn't a very well planned trip, now was it?

Next year when you and her go on your annual Grand Canyon trip, be sure to pack healthy snacks, and you could avoid this situation altogether. I would hate to think it would ruin your annual trip there together. Sure sounds fun.

Good luck next year!

godblessourhome

wow. that's too bad. it sounds like this interaction ruined the trip for you. how long have you been friends? can you bring it up to her and tell her why your pissed and ask what she was thinking?

Bdde

I would have busted out laughing! dont worry hun she is just hating on you! lol! sorry you had to spend your vacation with her. You definitely get to know someone when you're vacationing.

mslala2010

sensitive. Let that go

sarahkatara

I would make sure she realizes that she really hurt you and give her a chance to apologize and make up for it. If that doesn't work, then yes, i would say BYE BYE! it was a disrespectful and rude comment.

Great job with your success so far. No doubt you will continue on this great path!

mleoni092708

ooooohhhhhh :explode:

WTH is wrong with people? She's a HATER!

I hope you can find a way to ignore her comments and enjoy the rest of your vacation.

Sharon009

I would have said 'I'm starving and I havent eaten all day, a handful of chips isnt going to hurt me'. That's it.

Jeff92se

Say "you don't need to eat those either but you've been stuffing your face with them all day".

babylemonade

She sounds like a jerk. She could have done a million other things that weren't as rude as what she said. I'm sensitive as well, but I wouldn't blame you for not talking to her anymore. But maybe you should explain why that was not a helpful thing to say first. She could have said, hey WE don't need to eat these, let's make dinner. Or let's not fill up on junk food, I'l fix something. Anything would have been better. It's little snide comments like that, that make people like us feel like we need to eat in private and gorge ourselves.

catlady100

I feel the same way when my husband tries to help me. But (as someone else said), he's trying to stop me from sabotaging myself. It's not that he thinks that I need to lose weight...but he knows that i want to lose more weight and hears the complaints when I don't.

merrillfoster

Laugh it off. Who cares? One thoughtless sentence doesn't need to ruin a friendship, and maybe she was trying to help. Next time plan better

lydt5880

I have found myself in situations with certain people who are supposed to care about you saying things that i have found discouraging and offensive like your situation i was unsure if i was being to sensitive or not. As I myself would not say that to someone. As someone else pointed out though, she probably was just looking out for you and didn't want you to ruin your diet however there is no harm in eating a few crisps once in a while.

mistresseeyore

Not to sensitive. It's annoying to watch someone who eats all day, especially when they are eating some thing unhealthy. She needed to mind her own business. Just tell her nicely that you take care of your own dieting needs, just remember that some people don't have the sense that a flea has. So relax, take a few days and see what you can do.

maidentl

I have this theory that a lot of people, sometimes ourselves included, think fat people should suffer. You SHOULD be hungry, you aren't ENTITLED to eat. It's infuriating. I'm afraid that I would have thrown those chips back on the table and walked out the door, got in my car, and drove somewhere for dinner.

I don't think you're being too sensitive at all.

linda1243

You sound like you had other food accessible since you had money. You should have went ahead an ate what you needed to. You shouldn't sacrafice because your friend made poor choices. Then she would have learned a lesson in budgeting and you would have been happy and wouldn't have even touched her potato chips. Besides since she was so concerned about your eating choices, she shouldn't have minded.

vanessa194

brush it off Haters gonna HATE !

Jami22

I'm optomistic (sp?) thinking she did not want you to sabatoge yourself! A good friend would tell you that - maybe she was not very diplomatic about it. :>/

I felt the same way... maybe she was trying to help you not make a bad choice..???

CorrieV1976

I love being your friend!!!! and..... since i've "known" you I have never seen you back down from anything.....tell her how you feel!! then make the decision!

DinaLKeil

It's easy to get on each others nerves when you're around the person all day and everyone is tired, etc. It was obviously a stupid remark...is it worth ruining a relationship over? Guess that's something you need to ask yourself. I would say probably no....but I would definately let her know how much it upset you and then move on. Totally not worth being upset over...takes up too much energy :ohwell:

KualaTGirl

losing 20lbs is GREAT, but I do think you should have planned the trip better for healthy snacks. It's good to lose weight, but doing it the right way with eating through out the day is best. You can't deprive your body of what it needs. Your friend was wrong to blurt that out the way she did, but if you didn't express your feelings about it right then in there, it's best to let it go, but explain you'd like encouragement rather than judgement. Best of luck to you!

habap

It's a good reminder that you need to plan ahead for healthy snacks. She may or may not have meant well, but your hunger made it seem cruel of her to say. I know that when I'm tired or hungry, or in your case, probably both, it sours everything.

