Awesome Drunk Stories...

PlanetVelma

I lived with my dad in HS, he was a typical cowboy bar fly/brawler. His favorite thing to do on a Fri/Sat night was to get drunk, get laid and get in a fight (not necessairly in that order). As long as those were accomplished at some point during the weekend he considered it a successful weekend. I have a TON of stories of my dad and his drunken antics. This is my favorite one.... My dad was 46, approx 2-3 months before he passed away.

Once upon a time....I woke up one Sat morning and opened the front door to have my usual cup of coffee on the front "patio". It wasn't a REAL patio, my dad had got some used patio furniture and placed it under this huge pine tree in our front yard.

Anyhow, our neighbor from down the street (Leroy) was this very nice elderly man (70+). He lived w/ his daughter and son in law. That particular AM his truck was parked in our driveway. My dad's cowboy hat, cigarettes, lighter, etc...were scattered through the yard and driveway. I figured my dad caught a ride from Leroy and went *kitten* over tea-kettle in the driveway.

My dad wakes up about a half hour later, pours a cup of coffee and as he sits down next to me asks "What the hell is Leroy's truck doing here?" (Really, Dad?) So I told my dad I had no clue, that I woke up and it was there in the driveway! So my dad started "backtracking" and remembered that he bought Leroy a draught Bud Light @ the local bar and they had shared a few pitchers, blah, blah, blah....

Not long after my dad finished his backtracking I look down the street and I see poor ol' man Leroy standing on the sidewalk looking for his dam truck, walking across the street and scratching his head. My dad had to walk over there and tell him that he left the truck at our house.

It took them both about 45 minutes to put all the pieces together and figure out wtf happened the night before.

Apparently once they had closed the bar down, Leroy gave my dad a ride home - I suspect my dad invited him in for another beer (or 6) and when Leroy was ready to go home....he forgot he DROVE to the house from the bar. So he walked home (which was 3 houses down).

Needless to say, Leroy wasn't allowed to hang out with my dad after that. LOL

Good times!

malloriewebb

I shat and puked everywhere simultaneously.

audigal2008

bump to read later lol!!

msbrowneyes85

I was at a party playing my 4th game of beer pong (after already playing 3 man and fish bowl) I had to pee so went upstairs where my roommate/bestfriend was talking to this guy who was telling her how he had millions of dollars and was an emt and kept checking his phone to make sure there wasnt an emergency (eye roll) so i went to go talk to her and he proceeded to tell me how awesome he thought he was. We get this bright idea to mess with this guy so we took him upstairs into a bedroom made out with him and told him to get naked while we went into the bathroom to get undressed, we ran outside barefoot in the snow and left the party... the next day at work my friend jason asked me if I went upstairs with him, he said some people at the party caught him butt a** naked (lets just say having fun with himself :laugh:) I thought he was joking until i asked my roommate. I denied the whole story of course hey if I cant remember it then it didnt happen...right???

lizgreenhill

My husband and a buddy of his were drinking crown royal and crown royal black along with jager bombs and a few other random drinks. He said he was sh*tfaced and to take him home. so we get home and hes staggering around the house to try to find the bedroom. Finally 10 mins later he makes his way to the bedroom sits down and says crap i gotta pee now so trying to get him he trips over a cord and falls and hits his ear on the corner of the way (which is still actually bruised) so he was so ticked that he fell he punished himself by running his head under hot water. I said honey arent you burning yourself he says no i cant even feel it i deserve to be burned. so i told him to come to bed so he makes his way back to the bedroom. as we walk in the door he looks up at a picture of a bull ( we have hanging in our room) and says "stand back baby i got him he wont hurt you" (referring to the bull) whips out his gun and tries to aim steadily at the bull pic i said what the hell are you doing he said im going to kill the bull so he doesnt eat us in our sleep. i then pulled his gun away from him and he passed out. next day had no recolection of the night. i thought it was hilarious.

