Dating someone that is not into fitness

ummlovelovesyou

In when I get to the 170's (3 lbs), I told my boyfriend he needs to get off his *kitten*. He's not huge, just got an extra 20 lbs he could afford to get rid of. He doesn't work out at ALL. So eating healthier and moving a bit would be easy for him.

3 lbs baby......he's eating all the **** he wants...for now...MUAHAHAHAHAAAA! (evil laugh) :devil:

marnijojo

Depends on if they are going to be a turdmonkey about it and try to sabotage you or not.

"Turdmonkey" is now officially my favorite word.

^^My thoughts, exactly^^ I probably would not have used the word 'turdmonkey', but I love it.

ummlovelovesyou

In when I get to the 170's (3 lbs), I told my boyfriend he needs to get off his *kitten*. He's not huge, just got an extra 20 lbs he could afford to get rid of. He doesn't work out at ALL. So eating healthier and moving a bit would be easy for him.

3 lbs baby......he's eating all the **** he wants...for now...MUAHAHAHAHAAAA! (evil laugh) :devil:

*on a side note he does surf, and we use to bike ride around 20 miles a day a few times a week...but we got comfortable with eachother and started going to Olive Garden all the time! :drinker:

ninerbuff

I would say no because if that person sees you are that way, they may deep down inside NEED you. I know it was that way with my wife and she's my best client.

AnnaPixie

Gosh, if only there was that much choice in men that you toss aside those not into fitness!! I think that would leave about 10% of the population!! :laugh:

Ok, so I dont want to go out with a slob that gets pizza stuck in his beard, puts his *kitten* ash in beer cans and urinates on the sofa!! But hell, that isnt because he's not into health and exercise, that's cos he's a slob!!

I dont think I've ever had a problem with a guy that didnt go to the gym or yearn for a carrot!! Most people live somewhere in the middle of gym rat and sofa slob......middle ground is fine with me, as long as he likes horizontal aerobics, I'll keep him fit!! :bigsmile:

La_Amazona

Since this is a huge issue in my life and most likely, probably always will (I have lost some weight before only to gain it back), this would be something that I would look for in a SO. Since becoming more active, I've joined sports leagues, spent more time outside hiking-biking-jogging-sight seeing-festivals-etc, I go to pool parties now. I enjoy meeting others who share the same interests.

It'd be hard to be with someone who didn't share these same interests because then what would we do? Go to the movies and do dinner every weekend? Meh. I'd get bored! Doesn't mean I wouldn't date an overweight person or someone who is starting out in their fitness journey but I don't think I'd enjoy being with a couch potatoe.

LorinaLynn

Not a dealbreaker at all.

Finding someone who GETS me mentally and emotionally is incredible and special. I don't give a damn that he can't run a 5k with me. He can cheer me on and take pictures.

atsteele

re would it be a dealbreaker; Yes it would. Not just for more shallow reasons like attraction but more importantly, it's a large part of who I am. I dont think that I could relate to someone who didn't take care of themselves. With kids it's different. They need their parents to lead by example and maybe nudge them along in the right direction sometimes. With an adult, I expect more. I expect them to manage themselves.

Goal_Seeker_1988

If you love someone you gotta love them for who they are not for what you want them to be.

JStarnes

turn this around for a second....would you want someone not to date you just because you were overweight and not into fitness/health?? I wouldn't be married if this were the case. Kind of harsh in my opinion.

This is like saying "Would you want someone not to date you because he doesn't find you attractive?"

People are attracted to what they like, and they can't change what they like. I am attracted to people who take pride in their appearance and who are mature enough to understand that other people depend on them making responsible decisions with their lives. I cannot marry someone who willfully makes poor decisions and acts like it's something I should just overlook.

I am not talking about someone who orders a pizza or stops for a burger and fries every now and then. I'm talking about someone who lives on junk food, spends hours a day in front of the TV, and thinks there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Nobody has a problem with a person saying "I won't date a smoker," but say "I won't date a slob" and it's okay to judge that as superficial? Excuse me, but what's the difference?

Apparently I read the OP wrong, because what I read was that they were a great match for you in every way EXCEPT that they weren't into fitness/health (not that they were going to sabatoge your every effort at being healthy yourself). If we're soley choosing who we want to be with on whether or not they are in to fitness/health...then that, *to me*, is harsh. And that statement goes for any flaw someone has, smoking/bad habits/appearance/etc.

ETA: being overweight/unhealthy doesn't automatically mean unkempt.

Portugueselove

Give him a chance. Everyone deserves a chance.

gatorgirl7

Yes, definitely a deal breaker for me. BUT just b/c he's like that now, doesn't mean he'll stay that way. My best friend who has recently lost 64 lbs (and counting!) has motivated her previously inactive fiancee to work out, he wants to run a 5k w/ her in June, and has started eating vegetables (which he NEVER ate before.) Give him a chance...but for me, I can't have that in my life--b/c I will definitely slide back into my old habits.

sandrinamsilva

It's only a dealbreaker for me if he refuses to try to improve. I cannot become emotionally invested in someone who does not care about his health or his appearance because it will only get worse as he gets older.

I agree. My last relationship he was not into it at all - and used to tell me he was fat and needed to lose weight. One day I just told him not to talk about it if he wasnt willing to put in the work to change it. He used to talk about his work all day long but the moment I began to count the calories in my meal, he'd tell me to stop. So yeah it's very hard to make it work and I would rather have someone that wants to take care of himself.

micls

Nope, not at all.=

There's a huge middle ground,where most people sit, between being 'into fitness' and being an obese 'slob' who's abusing their body.

