My 12 yr old daughter wants to be on MFP

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  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    A child's caloric and nutritional needs are different than what an adult needs. Kids are growing and maturing constantly. Instead of getting her into counting calories, get her involved in sports and fitness. Encourage her to meet some fitness-minded friends and be more active. Furthermore, don't discuss your calorie counting so much around her. What is working for you is not appropriate for her at her age. She's probably emulating you and your choices. Instead, talk about your choices being healthier, not necessarily focusing on the calorie content.
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
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    Wow. I have two little girls and my oldest (6 years old) has taken an interest in helping my log my calories.

    There's a part of me that wants to say " holy crap! She's just a kid and too young to be worrying about her weight! Just eat your vegetables!" But then there's another part of me that thinks "Wow, she's very mature for wanting to learn about nutrition this way. That's truly admirable!"

    I also remember my little sister who struggled with her self esteem and diet all through highschool and cut back on food to a point where she developed a slight anemia and lost hair.

    So I don't think there's a black and white answer here. I think this can be an educational exercise in choosing the right foods and I think she's taken the right step in asking her mom to guide her through this. Seriously, I think it's awesome that she came to you! I don't think you want her wasting too much time on the forums, making friends here or obsess over logging things.
  • Lissaannco
    Lissaannco Posts: 39 Member
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    Personally I'd say pounce on this opportunity to teach your daughter about eating healthy! I know I would have appreciated it if my parents had taught me better as they raised me (I still love them so!). Just set it to make sure she doesn't lose weight. I'd supervise it.

    I agree completely!!!
  • diaryoffatdad
    diaryoffatdad Posts: 175 Member
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    I'm working on my PhD and the topic area is childhood obesity, i go to conferences and read a lot of articles, I would say there is nothing wrong with starting you child's "calorie IQ" teach her about the nutrients and what they do, how to real labels, but you must absolutely stress the importance of a healthy calorie range for her. Make sure she knows that it is not only going over calories that is a big issue but rather going under in the the case of a young girl.

    it is never to early to teach proper nutrition, if done properly, HOWEVER it is a thin line especially your young girls who are so prone to developing negative body image and eating disorders.

    maybe a point to bring up to the MFP people that parental controls or a sister site could be useful, maybe just allowing the use of tracking tools without the ability to use message boards and without the focus on calorie deficits
  • bloodbank
    bloodbank Posts: 468 Member
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    I think counting calories for a healthy 12 year old is completely unnecessary, and would not be inclined to encourage my own to do it. However! I don't think it's ever too early to learn about good nutrition, so perhaps there's another way to help her be in charge of her health - say something like a chart where she checks off how many servings of vegetables, fruits, proteins, etc she's had for the day (perhaps with a 'goal' for each?), how much activity she's gotten for the day, things like that. It might be a nice way for her to be in control of her own health without putting the OMG TOO MANY CALORIESSSS mindset into motion.
  • Nikki582
    Nikki582 Posts: 561 Member
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    I agree, I think 12 years is way too young to be on MFP. I'm asking for opinions about how to go about talking to her about nutrition without because I'm concerned that she thinks she is overweight.
    I really would start by stopping obsessing about it yourself. Of course I'm just assuming here, but if your 12 year old wants to join here and articulates it's because she wants to count cals, then you're talking about it and obsessing about it too much yourself. I wouldn't put that pressure on my kids, that that's something we -need- to do when we're older and fatter, you know? My kids (albeit younger) ask why I exercise so much, I don't tell them it's too get rid of my pudge, I tell them it's because I love running and love getting faster.. they don't need to know, at such a young age, that when we're old we obsess about our bodies, exercise hard to keep within a societal norm (and healthy range,m but lets face it, most of us are on here for societal pressure) and they certainly don't need to know that we obsess over every last thing that goes in our mouth. I'd completely cool it on the calorie thing.

    As for talking to her about nutrition, research what each food does in a meal and talk about that - about protein, about carbs (which are not bad news when you're 12 and growing), sugar, different vegetables.. explain why we need each one if she asks. I wouldn't even put anything on her about serving size right now, except for not forcing her to finish a meal.. she's growing and she exercises a fair bit from what you said, she's allowed a bit extra at her age, as long as it's extra of the right stuff.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    The issue I have with a 12 year only on the site is that the caloric goals are full adults. The requirements for children are not the same as they are developing at a much faster rate. MFP is designed for 18 and over for this and other reasons.