dandrews010

I was at a party playing my 4th game of beer pong (after already playing 3 man and fish bowl) I had to pee so went upstairs where my roommate/bestfriend was talking to this guy who was telling her how he had millions of dollars and was an emt and kept checking his phone to make sure there wasnt an emergency (eye roll) so i went to go talk to her and he proceeded to tell me how awesome he thought he was. We get this bright idea to mess with this guy so we took him upstairs into a bedroom made out with him and told him to get naked while we went into the bathroom to get undressed, we ran outside barefoot in the snow and left the party... the next day at work my friend jason asked me if I went upstairs with him, he said some people at the party caught him butt a** naked (lets just say having fun with himself :laugh:) I thought he was joking until i asked my roommate. I denied the whole story of course hey if I cant remember it then it didnt happen...right???

Those are the rules!

CannibalisticVegetarian

While in college, a few friends and I decided to hit up a local fraternity house ..y'know.. to kinda keep the ball rolling after spending the last half-hour funneling beers back to back. We arrived and things were going...well normally I guess. There was dancing and all of that until I arrived in one of the rooms to find a friend of mines standing on the table---butt naked. I calmly tried to talk her down, only to have her reassure me that this was a common deal for her. I shrugged it off, but her boyfriend (who was present) was pretty upset.

Needless to say, my drunk tush was slightly embarrassed by the way they acted.. though now that I look back on it, I'm not sure why. In any case, I decided to leave.. without saying anything to the people I arrived with. Campus was only a block away, but the road was pitch dark, and I'd arrived at the frat house without a jacket (it was about 40 something degrees out), and a pair of house shoes (Heck it was a frat house, not the Ritz!). I stagger back on campus where I find my friend who worked in a freshman dorm at that time. The look on her face when I swung open the doors and schlepped my way inside was priceless. she graciously allowed me to sleep in the lobby until she got off at 5 a.m. and would then drop me off at my dorm.......

.Buuut the plans changed when halfway through, I awoke to two guys lifting me up and dragging me down the freshman stairs while MY friend protested. Apparently when I didn't come back to the dorm where I reside and when the people I'd left at the frat house returned home looking for me, it set off red flags for some other friends.. and so went a search party to find me. in any case, the entire next day, I had people knocking on my door and asking if I were alright.

krissagirl0709

Ugh my 21st birthday had a hotel and was pretty drunk...was making up dance moves it was fun and they decided to film me..which I didnt care because I was having fun...went to the pool around midnight, let my birth mom who was living with me at the time come with..(it was my first bday she was at since i was little)..and I thought it would be good to get to know her. She got to know my best guy friend a little too well as I was blurry eyed looking at her sitting on his lap in the hot tub..later I find out she was also alone with him for about 2 hours in the night..Right before I passed out my sons dad started yelling at me that he was leaving and not coming back..i was like whatever because I was sick of the drama so I just passed out. then I woke up to him yelling at the top of his voice at 4am so got tons of complaints since he wouldnt stop and i couldnt stop him...then at 5am got a phone call from my birthmom since she was in jail...and i was mad at her because of the night before but also because tons of our stuff went missing and she was the first one we thought of since she has went to prison for alot of shoplifting...

i guess this wasnt awesome...but its a drunk story lol and the last one i had..

Tegan74

Highlights:

I was at a bar with 2 levels to it, we were down stairs and in order to leave had to go upstairs. I refused. They insisted that I HAD TO, there was no other way out. I informed them that because of fire reg's there was so another exit, and they had to 'find it'. They finally convinced me to walk up the stairs and in the process we all almost fell down the stairs cause my friend had been given tequila, which turned her into a man hating b**** and she thought a guy had touched her. The bouncer sitting at the top of the stairs was laughing so hard he was crying.

