Boyfriends and weight loss
deannasmom
Posts: 16 Member
Before i do pregnant i was a tiny little thing. I never had to work out. I ate what i wanted and all i had to do was walk to work and go to my dance class rehearsal every other day and i was fine. I met my boyfriend and he really got me into some bad habits. Eating fast food. laying around alot because that is what people tend to do when they are in a new relationship. He always said to me that if i got fat that he would leave me
Well after my baby i was 128. I needed to lose 5 pounds. It wasn't a big deal to me until my boyfriend started to stress me out. He would go to school or work all day and leave alone with the baby, and then complain to me about why i didn't exercise today, or nit pick over everything i was eating. It's hard not to just sit around and eat when you have nothing to really do all day. You can only clean so much. I was out of work. I was out of school and was now 140 pounds.
I decided to lose the weight and lost eight pounds myself. But my bf still bothers me. If i burn a lot of calories one day, he tries to make me eat less so that my tummy doesn't look fat from eating. And he really bothers me about everything that i ate, saying that i am a little girl and should only have certain amounts of food. Sometimes i am so nervous about saying that i am hungry because he says the only thing i ever ask for is food. My boyfriend is usually really nice, and i know he think he is helping me lose weight but to me it is kind of mean and i don't know how to get him to realize that he hurts my feelings.
Well after my baby i was 128. I needed to lose 5 pounds. It wasn't a big deal to me until my boyfriend started to stress me out. He would go to school or work all day and leave alone with the baby, and then complain to me about why i didn't exercise today, or nit pick over everything i was eating. It's hard not to just sit around and eat when you have nothing to really do all day. You can only clean so much. I was out of work. I was out of school and was now 140 pounds.
I decided to lose the weight and lost eight pounds myself. But my bf still bothers me. If i burn a lot of calories one day, he tries to make me eat less so that my tummy doesn't look fat from eating. And he really bothers me about everything that i ate, saying that i am a little girl and should only have certain amounts of food. Sometimes i am so nervous about saying that i am hungry because he says the only thing i ever ask for is food. My boyfriend is usually really nice, and i know he think he is helping me lose weight but to me it is kind of mean and i don't know how to get him to realize that he hurts my feelings.
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Before i do pregnant i was a tiny little thing. I never had to work out. I ate what i wanted and all i had to do was walk to work and go to my dance class rehearsal every other day and i was fine. I met my boyfriend and he really got me into some bad habits. Eating fast food. laying around alot because that is what people tend to do when they are in a new relationship. He always said to me that if i got fat that he would leave me
Well after my baby i was 128. I needed to lose 5 pounds. It wasn't a big deal to me until my boyfriend started to stress me out. He would go to school or work all day and leave alone with the baby, and then complain to me about why i didn't exercise today, or nit pick over everything i was eating. It's hard not to just sit around and eat when you have nothing to really do all day. You can only clean so much. I was out of work. I was out of school and was now 140 pounds.
I decided to lose the weight and lost eight pounds myself. But my bf still bothers me. If i burn a lot of calories one day, he tries to make me eat less so that my tummy doesn't look fat from eating. And he really bothers me about everything that i ate, saying that i am a little girl and should only have certain amounts of food. Sometimes i am so nervous about saying that i am hungry because he says the only thing i ever ask for is food. My boyfriend is usually really nice, and i know he think he is helping me lose weight but to me it is kind of mean and i don't know how to get him to realize that he hurts my feelings.
"He always said if I got fat he would leave me." "He says that I am a little girl and should only have certain amounts of food."
People who say things like this are not nice people. You deserve better.0 -
This sounds like an abusive situation to me. Do you have someone you can talk to about it such as a counselor or someone at church? No one should make you feel nervous about eating if your hungry.0
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Sweety, tell him how he makes you feel and if he doesn't change and start supporting you dump his sorry *kitten*. NO ONE deserves to be treated that way and you dont want your gorgeous baby growing up thinking that's how women should be treated. I know how hard it is to be a single Mum, I was one. But you have to think about yourself and your child before anyone or anything else!
