My first "NEGATIVE" feedback yes I did write negative

dee0423

My name is Diane and I am 31 years old. Like so many other people I have struggled with my weight my WHOLE life! I joined this fabulous family on MFP on September 22 2011. In just over a month I have lost 17 lbs so far!

So anyhoot I work in an office with 8 women with 8 different personalities. You know how that can be, but I am sweet as pie and say goodmorning, and goodnight, and bless you when someone sneezes I work with a women who had gastric bypass a few years back. Well due to unhealthy inventory she has gained 90% of her weight back, which is fine with me to each his own right? She asked me the other day how I was doing what I was doing and I told her about MFP and encouraged her to try it out. I told her where I get all my recipe ideas and that I would EVEN print them out for her and give a few meal plan ideas. She declined

All of my other co-workers have been ranting and raving about how good I am doing and how great I look. I smile and say thank you as polite as pie, it feels pretty darn good. Well today I am going back to pop my popcorn and SHE was in the kitchen area with my manager...I said "Boy am I tired, I need to eat some popcorn hopefully the constant movement of my hand will keep me awake" and I laughed well she turned to me and said ....DID YOU EVEN EAT ANYTHING TODAY, I NEVER SEE YOU EAT. Wow it blew me away! I said to her actually I eat 6 small meals a day and work out 3-5 times a week.

I guess the reason why I am writing all of this and please excuse me for the novel..I love to write. I just wanted to get some opinions on how to handle "HATERS" THANK YOU!

jlm962

aw i am sorry she was rude! it sounds to be like she might be a bit jealous. weight loss is hard, and you are kicking it!

bcattoes

I would have just laughed and said, "yes of course I've eaten today" and went on my merry way.

jowings

Wow, what a bummer! I am sorry that some people can be so insensitive, and I think that you just have to keep in mind that any negativity that people are projecting, it is not your issue. I am sure that she is just coming from a place of (possibly) jealousy, hurt and frustration. The only advice I can give is stay positive, keep up the GREAT work, and try and know that, despite what others throw at you, you are doing AWESOME and no one can change that !

Awake_Alive

Ahhhhhhh honey, she doesn't hate you, she's jealous...so very jealous. DO NOT let one negative comment derail you from paying attention to all the positive comments. She might come around, she might not. Instead of feeling beat up, put your feelings where they should be...feeling sorry for her because she is so deep in denial.

Just keep being positive and cheerful...it's all you can do!

myurav

i hate it when that happens! i sometimes experience negativity if i go out with friends and order a salad or ask for a meal without fries or ask for egg whites. i think a lot of people want others to behave like them if they know that they're not behaving that well. that way, they feel like their behavior is 'justified'.

my advice? i think you did exactly right. calmly explain to the person that you do eat, and you could even make a joke and say that you eat more often now that you've ever done! just brush it off, and move past it. it's hard for people to change when they don't want to. i think everyone on this site knows that a lot of weight loss is about mentality and attitude.

congratulations on your weight success, and keep up the good work! i'll send some positivity your way - *positive vibes*

TheBigYin

Ignore them, then have the ultimate revenge and outlive them

GingerDarlene

You can kill with kindness the southern way and smile, and say "well bless your heart" which really mean. F-OFF.
good luck with her; she is just a hater. Keep doing you.

janet_pratt

At the risk of getting totally flamed...I've known several people who have had gastric bypass surgery and everyone of them has gained back what they lost, and then some. I understand that it does work for some people and for some it is medically necessary, so before those of you who have had it totally slam me..yeah, I get that. But I think the screening and counseling that goes along with it should be more stringent. I've known 5 people who have had it and after the first 6 months and a couple, even less than that, they went right back to their old eating habits. There is NO substitute for diet and exercise. Even if you have part of your stomach removed.

lindabarney

They're just jealous

bgredenbaugh

Hater is right - but I think she's hating herself as much (or more than) you.

It's sad, really. Obviously she didn't take advantage of the tool her surgery was and now she's full of anger and regret.

You as a someone doing something positive are an easy target for her.

Just keep on keeping on!

TNAJackson

I probably would've said, "Yes, actually I have. Only difference is that I eat the correct things in the correct amounts," and walked away. :laugh:

igora_soma

Sounds like she's just taking her insecurity about her current state of failure on you! Keep being the nice, polite person you are and kill her with kindness

Great job on the loss so far!

dee0423

THIS IS WHY I LOVE MY MFP FAMILY!!!! You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for your input, it is stored in my brain and in my heart!

Adina81

Easy. Keep losing weight.
Misery needs company. Don't be in that company.

If you want to be really nice, Bring in some low fat bake treats. Pack extra lunch and offer it out to everyone.
Kill her with kindness. She'll Die loving you.

jfarmer1226

This is really discouraging that there are people out there like that. I would say just ignore her and don't talk about food or your diet in front of her. I have had this happen to me quite a bit too. People who are not happy with their weight...but don't want to do anything about it don't want to hear about someone else's success. She is just jealous that what you are doing is WORKING and her quick fix of having surgery didn't work. Just keep your head up...stay positive..and keep losing weight. Nothing will stick it to her more than having you succeed.

brbetha01

Just shrug it off. If she asked you what you were doing, you told her and even offered to help her - forget about her. She's not worth your time or nerves. You don't even owe her an explanation of 'if you eat' and any other hateful things she'll come up with - keep doing you.

