ladies: how can we compliment without it being creepy?

bloodguilt

If you're complimenting a woman on a certain part of her body, like her abs, I think it's better to make it clear that you admire the hard work she has put in and that you're not just thinking she's hot. So I would say something like "Your abs look great. What kind of strength training are you doing?" You're complimenting her, but you're also indicating that you understand she didn't get abs like that by accident and, particularly on MFP, it shows that you are interested in her approach to fitness and not just what her body looks like in a photo.

Complimenting a woman in a random public place can be tricky. I like paying men compliments, whether it's on their appearance, their manners, whatever. And I do it to men of all ages, so it's not a method of flirting with me. I just enjoy making someone feel good about himself. Because that's how I view compliments, I don't get all judgy about a man who compliments me. I take it for what it is. But some women assume, oftentime based on their personal experiences, that men really only pay women compliments to flirt. So they get uneasy about it if they're not open to flirting.

I agree with you. I guess if you want to pay a compliment with opposite sex - do so with a honest heart and motive. Be mindful of about your 'choice of words' as if may sound odd or unbecoming to others. Go pay a compliment but don't try to mix it with any unnecessary lines to try to impress the person. There's a fine line between flirting and paying compliments. Keep it short and simple as the saying goes, 'when words are many, sin is not absent..' Just my opinion. ;-)

Kityngirl

I like compliments, although not saying them to my chest helps

This. :laugh:

I always take an online compliment at face value until I'm proven wrong...and RL compliments usually make me blush and stammer a bit before I practically run away...so no real chance to get creepy there. :laugh:

myofibril

I'm surprised that many people have said that they don't really pay compliments to people who aren't on their friends list. I do it when the mood takes me on both the boards and PM, mostly with women I admit, but sometimes guys. It has never been taken the wrong way (well at least I presume so. I might be on some MFP Sex Offenders List for all I know with the Banning Sword of Damocles hovering inches above my head...)

As others have said I think context and intent are important. A compliment is a gift given freely without any expectation. I think people can sense on some level if you have an ulterior motive above that and if so that will creep them out.

I see complimenting simply as a way of being nice. It can have some nice side benefits though. I remember many years being in a late night bar in Tokyo and meeting a *ahem* dancer. She was showing me her dance moves and I told her "your Arabesque must be incredible." I said that because I genuinely believed she had an underlying grace to her movements. She then spent the next 20 minutes gushing about how she had wanted to be a ballet dance when she was younger and so on and so on. The next 72 hours proved to be very eventful...

poisongirl6485

It depends on the setting. If someone posts on the success board with photos and you say "Your abs look great, awesome work!" that's a bit different than private messaging them. Can come across as "I was stalking your profile photos" by some.

hanna1210

I got a friend request from some random guy, as the message he put something like "I like your abs and body ", which creeped me out- I DEFINITELY don't think that only certain privileged people can speak to me! Comments like that just make me uncomfortable =/

See that? That crosses the line. I think it's the "body" part that he threw in. But just to say, "I like your abs" is still on the line. Saying "your abs look great" seems a little less invasive.

But to answer the OP's question: Yes, there are still those of us who appreciate a good compliment. I would hate it if that all stopped because some people can't just simply say "Thank you" and move on.

almawr

A guy told me he liked my perfume and then continued to lean forward , creepy and awkward.

Its to do with tone too , just be careful what you say and how you say it

starbucksbuzz

As a public service reminder...if you are a midget it is probably a bad idea to walk up to a lady and tell her that her hair smells nice.

hahahaha awesome.

Oishii

I like compliments of all kinds and some days, the dirtier the better :laugh:

For me it's about boundaries and situations. I had a colleague in Japan say 'i like how you look in that skirt' and leer... That was creepy (I avoided being alone with him!), but I knew he was a creepy guy already. Last weekend a guy in a bar said something about my legs (I think, it was a bit noisy) and it's a bar, and I'm wearing my legs for once, so I was thrilled not creeped out. He might be creepy, but I'll never know.

Outside the Pompidou centre in France, when I was in my 20s, creeps would come up to chat with me all the time. They'd ask if they could sit with me and I'd say no. Then they'd ask to talk with me and I'd say yes. I was in public and I knew I could speak enough French to set the boundaries as I saw fit.