Give him a good chane and make him understand how you feel, but as I said if things don't change they probably never will!0 -
Before i do pregnant i was a tiny little thing. I never had to work out. I ate what i wanted and all i had to do was walk to work and go to my dance class rehearsal every other day and i was fine. I met my boyfriend and he really got me into some bad habits. Eating fast food. laying around alot because that is what people tend to do when they are in a new relationship. He always said to me that if i got fat that he would leave me
Well after my baby i was 128. I needed to lose 5 pounds. It wasn't a big deal to me until my boyfriend started to stress me out. He would go to school or work all day and leave alone with the baby, and then complain to me about why i didn't exercise today, or nit pick over everything i was eating. It's hard not to just sit around and eat when you have nothing to really do all day. You can only clean so much. I was out of work. I was out of school and was now 140 pounds.
I decided to lose the weight and lost eight pounds myself. But my bf still bothers me. If i burn a lot of calories one day, he tries to make me eat less so that my tummy doesn't look fat from eating. And he really bothers me about everything that i ate, saying that i am a little girl and should only have certain amounts of food. Sometimes i am so nervous about saying that i am hungry because he says the only thing i ever ask for is food. My boyfriend is usually really nice, and i know he think he is helping me lose weight but to me it is kind of mean and i don't know how to get him to realize that he hurts my feelings.
If you cant come out to the forefront and tell him HE NEEDS TO GET HIS HEAD CHECKED and HIS ACT STRAIGHT, then he has you so conditioned to his ways....
He IS being mean and being selffish....
...and he is still your boyfriend, why???? I would drop that ton of 'weight' and THEN the deleted stressor will cause you to lose the rest of the weight.... and if that BOY tries to come around again, kick him to the curb!0 -
Your boyfriend is a ****.0
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Your boyfriend is a ****.
That reject-numbnut wouldnt last in my home one second!!!!0 -
This is completely unacceptable. Please think for yourself and do not let a man control you!0
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this kind of harassment is the kind of thing that could give someone an eating disorder. i would talk to him and tell him, 'look, i lost this weight by myself. i know how to eat and how to exercise. im doing fine and i dont need your input. if i want your 'encouragement' to not eat, i will ask for it. but im not going to starve myself for you'
my partner is the opposite and accuses me of not eating ENOUGH and exercising too MUCH. but i have alot more knowledge than he does about my body and what it needs. so i straight out tell him that, and he shuts up most of the time.0 -
You deserve someone who is going to love you no matter what your size. Don't let anyone treat you like that girl, you should want to get healthy for yourself and your own health, not because someone else thinks you are too "fat". Love yourself and do it for the right reasons and you will be able to take it off and keep it off!0
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Okay, plain and simple, a guy who is telling you he will LEAVE YOU if you get fat doesn't ultimately care about YOU. I've been in a situation where I was not treated well by a boyfriend, and I stayed for almost three years, and of course I didn't listen when people said these things to me. But I hate to see people going through this. I'm not a mom, but I know it must be hard to keep yourself in perfect shape after giving birth to and raising a child. A loving man would understand this and accept you for who you are. There's a difference between being encouraging and being abusive, and to me it almost sounds like this guy is starving you. How will he treat your daughter if she grows up and he doesn't consider her perfect?? I don't want to tell you what to do, but please think hard about your relationship and where this is headed. I know I'm not answering your question, but I don't like what I'm hearing about him... if you really want to give him a chance, you need to have a serious talk with him about control and respect for you. If he can't change his ways... well, you know what I think. Just please think about this and try to make the right decision for your future and your baby's future. Hope all goes well
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Sit him down and have a chat about how you feel. He thinks he is helping you, but he doesn't know he's hurting your feelings if you don't tell him. Be frank and forward. Tell him to support you, but not be your drill sargent. Maybe he can help support you by improving each of your health together? Gym buddies? Take turns cooking healthy meals?