SueInAz

I probably would have said something like "I didn't realize you were watching my every movement during the day. You must have missed some, however, since I've already eaten 3 times today and this popcorn makes four. Would you like to see my food diary?"

Crazy to think that she's basically stalking you in the office and admitted it in front of a manager.

jtcmmommy

Congrats on all the great work and how you are staying on track! I have a "hater" in my life also. I personally try to stay away from them but as you work with her that is not a solution for you. I would recommend being positive when she starts the comments. You answered the nasty remark with grace and positive eating advice if she wanted to stop and think about it. She asked how you have done so well and you just told her. It is sad that she can not stop and see that even when you have bypass surgery you still have to make the right decisions for eating properly. There is no quick fix for weight loss... You still have to work on it with no matter the procedure.

Keep up the great work! You are doing great!

edonald774

You can kill with kindness the southern way and smile, and say "well bless your heart" which really mean. F-OFF.
good luck with her; she is just a hater. Keep doing you.

Oh I love this. I'm going to try it at work tomorrow!

adezeray

I probably would've said, "Yes, actually I have. Only difference is that I eat the correct things in the correct amounts," and walked away. :laugh:

I AGREE!!!!

KatieTee83

Try not to let it bother you. It's obvious that she's feeling self-conscious about her own weight and rather than take a hard look at herself she lashes out against others. It's pretty typical of low self-esteem. That being said, if things happened the way you have them written here, I can see how she might have gotten offended. It sounds like you were coming from a good place and trying to help, but you might have gone a bit overboard on all the offers to help her. Those of us who are working on losing weight might not see it at first, but not everyone who is overweight is actively looking to lose weight, and assuming she would want you to print out recipe ideas, etc might have offended her. Yes, she asked how you were doing so well, but did she also say, hey, I'd love some advice, can you help me? If not, then the advice no doubt sounded like you telling her she was fat and pointing out what she should be doing, something she's most likely already feeling self-conscious about.

Of course, it was snarky and petty of her to say what she said, but, again, responding with, well actually, I eat 5 small meals AND workout all the time -- can you see how that might be taken by someone who is already self-conscious as a jab at them for not working out or eating right?

Just trying to put myself in the other person's shoes, it sucks that she feels the need to try to bring you down, but understanding why she did might help you to handle it if it happens again.

Lauren8239

Isn't it amazing and disturbing how nasty people can get when they're jealous? Sounds like your co-worker may be secretly ashamed that she took the easy way out and it didn't work, where you are doing it the proper and healthy way and you are doing great. Too bad she can't even pretend to be happy for you....shows you how much she is jealous.
I had a friend who had a gastric band, and it killed her. Infection after surgery. I still can't believe there are people in this world waiting for a magic pill or diet instead of actually using their bodies as they were designed to be used.
Enjoy your popcorn and keep up the great work!

Jeff92se

She's LAZY. As someone mentioned you have to change your eating habits. She thought she could have this done and still eat like a like before.

vickyplum

Hi

First off congrats on the amazing job you have done

but have to agree with the others and say ignore her and yeah you
pointed out you do eat and eat regularly!
she hasnt been able to do the weightloss with surgical help and your doing it
with out anything like that you are doing it through hard work and determination

YOU ROCK

dont ever forget it
your doing a brilliant job
good luck in the rest of your journey
Vicky xxxxx

tonyawilliams40

I just started here today but I thought I'd "weigh in" ha. Anyweigh (stop me if you've heard this one)! No, seriously. Here's what I think is her problem with you: you represent her failure. She has gone to the edge of the earth to lose weight. There's nothing left for her to do to lose weight and she still can't keep it off. So naturally, she's going to lash out at anyone that has the ability to do what surgery couldn't even do for her.
She doesn't need gastric bypass or another diet. She needs serious psychiatric councel. She obviously has some deep, serious mental problems that cause her to want to abuse herself with food. I wouldn't take it personally because it's not you; it's what you represent.

SueInAz

At the risk of getting totally flamed...I've known several people who have had gastric bypass surgery and everyone of them has gained back what they lost, and then some. I understand that it does work for some people and for some it is medically necessary, so before those of you who have had it totally slam me..yeah, I get that. But I think the screening and counseling that goes along with it should be more stringent. I've known 5 people who have had it and after the first 6 months and a couple, even less than that, they went right back to their old eating habits. There is NO substitute for diet and exercise. Even if you have part of your stomach removed.

I know a few of these, too, as well as a co-worker who died during the surgery. I also know a couple of women who totally changed their lives and have kept the weight off for over a decade. You've hit the nail on the head, though. Surgery doesn't teach people to eat right and get exercise and without learning that, they are doomed to failure no matter which method they choose to lose weight.

GouchisGirl

Some people speak without knowing what they are talking about.... actually that happens a lot. Just keep doing what you are doing and ignore the comments because you know that you are doing what needs to be done

ONE03

people just say things sometimes without thinking. you gotta be strong and let those comments roll off your back.

yojaseyrae

Like everyone else has said, sounds like somebody is very jealous of you Obviously she had surgery which could've turned her life around, she didn't take the opportunity, and has completely failed in her sorry attempt to keep the weight she lost off. You've clearly done fantastically, and she can't contain her bitterness and is just lashing out - don't let criticism into your heart, you're doing amazing

Awake_Alive

Ignore them, then have the ultimate revenge and outlive them

^^^THIS!!!!!!!!!!!