Interesting reason to be dropped as a MFP friend

Actavella

I would have defriended you too. You don't know these people in REAL LIFE, just online! They don't know you and you don't know them. It's none of your business, point blank period! My diary is private because IT'S NONE OF ANYONES BUSINESS!

rml_16

I'm generally not a believer in critiquing diaries. I think usually it seems to be more of a know-it-all thing than a helping thing. I mean, most people KNOW that they should eat an apple instead of French fries, they don't need you to educate them, they just choose the fries anyway. BUT, I think you did the right thing, OP, when someone is in danger, someone should try to help. And then that person is within their rights to not want to be friends with you any longer, I suppose, but you can look yourself in the mirror knowing that you tried to help.

But, I think it's just part of MFP. People aren't going to see this thread, take a note not to friend you unless XYZ, and get you the result you want. There are millions of threads here, a few of us will read this.

Netting fewer than 1,000 calories a day doesn't put a person in "danger."

I regularly have done so, though I was ingesting 1,200 to 1,500 a day and then exercising. I'm not anorexic. I'm healthy and actually still OVERweight. I am not in "danger." The OP did not have any real evidence that said friend was in "danger." She overstepped.

hbrittingham

I would have defriended you too. You don't know these people in REAL LIFE, just online! They don't know you and you don't know them. It's none of your business, point blank period! My diary is private because IT'S NONE OF ANYONES BUSINESS!

Exactly. If you don't want people to comment on it, then you make it private.

I guess I am used to my friends here who make a comment when they finish logging for the day if they are way over or way under. Sometimes they will say something along the lines of, "I didn't feel well, so I didn't eat much today" or "we had a business lunch today and that put me way over". You know, taking ownership of their day.

kaetmarie

I don't typically respond to these kinds of threads, but I feel like this is important. I have worked with people with eating disorders, and I agree that there are certainly people on MFP who I believe fit that profile ... that being said, in treatment, you can't just tell an person with anorexia to eat or a person with bulimia to stop purging. It doesn't work like that -- so while I choose to believe that people who encourage their friends to eat more when they feel their calories dip too low are doing it to be helpful (some may not be), if there is a true concern about an eating disorder -- this is simply not productive.

Eating disorders are a mental disorder and are very, very complicated. I feel like this is a term that gets thrown around here a lot and it really is not fair to people who are truly suffering from these afflictions. To be clear, I have worked with eating disorders in the past and it was very hard; in fact, I no longer choose to work with that population. I now work with adjudicated youth and severely behaviorally and emotionally disturbed children because it's way EASIER It takes a long time in intensive treatment and is present for their entire lives. One of my best (male) friends is a recovering anorexic ... and he struggles with it daily.

I apologize if I offended anyone. That certainly was not my intention, but I feel pretty strongly that it is unfair to cry annorexic. Some people on here probably are -- others may be crash dieting -- and still others may have just had an off day. /Endrant

bcattoes

I've just recently started adding friends. I've noticed that one of them always gets the "under her calorie goal" message but has her diary hidden even from friends. It makes me wonder if she is eating way too few calories to try and speed up the weight loss. But I don't really know so I just say nothing at all. I'd guess the fact that it's hidden means she doesn't really care what anyone thinks anyway.

mgmlap

I think comments on diaries are awesome. I know for me..I foe-warned my friends list that my diary will be less than pristine cause of doing a Paleo diet..and that there will be days I will be way way under..

But I think commenting shouldnt be a reason to delete someone..after all..we are here to help each other and motivate...and we expect our friends to pay as much attention to us as we do to them

moxleymama6

If I have a 700-800 calorie burn kind of day, there is no way I can NET over 1,000 cals.....unless I eat crappy high cal foods...which I don't want to do.

killerqueen17

I don't typically respond to these kinds of threads, but I feel like this is important. I have worked with people with eating disorders, and I agree that there are certainly people on MFP who I believe fit that profile ... that being said, in treatment, you can't just tell an person with anorexia to eat or a person with bulimia to stop purging. It doesn't work like that -- so while I choose to believe that people who encourage their friends to eat more when they feel their calories dip too low are doing it to be helpful (some may not be), if there is a true concern about an eating disorder -- this is simply not productive.

Eating disorders are a mental disorder and are very, very complicated. I feel like this is a term that gets thrown around here a lot and it really is not fair to people who are truly suffering from these afflictions. To be clear, I have worked with eating disorders in the past and it was very hard; however, I no longer choose to work with that population. I now work with adjudicated youth and severely behaviorally and emotionally disturbed children because it's EASIER It takes a long time in intensive treatment and is present for their entire lives. One of my best (male) friends is a recovering anorexic ... and he struggles with it daily.

I apologize if I offended anyone. That certainly was not my intention, but I feel pretty strongly that it is unfair to cry annorexic. Some people on here probably are -- others may be crash dieting -- and still others may have just had an off day. /Endrant

VERY good points, and thank you for sharing!! Most people who have never dealt with an eating disorder (either themself of someone close to them) do not understand them... which, of course they wouldn't, because they are SO complex. But many people who don't understand seem to THINK they do understand... and that can cause even more damage.

SarabellPlus3

I'm generally not a believer in critiquing diaries. I think usually it seems to be more of a know-it-all thing than a helping thing. I mean, most people KNOW that they should eat an apple instead of French fries, they don't need you to educate them, they just choose the fries anyway. BUT, I think you did the right thing, OP, when someone is in danger, someone should try to help. And then that person is within their rights to not want to be friends with you any longer, I suppose, but you can look yourself in the mirror knowing that you tried to help.