My boyfriend is the type who can eat whatever he wants and not gain much weight. The first year we were together I gained some weight, but I finally told him about my goals and that I can eat junk food with him anymore (or not as much). He understood and supports me. Though, he says that he loves me no matter what I weigh (and this was back when I was 175 lbs, now I'm 158 lbs.)
He seems to be a little shallow telling you "if you gain weight, I'll leave you." Not very nice thing to say.0 -
Run away, run far far away from him. Take your child and leave him. NOW.0
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This is completely unacceptable. Please think for yourself and do not let a man control you!
this ^
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First relationship warning sign is saying if you ever get fat he will leave you. That shows he is shallow. Does he only love you for your body? If he's going to threaten you over something like this, what else is he capable of? You can convince yourself all you want that he has your health in best interest, but saying he will leave you is ridiculous. He is not being supportive, and you shouldn't have to starve yourself in fear of him leaving you.
I would say that if you want to lose some weight, do it for yourself and your baby, not because some man told you to do it. Tell him straightforward you are making these decisions for yourself and explain to him how he needs to be supportive. Or give him the boot because you deserve someone who will be supportive and not so shallow. I know its easier said than done especially since a baby is involved, but like another user said, you don't want that child growing up experiencing how women are treated this way.0 -
this kind of harassment is the kind of thing that could give someone an eating disorder. i would talk to him and tell him, 'look, i lost this weight by myself. i know how to eat and how to exercise. im doing fine and i dont need your input. if i want your 'encouragement' to not eat, i will ask for it. but im not going to starve myself for you'
my partner is the opposite and accuses me of not eating ENOUGH and exercising too MUCH. but i have alot more knowledge than he does about my body and what it needs. so i straight out tell him that, and he shuts up most of the time.
I agree 100% with possibly giving someone an eating disorder. And 140 lbs is not bad at all. Just means you have some curves, and most men want a woman with some curves and not a bean pole next to them. Not only is he setting you up for some serious issues in the future, but if you allow this to continue your baby girl will grow up the same way. Allowing men to mentally abuse her, have a complex if she decides to eat something, and end up with low self esteem. If that is what you want, by all means. But think of yourself first, do what makes you happy and your children will follow in your footsteps. I know, I have 5 children. Positive reinforcement encourages good behavior and confidence.0 -
What's he so insecure about that he's worried about how you look so much? Concern and support is different; he's being mean and if he doesn't have the common sense to see it then I think you should point it out. Very clearly. He's not helping you and if you're hungry you need to eat. The only time my husband said something to me was when I was crying over jalapeno dip, stuffing my face and crying in the middle of a fight. And he said something along the lines if "you're not making anything better by stuffing your face. If you got something to say, speak on it." Men aren't always the most intuitive but there's certain things they just know are a blow to your self esteem. Say something to him and if he can't get it think about this same situation in 20 years.0
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With me it was my wife. Lose the weight or she's leaving with the kids. She said i obviously don't care about myself and she couldn't bear to watch me slowly die, like reverse cancer, or put the kids through it. I was taken back, no doubt about it. But in my case she was right. I quit caring. Without that tough love and kick to the *kitten*, God only knows where my weight and health would be right now.
I had gained about 120 lbs since we married ( though in my defense the woman is in fact a brilliant chef ). I lost 50lbs in 4 years and this year will be my best.
