Another baby?

Options
2

Replies

  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Options
    What are you asking us? For reasons not to have another child? Reasons TO have another child? Reasons why you shouldn't have another child unless both parents 100% want one?

    Maybe I need more coffee...
  • TXBelle1174
    TXBelle1174 Posts: 615 Member
    Options
    Thanks everyone for the advice. My daughter is a girl and I have a 20 month old son. Both of them are great. We have been so blessed to have healthy, happy kids and sometimes I feel like we should count our blessings and not push our luck. When I was preggo with my son, I had a hemorrhage and almost lost him. I got put on bed rest and had to quit my job. At that time my husband was making really good money. Now, my husband has his dream job BUT the salary is about $15K less a year. I didnt have to work then. I do have to work now. So if something happened and I had to quit, I dont know how we would make it financially. We also just bought a car earlier this year. It fits 4 people comfortably - that includes a booster seat and a car seat. I am not sure we could fit another baby seat back there! There is so much to think about besides just the medical aspect of things. I appreciate all of YOUR thoughts!
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
    Options
    Get a goldfish and be done with it.

    What a helpful answer.

    Glad I could help.
  • TXBelle1174
    TXBelle1174 Posts: 615 Member
    Options
    What are you asking us? For reasons not to have another child? Reasons TO have another child? Reasons why you shouldn't have another child unless both parents 100% want one?

    Maybe I need more coffee...

    I guess I didnt really put a question in there.. I am looking for advice, thoughts on the subject.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    I'm torn on this whole topic.... I'm divorced, 34, and have a 5 year old. Am I done with my uterus? Not really sure... Only you'll know if it's right for you or not, but it's a very hard decision! Hang in there.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    Options
    OMG...please don't consider yourself selfish at all! That's a HUGE thing to do, and with the higher risks associated with your age, it can potentially be a big lifestyle change for you both.
    If you aren't positive you want another one at this point in your life...by all means, don't do it. Having one you don't want just because he wants it could cause issues with your marriage. I'd sit down with him and discuss all of the pros vs. cons and your concerns before you make any decisions about something so big.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    Get a goldfish and be done with it.

    Puppies may be even worse than children... Can't diaper that *kitten*. :grumble:
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    Options
    I don't consider it selfish to not want another baby. They ARE a lot of work and they do take up a lot of time. I'd rather be drinking than taking care of a baby, and that's why I don't have any more!
  • glockster972
    glockster972 Posts: 704 Member
    Options
    Get a goldfish and be done with it.

    Puppies may be even worse than children... Can't diaper that *kitten*. :grumble:

    True. But puppies don't talk back.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    Options
    What are you asking us? For reasons not to have another child? Reasons TO have another child? Reasons why you shouldn't have another child unless both parents 100% want one?

    Maybe I need more coffee...

    Children are forever, you should be sure if you BOTH want one before getting pregnant.
  • apeecaleb
    apeecaleb Posts: 58 Member
    Options
    I know risks go up after a certain age but there is risk at any age! So many woman are having babies into their 40's and are doing just fine. I told myself that I would have all my children by 30 but didn't get married until I was 27 so that put a slight bump in my plans and I am okay with that now.. I have two boys as of now and want a third and maybe a fourth one down the road.. As far as the weight issue, I think you'll be fine. Do what you can now to loose what you want and maintain your calorie goal and add on the extra amount you would when you pregnant. I don't consider myself dieting but living the way I should have been from the begining. I am going to calorie count during my pregnancies but add on the extra calories you need for the baby as I am while I am breastfeeding right now.
    So if this is something you truely desire.... just be as smart as you can about it and I think you'll be just fine!
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    Get a goldfish and be done with it.

    Puppies may be even worse than children... Can't diaper that *kitten*. :grumble:

    True. But puppies don't talk back.

    And they don't require name brand clothing, college funds... hrmmm... yeah, I AM done with my uterus.
  • Bankman1989
    Bankman1989 Posts: 1,116 Member
    Options
    I know I shouldnt be asking this question from a bunch of people on a forum that I do not know but I dont know who else to ask. My husband (who is 5 years younger than me) wants me to have another child. I am 37 years old and I have two children already. My daughter is from my first marriage and my husband and I have an almost two year old. I love my kids, they are wonderful. My husband is a HUGE help around the house. We make all right money - we are not rich and we are not poor - just average middle of the road type folks. We are just average folks. I am trying to lose weight which will NOT happen if I get pregnant again. Plus, I am really scared to have a child at my age. Hell, I'll be 50 when the kid is 13. There are so many more risks associated with having a child over 35 that it just really scares me. I always said I didnt want anymore kids but he is very persistent and its not that I hate the idea, it's just that I was looking forward to no more diapers and being able to do some things for me. I know, I am super selfish but let's face it, when you have a baby, your world revolves around the baby. I dont know what to do. He says he is happy with our family the way it is but I feel like if that were the truth, he wouldnt keep asking me about it.

