Boyfriend is sabotaging me!

boston6

My guess is that he's insecure and thinks you'll dump him once you lose the weight.

jennajava

This is the first "sabotage" post I've seen where someone has actually been force fed! Not to belittle your situation. Maybe he thinks if you lose weight, you'll leave him? Is he overweight? Does he voice opinions about wanting you to stay heavier?

jennajava

It sounds like he's being more of an immature brother than a boyfriend.

And this.

angeldelight13

Can i just say, well done you for saying no!!! Never a easy thing and must be even harder with someone trying to make you do it!!
My opinions are the same as above, try to talk to him seriously but if he wont support you then you deserve better
Good Luck x

lmelangley

I'd sit him down during a neutral time - when he's not trying to get you to eat something - and ask him if the problem is that he's only attracted to overweight women. Or, if he's scared you'll leave him if you lose the weight.

SarabellPlus3

Does he know the topic is serious to you? I come from a family where we joke, and no one takes themselves real seriously, so it's just kind of how it is. But, if something really is important to you, you SAY it, and it gets respected. So, if he's just being silly and messing around, cut him a break, and TELL him seriously how you need him to act regarding food to you. If he is "sabatoging" you on purpose, this is no relationship you want to be in as a self-respecting person. Drop him like a bad habit, if that is true.

I have the opposite problem. My boyfriend monitors what I eat constantly, and calls me names if I don't work out. He's "trying to help," but it sucks.

Last line goes for you, too!

tiggerbounce411

Hmm, sounds like he is controlling you in a secret way, or at least trying. My ex-stepfather didn't want my mom to be thin because he treated her like crap and knew if she was in shape, other men would look at her and speak to her. Needless to say, he did the EXACT same thing your BF is doing. Sounds like he isn't supportive of you trying to better yourself and I am not sure if that is ok for you, but it shouldn't be. Maybe try explaining to him seriously that he needs to either leave you alone and let you do your thing if he can't be encouraging, or something is going to have to change. If he can't understand or won't take it seriously, unfortunately that seems like a good sign of future things to come and you need to consider removing him from your life honey. I hate to say that, but he doesn't seem to care how your feelings are affected by this and the struggle you are having just to better yourself healthwise.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

I think it's a little harsh to say just to dump him. He may be totally oblivious to what you're feeling and you should at least give him a serious chance to improve before you cut him loose. He may not understand that you're hurt by his behavior. Try talking to him. It may be some of the suggestions above are true regarding his motives, and it's likely that he doesn't take your goals as seriously as you do. He might be insecure about your weight loss. But those are all things that can be worked on if he's worth it.

tiggerbounce411

I have the opposite problem. My boyfriend monitors what I eat constantly, and calls me names if I don't work out. He's "trying to help," but it sucks.

Sounds like you too need an improvement from that in your life girl. :-( Sorry to say, you need someone better, that is verbal abuse.

AMKT

I honestly think you need to ditch him. You are trying to do what's best for your body and you, and if he can't understand that, he doesn't deserve you nor does he really love you. If he loved you, he would want what's best for you.

dirtbikegirl5

What kind of person does this?
I agree wtih others. He may be totally oblivious on what he is doing, or he may think he is being funny. Or, the other is that he is jealous that once you lose weight, get in shape, you may trade him in for someone who treats you nicer.
Either way, I agree that you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about how this makes you feel. It just simply isn't right.

pepperdine

Losing weight/working out/becoming healthier can be about so much more than just the physical improvements. Many really grow as people through the process and come out on the other side almost completely different people. You improve your health and then suddenly you start improving other aspects of your life as well.

For the people in your life, this can be scary - especially when they start noticing some of these changes. I think the natural reaction of those people is to try to make it stop, for fear that you will leave them behind.

Is it immature? Yes, of course. But it's just fear. Have a serious talk with him and tell him that if he continues acting the way he does, he WILL lose you, but if he stops he at least has a shot at keeping you!!!

Good luck!

shellbell525

my fiance is sabotaging me too.... granted he doesn't force feed me anything but when my self control is wavering and he is sitting in front of me eating yummy things i break down. GOT TO STAY STRONG!

javajunkee

I can relate, except for the force feeding thing. That is just insane and shows how insecure he is. My husband brings me home cookies, brownies, cake, etc. on regular basis even though, over and over again, I tell him not to.

My hubby has a sugar/junk food addiction and I believe with him, he does not want me to make a real change because then he will feel he has to as well.

Does your bf crave junk food? Do you think it's a possibility it is not that he is trying to sabotage you, but more he wants to justify his own choices?

Just guessing....I have done the whole serious talk thing and he still doesn't care. Other than this area my husband is an awesome husband!!

