Anti-Support Type of Friends

youcandoitjess

Has anyone else had to deal with friends who cannot see beyond themselves and don't support you? I'm not talking blatant non-support. I'm talking passive-aggressive, "I'm hungry, wanna go eat?" kind of friends who recognize that your weakness is food and are trying to use that against you to sabotage your weight loss.

Craig_hyde

Yup, and I know the perfect example. A friend of mine has been very supportive, offering all the right compliments etc, but whenever I see him he always asks "would you like a pizza/take-away/chinese??" Nothing against him or anything, but he knows I'm on a diet and exercise regime, but he keeps on offering. It was a bit annoying at first but easy to ignore, but now it's becoming a bit too annoying. Even asked him to stop offering as I would always turn it down.

koosdel

How dare they! That's just terrible! I would die if someone asked me to dinner!

cmriverside

Most people are only thinking of themselves. Maybe the friend was hungry.

shovav91

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. They are suddenly threatened by you and jealous of your progress, so they feel the need to do something about it. Show them what's what by sticking with your plan. Don't let them tempt you, you have the power and control in this situation. Best of luck love, I hope not all of your "friends" are like this =/

MrsCon40

I hate those jealous *****es that get hungry just to spite me - and then they go and make it worse by asking me to eat with them!

UGH!

:explode:

killagb

When in doubt, it's jealousy.

taso42

I'm freaking starving

Contrarian

People can be so cruel. I'm sorry your friend was hungry.

CeloTX

I like cake. And beer. Sometimes at the same time.

FearAnLoathing

"I'm hungry, wanna go eat?"

Would if they really are just hungry?

Rain_Howard

Yes, I have. But in more obvious ways. Have you talked to your friends and told them about your desire to be healthy and lose weight? Many times people just are not aware of how you may be feeling and are not attempting anything other than a meal together. When I quit smoking I had to tell everyone I knew that smoked to please not offer me one or smoke around me because I was quitting. They were very understanding about it.

Communication is a powerful thing.
And what is with all these a holes and the snarky, unhelpful and even rude comments.

infamousmk

Yes, I have. But in more obvious ways. Have you talked to your friends and told them about your desire to be healthy and lose weight? Many times people just are not aware of how you may be feeling and are not attempting anything other than a meal together. When I quit smoking I had to tell everyone I knew that smoked to please not offer me one or smoke around me because I was quitting. They were very understanding about it.

Communication is a powerful thing.
And what is with all these a holes and the snarky, unhelpful and even rude comments.

Nobody has to smoke. Everyone has to eat. Daily. And often people ask friends to do it with them because that's what friends typically do.

saintspoon

Unfortunately quick is often not very good for you. You can't blame your friends... fast food & take-a-way is part of normal life & most likely they think of it this way. I honestly don't think they're are really out to get you!

People need to eat & it's kinda unatural for humans to eat alone so it's normal & nice for them to think of you.

I think the better thing for you to do is find things you can eat at these places.. the problem is you not them. They have gone on with their normal lives & you're on a health kick. You can fit fast food & normally not very healthy food in your day ... learning this & how to do it is part of my success

Rain_Howard

Yes, I have. But in more obvious ways. Have you talked to your friends and told them about your desire to be healthy and lose weight? Many times people just are not aware of how you may be feeling and are not attempting anything other than a meal together. When I quit smoking I had to tell everyone I knew that smoked to please not offer me one or smoke around me because I was quitting. They were very understanding about it.

Communication is a powerful thing.
And what is with all these a holes and the snarky, unhelpful and even rude comments.

Wow, you so totally missed the point. It's not about smoking, eating, doing jumping jacks or anything else. It's about communicating with people who are supposed to be friends. If they are truly a friend they will be understanding and supportive. If not, they won't be and are probably someone you don't need in your life anyway.
Nobody has to smoke. Everyone has to eat. Daily. And often people ask friends to do it with them because that's what friends typically do.

infamousmk

Yes, I have. But in more obvious ways. Have you talked to your friends and told them about your desire to be healthy and lose weight? Many times people just are not aware of how you may be feeling and are not attempting anything other than a meal together. When I quit smoking I had to tell everyone I knew that smoked to please not offer me one or smoke around me because I was quitting. They were very understanding about it.

Communication is a powerful thing.
And what is with all these a holes and the snarky, unhelpful and even rude comments.