    1) If you have to ask..then you probably SHOULDN'T
    2) 50 isn't old if you take care of yourself. Maybe getting in shape to ensure you are living a healthier lifestyle is your first option for both you and your husband.
    3) If you have to ask then you probably SHOULDN'T
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Options
    Tell your husband, "Let's make a deal. What's it gonna take to get you to stop pressuring me about having another child? I don't want another one. We're not the Duggers, babe." You'd be surprised what you can get away with by offering grilled cheese sandwiches and sex.:wink:
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    Options
    Get a goldfish and be done with it.

    Puppies may be even worse than children... Can't diaper that *kitten*. :grumble:

    True. But puppies don't talk back.

    Mine most certainly does talk back, but it is in dog language without a wagging finger, bobbing head, or eyes rolling.
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
    Options
    Is the child you have with your now husband a girl? Could he possibly want a son to carry on his name? If this is the case I would be very sensitive to his feelings, however, he also needs to realize that it's a 50/50 shot and another girl could be produced. If it's a girl would he still want to have another kiddo? Either way, the decision is a very sensitive and personal one. Good luck hun!!!

    this response tripped me out! i wouldn't care if my husband wanted to carry on his name or not - i'm the one that has to push out a baby! (no kids here, by the way)
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
    Options
    You're not super selfish, you are practical, and that's wise.

    It's hard, because if you want another baby, you WANT ANOTHER BABY (trust me, I know, I WANT one, but DH is done!). But, IMO, the person who doesn't want the baby wins. It's that important. Having a baby changes the status quo to SUCH a huge degree that the person who doesn't want the baby, their want just weighs more. It's fair to the relationship, AND it's fair to the baby.

    *I don't think a baby at your age is unreasonable, but that depends entirely on YOUR wants! A baby for a 37 yo isn't horrible, but a baby for someone who doesn't want a baby... well, that's kind of a pickle!

    Don't sub a dog, unless you all happen to really want a dog. LOL

    eta: No way is "carry on the name" a worthwhile worry for me. Perhaps because of my position as mom to 3 GIRLS, aunt to 3 GIRLS, with "no one to carry on" my DH's name. He never even thought to care about this. One, he remembers the blessings he has, it's wonderful to have girls. And two, you're no more assured to "carry on a name" with a boy than girl. It's 2011 now, any of these girls could go it alone, not take their husband's name, etc. And if we produce a boy with that pressure, so what? He's not obligated to have a grandchild for you.
  • supertracylynn
    supertracylynn Posts: 1,338 Member
    Options
    I'm 26 and had a tubal ligation after I'd maintained my general goal weight for 2 years... The procedure is something I'd been asking for for the last 2 years and finally did it knowing it was the right choice for ME even though I know my hub wants more.

    Hello Adoption and Fostering! Yay for opening up our home and helping other children!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    Options
    Get a goldfish and be done with it.

    Puppies may be even worse than children... Can't diaper that *kitten*. :grumble:

    True. But puppies don't talk back.

    Mine most certainly does talk back, but it is in dog language without a wagging finger, bobbing head, or eyes rolling.

    At least you can leave the puppy home alone if you want to go to the bar :drinker:
  • MzMiller1215
    MzMiller1215 Posts: 633 Member
    Options
    I say go with your gut. I will be 35 next month and we decided to have another baby 2 years ago after already having 3 other boys who at the time were 14, 13 and 8. I regret doing it all over again because my children were pretty independent and we were managing our expenses pretty well. Now, it's back to square one. Yes, he is a blessing and all but, if I had to do it over, I probably wouldn't have made that decision.

    My advice is, go with what YOU want to do. YOU are the one who has to carry the baby, labor and deliver the baby. And you make a good point about being 50 and having a 13 yr old. At some point you will want to enjoy less responsibility before you die. Just my opinion, of course. :smile:

Categories