Since you are not married to this guy, have a very serious talk with him. If he *truly* respects and supports you, he will stop his selfish behavior.

southerncherries25

Im kinda new to this site. I use to use myonlinediary.com Anyhow my husband is the same way and is pissed that I am losing weight. After 4 kids I figured it was me time. I weighed 212, 2 years ago and dropped to 194. Finally since July I decided to stick with it and am now at 159. I am extremely happy and report weights to my husband. He on the other hand, has told me, he thinks when I get to where I wanna be, Im gonna divorce him, lol. He is probably like my husband, scared and insecure. Thin or not tell him you got with him because you loved him, not because of his size.
Trust me, I wish my husband was on board with me, but frowns when I check nutrition labels or everytime I eat, I break out the measuring cup. He cant stand it but I honestly dont care. My husband tries to get me to eat, but has never tried to force feed me (he'd be sorry if he did lol )
I hope your talk with him gets him to understand you and where you are coming from. Good luck.

xheartbreaka

My fiance has done the same thing also. I would tell him, "I think I'll go for a run tonight." and he would say "Haha, yeah ok, I'll get in the car and follow you and laugh at you." So I had an honest talk with him, I told him I didn't need him to bring me down and the things he was saying were probably some of the most demotivational I've ever heard. He realised I was being serious and he stopped.
I do think some people will try to keep their SO fat so they don't get attention from strangers and people of the opposite sex. I don't doubt for a minute that that was his plan. He is physically disabled (car wreck at 17, shouldn't have even lived.) and I'm sure he thinks (or thought) that if I got fit someone could come sweep me off my feet.
He has stopped making those kinds of comments and he's in my corner now, he knows it's important to me and he supports me.

I wouldn't say to "leave him" right off the bat. But I definitely think having a serious talk is the first step in either resolving or finding someone else who is more supportive

tiggerbounce411

First of all I agree with the replies here, but I'm going to ask one thing: Is he fat?

yes, I'm going there.

/\..this..ya, I am standing next to this guy wondering the same thing. Ya, I am going there too.

MysticMaiden22

Throw the food out, then throw him out as well. What a jerk.

beckywilkeherbst

He doesn't need to be big to be insecure. My husband is very much an insecure person and thinks i am trying to loose weight to get someone else. He rolls his eyes when I work out and turns away when I talk about what I can and can't eat or what I need to do that day. he constantly wants to go to restaurants to eat. My husband is not a big man. He is just insecure with himself and doesn't want me to change for fear of me moving on.
Best of luck to you, message me if you want to talk more.

Sidesteal

He doesn't need to be big to be insecure..

I absolutely agree. Just for the record, since my comment may seem harsh to some, the angle I was approaching with the "is he fat" question was to see if it was due to him not being comfortable with himself, and taking it out on her since she is actually doing something proactive.

I think you're absolutely right though, could be a jealousy related insecurity.

amberl10

He sounds quite immature. I'd give him an ultimatium. Grow up or get out!

MercedesV

Tough one. My fiancee thinks that certain things are healthy that i do not find to be healthy because i read the labels. He doesn't do it out of malice, but i know how difficult it can be to shop for 2 lifelyles. One of the things my fiancee said is that I am meaner when I am unhealthy. HA! I guess i take it out on him. So in all actuality it benefits him for me to be happy and healthy. lol I suspect you may be the same, happier when you feel better??? This benefits him!


I would tell him, if he cant be serious, "I only have room for one in my life- Either you or the Pringles got to go- Your choice."

:bigsmile:

ksubbert

Dumping him is the wrong move.

Of course he's threatened. He loves you just the way you are and doesn't understand why you are trying to improve your appearance.

How would you feel if he told you he wanted you to lose weight? How would you feel if he told you that if you left him for somebody else he would be OK?

What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if he started working out, getting a 6 pack, tanning, coloring his gray, dressing nicer, or whatever else? Wouldn't you start to wonder why he was doing all this? After all, you fell for him before all the improvements.

He's terrified by the idea of losing you and would do anything to keep you.

What attracted you to him in the first place? What it because he's stontanious, funny, caring, and accepts you for what you are?

If you want to dump him, think of a better reason.

Vivian_Phoenix

Sounds like with you getting fit, the situation is shaking up and he feels uncomfortable.
what does he say to you when he makes fun of you while you work out?

luv_lea

He sounds quite immature. I'd give him an ultimatium. Grow up or get out!

^^This

maidentl

Do you think that mayhaps he's scared that once you get all the weight off, you'll leave him high and dry? *shrugs* Could be a possibility.

Some women think it's cute and sweet that their man thinks this way. It's not. So if that's his problem and he won't work on himself, then please realize that he's putting himself before you, your health and your happiness. Don't tolerate it.

gritgirl

Um. Maybe he just likes your curvy body just the way it is and doesn't know how to say "don't lose weight." Not a great approach on his part, but there's something going on.

Everyone gets to be an idiot every once in a while. It's if he keeps that up when it becomes a problem.

elly68

have to say previous to me trying this site any time i have tried to sort my weight my hubby puts chocolate in the fridge ,but we once had a conversation re ideal partners and his was rosie o'donnel and dawn french (he will be gutted when he sees the new her) ,however my ideals were all very slim/slight built men not telling you who would cause much laughter.
Lately though i think he has now realised that on this occasion it is for health reasons and is being encouraging ,it might just be that 19 years in we are more mature do what i do and eat a bit of the naughty stuff and burn it off with naughty stuff he will feel more secure and you will have earned your treat lol

Chainsaw_Flowerchild

Or he likes the "fluffy" you and is afraid he might not like the less "fluffy" version. Just Sayin... Still a jerk though...

Hellbent_Heidi

He might not be insecure or jealous, or even a rotten jerk...maybe he just has a bad sense of humor. A friend of mine has a husband like that and he thinks its funny to make fun of her and put her down, but behind that all, he's a decent guy. Since we dont' know you or your relationship, its hard to judge his motives.

Have you started and stopped similar 'get fit and lose weight' plans in the past? Maybe he's just not taking you seriously?

As others suggested, its a good idea to have a talk with him about this and let him know that you mean business with this and you need his support. If he doesn't shape up after that, then yeah..maybe there are bigger issues there.