Nobody has to smoke. Everyone has to eat. Daily. And often people ask friends to do it with them because that's what friends typically do.

Wow, you so totally missed the point. It's not about smoking, eating, doing jumping jacks or anything else. It's about communicating with people who are supposed to be friends. If they are truly a friend they will be understanding and supportive. If not, they won't be and are probably someone you don't need in your life anyway.

If my friends stopped asking me out to eat with them because I was trying to be fit and they didn't want to tempt my weak resolve, I'd be lonely. A lonely, sad, skinny person.

IronmanPanda

Sorry I'm late in replying to this thread. I was eating lunch. :flowerforyou:

killagb

Sorry I'm late in replying to this thread. I was eating lunch. :flowerforyou:

Eating? You jerk!

StaceyL76

I have seen some supportive comments on here and some that are not. I think the take away would be that communicate with your friends about your needs AND be flexible and find things you can eat in these places they want you to go with them.

It is all about compromise.

Don't take your friends for granted. This could be an opportunity for you to learn how to make healthy choices in a less than ideal situation. Also, and opportunity for you to be an inspiration.

If you don't think you are strong enough to eat out, then maybe ask them to your place for dinner.

jill___

You can stick to your calories/goals if while going out with friends. Unless you've made it abundantly clear to your friend that you CAN'T go out and eat with them, they are probably just trying to be nice.

I don't talk about my weight loss, my goals, my calorie counting with most of my friends... they comment on my weight loss, but we don't talk specifics. I go out to the bar with friends -- I drink water or a glass of wine. I go out to pizza with friends -- I order a salad or have just one slice of pizza.

A close friend of mine showed up at my house the other day (after my fiance asked if he could bring snacks) with 2 bags of Cheetos, 3 bags of Muddy Buddy Chex Mix, a bag of chips, and an entire pizza. Did I get mad at him? Absolutely not!!! In fact, those moments help me realize that I can over come cravings for junk food -- I can focus my will power on making the healthy, smart choice.

Thomasm198

Sorry I'm late in replying to this thread. I was eating lunch. :flowerforyou:

So was I. It was delicious, I had Chilli.

CaptainGordo

ilookthetype

As a person who often can't eat with her friends because of severe food allergies I think you should be grateful and less sensitive. Your friends probably like you and want to hang out with you, stop complaining or make new friends who don't eat, like Cameron from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

lor007

Maybe you should make friends with a group of high school cheerleaders instead. In my experience they usually just consume salad and diet coke.

BigDaddyBRC

Has anyone else had to deal with friends who cannot see beyond themselves and don't support you? I'm not talking blatant non-support. I'm talking passive-aggressive, "I'm hungry, wanna go eat?" kind of friends who recognize that your weakness is food and are trying to use that against you to sabotage your weight loss.

Maybe it's their means of testing and strengthening your will power. Maybe they like your company. Maybe they are secretly out to screw you over and take over the world.

gashinshotan

Luckily I don't have those kind of friends so far.... but then again I haven't hung out much since I started MFP/running. My family always wants to eat junk but now my dad is losing weight so we're kind of competing haha. But if I do have to eat (gonna eat out tomorrow with some classmates) I always still control my calories and run hard the next day .

Qarol

What an unusual activity to engage in with your friends...this eating

CaptainGordo

What an unusual activity to engage in with your friends...this eating

Animals!

FearAnLoathing

They are all out to get you
they told me

CatchMom11

Are you sure they're trying to sabotage you? I think eating out is the most popular way for friends to get together. One of my best friends and usually go out to eat whenever we see one another. The difference between her and I up to this point is that she has been the one looking up calorie content and I view it as "I'm out to eat, I may as well enjoy it". That's the thing though... "enjoying it" is why I'm here on MFP.

Your friend may not realize that you're not disciplined enough yet to make better choices. I know I'm still working on it. Speak up and let them know that it's hard for you. If they aren't empathetic at that point, then yes, maybe they are sabotaging you.

A trick that I used when I was doing well at this (trying not to laugh at myself) is when you give the server your order, ask them to bring a box with your meal. That way when your meal is delivered, you can immediately put one half of your meal in the take home box, and there, you just cut 1/2 the calories from your meal.

What kind of phone do you have? My friend uses the "Restaurants" app on her iPhone.

k2quiere

I would be *****ing if they didn't want to include me...I control what goes in my mouth and what doesn't!