People Want You to Fail
Replies
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Wow.
You're really one of those "glass is half empty" kind of people, aren't you? That's way too much cyncism for a Friday morning.
I prefer to think that everyone wants everyone else to be happy - and not everyone knows that delicious donuts are not what makes other people happy.
Here is a flower -because you need one :flowerforyou:
Or perhaps those people DO know that she doesn't want donuts - how do they know - because she's told them a million times!0 -
Yesterday I was jumping in front of moving vehicles, as I do every Thursday afternoon, and had this same exact realization.
They want us dead. Luckily for me, I spend the other 6 nights of the week locked in my cellar, training my army of rats for when the day comes they find me...
:indifferent:0 -
Agree completely with the OP.0
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Wow.
You're really one of those "glass is half empty" kind of people, aren't you? That's way too much cyncism for a Friday morning.
I prefer to think that everyone wants everyone else to be happy - and not everyone knows that delicious donuts are not what makes other people happy.
Here is a flower -because you need one :flowerforyou:
Or perhaps those people DO know that she doesn't want donuts - how do they know - because she's told them a million times!
Maybe they continue to offer because she answers so angrily. Maybe it's a joke at this point. Honestly, if someone gets that pissed off over a donut, it might become a source of office amusement.0 -
If you see the ends of an expectation as Failure...then YOU have failed. It matters not what other think, believe, or "want" of/in you. For them to set expectations upon anyone other than themselves is fultile.
So ask yourself...is the end that dont meet the outcome a failure or a lesson learned to not repeat the same steps?0 -
Wow.
You're really one of those "glass is half empty" kind of people, aren't you? That's way too much cyncism for a Friday morning.
I prefer to think that everyone wants everyone else to be happy - and not everyone knows that delicious donuts are not what makes other people happy.
Here is a flower -because you need one :flowerforyou:
Or perhaps those people DO know that she doesn't want donuts - how do they know - because she's told them a million times!
Maybe they continue to offer because she answers so angrily. Maybe it's a joke at this point. Honestly, if someone gets that pissed off over a donut, it might become a source of office amusement.
Yes - you are right. It's sad but so true (not saying that's the case here but in general - you are right).0 -
................Yada Yada................
Yes, yes it will hurt. Just a little turns into just a little more, and maybe some of this and what the hell, I’ll just have a bag of chips, it won’t hurt and well, I had a bag of chips so I’m screwed anyway so I might as well have this piece of cake ... okay, just one more piece of cake. Do you have any chocolate sauce to go on this? What about some whip cream?
.............. Yada Yada.................
Reddi Whip only has 15 calories per 2 tablespoons. Just an FYI.0 -
I tend to agree.Some people have a very cynical view of other people's motives. This makes me terribly sad.
People need to stop thinking that everyone is out to get them. Sharing food is caring!!!! THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO!!!! And frankly they do not have to. You are changing, they are not. Most people are not evil, they just have not walked in your shoes. This '' jounrney'' (hate the word) is a solitary one.
I honestly get that it can feel like the world is out to get you, I do. But I think in reality, these people's motivations, 9 times out of 10, are things like "make conversation to help my otherwise slow day go faster," "chit-chat with neighbor," "offer food because it'll make her feel good and well-liked by me." etc, etc. I sincerely do not believe that most people think "oh, let's mess that girl up, she's been healthy and I'd rather she die of a heart-attack soon."
WE are working on our health, it makes us look at these things differently, is all. They people we accuse of sabatoging us and all this constant "jealousy" just aren't overthinking the things they do.0 -
This isn't helpful. I think you are trying to be helpful, and I commend you for that. I get where you are coming from. I think you are trying to give yourself and us a pep talk, a cautionary tale to help us in our weight loss journey. But this approach is not helpful to me.It seems to me that some people (and I'm saying "some" to be nice) actually want you to fail. Maybe not even on a conscious level. It's like they have some sort of deep-seeded desire to see others not accomplish what they want to. I don't get it. Maybe they'll feel better about themselves in some way if you fail at your accomplishments.
...
Other people's motives are none of my business. Seriously. That is a futile mind game that leads to misunderstanding, resentment and emotional exhaustion. Trying to figure out why someone else does something is a losing game. I've been there. And I've kicked that habit.
Furthermore, it doesn't matter whether people want me to fail. Truly it doesn't. It matters whether I want to fail. Sure, support from friends and family is important. I don't discount that. I even enjoy support from co-workers and acquaintances when it's given. But if my weight loss journey is dependent on the support of people on my social periphery, I am in trouble. This isn't a journey I started with anyone else. Why should they be part of it? No one *owes* me any support. No one has to agree with my food choices. They are free to eat - and offer me - anything they want.