    Teach her to eat healthy without needing to count calories.
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
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    I'd be worried if she wanted to be on Facebook , too. 12 is way too young for a kid.
  • midwifekelley2350
    midwifekelley2350 Posts: 337 Member
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    teach her about good food choices, encourage exercise, encourage her to love her body. for a girl her age it isn't about counting calories. if you focus on what the scale says she will have all kinds of difficutly as her body changes. girls tend to get a little soft and pudgy around puberty (boys too) and then they shoot up and shed the body fat. set a good example, let her help you cook and try new foods. besides....it would probably get old really fast for her anyway!
  • jclmrn
    jclmrn Posts: 11 Member
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    I let my 13 yr old join. I told her I didn't want her posting on the forums because they are for adults. She is set to maintain. She hasn't used it in a while but when I first started MFP she logged for a couple weeks & she was shocked at how much crap was in the foods she was putting in her mouth. It was really an eye opener for her. She is very active (6-7 dance classes a week, a tumbling class plus cheerleading) but she is a little on the heavier side and no matter how I preached about making good choices to give her body the fuel it needs for all the activities she does she didn't really listen. She asked if she could join so I gave her the ok. Once she logged a few weeks & saw that she was eating way more than 1 serving of some of the junk type food & saw how many calories/sodium/carbs were in these things she did start making better choices. I don't think there is anything wrong with giving my teenage daughter the information she needs to make good decisions when I'm not there to help her.

    (just wanted to add that she is not obsessing about losing weight or anything of that nature just curious. And I would never suggest losing weight to her or make my losing weight a big deal but I do talk about good foods & making sure your body has the fuel to run. Too many of her friends don't eat enough so I spend just as much time talking about eating enough as I do talking about eating the right things)
  • JennLifts
    JennLifts Posts: 1,913 Member
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    I agree with all of the "sports" I feel like letting her might be setting her up for a disorder in the future. Teach her about fitness, include her in your workouts, and let her maybe count her servings of veggies/fruits to insure she gets enough. Same kind of thing, but not nearly as precise.
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
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    I wouldn't, this site is not for kids. And I doubt all posters are going to start censoring themselves to make all topics appropriate for Tweens.
    It's hard to know the right thing to do, as moms. Personally, my kids don't know anything about this site-- and I made sure I never say disparaging things about myself, or make an issue ofmy (or others') weight. I honestly don't at all tell them I religiously count calories, at all. I tell them, "oh, I only want a few French fries, they're unhealthy and more than a few make my body feel gross." and set a good example, make healthy meals, offer healthy snacks, and keep us active.

    Counting calories, obsessing about the amount of cal.s we've burned, etc, etc, even though I do it, I think that's an adult decision, or a healing from an unhealthy life, maybe-- not the way I want to encourage my pre-teen girl to live her life. I wouldn't even talk to her about here, frankly.

    Good luck! That's just how I feel, as a mom of 3 girls. It's so hard to figure these things out.
  • Quilled
    Quilled Posts: 69 Member
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    It sounds like she is starting to get a bit body conscious, as others stated she is too young to join, and I think teaching her to track calories, especially as she is about to hit HS is going to set her up for ED's and obsessive calorie counting.

    Right now, just sit her down and have a talk with her about basic good vs bad food, and how to read nutrition labels so she can decide whether or not she should really eat something. Focus on things like high sodium, high sugar content, heavily processed foods, this will set her up to eat healthy instead of just eat based on calories. Talk to her about how anything that comes from a box and often times from a bottle (excluding bottled water and tea of course), is probably something thats going to be heavily processed with lots of sodium or sugar. Make sure she knows that sodium and sugar are not necessarily bad but that she should only eat a limited amount of those things. Teach her that when she is really hungry she can eat several plates of veggies and it wont be anywhere near as damaging as something like a hot pocket. Teach her portions and that junk food is just fine in moderation.

