Blonde jokes
mleoni092708
Posts: 629 Member
Ok I'll start-feel free to add more!
I Want to Buy That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
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Are You Really Sure?
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
_____________________________________________________________
Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
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A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
I Want to Buy That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
_____________________________________________________________________
Are You Really Sure?
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
_____________________________________________________________
Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
____________________________________________________________
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
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Replies
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just as well you don't know my ''blonde '' friend...she has a stanford MBA and has more degrees than a thermometer. sorry guys, I know this is ''just a bit of fun'', but I find this thread to be rather sexist and vulgar.0
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((Giggle)) Bump for later.0
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I'm not going to add any jokes because I don't know any, but those were funny, bottom line. I have blonde friends too, but I'm not going to get butthurt over a few blonde jokes. Lord knows I've had and heard my fair share of black, (insert race here), etc., jokes! You are giving people laughs, and some people need that. The butthurt has been flowing particularly strong these past couple days... I wonder what's up with that?0
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just as well you don't know my ''blonde '' friend...she has a stanford MBA and has more degrees than a thermometer. sorry guys, I know this is ''just a bit of fun'', but I find this thread to be rather sexist and vulgar.
Undercover blonde bru0 -
bump0
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LOL all in good humour. Blonde jokes have been around for decades!! Loved them - funny!!0
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I think these are hilarious! and with that being said, I usually keep my hair dyed blonde! Who cares! These are funny! :bigsmile:0
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I'm a very intelligent, successful blonde but can appreciate the jokes. Ease up and let them have their fun.0
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just as well you don't know my ''blonde '' friend...she has a stanford MBA and has more degrees than a thermometer. sorry guys, I know this is ''just a bit of fun'', but I find this thread to be rather sexist and vulgar.
Oh my gosh, come on! It's just in fun. We all know blondes are not dumb....lighten up! And I actually got this from a clean jokes website!0 -
How long do you think this thread will last before it gets locked because someone is offended by blond jokes? (btw, I'm a redhead.
) 0 -
Why was the blond staring at the orange juice?
Cause it said concentrate.0 -
just as well you don't know my ''blonde '' friend...she has a stanford MBA and has more degrees than a thermometer. sorry guys, I know this is ''just a bit of fun'', but I find this thread to be rather sexist and vulgar.
lol is this a joke?0 -
Why was the blond staring at the orange juice?
Cause it said concentrate.
Good one :laugh: :laugh: :happy:0 -
just as well you don't know my ''blonde '' friend...she has a stanford MBA and has more degrees than a thermometer. sorry guys, I know this is ''just a bit of fun'', but I find this thread to be rather sexist and vulgar.
There's no crying in baseball..or during blonde joke telling time.
I am pretty sure your friend could care less..about the jokes or you defending her.
PS I saying you have a blonde friend anything like having a black friend? Just curious!0 -
lets start a thread about ''fat '' jokes. oh wait, that might be offensive.0
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Why was the blond staring at the orange juice?
Cause it said concentrate.
HAHA!!!!!!!!0 -
lets start a thread about ''fat '' jokes. oh wait, that might be offensive.
You're so fat that when they took your blood pressure, it read "bacon bits".0 -
lighten up.
Maybe we should tell Finlander jokes? I'm half Finnish - and I take absolutely NO offense in them!!!
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena Said, "Ole, you can go farther if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.
-Author Unknown
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lets start a thread about ''fat '' jokes. oh wait, that might be offensive.
Oops....don't read my next thread of "yo mamma" jokes then.
I get it, just trying to brighten some people's days with funnies. If you don't think it's funny, that's fine. Stop reading it then.
And by the way, I'm a brunette, so I guess that means I must be predjudice.0 -
lets start a thread about ''fat '' jokes. oh wait, that might be offensive.
You're so fat that when they took your blood pressure, it read "bacon bits".
Now that's funny right there!0 -
just as well you don't know my ''blonde '' friend...she has a stanford MBA and has more degrees than a thermometer. sorry guys, I know this is ''just a bit of fun'', but I find this thread to be rather sexist and vulgar.
Then why even come in? Stay out of the FUN section you buzzkill0 -
2 Blondes walk into a building.....
If you need to reread that....dye your hair
Oh, and Mr buzz kill...Im blonde. So whats that make you? Racist instead?0 -
One that is sure to please everybody
A dumb fat blonde who happens to be yo mama read an article on the dangers of eating too much fat and drinking too much booze and it scared the heck out of her!
The fat blonde decided, “That’s it!”
After today, no more reading.0 -
I really hope this isn't offensive to anyone but one of my favs is...
You're so fat when you got on the scale it said "one at a time please"0 -
2 Blondes walk into a building.....
If you need to reread that....dye your hair
Oh, and Mr buzz kill...Im blonde. So whats that make you? Racist instead?
I had to reread that haha but I have blonde highlights so it makes sense.0 -
Chit-chat, fun and games? I could always use a good laugh. Thank you to Debbie Downer for taking all the fun out it.0
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One that is sure to please everybody
A dumb fat blonde who happens to be yo mama read an article on the dangers of eating too much fat and drinking too much booze and it scared the heck out of her!
The fat blonde decided, “That’s it!”
After today, no more reading.
LOL hilarious!!0 -
What do you call a blonde doing a cart wheel?
A Brunette :P0 -
A blonde approached a pop machine and put in a dollar. Out came a cola. She put in another dollar. Out came a root beer. She kept doing this, becoming more and more excited with every can she purchased.
Finally, a man came up behind her and asked if she would mind letting him buy a drink. The blonde responded, "Are you crazy? I'm not leaving this machine while I'm still winning!"
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Three blondes were going for a walk when they saw some tracks. They began to argue.
"Those are deer tracks," said the first blonde.
The second blonde said, "Those are elk tracks."
"You're both wrong, those are moose tracks," said the third.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
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Q: Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run like hell…she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A1: Because they can spell it.0 -
lets start a thread about ''fat '' jokes. oh wait, that might be offensive.
Now that's funny!!!!!0
This discussion has been closed.
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