Point being, sometimes tough love is good. It hurts at first and maybe never heals, but if it changes us for the better...take it. Then let there be a reckoning. My wife today apologizes for those words, I just say "ok". I'm driven, I'm going to do it, and then we'll see.0 -
Before i do pregnant i was a tiny little thing. I never had to work out. I ate what i wanted and all i had to do was walk to work and go to my dance class rehearsal every other day and i was fine. I met my boyfriend and he really got me into some bad habits. Eating fast food. laying around alot because that is what people tend to do when they are in a new relationship. He always said to me that if i got fat that he would leave me
Well after my baby i was 128. I needed to lose 5 pounds. It wasn't a big deal to me until my boyfriend started to stress me out. He would go to school or work all day and leave alone with the baby, and then complain to me about why i didn't exercise today, or nit pick over everything i was eating. It's hard not to just sit around and eat when you have nothing to really do all day. You can only clean so much. I was out of work. I was out of school and was now 140 pounds.
I decided to lose the weight and lost eight pounds myself. But my bf still bothers me. If i burn a lot of calories one day, he tries to make me eat less so that my tummy doesn't look fat from eating. And he really bothers me about everything that i ate, saying that i am a little girl and should only have certain amounts of food. Sometimes i am so nervous about saying that i am hungry because he says the only thing i ever ask for is food. My boyfriend is usually really nice, and i know he think he is helping me lose weight but to me it is kind of mean and i don't know how to get him to realize that he hurts my feelings.
He's a selfish, prejudice *kitten*...put him to the curb0 -
I re-read your post. The guy is an *kitten*. I'm so sorry.0
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:explode: From needing to lose 5 pounds at 128 pounds and now you are at 140 pounds. What does that say? :mad:
I was in a similar situation about 8 years back. In fact I feel like its a rerun of my life. So let me give you the spoiler and let you know how it ended.
At 5' 9" I weighed 140 pounds the max. Confident, gorgegous and feeling beautiful and all. "My husband" (now ex) aww so loving, warm and stuff. Until of course I got pregnant and had my son. It was obvious he could not stand the sight of me bloated and all. Hint hint. And was constantly grumbling of my weight and the need of me having the baby. He avoided me like plague.
Two months after delivery I was on my way to lose 18 pounds. This got slower than anticipated. I had C section due to some complication and had a slow recovery. To make the matters worse C section tore up and got infected. And I choose not to have antibiotic to continue breastfeed my son. Causing the recovery to become even slower. It took me almost a year to recover completely.
Despite all that he started pressuring me to lose weight. To the point he actually told me...fat and ugly is not what he had bargained for when he married me. And thats what I had been and that it was not fair to him!!! (I think I forgot to mention that he had been overweight throughout his life.)
Eventually we got divorced just 2 years after the marriage. The fact is that it left me at almost 70 pounds heavier. I was weighing 210 pounds at my heavist and divorced anyway. So don't borther. Its just not worth it. Like it or not...open up your eyes and face it up. Its only going one way which is down!
Do what you must do for yourself and your baby. He should be out of the equation if that's what his demands are.0 -
There's a saying... " if you cant love me at my worst, you sure don't deserve me at my best" it sounds like your guy is a bully, this is how controlled abuse starts. (I know, I've been there,done that and survived it) Put your foot down NOW , do the weight loss because YOU want to and how you choose works for you and regain the control over your own life - or be his doormat forever!0
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i dunno wat to say...m shocked to read abt his attitude .... even i'm really over weight and since i started dating my bf i have gained like 12 kgs.... but he never complained.... he always says you should be healthy... and encourages me to exercise only for health purposes........ but if i call myself fat or i say that i weight so much.... he always denies....
anyway...... i really think you should talk to him.... that yes if he is concerned that you being over weight would affect your health then he should be concerned...but if he says he will leave you if you gain weight then im sorry he doesnt deserve you...what happens when get old and wont look as good as you look now.... will he leave you? or god forbid something else terrible happens....
if he loves you...he should be with you instead of all odds...... i hope the very best for you my dear..... but im sorry to say..i dont think you should be with that guy.......0 -
op, you said "My boyfriend is usually really nice, ".
how exactly,? he leaves you at home all day with a baby, mentally abuses you when he does come home & tries to control & starve you at other times.
