Need Opinions....

KnottyJen
KnottyJen Posts: 1,070 Member
edited October 4 in Chit-Chat
Some of my friends may know this already, others may not...After five years of marriage and another six years of dating before that, I've decided to divorce my husband. Irreconcilable differences, I guess is what you'd say. I don't hate the guy - in fact, I still care about him. But he's just not the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. We're not right for one another and I finally got past my fears of being alone and fessed up about a month ago.

We're working through the divorce now and yesterday, when I went to see my lawyer, she asked me if I wanted to change my name back to my maiden name. At first, I thought I'd just keep his name because I wasn't really in the mood to have to change everything back - my drivers license, my SS card, all my credit cards, my email addresses, all my work documents, etc. But my lawyer makes a good point - my maiden name is who I am. And if I keep my married name, I'm keeping myself attached to him.

So, I'm looking for opinions...Do I keep his name or do I go back to my maiden name? Any experiences anyone's had either going back or not would be helpful, too. Oh, and just for the record, we don't have any kids, so it's not like I need to worry about that.
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Replies

  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    Maiden name.
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
    No kids... 100% IMHO... CHANGE IT BACK! The next person you end up dating, in a relationship, etc... will not understand, and it could impact a potential future and scare off "the right guy" so to speak.

    Edited...

    They may think you're holding onto the ex- for whatever reason... at least that's the message that would tend to convey, especially if you aren't tied to him with children.
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
    Maiden. My ex kept mine and I hated that, although I hated her, so there's that. haha
  • jjl731
    jjl731 Posts: 15 Member
    No kids, change it back.
  • MrsSpratt
    MrsSpratt Posts: 200 Member
    Change it back. I agree with your lawyer--if you're ready to leave him behind and move on, then do it with your own name.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I would want to go back to my maiden name. It's really not as much a hassle to change as people say. Maybe my definition of hassle is different.

    My mom didn't change back when my parents got divorced b/c my younger brother pitched a fit...he didn't want to have a different last name than his mother. It was awkward for me, at 19, her still having my father's name.
  • cabaray
    cabaray Posts: 971 Member
    I agree, no kids...change it back. I would only keep my husband's last name to prevent confusion with the children.

    Best of luck with what you are going through...I hope it is a smooth transition.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Go back to your maiden name. Unless it's Rottenbush or something like that.

    You aren't Jen Rottenbush are you?
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    If you don't have kids, is there some other reason you'd want to keep his name?
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    At first I wanted to keep my married name because I liked it more than my maiden.. but after a year of back-and-forth on divorce crap, I decided to change it back. I still cared very much for my ex in the first few months after the decision, but after a while, the fact that I needed to move on to grow made me realize that I needed to move on in every way. Even if I had kids with him, I would have changed it .. the kids are still part of him, but I don't have to be, and different names in families are so common now that nobody gives it a second thought.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    Yep, agree with above. No kids, change it back. I actually wish I had never changed mine in the first place. Married 18 years, most of them happy, just wish I hadn't done it. We never had kids, and just something about changing MY name to match his makes my inner Women's Libber stand up and say WTH?
  • Liquid741
    Liquid741 Posts: 292 Member
    change it back...if you are questioning it, then you should have already started the process..
  • StacyAS999
    StacyAS999 Posts: 107 Member
    At first I wanted to keep my married name because I liked it more than my maiden.. but after a year of back-and-forth on divorce crap, I decided to change it back. I still cared very much for my ex in the first few months after the decision, but after a while, the fact that I needed to move on to grow made me realize that I needed to move on in every way. Even if I had kids with him, I would have changed it .. the kids are still part of him, but I don't have to be, and different names in families are so common now that nobody gives it a second thought.