Me an 2 of my friends were at ones apt drinking for a b'day. The b'day girl decided she needed a cake, but we were all to drunk to drive (my now ex husband was there as well) so we were going to walk. As we are walking out of the apt complex I'm going on and on about being arrested for being drunk in public, they were ignoring me. Right up til they saw a cop car. They turned around and we started walking back toward the apt as the cop pulls up beside us. He asked if we were ok or if we were 'just out walking' we assured him we were fine, he drove off, we ran into the apt, all 3 tackled my now ex having fits about how the cops were after us and we were going to jail an he had to hide us. By the time he convinced us to let him look out the window, there was no cop. To this day he thinks we were full of it. He and the soberest of the 3 of us (not me) went to the store (he was stone cold sober) and got a cake. They made it 'anatomically' correct using icing and a candle. A candle that would not go out and stay out. Trying to get the candle to go out: The b'day girl caught her hair on fire (flash fire, got mostly dead ends) spit on the candle, and I threw water on it (we'd been drinking clear rum. nobody saw me get water, they thought it was rum. they all screamed no as I threw it). We were making drinks with real strawberries. When it was my turn my now ex tried to get the knife away from me. The blade was at least 6 inches long. I whirled around and holding my knife up informed him that I could cut the strawberries. The b'day girl was sitting on her kitchen table, poking her legs saying she was numb. I hauled off and hit her as hard as I could. When she doubled over going OUCH ~ I chewed her out for lying about being numb. Poor girl had a bruise in the shape of my hand the next day. We had a cake fight. There was cake on her ceiling!! They called the maintance service at around 2 am cause the other girl was sleeping with the one that was on call and wanted to see him.

At the last co Christmas party I went to I got so drunk I couldnt walk without holding on to someone. They were doing 'dirty santa' and I insisted my SO pick a certain present. On the way home I was telling him how to drive as proof that I would have been fine to drive (uh no) When we got home I walked in and started stripping as I went thru the house. Puked 3 times before I got to bed. When I did get to bed the room was spinning so I put one hand and one foot on the wall (that doesnt work) While I was laying there, he got sick (from listening to me) so I called poison control (just fyi they will call back the next morning) I rounded that night out by having hysterics because I was SURE I had either embarresed him at the party, or gotten him fired.

PanteraGirl

On our honeymoon in Florida we both had a bit too much to drink and went out to smoke. My husband then said..."If you're going to get in the car, you better do it now!". I was like OK and so when we got in he informed me that we were gonna dine and ditch and we squeeled out of the lot only to park our rental car around the corner at our hotel. We thought we were so smart to dine and ditch at the restaurant a half block away from this sushi joint LOL. We are standing in the lobby drunk as shiii* and the japanese waiter taps me on the shoulder and informs me we will pay now or he will call the cops. My husband bolts over the pool fence (which makes me die laughing now cause he carries himself with so much respect 98% of the time and here he is bolting over a pool fence). Me not so clever, yet not holding our credit card was taken hostage at the restaurant untill he came back to get me with his tail between his legs and pay the damn bill. Best stupid non logical drunk night of our lives LOL

This just made me cry laughing!! Oh my gosh!!! LMFAO

anhancock10

Had friends visiting from out of town, staying with us. We had all gone out earlier and gotten pretty tanked, then decided to come home and get in the pool and drink some more. My friend finally calls it, and goes in to go to bed. Her hubby went in shortly after, leaving me and hubby still in the pool. I tell him I'm going in, he says he's right behind me.

I'm inside, changed, getting ready for bed and I hear this really loud *SPLASH*. Ok, wth? I wait a minute and I hear it again *SPLASH*. I come out of my room, met friend's hubby in the hall and he's like, what's he doing out there, cannon balls??

We go outside and hubby is standing with one foot on bottom of pool, one foot on the next step. He looks up and me and says, *I can't get out." Me: "what do you mean you can't get out" Him: *weaving and wobbling, says with a plea in his voice* "I can't get out of the pool. I tried twice and fell back in. Yea, so me and the friend haul his butt out of the pool b/c apparently he didn't have enough equilibrium left to even walk up the 4 steps to get out.