On mfp, for me, reality is the big boundary. Yes, I'll mess around, but no, I will not be emailing naked photos! Some things are best left to the imagination.

To be certain not to creep, post in public, rather than pming. I suspect I creeped someone out this week by being too real, but I hope I'm forgiven by the next VF.

auntdeedee87

Most inappropriate compliment I've received...

Walking by this guy and his friend, one nudges the other violently and goes UH! Ya know, that guttural Fresh Prince of Bel Air kinda.noise ?

And the other guy goes "Dayum, girl. What you say about being my next baby mama?!"



Classy.

sashaverlene

none of those sound creepy. now, "i want to lick your abs" or "your perfume makes me hungry" etc...crossing the line.

AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAH :sad: I can't stop laughing! That is VERY funny/weird! lol

Jennieam

I often wonder this... both on sites like this one (where there are a lot of attractive people showing off attractive bodies) and just in every day life. As a guy, how can I give a woman a compliment without it being creepy or a come-on or whatever else.

Say I see a profile pic of someone showing off their abs... can I send them a simple message saying "Hey, great abs!" or "wow, nice abs... your hard work is really paying off!"

If I'm inline behind someone at Target and I notice their perfume, can I say, "I like your perfume"?

Is there even such a thing as an innocent compliment any more?

Well I hope we've answered your questions. The answers were so obvious, I can't imagine why you didn't already know ...

It is totally dependent on whether you are creepy, whether you are acting creepy, whether you approach the person in public, whether they are having a good day, whether they are in fact wearing nice perfume, whether they think you are making inappropriate comments, whether your inappropriate comments were said nicely ... :laugh:

MîîśÊmÿłõü

the nice abs thing id be cool with but my perfume id be abit creeped out ...but thats me

TinaDay1114

As a public service reminder...if you are a midget it is probably a bad idea to walk up to a lady and tell her that her hair smells nice.

I think you just made my WEEK. And I think I just snorted tea out of my nose. :laugh:

zippo32

Had a lady either mildly harass or openly compliment me...................." talk about my size (already uncomfortable) then...............I like a man with some meat on his bones"!................................................................................................................................................I took it as a compliment.
Side note: I have less "meat" on my bones currently.

Just1forMe

Of course

It's a lot about the delivery.

But if I were a man I wouldn't send a woman a message on here unless they were friends or had some sort of rapport.

The woman at the store thing is tricker. I guess you can probably tell when a woman is and is not to be approached.

I agree. If a man behind me told me he liked my perfume, I'd have to think he was hitting on me. Now if you said, "I love your perfume...do you mind if I ask what it is? I may want to buy it as a gift for someone.", that would be different. Otherwise, your motives will be in question, unfortunately.

You can always preface your comment with, "I'm not trying to be creepy or hit on you, but you've obviously worked hard to get those abs...nice work!" That wouldn't be creepy

christine24t

A lot of it depends on who is saying it and in what context. I tell girls all the time that I like their outfits, shoes, etc. If I like a guy's shirt, I'll say something like "nice Steelers shirt, I love them." For me to say it to guys, I have to have a reason behind it otherwise it might sound like a come-on?
If a guy were to say, "I like your perfume, what kind is it? I'm looking to get my girlfriend something for her birthday," then it's not weird. You know what I mean?

MFPAddict

If I'm inline behind someone at Target and I notice their perfume, can I say, "I like your perfume"?

This is one I struggle with. I steer clear of the physical appearance compliments in the real world unless I know the person well enough to where the intentions won't be misinterpreted.

I also shy away from the perfurme compliments, but there are times it is so intoxicating I want to know what it is. I was having dinner with my daughter a couple weeks ago and the perfume of the waitress was amazing. I wanted to ask but I didn't.

You should have asked. If she showed any sort of "offense" to a nice compliment, you just follow up with "my wife would love that". People are way too uptight about this stuff.

My daughter and I went to that restaurant on Wednesday and the same waitress was working. I hesitated but eventually asked her. Her perfume is Tommy Bahama. She thanked me when I told her it was nice.