He is a prick. I have to wonder what kind of environment you grew up in that you think this is something you should tolerate & I wonder why you think your child should grow up with someone like this. I hope to god your child isn't a girl, he'll probably start controlling what & how much she can eat once she is old enough.
Really , as a mother you need to sort this out now.0 -
op, you said "My boyfriend is usually really nice, ".
how exactly,? he leaves you at home all day with a baby, mentally abuses you when he does come home & tries to control & starve you at other times.
He is a prick. I have to wonder what kind of environment you grew up in that you think this is something you should tolerate & I wonder why you think your child should grow up with someone like this. I hope to god your child isn't a girl, he'll probably start controlling what & how much she can eat once she is old enough.
Really , as a mother you need to sort this out now.
i couldn't agree more...!!!!!0 -
oh you are not a little girl so stop allowing him to treat you like one, you are a woman & a mother.0
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RUN RUN RUN AWAY!
You do not deserve this kind of abuse- seriously! This is obscene- get therapy if you have to , to rid yourself of this abusive clown!0 -
Time to kick him to the curb in your red high heels!!!0
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With me it was my wife. Lose the weight or she's leaving with the kids. She said i obviously don't care about myself and she couldn't bear to watch me slowly die, like reverse cancer, or put the kids through it. I was taken back, no doubt about it. But in my case she was right. I quit caring. Without that tough love and kick to the *kitten*, God only knows where my weight and health would be right now.
I had gained about 120 lbs since we married ( though in my defense the woman is in fact a brilliant chef ). I lost 50lbs in 4 years and this year will be my best.
Point being, sometimes tough love is good. It hurts at first and maybe never heals, but if it changes us for the better...take it. Then let there be a reckoning. My wife today apologizes for those words, I just say "ok". I'm driven, I'm going to do it, and then we'll see.
I wouldn't compare a wife who was worried about a morbidly obese husband and his health as much as I'd worry about some guy scared that his girlfriend is 140lbs and being mean. Concern is one thing- being over 300lbs myself at one time, I get that concern that people who love you have. I was diabetic at 300lbs and that concern for heart and health issues is REAL.
Being with someone who is nasty, abusive and mean because he's shallow and controlling is a totally different situation. If someone I was dating told me I was too fat, I'd say leave me now and I would turn it back on them!0 -
Having a child with him makes the situation tough. A guy should make you feel pretty, sexy, and good about yourself. He shouldn't say things to bring you down.
That being said, since you have a child together, it's important to try to work things out and not have a knee jerk reaction. Obviously, if you've had a child with him, you love him, so you want to work things out.
I would sit him down and have a serious talk with him. Do it in a nonchalent way, like over dinner one night. I would make a list of things you want to discuss so you don't get sidetracked. Make it about how YOU feel, instead of saying HIM or YOU, which makes it seem like you're blaming him. He may be at fault, but you won't change his attitude if he feels like he's being attacked.
I would make clear that you're NOT going to put up with this behavior any longer. You've had a child, you're adjusting to being a parent, and it talks a while to get your body back. It may be best to lay the rule that you not discuss your weight or workouts AT ALL.
If his attitude doesn't change, then I would consider counseling and, after that, more serious consequences like a break from one another. No matter what, you have a child together, so he will always be a part of your life. You have to work things out OR figure out a way to separate so that things aren't bitter. That's rough on the kid.
Shannon0 -
Your problem with your boyfriend isn't because YOU are fat; it's because HE is an a**hole.0
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I'm more concerned about YOU than about you losing 15 pounds for someone else......and I say this having been in the same situation....
His "support" is not helping you at all. Is he in love with YOU or is he in love with a perfect little body that does what he want? Is he insecure in himself? Is he embarassed by you? because those are his issues....
Your focus needs to be in building your confidence, and loving yourself, we are here to support YOU, the you inside and baby you're beautiful!0
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