With me and my fiance, he was into fitness first, did a bootcamp like thing a couple of years back and lost 3 stone in 12 weeks. Really good eating habits, intense exercise etc. I never had an interest, while I played some sport I ate awfully and was generally unfit. At the time I didn't struggle with weight despite my habits. Did I change one he got into fitness? Nope. I still kept my bad habits and ate like crap. However, at the same time I did completely support him. He was doing it because he needed it, and it was right for him at the time. I didn't have the same motivation. Life went on, we supported each other, all was good.

Fast forward 2 years and I was the one putting on weight, 2 stone in a year, and unhappy about it. He had fallen out of his could habits quite a bit. Still plays football a few times a week, but no where near on the fitness scale he was doing before. So, I decided that I wanted to get fit, lose some weight and sort out my diet. Not for him, for me, it was right for me at that time. So I got started and am currently on that journey, gyming a few times a week, playing football another night, eating alot better, turning down junkfood a lot more. Do I expect him to suddenly join me now? Nope. I'm an adult, this is about my choices, he's not an excuse. So he still eats more junkfood than I do atm, we don't work out together, although we do go for walks now and then.All I expect is that he supports me in what I'm doing.

It hasn't affected our relationship in the slightest. We are 2 individuals, we don't have to live the exact same lives. We have plenty of common interests, and we have individual interests too. We work perfectly together despite this.

All that said, fitness is not a major part of my life. It is at the moment, as I lose weight, and it will always be a part of my life e.g. I want to continue the gym etc beyond the weightloss for health reasons, but it doesn't define me as a person.

For some, it may have a much bigger part of who they are, so I can understand wanting to be with someone who understood that, I have other deal breakers, things that would be more important to me.

Ashleypeterson37

I don't think it's a deal breaker. I've turned into a health nut since joining in April and my husband wants nothing to do with it. We are happy and our relationship is thriving. You base a relationship on a wide spectrum of things, not one thing. After all, he may surprise you in the end and take up your offer to learn about being healthy. Just like we all needed our breaking point to start our weight loss journeys, he may not have gotten to that point yet. I would say give him a chance...

atsteele

turn this around for a second....would you want someone not to date you just because you were overweight and not into fitness/health?? I wouldn't be married if this were the case. Kind of harsh in my opinion.

This is like saying "Would you want someone not to date you because he doesn't find you attractive?"

People are attracted to what they like, and they can't change what they like. I am attracted to people who take pride in their appearance and who are mature enough to understand that other people depend on them making responsible decisions with their lives. I cannot marry someone who willfully makes poor decisions and acts like it's something I should just overlook.

I am not talking about someone who orders a pizza or stops for a burger and fries every now and then. I'm talking about someone who lives on junk food, spends hours a day in front of the TV, and thinks there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Nobody has a problem with a person saying "I won't date a smoker," but say "I won't date a slob" and it's okay to judge that as superficial? Excuse me, but what's the difference?

Apparently I read the OP wrong, because what I read was that they were a great match for you in every way EXCEPT that they weren't into fitness/health (not that they were going to sabatoge your every effort at being healthy yourself). If we're soley choosing who we want to be with on whether or not they are in to fitness/health...then that, *to me*, is harsh. And that statement goes for any flaw someone has, smoking/bad habits/appearance/etc.

ETA: being overweight/unhealthy doesn't automatically mean unkempt.

But the OP did say "not into fitness, healthy eating and are over weight" which translates to me unhealthy and not physically fit which means something is definitely amiss. It might not mean that they are a bad person or unkempt but it does mean that they are lacking something which is very important to me. It would be a dealbreaker for me. Just like when I was a smoker. If I didn't give it up, my husband-to-be would have given me up. I dont think him asking me to quit smoking was harsh. I knew I needed to do it for myself anyway.

sunkisses

I wouldn't be physically attracted to someone who's overweight. I wouldn't be mentally attracted to someone who does not enjoy a healthy lifestyle. But we could be friends.

LorinaLynn

To be honest, when I was last single 12 years ago and doing the online dating thing, guys who were looking for fitness buddies were a huge turnoff for me. I was thin and reasonably fit, but I wouldn't have set foot in a gym unless a gun was held against my head back then. Ditto for guys who seemed overly interested in my body size or shape. I wanted someone who'd be attracted to me, sure, but I wanted someone with depth who'd appreciate what's going on between my ears.

I like running and lifting and stuff because I like the results... both how I look and how I feel mentally and physically. It's something that enables me to live the life I want to live, but it's NOT my life.

Aside from when I run races and it's a social thing, I consider my exercise to be part of my personal hygiene routine. I don't need a partner who is as into running as I am any more than I need a partner to help me shave my legs or color my hair. It's something I do for myself, by myself. Same goes for shopping, too. I don't like shopping with anyone, not my friends or my husband. I hunt for clothes like a one woman wolf-pack! :laugh:

ChantalGG

Change him, if he likes you he will join you.

scarletleavy

Total dealbreaker for me. I know how much trouble my healthy eating and fitness cause in my own family and I'd never want to go through the same struggles with a boyfriend or husband. I love being active, not just in terms of straight working out, but pretty much all of my hobbies revolve around the outdoors: skiing, hiking, biking, backpacking, etc. I could never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't value the same things I do.