People Want You to Fail

Gigi_licious

wow, that's really sad to me that you've encountered such nasty people. I have been VERY forunate to have very loving, supportive friends and family who have supported and encouraged me the entire time. In turn, I try to be as supportive and encouraging to others around me. Hopefully you have at least a few people who are actually in your corner.

By the way, I my MFP family and friends!!

We you too!! You will kick *kitten* tomorrow!

Contrarian

reminds me of lobsters in a pail...

I thought it was crabs. Or clams. Maybe it is clams.

Yanicka1

Some people have a very cynical view of other people's motives. This makes me terribly sad.

People need to stop thinking that everyone is out to get them. Sharing food is caring!!!! THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO!!!! And frankly they do not have to. You are changing, they are not. Most people are not evil, they just have not walked in your shoes. This '' jounrney'' (hate the word) is a solitary one.

ElizabethRoad

reminds me of lobsters in a pail...

I thought it was crabs. Or clams. Maybe it is clams.

Crabs.

Yanicka1

reminds me of lobsters in a pail...

I thought it was crabs. Or clams. Maybe it is clams.

I am pretty sure it's clam....with all those legs you know

Gwendalyne

So true! Deep down inside I believe they wish they could do what you are doing

Contrarian

reminds me of lobsters in a pail...

I thought it was crabs. Or clams. Maybe it is clams.

I am pretty sure it's clam....with all those legs you know

Yes. Clams are notoriously grabby.

leomentlines

I have a friend that is completely against the notion of me losing weight.. refuses to support it. When I told her I wanted to get down to a size 8, she didn't understand why I wasn't happy/content at the size 12 I am now. She thinks I won't "look right" because she's never seen me smaller (hell, I've not seen myself this small since middle school right now!). She insisted back when I was wearing 16s that I could be bigger, and healthy, but without losing any weight. But she refuses to acknowledge that I myself wasn't happy with myself at that size.

Mind you, she has always been at/maintained a healthy weight for the years that I've known her. So its not like she's been a size (like I've felt in the past) where her weight was hindering her quality of life.

I love her to death, but this is one thing that if it ever came to it, I'd end the friendship over. I'm not going to go back to unhealthy habits because you don't think I "look right". (besides, you want me to choose cellulite/rolls > muscle definition and having an actual curvy shape now?! I don't think so!)

MrsCon40

Wow.

You're really one of those "glass is half empty" kind of people, aren't you? That's way too much cyncism for a Friday morning.

I prefer to think that everyone wants everyone else to be happy - and not everyone knows that delicious donuts are not what makes other people happy.

Here is a flower -because you need one :flowerforyou:

TDGee

reminds me of lobsters in a pail...

I thought it was crabs. Or clams. Maybe it is clams.

Let's have a lobster/crab/clam boil!!!

KMSForLife

Wow.

You're really one of those "glass is half empty" kind of people, aren't you? That's way too much cyncism for a Friday morning.

I prefer to think that everyone wants everyone else to be happy - and not everyone knows that delicious donuts are not what makes other people happy.

Here is a flower -because you need one :flowerforyou:

Or perhaps those people DO know that she doesn't want donuts - how do they know - because she's told them a million times!

i_love_vinegar

Yesterday I was jumping in front of moving vehicles, as I do every Thursday afternoon, and had this same exact realization.

They want us dead. Luckily for me, I spend the other 6 nights of the week locked in my cellar, training my army of rats for when the day comes they find me...


:indifferent:

megz4987

Agree completely with the OP.

Jorra

Wow.

You're really one of those "glass is half empty" kind of people, aren't you? That's way too much cyncism for a Friday morning.

I prefer to think that everyone wants everyone else to be happy - and not everyone knows that delicious donuts are not what makes other people happy.

Here is a flower -because you need one :flowerforyou:

Or perhaps those people DO know that she doesn't want donuts - how do they know - because she's told them a million times!

Maybe they continue to offer because she answers so angrily. Maybe it's a joke at this point. Honestly, if someone gets that pissed off over a donut, it might become a source of office amusement.

BigDaddyBRC

If you see the ends of an expectation as Failure...then YOU have failed. It matters not what other think, believe, or "want" of/in you. For them to set expectations upon anyone other than themselves is fultile.

So ask yourself...is the end that dont meet the outcome a failure or a lesson learned to not repeat the same steps?

KMSForLife

Wow.

You're really one of those "glass is half empty" kind of people, aren't you? That's way too much cyncism for a Friday morning.

I prefer to think that everyone wants everyone else to be happy - and not everyone knows that delicious donuts are not what makes other people happy.

Here is a flower -because you need one :flowerforyou:

Or perhaps those people DO know that she doesn't want donuts - how do they know - because she's told them a million times!

Maybe they continue to offer because she answers so angrily. Maybe it's a joke at this point. Honestly, if someone gets that pissed off over a donut, it might become a source of office amusement.

Yes - you are right. It's sad but so true (not saying that's the case here but in general - you are right).