The thing about changing behavior, eating healthy, making different choices - those are my decisions. I own that stuff. My wife is incredibly supportive of me. But you know how many times she has entered my calories into MFP? Zero times. Her support feels good. And it helps. But my decisions cannot be *dependent* on that support.
I encourage you and anyone else here to quit worrying about other people's motives. They do not matter. If someone offers me a donut, I can look at that as simply someone offering me a crispy, doughy, delicious, lip-smacking ball of non-denominational heaven. That person is not a saboteur. That person is someone with a donut to share. Not only is it destructive and energy-sapping to assume someone is out to destroy my diet, but it is self-centered to believe someone would go to the effort to see me fail. I repeat: other people's motives are none of my business. And how would one donut be failure anyway? Who cares if I have a donut. Or a pie. Or a cake. If it fits into my calorie goals - even if it fits into my goals for the week - I don't see that as a failure.
Last point: There is no single decision we can make that will mean failure on a diet. None. You simply cannot FAIL in one sitting. You can eat a lot. You can go over your calories for the day. You can even make yourself sick. But you cannot fail your entire diet plan in one sitting. Stop giving each decision so much power.0 -
Wow.
You're really one of those "glass is half empty" kind of people, aren't you? That's way too much cyncism for a Friday morning.
I prefer to think that everyone wants everyone else to be happy - and not everyone knows that delicious donuts are not what makes other people happy.
Here is a flower -because you need one :flowerforyou:
Or perhaps those people DO know that she doesn't want donuts - how do they know - because she's told them a million times!
Maybe they continue to offer because she answers so angrily. Maybe it's a joke at this point. Honestly, if someone gets that pissed off over a donut, it might become a source of office amusement.
Nobody is answering anyone angrily, I never have and I never will. When presented with the metaphorical donut, I simply offer my thanks, sometimes with a bit of sarcasm about my *kitten*.
No, I'm not a "glass half empty" person, nor do I think the world is out to get me, or whatever the army of rats the cellar reference is supposed to mean. I don't complain to anyone, execpt my closest friends, out loud. That's all this is, simply a rant, as it is within my rights to do, in a forum on a site that I thought was a little less judgemental than this. So, "wow" yourself. I can be cynical any time I choose to, even on a Friday morning.
No one, has ever actually laughed at me, by the way - but they have laughed and sneered at my best friend, while standing in front of her desk eating candy, donuts, whatevever and rubbing it in. Whatever way she reacts to this I don't know, but I do know that is an unkind way to behave. If you choose to believe everyone wishes everyone else to be happy, you go right ahead, but the proof is in the proverbial pudding.0 -
Time to get naked...Reddi Whip only has 15 calories per 2 tablespoons. Just an FYI.0 -
I'm gluten intolerant, severely, I'm Celiac, if I eat gluten I am sick for a week. People still offer me food whenever it's in the office; do they offer me food because they want me to get sick?0
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Nobody is answering anyone angrily, I never have and I never will. When presented with the metaphorical donut, I simply offer my thanks, sometimes with a bit of sarcasm about my *kitten*.
No, I'm not a "glass half empty" person, nor do I think the world is out to get me, or whatever the army of rats the cellar reference is supposed to mean. I don't complain to anyone, execpt my closest friends, out loud. That's all this is, simply a rant, as it is within my rights to do, in a forum on a site that I thought was a little less judgemental than this. So, "wow" yourself. I can be cynical any time I choose to, even on a Friday morning.
No one, has ever actually laughed at me, by the way - but they have laughed and sneered at my best friend, while standing in front of her desk eating candy, donuts, whatevever and rubbing it in. Whatever way she reacts to this I don't know, but I do know that is an unkind way to behave. If you choose to believe everyone wishes everyone else to be happy, you go right ahead, but the proof is in the proverbial pudding.
You might not think you sound angry, but your sarcasm is what got me. You may not intend to sound angry, but what matters is how people take it. Our reactions might give you a little insight into how you sound to other people. You can take it or leave it.
I still hold to the fact that very rarely are people petty enough to want others to fail. Offering food to someone is in most cases a polite thing to do. That social grace still exists whether or not you are dieting.0 -
Nobody is answering anyone angrily, I never have and I never will. When presented with the metaphorical donut, I simply offer my thanks, sometimes with a bit of sarcasm about my *kitten*.
No, I'm not a "glass half empty" person, nor do I think the world is out to get me, or whatever the army of rats the cellar reference is supposed to mean. I don't complain to anyone, execpt my closest friends, out loud. That's all this is, simply a rant, as it is within my rights to do, in a forum on a site that I thought was a little less judgemental than this. So, "wow" yourself. I can be cynical any time I choose to, even on a Friday morning.