    If you want to talk about her weight you can do that as well, talk about how much she weighs and what a healthy weight range is for her, make sure she knows she is in a healthy weight range, and does not need to loose a bunch of weight. Talk to her about muscle vs fat and how someone who is say 120lbs with a higher fat percent can appear to be much bigger than someone who is 120lbs who is more toned. Express how excercise can help her to shrink sizes even if her weight itself doesnt go down a whole lot.

    Finally, are you excercising? Ask her if she wants to set up an excercise routine with you for the two of you to do a few times a week. There is nothing bad about her getting down excercise routines this early in life instead of waiting until she is older and trying to figure it all out on her own. But since her body is still a developing body just keep the excercises light/moderate and of course try and keep them fun. Sports would help as well.
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
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    Personally I'd say pounce on this opportunity to teach your daughter about eating healthy! I know I would have appreciated it if my parents had taught me better as they raised me (I still love them so!). Just set it to make sure she doesn't lose weight. I'd supervise it.

    ^^ This. My teenage son - 6'1" 140 lbs. - was on here for a while. It does give you the opportunity to talk nutririton and activity. He's never on here anymore but I can tell that he is more aware of what his body needs.
  • JulieBoBoo
    JulieBoBoo Posts: 642
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    I'd make her a chart kind of like the old WW's booklets where you have boxes for the required number of fruits in a day, the required number of veggies in a day, dairy/protein/carbs/fats and make it age appropriate for her requirements. Then she can fill in the boxes throughout the day and get a general idea of what she needs to keep her body fueled appropriately.

    It's easier for her because it's more visual and it focuses on teaching her that she needs to eat from all categories but not the same number of servings in each.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    I'd make her a chart kind of like the old WW's booklets where you have boxes for the required number of fruits in a day, the required number of veggies in a day, dairy/protein/carbs/fats and make it age appropriate for her requirements. Then she can fill in the boxes throughout the day and get a general idea of what she needs to keep her body fueled appropriately.

    It's easier for her because it's more visual and it focuses on teaching her that she needs to eat from all categories but not the same number of servings in each.

    Love this idea, Ms Julie!! I'm going to do this with my daughter.
  • mleoni092708
    mleoni092708 Posts: 629 Member
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    Personally I'd say pounce on this opportunity to teach your daughter about eating healthy! I know I would have appreciated it if my parents had taught me better as they raised me (I still love them so!). Just set it to make sure she doesn't lose weight. I'd supervise it.

    ^^^ I second this. I probably wouldn't let her on this site, just because she could get false info and sometimes the things talked about on here are more "adult" in nature. But teaching her about portions of fruits and veggies, healthy ways to cook-that's great she's interested!
  • awkwwward
    awkwwward Posts: 73
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    NO NO NO NO NO NO

    Take it from the lifelong fat girl: use this chance to teach her about healthy eating, making the right choices and working out. Don't use this chance to teach her to obsessively count calories the rest of her life because she's petrified of gaining a pound. Teach her about the right way to compose a meal (protein + healthy grain + veggies) and healthy food swaps (peanut butter on an apple rather than cookies) but don't do it in the same name of weight: do it in the name of healthy living and lifestyle.
  • Earthhorse
    Earthhorse Posts: 28 Member
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    Ok I didn't read everyones comments, but my first thought was "how much is she wanting to do this because mom does it?" That may be her main reason for wanting to join. I think if you monitor her on here and make sure she is still taking in the proper amount of calories there shouldn't be a problem.
    Also if she has a Facebook account (I don't know if she does) then there is no reason to block her from here.
    I totally agree with getting her into some type of activity now, to help her stay active later. She could do yoga, dancing, martial arts, sports, anything really. In the end it comes down to what YOU feel comfortable doing. You're a great mom so don't stress about it and just keep being supportive :D
    Oh and I just heard of a new sight that could be really good called sparkpeople. It focuses less on counting calories, and more on support and activity. :D
  • tricia3368
    tricia3368 Posts: 34
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    this is the AGE out society starts judging girls. So its sad to me that she wants to be smaller when she isnt even overweight. I wouldnt allow her to become obsessed (allowing MFP would encourage this) With weight. Instead have her know that if she is continually making healthy food choices and is exercising then She will be Great.

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