Advice Desperately Needed!

kimletton11
kimletton11 Posts: 72 Member
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
Okay, so this is a really long and complicated issue but I'm going to try to sum it up for ya'll. I have a best guy friend and we have been best friends for 5 years. There has always been some sort of attraction between us and a couple of years ago, we saw each other for about 6 months. We decided it wasn't going to work and that we were better off as friends. Since then, he has been seeing a girl and she moved from out of state to be closer to him. She and I have become really close friends. She was working yesterday and he and I went out for a couple hours then she met up with us when she got off work. When he and I were hanging out he told me that he wasn't ready for such a serious relationship and he made a mistake by asking her to move to be closer to him. I totally understand where he's coming from and I agree that they are both really young to be settling down. We are all 20 yrs old. This all being said to say that he just texted me telling me that he still had feelings for me...oh, and his girlfriend has no clue that him and I have ever liked each other in that way or slept with each other.

I know what I want to do, I want to beat him with an ugly stick but at the same time, I love him....What do I do?!?
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Replies

  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Here's what you do:

    Keep posting updates. This is fascinating and there's not much on tv...

    :wink:
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I'd suggest distancing yourself from him as much as possible. He sounds very confused. But that's just me...
  • Johnnyswife
    Johnnyswife Posts: 1,447 Member
    Run. Don't look back. :flowerforyou:
  • mleoni092708
    mleoni092708 Posts: 629 Member
    Yikes...what a pickle. He needs to tell his girlfriend the truth about how he feels. Seems to me like he's trying to find out if you still like him. If yes, then he dumps the girlfriend, if not, then he stays with what he has. I'm just guessing, I don't know him. Just seems like a guy thing to do.

    Oops-not intended to guy bash. I love boys :)
  • mrau719
    mrau719 Posts: 288 Member
    I'd suggest distancing yourself from him as much as possible. He sounds very confused. But that's just me...

    yep I agree
  • rbryntes
    rbryntes Posts: 710 Member
    Yeah, I'd actually cut it off from the guy. He'll likely never (or it will be years before he can) make a committment to you. If he keeps pulling you back and forth like this, not cool. Or vow to remain only friends and tell him to make a decision.
  • brookie2983
    brookie2983 Posts: 48 Member
    Here's what you do:

    Keep posting updates. This is fascinating and there's not much on tv...

    :wink:

    HAHAHA!! LOVE IT!!
  • NashvilleShelley
    NashvilleShelley Posts: 238
    Run....he's a player!
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    Just imagine, you could be in her shoes one day, if you get involved again. This is something HE needs to figure out on his own with her, without involving you in this drama. He should probably tell her how he feels or doesn't for her, but that's one of those things HE needs to do. Until he has this talk with her and they do something about it, like break up, do not get involved.
  • Shawn_Marie
    Shawn_Marie Posts: 307 Member
    I'd suggest distancing yourself from him as much as possible. He sounds very confused. But that's just me...

    yep I agree

    I agree as well!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    I can't believe there really 20-year-olds saying "Move closer to me! I love you!" and other 20-year-olds going "Okay! I totally believe you!"

    I think some lessons can only be learned through experience, but I agree with Qarol that you need to take yourself out of this equation ASAP.
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    I'd suggest distancing yourself from him as much as possible. He sounds very confused. But that's just me...

    I agree with this 100%.
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
    Just imagine, you could be in her shoes one day, if you get involved again. This is something HE needs to figure out on his own with her, without involving you in this drama. He should probably tell her how he feels or doesn't for her, but that's one of those things HE needs to do. Until he has this talk with her and they do something about it, like break up, do not get involved.

    YES. absolutely. i feel for that girl, it's not fair to her, especially after dropping everything to move for him...stay away from that box of dynamite...
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
    I'd suggest distancing yourself from him as much as possible. He sounds very confused. But that's just me...

    yep I agree

    agreed...he sounds immature.
  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
    Simple advice. . "BE TOTALLY HONEST" . . . Encourage him to be honest with his girlfriend and you be honest about what feelings you do or don't have for the guy. .

    There is nothing worse than someone leading someone else on. . whether it is intentional or not.
  • kaits108
    kaits108 Posts: 305 Member
    I'd suggest distancing yourself from him as much as possible. He sounds very confused. But that's just me...

    Agreed!