No one, has ever actually laughed at me, by the way - but they have laughed and sneered at my best friend, while standing in front of her desk eating candy, donuts, whatevever and rubbing it in. Whatever way she reacts to this I don't know, but I do know that is an unkind way to behave. If you choose to believe everyone wishes everyone else to be happy, you go right ahead, but the proof is in the proverbial pudding.
You might not think you sound angry, but your sarcasm is what got me. You may not intend to sound angry, but what matters is how people take it. Our reactions might give you a little insight into how you sound to other people. You can take it or leave it.
I still hold to the fact that very rarely are people petty enough to want others to fail. Offering food to someone is in most cases a polite thing to do. That social grace still exists whether or not you are dieting.
Perfectly said. Just perfectly.0 -
What ever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger ... look at it as an accomplishment to not let temptation beat you. This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. Your new lifestyle does not include mindless eating of empty calories. Theirs does .. such is life.
Thank them kindly and move on; inwardly take pride in your accomplishment ... if you can withstand a deliberate barrage of donuts ... you are AWESOME! So smile! It is like a mental workout to make you Stronger!
(my sabateur brought fresh baked krispy kremes to the office all the time, until the boss threatened to fire her .. really..lol.. because he was trying to lose weight too).0 -
It seems to me that some people (and I'm saying "some" to be nice) actually want you to fail. Maybe not even on a conscious level. It's like they have some sort of deep-seeded desire to see others not accomplish what they want to. I don't get it. Maybe they'll feel better about themselves in some way if you fail at your accomplishments.
I can't even count the number of times someone has come to me and said something like, “I thought I would let you know that I brought these donuts in, just in case you want to be bad. They're soooo good.” I just keep saying stuff like, “My *kitten* doesn’t need a donut, thanks." Or they say things like, “It won’t hurt to have just a little...” Yes, yes it will hurt. Just a little turns into just a little more, and maybe some of this and what the hell, I’ll just have a bag of chips, it won’t hurt and well, I had a bag of chips so I’m screwed anyway so I might as well have this piece of cake ... okay, just one more piece of cake. Do you have any chocolate sauce to go on this? What about some whip cream?
Some people (I mean "some" this time) even laugh at you, as if they think what you're trying to do is a joke. "Mmmm ... look at me scarf down these empty calories, they're sooo tasty, don't you wish you could have some? Hahaha, look at you trying to be healthy. You're such a loser."
I don't want your donuts. I don't want your cake. I don't want your high-calorie, fat-riddled, sugar and sodium injected food that sure, tastes real good, but I'd have to workout hard for three weeks to work off. YOU go ahead and eat it, and I'll just go ahead and watch YOUR *kitten* inflate.
When you go over to see them while you are leaning over looking at them in the coffin you can whisper damn you drop out of here about 15-20 years too soon...0 -
I find that most people are more concerned with themselves to care if you win or lose. They are busy living their own lives, running their own race.
You shouldn't assign people negative intentions, it's a waste of time and energy0 -
You would actually be surprised what people would do though....
I had a friend in college, when I first started yo yo dieting that would often meet me for dinner in the cafeteria or she'd bring she stuff she had baked or ordered Tasty kakes and had them delivered to our dorm room. Finally after a month of me screwing up my diet every other day I heard from another mutual friend that she was trying to screw up my diet because if I lost weight she would no longer be known to her group of friends as "Skinny Catie" (we were both named Catie). She was honestly afraid that she would start to look bad in comparison because although I was fat I had a pretty face and she was a butter-face....0 -
They don't want you to fail, they want to share their tasty delights.
Stop taking it so personally.
I'm certain they don't want you to fail.
But I'm sure that excellent positive attitude is helping!
What the?........ You think that really?0 -
Which part?They don't want you to fail, they want to share their tasty delights.
Stop taking it so personally.
I'm certain they don't want you to fail.
But I'm sure that excellent positive attitude is helping!
What the?........ You think that really?0 -
Which part?They don't want you to fail, they want to share their tasty delights.
Stop taking it so personally.
I'm certain they don't want you to fail.
But I'm sure that excellent positive attitude is helping!
What the?........ You think that really?0 -
They don't want you to fail, they want to share their tasty delights.
Stop taking it so personally.
I'm certain they don't want you to fail.
But I'm sure that excellent positive attitude is helping!
What the?........ You think that really?
Is someone having trouble with the sarcasm?0 -
When I offer someone something and they deny me I take it personal, its part of my culture, there for I sit them down strap them up and feed them pig lard until they pass out, its what i was raised to do, people just like to connect with other thru food its a huge part of society.0
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Two co-workers of mine are on MFP since January like me. Whenever someone brings something in or buys donuts or whatever, they get to endure the constant cajoling from everyone else from the office to 'take one' or 'try it'. They don't seem to figure out that no means no. So I've just started telling people at work I'm diabetic. Done.0
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Wow. What a coincidence! Just this morning there was a topic like this in my, 'Curves' group on Facebook. A girl mentioned how she'd been having problems, and immediate after, another member commented about how she now has zero friends due to her weight loss journey (I'll assume they've somehow turned on her in the process. She never shared any details).
