People Want You to Fail

cmriverside

It's the Theory of Limited Good. The belief some people have that if good things happen to others, then there isn't enough good stuff left for them.

I made that up. . .just one of my observances..

kit_katty

Some people are just petty and will bring other people down for the fun of it.

On the other hand, people offer food to be polite, even if they know you're on a diet, they probably feel impolite not to offer.

It's up to you how you you handle everyone.

Jorra

It's the Theory of Limited Good. The belief some people have that if good things happen to others, then there isn't enough good stuff left for them.

I made that up. . .just one of my observances..

sounds legit

ItsCasey

It's the Theory of Limited Good. The belief some people have that if good things happen to others, then there isn't enough good stuff left for them.

I made that up. . .just one of my observances..

I actually think there is validity to this, at least for the glass-half-empty types. For instance, I have a friend who always goes into a mini-depression when our other friends begin new relationships or get married or have a baby or whatever, and she told me once that she thinks there's only so much happiness to go around. It's getting worse as we're getting older. I don't understand that kind of thinking, but I'm more of an optimist anyway.

Nake1

I just came home from a party. All my friends were there and, I think, that because I'm in a leadership position some love to see me fail. Honestly, what I do is laugh with them but when I get home...I think...why are they my friends. It absolutely throws me for a loop. I think the best thing for me is to just withdraw tho I know I shouldn't. But I am tempted!

Scorpioangel

I just came home from a party. All my friends were there and, I think, that because I'm in a leadership position some love to see me fail. Honestly, what I do is laugh with them but when I get home...I think...why are they my friends. It absolutely throws me for a loop. I think the best thing for me is to just withdraw tho I know I shouldn't. But I am tempted!

HA I know the feeling!

ninerbuff

Human nature looks for flaws of those who are successful to justify that they aren't any better than them. Regardless if that person busted their *kitten*, sacrificed alot, or did it ethically, someone who's not as successful will always try to find dirt or try to derail that success. It's the survival instinct built in all of us.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Mashizou

I know exactly what you mean.

After all the flax I got from friends/family/co-workers, I don't even bother telling people that I'm trying to lose weight or live a healthier lifestyle. While I don't necessarily think that these people are trying to sabotage me, they aren't helping me either. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten the response, "I'm worried about you. You're so obsessed with your weight... I don't think it's healthy," just for turning down that hamburger from McDonald's or the sugar-loaded chocolate shake from the creamery down the street.

I don't know anyone in real life besides myself who tries to eat a clean diet (free from processed food, excess sugar, hydrogenated oils/trans fats, etc.). They simply don't understand.

Almost every experience I've had talking with someone else about my new healthy lifestyle has ended with them showing concern for my "problem".

KimmieBrie

Idk.... maybe some people are like that but I think most people, especially if they aren't "dieting" just don't have the food hang ups and are thoughtless when it comes to things like bringing stuff to the office. I don't think it's intentional. I bring all the "bad" things people leave at my house to the office, because I know some of my co-workers will eat it and enjoy. I hate waste. But I never single anyone out or comment one way or another about what anyone is or isn't eating.

cheeksv

I talked about this with my fiance. My friends are supportive and happy for me loosing weight but that does not keep them from always wanting to go out to eat or hit the bar for drinks or hit the coffee shop for a frappe whatever. Unfortunately this is how we socialize and I have been trying to do better and find other ways to get out with them that does not always involve stuffing faces. It is not always that people want you to fail I think sometimes it is just that they are not going to help you reach your goals.

tenax

the one thing that bugs me about biggest loser is the food challenges with bad stuff. i know why they do it, but...

amykingsley1

Just wanted to jump in an support the OP here.... I have had some nasty comments given to me in the form of jokes. Most recently:

"Look at how skinny you're getting! You're too skinny! It's making you look old... there, maybe now you'll eat something!"

It's so passive aggressive and mean... and it makes me want to say "Yeah? your looking awfully fat today!" These jokes are always given to me by friends who haven't lost any weight.

When I went vegetarian, a ton of people asked me "Why? What's wrong with you?" If I complain about being cold (and I've always been one to complain about being cold, even when I was heavy) it's, "you're too skinny, go eat some meat." If I'm grumpy about something, it's, "you're too *****y you need to eat." Really, because I never complained or *****ed before I lost weight?

People can and will find ways to tear you down if you are succeeding and they aren't.

Lemonaiding

It seems to me that some people (and I'm saying "some" to be nice) actually want you to fail. Maybe not even on a conscious level. It's like they have some sort of deep-seeded desire to see others not accomplish what they want to. I don't get it. Maybe they'll feel better about themselves in some way if you fail at your accomplishments.

...

This isn't helpful. I think you are trying to be helpful, and I commend you for that. I get where you are coming from. I think you are trying to give yourself and us a pep talk, a cautionary tale to help us in our weight loss journey. But this approach is not helpful to me.

Other people's motives are none of my business. Seriously. That is a futile mind game that leads to misunderstanding, resentment and emotional exhaustion. Trying to figure out why someone else does something is a losing game. I've been there. And I've kicked that habit.

Furthermore, it doesn't matter whether people want me to fail. Truly it doesn't. It matters whether I want to fail. Sure, support from friends and family is important. I don't discount that. I even enjoy support from co-workers and acquaintances when it's given. But if my weight loss journey is dependent on the support of people on my social periphery, I am in trouble. This isn't a journey I started with anyone else. Why should they be part of it? No one *owes* me any support. No one has to agree with my food choices. They are free to eat - and offer me - anything they want.

The thing about changing behavior, eating healthy, making different choices - those are my decisions. I own that stuff. My wife is incredibly supportive of me. But you know how many times she has entered my calories into MFP? Zero times. Her support feels good. And it helps. But my decisions cannot be *dependent* on that support.

I encourage you and anyone else here to quit worrying about other people's motives. They do not matter. If someone offers me a donut, I can look at that as simply someone offering me a crispy, doughy, delicious, lip-smacking ball of non-denominational heaven. That person is not a saboteur. That person is someone with a donut to share. Not only is it destructive and energy-sapping to assume someone is out to destroy my diet, but it is self-centered to believe someone would go to the effort to see me fail. I repeat: other people's motives are none of my business. And how would one donut be failure anyway? Who cares if I have a donut. Or a pie. Or a cake. If it fits into my calorie goals - even if it fits into my goals for the week - I don't see that as a failure.

Last point: There is no single decision we can make that will mean failure on a diet. None. You simply cannot FAIL in one sitting. You can eat a lot. You can go over your calories for the day. You can even make yourself sick. But you cannot fail your entire diet plan in one sitting. Stop giving each decision so much power.

Articulate and eloquent. I agree wholeheartedly.

fteale

I don't really know anyone fat so I can't say I have experienced this at all.