Starving yourself for any reason is always a recipe for poor choices, like eating potato chips you shouldn't be eating.

That said, I suspect that was the least of the issues that made having her as a companion on vacation not so fun. So, unless it was all fantastic except for the one moment, I'd just not plan to vacation with her again. She might be a wonderful friend at home, but vacation partners are far harder to find than friends to hang out with. Of course, if she's a pain in small doses as well, you need to find a new friend!

gwenmf

Say "you don't need to eat those either but you've been stuffing your face with them all day".

Exactly, cuz they aren't healthy for ANY ONE~!

As we lose weight and start to feel better, do more, etc.....our friends all have their own reaction - stemming from their insecurities and confidence and heart. She may be one to let go. You don't need someone who's gonna say things that make you feel bad - we need supportive friends. she may be trying to be supportive and just not have realized how it came across....give the hurt time to subside and see how you feel. No need to act right this moment.

MinnieInMaine

I honestly think people mean to be supportive but don't have a clue. Both my hubby and my mother said something similar to me when I started losing weight and I just had to calmly educate them that I could eat whatever I darn well pleased as long as it fit into my calories or I exercised to burn off the excess (and also that some days I didn't care either way). Most people think that losing weight means you need to starve yourself and/or deprive yourself but plenty of us have realized that's not realistic or long term.

If this is a good friend and you don't fight much, meaning the friendship isn't worth losing over this little misunderstanding, have a nice heart-to-heart with her. If she persists then it might be time to dump the B.

u2fergus

There is the possibility that she was just trying to be helpful... tone of voice and facial expression as well as how she behaves to you overall make a big difference. Only you can evaluate that. Before you just decide you're being oversensitive, consider whether she's really intending to put you down or if she's just showing what she thinks is tough love.

Sad as it is, there ARE pathetic people out there who are so insecure that they will use humiliation and backhanded compliments to keep you down so that you won't end up skinnier or prettier than them, or whatever it is they're jealous about. I had this one "friend" a few years ago who weighed at least 80 lbs more than me, and she would constantly talk about how fat I was and how I wouldn't ever find a boyfriend because of it, blah, blah. My advice if she is like that... GET AWAY FROM THERE!!! It will only get worse, especially as you start looking even better.

If she is really a friend, you could talk to her about this and tell her that sort of thing is belitting and not ok with you. If you don't think you could be open with her about that or that you would not get a reasonable response, then I'd say she's no friend and you're better off without her negativity weighing you down.

sunkisses

Same thing I told this other member on here.

You should have poked that heffa in the belly like she was the Pillsbury Doughboy and made that giggle he does. Then laugh and shove a handful of chips into your mouth. Sometimes words are not necessary.

mangorabbit

Firstly, breathe. ^_^
I know that when I am hungry (and I can only imagine being ravenous after a trek like that!) I tend to be rather...sensitive, shall we say, to ANYTHING other people say to me that even hints of judgement or reprisal.
Now, I am not suggesting you are nearly s crazy as I can be when not fed properly, but perhaps do take into consideration that factor? She certainly did not need to give you sass about it, esp if that was her all day diet, but some people (myself admittedly included) don't always manage to think about how the words coming out of our faces are going to sound to the recipient.
If this is a person you have had a fair history of enjoyable times with, I'd say take the time to (once in a fairly calm state of mind) talk with her and see if she is aware of how frustrating/infuriating her comment was to you.

Don't let one comment ruin your vacation or your fitness quest), it just is not worth it!

Be strong, and know that you are the boss of you, not her, not the freakin' chips, just you!

BrettPGH

I love women. Such close friends they can go on vacation together. Then they get catty over a bag of chips and it's friendship over!

ArroganceInStep

It's only as big a deal as you let it be.

If someone made a comment like that, I'd leave and go to a bar and get food much tastier than the chips .

Sorry it impacted your vacation