divorce and dating

RyonsLions2

He's been unhappy for a couple of years. Ive always said I wanted to work on things and change. I know I'm not perfect and I could use some improvment within the marriage. But he blames me for everything. I think thats why I hate him right now. Even though I really wasn't happy I took responsiblity for my actions and wanted him to do the same. I just wanted to say that we tried everything we could to save the marriage. I really thought that we would be able to get through anything. But he says its too late. Ill have to accpet that. Yes it hurts. But my worst break down has go to be better than fighting with him. Right? But truthfully I do want him to be happy. He works hard and is a good father. But anyways, he filed.

I wasn't saying I was ready to date now. NO WAY! I was just wondering how long it took people to get back out there. I think thats what Im most afraid of- not finding someone else. The unknown sucks!

Really try to watch this movie with him. Show him my posts... I really would love to try to help you for you both and mostly the kids. It is so hard on them. Watch Fire Proof together. It is a wonderful movie about a marriage that was almost over.

not meaning to thread-jack but we both watched that movie together and it didn't help. Our divorce will be final in January

I wish I could change things for you and see you guys all healed up. Divorce is just not worth it when there are kids involved. I know from my own unfortunate experience. I've been divorced from my ex that I had 4 kids with now for 7 years and my kids STILL wish we would have stayed together. They STILL hurt from it even though they know it was not their fault. You both need to talk about this before it's completely too late. Or anyone else that is going through this. The kids are all that matter until they are grown. (coming from the voice of experience)

nolachick

My first thought is (because of what you wrote): you need some alone time to be happy with yourself first.... don't worry about the retirement home yet ;-) But the "need" to be coupled rather than alone is a scary place in my opinion. Get happy with you, the alone you, before getting into any dating scenario.

completely agree. i was never married or lived with anyone but i'm only 25 and have been in a relationship for the past 10 yrs (since I was 15) never single for very long (2 serious boyfriends) and I felt just the way you did. scared and wanting someone there. however, a year later , i'm very happy with myself and everything i've accomplished on my own! I don't feel the need to have anyone anymore which is quite liberating, you'll love yourself 10x more for it. that's not to say if someone good comes around I will push them away, but in the mean time, i'm enjoying my "me" time good luck!

Phoenix24601

Thanks for the movie suggestion but theres no way he would watch that. I know exactly what hed say... it's a movie! But I still might watch it : )

You should watch it, and if you still want to make the marraige work at all you could do the love dare for him. Its the book from the movie, but not the novel. I did it on my fiance and our relationship is getting stronger. Just a suggestion.

PeachyKeene

I believe you don't need to take marriage, dating, divorce or life in general advice from anyone on any forum. Do what is in your heart. First off I stayed with my husband for the kids, and that isn't always right. Especially, if you are fighting and can't work it out. Me and my husband have tried and tried. It just isn't gonna work and my kids hate him, and that is wrong. It would have been so much better to keep things civil separate than to stay together in torment.

sexychick76

I believe you don't need to take marriage, dating, divorce or life in general advice from anyone on any forum. Do what is in your heart. First off I stayed with my husband for the kids, and that isn't always right. Especially, if you are fighting and can't work it out. Me and my husband have tried and tried. It just isn't gonna work and my kids hate him, and that is wrong. It would have been so much better to keep things civil separate than to stay together in torment.

peachy im doing exactly the same as you babe im still here for the kids n i dont know how to get out lol

running_mom

I do have to say we tried to go to a marriage counselor. As soon as my husband heard there will be things he has to change and accept. He bailed. Like I said before I know I'm not perfect. And neither is he. I just feel that separating instead of divorce will give me a false hope. Besides, we were in the process of moving. So he gets the new house. I cant afford the one we are in now so I'm looking for a new place. Besides how can we work on things together if we are not in the same house. My husband works 12 hours on a swing shift. He's barely home. Plus he gets sent out of town quite a bit. We have plenty of time apart from each other.

I really believe that people grow and change. Sometimes your significant other will grow and change and still love you and sometimes they wont!

juliecat1

My first thought is (because of what you wrote): you need some alone time to be happy with yourself first.... don't worry about the retirement home yet ;-) But the "need" to be coupled rather than alone is a scary place in my opinion. Get happy with you, the alone you, before getting into any dating scenario.

Unless it's just for sex, and then, game on ;-P

This one thousand percent. Youre here working on you - take the work a few steps further. Maybe get some counseling for yourself. Find some new friends.... shake things up entirely.
Also, if youre worried about who hes picking up - then you arent ready to venture out yourself. :flowerforyou:

sunkisses

I really believe that people grow and change. Sometimes your significant other will grow and change and still love you and sometimes they wont!

Aw your head's in the right place. You're going to move on just fine. Don't start dating until it actually seems enticing to you, and don't ever take it seriously. You need to be able to understand who you are as an individual from as many perspectives as possible. I guess what I'm saying is, try to get a crush on yourself. Obsess, get into you. If you come across someone along the way, there's nothing wrong with having fun, but try not to envision that relationship any further than the present and enjoy it for whatever it is. Well - that's what helps me anyway. Maybe you'll get somethin' out of it. Good luck to you.

MisterDubs303

...Don't start dating until it actually seems enticing to you, and don't ever take it seriously. You need to be able to understand who you are as an individual from as many perspectives as possible... there's nothing wrong with having fun, but try not to envision that relationship any further than the present and enjoy it for whatever it is. Well - that's what helps me anyway. Maybe you'll get somethin' out of it. Good luck to you.

I've avoided dating for the decade+ since my divorce, in part, because I take the whole thing very seriously and get all caught up in my insecurities. I really like this perspective, and will try to adopt it for myself. It might allow me to chill a little bit. Thanks.

Deathwithab

it took me a year to date again after my divorce, it just depends on the person .