I've always heard stories of people trying to sabotage a friend's weight loss, but never really believed it. I know it's none other than good ol' fashioned jealousy.. but really--could you sleep at night knowing you were hindering someone else from bettering themselves?0 -
It seems to me that some people (and I'm saying "some" to be nice) actually want you to fail. Maybe not even on a conscious level. It's like they have some sort of deep-seeded desire to see others not accomplish what they want to. I don't get it. Maybe they'll feel better about themselves in some way if you fail at your accomplishments.
I can't even count the number of times someone has come to me and said something like, “I thought I would let you know that I brought these donuts in, just in case you want to be bad. They're soooo good.” I just keep saying stuff like, “My *kitten* doesn’t need a donut, thanks." Or they say things like, “It won’t hurt to have just a little...” Yes, yes it will hurt. Just a little turns into just a little more, and maybe some of this and what the hell, I’ll just have a bag of chips, it won’t hurt and well, I had a bag of chips so I’m screwed anyway so I might as well have this piece of cake ... okay, just one more piece of cake. Do you have any chocolate sauce to go on this? What about some whip cream?
Some people (I mean "some" this time) even laugh at you, as if they think what you're trying to do is a joke. "Mmmm ... look at me scarf down these empty calories, they're sooo tasty, don't you wish you could have some? Hahaha, look at you trying to be healthy. You're such a loser."
I don't want your donuts. I don't want your cake. I don't want your high-calorie, fat-riddled, sugar and sodium injected food that sure, tastes real good, but I'd have to workout hard for three weeks to work off. YOU go ahead and eat it, and I'll just go ahead and watch YOUR *kitten* inflate.
Hee hee I liked your post actually and didn't think you were being negative - just honest! I have had similar things happen to me. I have had people since I have been on my journey joke about how I need to "eat a few burgers" and on and on and on ... I have heard I am "too skinny" and although I do agree that YES my thoughts of myself and my journey are what matters I also have to say that when people intentionally say these things to me they are on purpose.. these particular people are being rude and I know this because I know these people. People can think whatever they want online when they see a post but believe me - I agree that some people do want to see others fail, they really do! It can be in a career, love, anything really! Use their negativity to fuel your motivation!
I have heard people who are overweight even tell me that they are "too busy" to work out like I do (as if they have less hours in the day or their life is more important) and all I can think is "get over yourself" LOL
I just wanted to post this because I know how you feel. Keep refusing the foods and hopefully they stop. I have learned it takes a few months for people to stop after you respectfully decline... so hopefully it happens! Good luck in your journey - sending lots of hugs and encouragement your way!0 -
No, just not a fan of it! I've had worked really hard to get where I am but people still have bad things to say because they want me to fail. I'm just sensitive that's all:ohwell:They don't want you to fail, they want to share their tasty delights.
Stop taking it so personally.
I'm certain they don't want you to fail.
But I'm sure that excellent positive attitude is helping!
What the?........ You think that really?
Is someone having trouble with the sarcasm?0 -
If you really think people want you to fail, you need to take stock of the people in your life. Sorry, I just don't believe people care enough to want somebody to fail.
No, just not a fan of it! I've had worked really hard to get where I am but people still have bad things to say because they want me to fail.They don't want you to fail, they want to share their tasty delights.
Stop taking it so personally.
I'm certain they don't want you to fail.
But I'm sure that excellent positive attitude is helping!
What the?........ You think that really?
Is someone having trouble with the sarcasm?0 -
Tall poppy syndrome innit? Nothing unusual there...
The acquisition of status is a zero sum game.0 -
If you really think people want you to fail, you need to take stock of the people in your life. Sorry, I just don't believe people care enough to want somebody to fail.
No, just not a fan of it! I've had worked really hard to get where I am but people still have bad things to say because they want me to fail.They don't want you to fail, they want to share their tasty delights.
Stop taking it so personally.
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I'm certain they don't want you to fail.
But I'm sure that excellent positive attitude is helping!
What the?........ You think that really?
Is someone having trouble with the sarcasm?
People that aren't happy with themselves do tend to want to find something wrong with you in order make themselves not feel bad. When they see you taking control of your life and you're breaking all barriers, they can't stand it and wait for you to have a slip up. It's true that these people may be in my life or people that I can't avoid such as classmates that say stupid stuff to me all the time about how I'm wasting away with a laugh. Saying that people don't care enough to want someone to fail is silly! (Tall poppy syndrome innit is so true)0
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