    I don't know, the way I look at it is if this is how he treats his current girlfriend, how do you expect him to treat YOU if you started dating him again? Who's to say he wouldn't go behind your back, back to her? Or to a new girl. He seems confused, & that he needs time to himself to focus and figure out what he is really looking for. Especially since you're friends with his girlfriend too, I'd definitely back off, don't get involved in hurting a friend. And if it didn't work out for you guys before, what have you both changed to think it would work out now? Just too much drama in my opinion.
  • kimletton11
    kimletton11 Posts: 72 Member
    Thanks ya'll. I know I needed to hear this. I could not hurt her like that, and I am telling him that he needs to tell her how he feels ASAP. I am going to focus on me and what I need to do and if it's meant to happen later after he realizes what he wants then it will.
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
    I don't understand why it took him 2 years AFTER you guys broke up to decide he still likes you? Also, as much as it's nice to hear that he has feelings for you, do you really want to date someone who would have someone move closer to them only to turn around change their mind? You said it yourself, 20 is too young! Go play the field, and check back with him in 5 years. By then, you'll both know what you want.
  • msqdpie
    msqdpie Posts: 92 Member
    ROFL! Best Answer EVER! LOve it!


    Here's what you do:

    Keep posting updates. This is fascinating and there's not much on tv...
  • 0PhAtDaDdY
    0PhAtDaDdY Posts: 569 Member
    Guy Point of View:
    If it did not happen the first 5 years. It AIN'T gonna happen the next 5! It's Over..

    You wasted 5 surely don't waste another 5, I'm 55, I got stories on wasted years, LOL...
  • kimletton11
    kimletton11 Posts: 72 Member
    I don't understand why it took him 2 years AFTER you guys broke up to decide he still likes you? Also, as much as it's nice to hear that he has feelings for you, do you really want to date someone who would have someone move closer to them only to turn around change their mind? You said it yourself, 20 is too young! Go play the field, and check back with him in 5 years. By then, you'll both know what you want.


    Thanks!
  • pftjill
    pftjill Posts: 488
    So you say "we" decided we were better off as friends. Was it more him than you that decided this. I had a situation where I tried to hook up with a really good friend and we could never do it-or I couldn't I should say. We both moved and went our separate ways and he got married. I started thinking-what did I do. I want him back. Then when I really thought about why it didn't work out I realized, we were both better off. Now I am married to a wonderful man and we have 3 beautiful daughters. This guy did recently run into my sis in law and told her all about our story-I thought it was weird, but I am glad we are both happy!! He was a great friend in a time when I needed it.
  • kimletton11
    kimletton11 Posts: 72 Member
    So you say "we" decided we were better off as friends. Was it more him than you that decided this. I had a situation where I tried to hook up with a really good friend and we could never do it-or I couldn't I should say. We both moved and went our separate ways and he got married. I started thinking-what did I do. I want him back. Then when I really thought about why it didn't work out I realized, we were both better off. Now I am married to a wonderful man and we have 3 beautiful daughters. This guy did recently run into my sis in law and told her all about our story-I thought it was weird, but I am glad we are both happy!! He was a great friend in a time when I needed it.

    It was an extremely mutual agreement. We are great friends and there's always been a "what if" factor but I never thought he still had feelings for me or that anything would go anywhere.
  • kimletton11
    kimletton11 Posts: 72 Member
    Guy Point of View:
    If it did not happen the first 5 years. It AIN'T gonna happen the next 5! It's Over..

    You wasted 5 surely don't waste another 5, I'm 55, I got stories on wasted years, LOL...

    I've dated other people during this time. We've just been really good friends for the last 5 years....I don't have any intention on "waiting" for him...I'm going to do my own thing and if it happens in the next 5 then it happens..if not, then it doesn't.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    You're 20. You can make mistakes, that's a given. You are old enough to know right from wrong, though. If he knows what he wants, he won't put you in a postion to cheat with him. Unless he's looking to cheat.

    End one relationship before starting another.

    By the way, if it didn't work out the first time, it will eventually come back to you whay that was. Move on.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    RUN AWAY...........................................................................................
  • rita27ny
    rita27ny Posts: 820 Member
    if you like him then give it a try.
  • JustEllieK
    JustEllieK Posts: 423 Member
    Sounds like a child.....what mature guy would ask a girl to move closer to him while he still liked another girl...says he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship yet tells you he still has feelings for you. WTF? i say dump him and wait for him to grow up!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Honestly, I think he only said what he said because he feels stuck and sees you as something that makes him feel better. It's like a rebound before he's even broken up with her. Must be nice.If I were you, I'd get back in touch with whatever reasons you had before when you decided you were better off as friends. That's when you were dealing with logic and not feelings.
  • auntdeedee87
    auntdeedee87 Posts: 706 Member
    Honesty is ALWAYS better in the long run. It's gonna hurt, but he needs to talk to her.

    Also, to me it sounds like he is playing head games with you, telling you this when you neither one can act on it. That's pretty selfish.

    He needs to man up and deal with the situation, and not drag you and your heart into it. You don't deserve that and neither does this girl.
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