SiltyPigeon

................Yada Yada................
Yes, yes it will hurt. Just a little turns into just a little more, and maybe some of this and what the hell, I’ll just have a bag of chips, it won’t hurt and well, I had a bag of chips so I’m screwed anyway so I might as well have this piece of cake ... okay, just one more piece of cake. Do you have any chocolate sauce to go on this? What about some whip cream?
.............. Yada Yada.................

Reddi Whip only has 15 calories per 2 tablespoons. Just an FYI.

SarabellPlus3

Some people have a very cynical view of other people's motives. This makes me terribly sad.

People need to stop thinking that everyone is out to get them. Sharing food is caring!!!! THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO!!!! And frankly they do not have to. You are changing, they are not. Most people are not evil, they just have not walked in your shoes. This '' jounrney'' (hate the word) is a solitary one.

I tend to agree.
I honestly get that it can feel like the world is out to get you, I do. But I think in reality, these people's motivations, 9 times out of 10, are things like "make conversation to help my otherwise slow day go faster," "chit-chat with neighbor," "offer food because it'll make her feel good and well-liked by me." etc, etc. I sincerely do not believe that most people think "oh, let's mess that girl up, she's been healthy and I'd rather she die of a heart-attack soon."
WE are working on our health, it makes us look at these things differently, is all. They people we accuse of sabatoging us and all this constant "jealousy" just aren't overthinking the things they do.

kennethmgreen

It seems to me that some people (and I'm saying "some" to be nice) actually want you to fail. Maybe not even on a conscious level. It's like they have some sort of deep-seeded desire to see others not accomplish what they want to. I don't get it. Maybe they'll feel better about themselves in some way if you fail at your accomplishments.

...

This isn't helpful. I think you are trying to be helpful, and I commend you for that. I get where you are coming from. I think you are trying to give yourself and us a pep talk, a cautionary tale to help us in our weight loss journey. But this approach is not helpful to me.

Other people's motives are none of my business. Seriously. That is a futile mind game that leads to misunderstanding, resentment and emotional exhaustion. Trying to figure out why someone else does something is a losing game. I've been there. And I've kicked that habit.

Furthermore, it doesn't matter whether people want me to fail. Truly it doesn't. It matters whether I want to fail. Sure, support from friends and family is important. I don't discount that. I even enjoy support from co-workers and acquaintances when it's given. But if my weight loss journey is dependent on the support of people on my social periphery, I am in trouble. This isn't a journey I started with anyone else. Why should they be part of it? No one *owes* me any support. No one has to agree with my food choices. They are free to eat - and offer me - anything they want.

The thing about changing behavior, eating healthy, making different choices - those are my decisions. I own that stuff. My wife is incredibly supportive of me. But you know how many times she has entered my calories into MFP? Zero times. Her support feels good. And it helps. But my decisions cannot be *dependent* on that support.

I encourage you and anyone else here to quit worrying about other people's motives. They do not matter. If someone offers me a donut, I can look at that as simply someone offering me a crispy, doughy, delicious, lip-smacking ball of non-denominational heaven. That person is not a saboteur. That person is someone with a donut to share. Not only is it destructive and energy-sapping to assume someone is out to destroy my diet, but it is self-centered to believe someone would go to the effort to see me fail. I repeat: other people's motives are none of my business. And how would one donut be failure anyway? Who cares if I have a donut. Or a pie. Or a cake. If it fits into my calorie goals - even if it fits into my goals for the week - I don't see that as a failure.

Last point: There is no single decision we can make that will mean failure on a diet. None. You simply cannot FAIL in one sitting. You can eat a lot. You can go over your calories for the day. You can even make yourself sick. But you cannot fail your entire diet plan in one sitting. Stop giving each decision so much power.

heatherldietrich

Wow.

You're really one of those "glass is half empty" kind of people, aren't you? That's way too much cyncism for a Friday morning.

I prefer to think that everyone wants everyone else to be happy - and not everyone knows that delicious donuts are not what makes other people happy.

Here is a flower -because you need one :flowerforyou:

Or perhaps those people DO know that she doesn't want donuts - how do they know - because she's told them a million times!

Maybe they continue to offer because she answers so angrily. Maybe it's a joke at this point. Honestly, if someone gets that pissed off over a donut, it might become a source of office amusement.

Nobody is answering anyone angrily, I never have and I never will. When presented with the metaphorical donut, I simply offer my thanks, sometimes with a bit of sarcasm about my *kitten*.

No, I'm not a "glass half empty" person, nor do I think the world is out to get me, or whatever the army of rats the cellar reference is supposed to mean. I don't complain to anyone, execpt my closest friends, out loud. That's all this is, simply a rant, as it is within my rights to do, in a forum on a site that I thought was a little less judgemental than this. So, "wow" yourself. I can be cynical any time I choose to, even on a Friday morning.

No one, has ever actually laughed at me, by the way - but they have laughed and sneered at my best friend, while standing in front of her desk eating candy, donuts, whatevever and rubbing it in. Whatever way she reacts to this I don't know, but I do know that is an unkind way to behave. If you choose to believe everyone wishes everyone else to be happy, you go right ahead, but the proof is in the proverbial pudding.