Another baby?

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TXBelle1174
TXBelle1174 Posts: 615 Member
in Chit-Chat
I know I shouldnt be asking this question from a bunch of people on a forum that I do not know but I dont know who else to ask. My husband (who is 5 years younger than me) wants me to have another child. I am 37 years old and I have two children already. My daughter is from my first marriage and my husband and I have an almost two year old. I love my kids, they are wonderful. My husband is a HUGE help around the house. We make all right money - we are not rich and we are not poor - just average middle of the road type folks. We are just average folks. I am trying to lose weight which will NOT happen if I get pregnant again. Plus, I am really scared to have a child at my age. Hell, I'll be 50 when the kid is 13. There are so many more risks associated with having a child over 35 that it just really scares me. I always said I didnt want anymore kids but he is very persistent and its not that I hate the idea, it's just that I was looking forward to no more diapers and being able to do some things for me. I know, I am super selfish but let's face it, when you have a baby, your world revolves around the baby. I dont know what to do. He says he is happy with our family the way it is but I feel like if that were the truth, he wouldnt keep asking me about it.
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Replies

  • MayMaydoesntrun
    MayMaydoesntrun Posts: 805 Member
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    I have a 20 year old, and a 6 year old. I'm 44. It's all good. My little one is absolutely a delight! Wouldn't trade him for the world. And no, he wasn't planned...:smile:

    I guess what I'm saying, it won't be the end of the world if you have another child. So what if you get fat? You'll have a wonderful baby, and you'll lose the weight.
  • CJK1959
    CJK1959 Posts: 279 Member
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    Wow...that's a tough one. I can certainly understand your reservations, and there are a lot more risks as you move above 35. But, I think you're gonna have to look inside yourself and do some soul searching to make your decision. Kids are wonderful, but they do take all your time. On the other hand, you already have a two year old, so it's not like your kids are almost out of the house and you'd be starting over. Sit down and really have a very honest, very open conversation with your husband about your fears, what's holding you back, the pros and cons and then make your decision together. Maybe he's feeling the grip of mid life and thinks a baby will keep him young...who knows? I know that this is probably not much help, but it's my two cents. Good luck!
  • BGabbart
    BGabbart Posts: 173 Member
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    sit down and talk to him, tell him how you feel, listen to his reason and than make decision. God bless.
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
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    I think that no matter what advice you get, that ultimately you have to make the decision based on what is right for you and your family.

    That being said, I had my last child at 36. I had a healthy pregnancy and birth with no complications other than.gestational diabtes but that was controlled with diet and exercise. I have no regrets. My little girl is amazing!

    Good luck to you.
  • debloves2ride
    debloves2ride Posts: 386
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    maybe make an appointment with your OB/GYN and bring your husband along with you. You can discuss the pros and cons then make your decision. I have several friends in their 50's that have teens and even younger, they love it. Found they have more patience and understanding this time around. You have to do what is best for your health, but you need to take your husband into consideration also. Good luck with this one -
  • italianissima
    italianissima Posts: 140 Member
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    Hi,

    I think aside from getting fatter, or being older- you should think about all of the other things that are involved with having a baby. Like you mentioned, there are diapers, etc. involved. I think you should do a little soul searching and think about it a little more- regardless of the pressure from your hubby.

    If babies make you happy, go for it!
  • Shweedog
    Shweedog Posts: 883 Member
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    Is the child you have with your now husband a girl? Could he possibly want a son to carry on his name? If this is the case I would be very sensitive to his feelings, however, he also needs to realize that it's a 50/50 shot and another girl could be produced. If it's a girl would he still want to have another kiddo? Either way, the decision is a very sensitive and personal one. Good luck hun!!!
  • poisongirl6485
    poisongirl6485 Posts: 1,487 Member
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    The older you get, the riskier being pregnant becomes. I'm only 26 with 2 kids, and I know that I'm done (save for some type of 'oops' situation). I know that I wouldn't want to chase around another little one if I were 10 years older!
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
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    If you're worried about health risks, maybe you can adopt? There are plenty of children that need homes =)
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
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    Get a goldfish and be done with it.
  • TripleJ3
    TripleJ3 Posts: 945 Member
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    My Husband and I have three daughters. My youngest is two. We are sort of struggling with this, too. I will be 34 in December but I feel if we are going to have another we need to decide before I have to start taking all those test and worrying about the risks.
    We both would like another but.....the same reasons you list although money is a thought. We are neither rich nor poor either, but we finally have gotten to a comfortable point where we don't have to worry as much. I just got an SUV this summer that fits 5, not 6. We thought the decision was made for us recently but turned out it wasn't so now its really on our minds. We didn't realize how much we both liked the idea of another baby.

