BREAKUPS, how do YOU deal with them?

Prettyme924

Long story short I gained abt 15lbs after a break up....so now I'm trying to get into the best shape in my life..and I work doubles to get the most money I can

DynamicDiva

My last breakup was over eleven years ago, but my reaction changed my life and created the opportunity for my current relationship to happen. This my experience and suggestion, I hope it helps.

First, accept that the break-up is not necessarily anyone's fault. Two people can care about each other, and still not work. Try not to harbor bitterness or resentment. The reality is that even if people make bad choices while they are in a relationship, that the problem is a disagreement about what is acceptable for that relationship, and two people who have different ideas. Allow those feeling to come and then go. Try to avoid hostility and negativity as much as possible.

Once you can wrap your head around that, move to step two. Make yourself happy! Most people look to their relationship to provide a type of support for their happiness. Realize that you are fully capable of making yourself happy, and work toward that goal. Think about the things you compromised on to be in your relationship, or the things you downright lost. Think about who you would like to be, and work toward that goal.

Use all the negativity to build the better you! Every time you are angry or hurt or sad, turn that attention to a new positive goal. Mine was going back to school. Every time I would start to feel sorry for my loss of my ex, I would go online and read class descriptions, build mock schedules, and re-create my budget for getting back to school. Redirecting the negativity into something positive allows the obsessive behavior I was used to having after a break up, to be useful and productive. Two months after the break up I was back in school, working on becoming the happier version of myself.

This exercise also allowed me to become more emotionally self reliant. Which freed up any guy I dated from a huge burden, and allowed it to be more balanced and easy. I have been dating my darling boyfriend for almost ten years now, and could not be happier. We both agree on what is important in our relationship and the behaviors that demonstrate those values. We still argue, but rarely is it about something very serious.

It know this is a very pragmatic solution to a very emotional process, but sometimes it's easier to focus on doing something, than it is to avoid, ignore, or deal with the emotions you are feeling.

Good luck on your journey to happiness. I hope this helps.

Very good advice. I'm not experiencing a break up, but it's still good advice.

Bankman1989

Workout and listen to music..but upbeat music. In 1997 i broke up and listened to Celine Dion's My heart will go on for two STRAIGHT DAYS! lol

mallorybriann

Is this real life?

.... 1997 i broke up and listened to Celine Dion's My heart will go on for two STRAIGHT DAYS! lol

syiyi

how weird , i just got dumped and then found this thred on most recent ... right now just crying and trying not to punch things / people

Same here!!!

Schraudt814

...without eating everything in your gosh darn pantry lol...

Is there another way?

syiyi

lol no we were drifting apart and i ws trying really hard this last month to make it better
and he decided to break up and see if it would get better apart ... i feel like its my fault tho like im a bad gf

Dont beat yourself up over it. I was the same way, mine didn't deserve me. He hurt me in ways that I never imagined someone would, and I was still trying to fix things because I though that all my failed relationships were my fault. That somehow I had been the issue, and I was right! I was the issue but not in a bad way, I was dating below my standards and allowing myself to stay in a relationship that I knew wasn't working just to have a "someone" around. One day it will just click for you like it did me and who knows he might help you see it. My guy asked me "why I was with him when there were so many guys that wanted to date me"? I thought about it and he was right! Why was I settling for less? So this time, even though I will admit I'm sad about things and how they ended, i'm not self destructing instead I'm hitting the gym and doing the 30 day shred to keep myself busy so I have time to heal.

THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR EXPERIENCE

chocolateandvodka

a pint of ice cream, vodka, and the funniest movie i can find. that's day one.

day two: dress up sexy and go out and do something where i'll be surrounded by dudes. get my car fixed, go to a bar, go to the bank, etc. compliments and being flirted with - basically being reminded i still have options always lifts my mood.

Qarol

The Girl's Guide to Surviving a Break Up by Delphine Hirsh

adjones5

cry, work out, shop, work out, move on

Avalonis

I still miss my ex.

But my aim is improving.

chocolateandvodka

cry, work out, shop, work out, move on

ah yes, i do work out and shop a lot. i don't cry though.

Scott613

Get under another guy!

MrsCon40

Go to a bar, have 3 drinks, take the cutest guy you can find home.

:flowerforyou:

chocolateandvodka

I still miss my ex.

But my aim is improving.

god i hate bumpersticker wisdom.

ohwhataday

A pocket full of money, someone in your friend circle who is unemployed
And go to town for a couple days

going to town with an unemployed someone in your friend circle?

what exactly are ya sayin' here? =/

infamousmk

I get over it, and go out with somebody else.



But seriously, I clean my house, do some meditating, get out in public and interact with people... and of course, the best way to get over one guy is to get under another... But just for the getting unders.... not for like, anything meaningful. Best you don't even catch his name.

TheCats_Meow

Freak his best friend.

I kid, I kid.









Sorta.

Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused

Post their picture and phone number in the Craigslist Casual Encounters section.

datguy2011

get under another guy?