    I agree totally. Even if there were kids, there are so many families with different names anymore, it's not a huge deal. I think you should go back.
  • latinahada
    latinahada Posts: 168
    Change it back!
  • rmsrws
    rmsrws Posts: 639 Member
    Go for the maiden name. Leave his last name in the past. Look at all the work you have done to become a healthier better you, you deserve your maiden name. You need to regain your identitiy. You are woman, lets hear you roar!!!
  • MissObstinatiox
    MissObstinatiox Posts: 275 Member
    I changed mine straight back as i figured i would have to do it at some point and it was the best thing i did :0)
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,850 Member
    I went back to my maiden name. not because i am especially attached to my biological father, because i am not. but that is who i was before i was married. and because we have no children, and were married less than 5 years, that's what i chose to do. it actually wasn't a lot of trouble.
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
    If you have no kids, change it back to your maiden name. I am working through a divorce myself, but we have 2 kids together - I won't change my last name back to my maiden name because of them. So, I will still have his last name until I re-marry (hopefully). Best of luck to you.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    Maiden rules. Have you seen the documentary Flight 666? Great movie.
  • dfborders
    dfborders Posts: 474 Member
    No kids - change it back.(1) it will let people know in your life that you are moving on and (2) it will cut the ties so you will be able to completely move on instead of every time you write your last name you are reminded of what was or what could have been. Good Luck!!
  • KnottyJen
    KnottyJen Posts: 1,070 Member
    Go back to your maiden name. Unless it's Rottenbush or something like that.

    You aren't Jen Rottenbush are you?

    lmao. Nope. No rotting busches here. ;-)
  • gdr1976
    gdr1976 Posts: 460 Member
    I say change it back. Like everyone else said, no kids involved so as much as a pain in the *kitten* it will be you can start fresh.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    I have to agree with everyone, change it back. We had kids together so I kept it, but there are definitely times I wished I changed it back.
  • Falling_star
    Falling_star Posts: 204 Member
    change it back your lawyer is right u will be forever reminded of him..
  • G30Grrl
    G30Grrl Posts: 377 Member
    I changed mine back when I divorced almost 20 years ago, and it was the best thing I ever did with regards to getting my own sense of personal identity back. I'm getting married next summer, and NOT changing my name this time. I've built my professional reputation with this name, and I've had it almost all my life. I have no desire to change it just to show that I am married. I don't *belong to* him, and I don't need to wear his label to prove I love him. I totally respect the decision to change one's name, especially when kids are involved, but I am not one to follow tradition for tradition's sake. And I don't have kids.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,422 Member
    I went back. The benefits were huge.

    Changing names is far less complicated than the divorce itself.

    You will find you want to remove him more as time goes on. Then you would have to go back to court and ......you know.
  • skinnywithin
    skinnywithin Posts: 1,392 Member
    NO OPINIONS NEEDED....Your a big girl You do what your heart tells you NOT what others say. It is a decision you will live with not us.

    Sorry to hear of the recent split, I wish you well.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
    That is a great idea! Why you're at it change your name to something you really like if your first name doesn't do it for you. How bada$$ would that be to be called something completely different? Your friends would be like no your name is @$^%&& and you can say nope it's cinnamin,candy,penny,diamond, or any other cool stage name you want:smile:
  • k2quiere
    k2quiere Posts: 4,151 Member
    I say change it back and be your own person. In regards to what the others said about children, I purposely gave my girls both last names, even though I never married their dad so there was no question whatsoever, and I wouldn't feel obligated to change anything. Now, except for legal documents, they have chosen to only use my name.
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
    I would want to go back to my maiden name. It's really not as much a hassle to change as people say. Maybe my definition of hassle is different.

    My mom didn't change back when my parents got divorced b/c my younger brother pitched a fit...he didn't want to have a different last name than his mother. It was awkward for me, at 19, her still having my father's name.

    My mom also kept my dad's last name, but I was 4 and my brother and sister were 2, so it wasn't because we knew the difference really. She told me it was because she didn't want it to be confusing for us, but I don't think it would have been that big of a deal now. I think it must be weird for her, but she isn't attached to him in any unhealthy way. They get along much better as friends.

    I think if it were me, though, kids or not, I would change it back. But I like symbolism, and that would symbolize me separating myself from him.
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