    I do know that if we have another, I wouldn't regret it for a second. I picture my 70-80 year old self saying Oh just do it and quit thinking so hard about it. You will manage. But I am kind of liking the idea of some future kid-free trips we are planning. Definitely a decision to think about!

    Although I do like the idea that I would have MFP and hopefully would not gain 60lbs again!!
  • poisongirl6485
    poisongirl6485 Posts: 1,487 Member
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    Get a goldfish and be done with it.

    What a helpful answer.
  • Gee45
    Gee45 Posts: 171
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    Will you ever regret not having another child? Will you ever regret having the child once it's born?
    You can use myfitnesspal while pregnant to keep the weight in control. If your child was closer to ten and you felt that way, it might be different. But with an almost two year old, it isn't so bad to go through the diaper thing again.

    But it's a personal thing. Do some soul searching and get some advice from your doctor. There are so many people having babies in their thirties and forties these days.
  • mleoni092708
    mleoni092708 Posts: 629 Member
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    This is tough. I agree with prior posters-discuss risks with dr and your husband, tell your husband about your reservations, and do some soul searching of your own. Trust your instincts. My mom's friend was 38 when she had her daughter and wasn't sure about getting pregnant. I know she's very glad she had her and doesn't regret it at all. Best wishes.
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
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    My advice would be to sit down and have an open, honest discussion about it. You let him know all of your thoughts, good and bad, about having another baby. Listen to his thoughts, reasons. It is true, life will revolve around the baby and it shouldn't be a flippant decision.
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
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    The older you get, the riskier being pregnant becomes. I'm only 26 with 2 kids, and I know that I'm done (save for some type of 'oops' situation). I know that I wouldn't want to chase around another little one if I were 10 years older!

    My oldest and youngest are 14 years apart. I have just as much energy chasing around my baby as I did my first. Although I have more patience now, and know what I am doing.
  • CLC900709
    CLC900709 Posts: 49 Member
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    Maybe look into adoption of an older child? You wouldn't put on the weight, or have to deal with diapers...I wouldn't want to have a kid after 35 either because of all the risks involved. But adoption could be a meet in the middle type deal, IF you are up for another child. If not just have a talk with him and let him know you really don't want another child.
    Good luck with whatever decision you make! :)
  • vwghiafreak
    vwghiafreak Posts: 15 Member
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    It's really a decision you and your hubby need to make. However, you are only 37. Yes, there are risks, but I have a friend with her preggo with her 4th (baby was/is a surprise blessing) and your age, and she is so thrilled. Personally, I would love another. I believe children and a gift, and who else is gonna look after you when you get old? ;) Again, you and your husband need to really sit down and have a heart to heart. Perhaps even try for a couple months, and then if you don't, well, know God has closed the door and there is your answer! :) Anyway, good luck in whatever you choose. :)
  • MrsPeavley
    MrsPeavley Posts: 143 Member
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    Im 23 and I have a 6 month old brother!
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    Personally, i believe the decision is ultimately up to the childbearer. i feel it is extremely important that you listen to your heart and your body when it comes to conception. I also feel that if you have a child before you are ready, or without being completely in favour of conceiving, the child will bear some of the consequence of your decision and will feel the tension as a result.

    Young children are naturally self-centered and tend to feel their existence is responsible for any negativity that comes about as it is. In this case, there would be some truth to that and there's a chance the child may eventually suffer from psychological issues as a result. This isn't just about having sex and adding another carseat in the family sedan. This is an extremely important decision. Please don't take it lightly.

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