Dying laughing at this )))

anhancock10

Not one of my greatest moments but here goes::::

So its my friend's 21st birthday and she rented a party bus. I brought along a gallon of captain to SHARE with everyone on the bus...so i drink a couple glasses and i run out of my chaser (diet coke). So im pretty buzzed and some girl who was next to me was like you can chase it with this...me thinking its red bull or some energy drink says ok & keep drinking. Well come to find out it was a LOCO. ohhhhh helll no. So needless to say i woke up throwing up in a bucket and they had to send me home round 1230 in a cab. Well on my way home in the cab i told the cabbie to pull over multiple times because i had to pee ....well he kept telling me "you no pee in my cab" "i no pull over" well mothertrucker guess what....PEED in your cab biotch...guess he shoulda pulled over

cessnaholly

Spring weekend Uconn 1998. There was a lot of alcohol. Something about dancing on top of garbage cans - country line dancing to Jimi Hendrix, followed by drunk emails to ex boyfriend telling him how much I hate drunks. Oops.

jadedm

Hmm... So yeah.. CANNIBALISTICVEGETARIAN! I'm about to call you out.. It was me, Her and two other of our friends decided to chill over her house one day with a huge bottle of Skyy Vodka.... At first we were just making mixed drinks.. Nothing serious.. Wasn't that bad... But then..the pineapple juice started to slowly goooo away... We decided to get really ballsy and take shots of this skyy vodka while playing a drinking game.. I wanna say it was B.S... Okay.. Now it's four of us....The sky vodka bottle was pretty huge.. Tell us why the entire bottle was empty by the end of the game...? Everything was fine while we were sitting down... But I tell you ladies and gentlemen.. When we STOOOD up! Everything went completely left field.. We couldn't walk, talk, stand or see.... I remember walking upstairs...crashing into her cabinet with all of her Mom's keepsakes in there.. I think I broke something... I remember going into her brother's room, playing with him.. and hit the floor...then I remember going to the bathroom and falling asleep on the toilet... I FELL asleep on the toilet.. a friend of their's saw me walk out the bathroom... with my pants and panties wrapped around my ankles... It's gonna be a short story..cause well, I don't remember anything else after that.. xD LMAO AIn't that a shame..? I just know I woke up in bed next to my bestfriend and well that was it... That was the soft days..

Now I can recall another time ..all of us were playing dare games and making out in the hot tub.. Let's see..-taps chin-... Then last week.. On a wed.. we were outside drinking... People I shall remain nameless..-Looks at Vegetarian- was sitting on my porch half naked..along with my sister... I remember rolling around in the yard... God forbid I rolled in dog poop... I remember me peeing on the side of the house ..(OMG I was so wasted, don't judge me) Cause I couldn't make it in! So I relied on nature to take care of me...But then my other 3 friends followed me...and did the same..That was because we mixed beer and four loko's like an idiot... then drank swedish fish pinnacle..ontop of that..

jadedm

Spring weekend Uconn 1998. There was a lot of alcohol. Something about dancing on top of garbage cans - country line dancing to Jimi Hendrix, followed by drunk emails to ex boyfriend telling him how much I hate drunks. Oops.

xDD LMO! Country Line Dancing to Jimi!? Omg, that had to be hilarious..

shedoos

I am LMFAO... this is the best thread... well except for the Towel Tuesday thread of course.

Thanks to the OP for the idea!

jadedm

Not one of my greatest moments but here goes::::

So its my friend's 21st birthday and she rented a party bus. I brought along a gallon of captain to SHARE with everyone on the bus...so i drink a couple glasses and i run out of my chaser (diet coke). So im pretty buzzed and some girl who was next to me was like you can chase it with this...me thinking its red bull or some energy drink says ok & keep drinking. Well come to find out it was a LOCO. ohhhhh helll no. So needless to say i woke up throwing up in a bucket and they had to send me home round 1230 in a cab. Well on my way home in the cab i told the cabbie to pull over multiple times because i had to pee ....well he kept telling me "you no pee in my cab" "i no pull over" well mothertrucker guess what....PEED in your cab biotch...guess he shoulda pulled over

LOL! He was trying to get his full fare in! Now he has to deal with cleaning up piss, that's what he gets for being greedy!

CannibalisticVegetarian

Now I can recall another time ..all of us were playing dare games and making out in the hot tub.. Let's see..-taps chin-... Then last week.. On a wed.. we were outside drinking... People I shall remain nameless..-Looks at Vegetarian- was sitting on my porch half naked..along with my sister... I remember rolling around in the yard... God forbid I rolled in dog poop... I remember me peeing on the side of the house ..(OMG I was so wasted, don't judge me) Cause I couldn't make it in! So I relied on nature to take care of me...But then my other 3 friends followed me...and did the same..That was because we mixed beer and four loko's like an idiot... then drank swedish fish pinnacle..ontop of that..

Wait... you 'Played with my brother'?!---*edited* WAIT!!! You BROKE something?! What did you break!!!?
Also, I considered mentioning this story, but I decided to go for one that I could recall ALL of the details.. not just doing splits in the front yard and waking up several hours later to some monotone disembodied voice talking from the t.v. (BTW who gets drunk and turns the t.v. to the Geography channel?). ALSO, when I saw your name in the 'recent postings, I knew this was gonna be funny. XD

jadedm

Now I can recall another time ..all of us were playing dare games and making out in the hot tub.. Let's see..-taps chin-... Then last week.. On a wed.. we were outside drinking... People I shall remain nameless..-Looks at Vegetarian- was sitting on my porch half naked..along with my sister... I remember rolling around in the yard... God forbid I rolled in dog poop... I remember me peeing on the side of the house ..(OMG I was so wasted, don't judge me) Cause I couldn't make it in! So I relied on nature to take care of me...But then my other 3 friends followed me...and did the same..That was because we mixed beer and four loko's like an idiot... then drank swedish fish pinnacle..ontop of that..

Wait... you 'Played with my brother'?!---*edited* WAIT!!! You BROKE something?! What did you break!!!?
Also, I considered mentioning this story, but I decided to go for one that I could recall ALL of the details.. not just doing splits in the front yard and waking up several hours later to some monotone disembodied voice talking from the t.v. (BTW who gets drunk and turns the t.v. to the Geography channel?). ALSO, when I saw your name in the 'recent postings, I knew this was gonna be funny. XD

I don't even know who turned on my T.V.! But whoever did, They wanted to learn the best they could.. Cause me, nef and ram left while you were sleep. Maybe the kids did it.

CannibalisticVegetarian

They were asleep when I woke. In fact, they finally got up when I got out of bed to come searching for you guys downstairs. They were going on about cartoons and playing with that annoying Itsy bitsy spider toy.

i_love_vinegar

On our honeymoon in Florida we both had a bit too much to drink and went out to smoke. My husband then said..."If you're going to get in the car, you better do it now!". I was like OK and so when we got in he informed me that we were gonna dine and ditch and we squeeled out of the lot only to park our rental car around the corner at our hotel. We thought we were so smart to dine and ditch at the restaurant a half block away from this sushi joint LOL. We are standing in the lobby drunk as shiii* and the japanese waiter taps me on the shoulder and informs me we will pay now or he will call the cops. My husband bolts over the pool fence (which makes me die laughing now cause he carries himself with so much respect 98% of the time and here he is bolting over a pool fence). Me not so clever, yet not holding our credit card was taken hostage at the restaurant untill he came back to get me with his tail between his legs and pay the damn bill. Best stupid non logical drunk night of our lives LOL

So you were planning on dining and ditching the bill...are you sure your husband carries himself with respect 98% of the time? :huh:

christine24t

A few weeks ago, I grinded all night with a kid from my classes. Needless to say, it was awkward Monday morning.