But, I think it's just part of MFP. People aren't going to see this thread, take a note not to friend you unless XYZ, and get you the result you want. There are millions of threads here, a few of us will read this.

Netting fewer than 1,000 calories a day doesn't put a person in "danger."

I regularly have done so, though I was ingesting 1,200 to 1,500 a day and then exercising. I'm not anorexic. I'm healthy and actually still OVERweight. I am not in "danger." The OP did not have any real evidence that said friend was in "danger." She overstepped.

Overstepped, though? I guess I just don't see where it's that big of a deal. I don't care to have people comment on my diary generally, but it's really not the end of the world if someone does. KWIM? I'd agree with you if the OP had slapped the girl in the face or called her names or something. She said something like "cutting calories too drastically can make it harder to continue over the long term."

You're right that two days under goal (even that far under) isn't necessarily killing anyone, but the OP didn't take some drastic measure. So the OP didn't have "evidence" the girl was in danger, very true-- but it's not like she tracked the girl down to confront her and her family. She made 2 comments on a message board. It's not the end of the world. The friend was within her rights to unfriend her if that's not what she's looking for, but let's not make it sound like the OP went all ballistic crazy, either.

rml_16

I'm generally not a believer in critiquing diaries. I think usually it seems to be more of a know-it-all thing than a helping thing. I mean, most people KNOW that they should eat an apple instead of French fries, they don't need you to educate them, they just choose the fries anyway. BUT, I think you did the right thing, OP, when someone is in danger, someone should try to help. And then that person is within their rights to not want to be friends with you any longer, I suppose, but you can look yourself in the mirror knowing that you tried to help.

But, I think it's just part of MFP. People aren't going to see this thread, take a note not to friend you unless XYZ, and get you the result you want. There are millions of threads here, a few of us will read this.

Netting fewer than 1,000 calories a day doesn't put a person in "danger."

I regularly have done so, though I was ingesting 1,200 to 1,500 a day and then exercising. I'm not anorexic. I'm healthy and actually still OVERweight. I am not in "danger." The OP did not have any real evidence that said friend was in "danger." She overstepped.

Overstepped, though? I guess I just don't see where it's that big of a deal. I don't care to have people comment on my diary generally, but it's really not the end of the world if someone does. KWIM? I'd agree with you if the OP had slapped the girl in the face or called her names or something. She said something like "cutting calories too drastically can make it harder to continue over the long term."

You're right that two days under goal (even that far under) isn't necessarily killing anyone, but the OP didn't take some drastic measure. So the OP didn't have "evidence" the girl was in danger, very true-- but it's not like she tracked the girl down to confront her and her family. She made 2 comments on a message board. It's not the end of the world. The friend was within her rights to unfriend her if that's not what she's looking for, but let's not make it sound like the OP went all ballistic crazy, either.

I think after not getting a response or seeing a change after the first day, she should have not commented on the second.

lizziebeth1028

I don't comment on anyone's diary unless specifically asked. Clearly, she wasn't looking for feedback.

^ yea same with me too, unless they specifically ask me I don't look at their diarys. People generally don't like to get unsolicited advice. I figure I'm here to support and motivated people, not analyze and scrutinize. This is the reason my diary is private!

Circa1964

i keep my diary private because what I eat is only my business unless I want advice. Many times I go back and complete a diary a day later. I also changed my settings to never say "completed her diary and under calorie goal. I get tired of seeing it on posts so I took it off of mine. For the record, rarely ever under calorie goal anyway. I don't comment on others food consumption either; only on their exercise.

Oishii

I have only commented directly on a diary once without being invited, because a friend said she was trying to gain but was consistently under calorie. She wasn't impressed. The only other time a friend had plateaued and I suggested upping her fibre... And it worked!

Recently though, as the iPhone app now goes directly to diaries, I've been looking at more, but rather than comment directly, I posted a general comment saying how sad I felt at how hungry some of my friends must be. A friend posted to say she wanted to eat more and then others posted to suggest how. In the end my rant became something positive instead.

CoraGregoryCPA

Why dont you put that in your profile so they know this information ahead of time. Nobody is perfect, that is why some are here for support. Im very clear in my profile. If you arent going to share your diary then we arent friends. I want more food ideas so i will never get bored eating healthy!

NiciS72

This happened to me too. When I friend someone or they me I am open and honest that I look at their diary and WILL comment! I keep mine open for my friends as I want them to keep me honest as well as critique what I'm eating when I have issues!

CMmrsfloyd

If that's all they're eating, period, it might concern me, although there are reasons that people might be low on some days - being sick and not as hungry, forgetting to log some things, maybe even not logging certain things on purpose (maybe a not-so-good food choice here and there that they just aren't comfortable sharing). I don't comment on people going low though. I've had some days where I netted under 1000 due to exercise and just not being able to eat it all back. Plus I am not quite as concerned with a few low net days here and there if they're really eating significantly more than that but burning a bunch through exercise. At least if their *total* is higher, they are getting in more nutrition. Plus people who still have a decent amount of weight to lose have those extra energy stores for just those occasions.

I do think if you have your food diary open for friends to view, you're inviting comments. I have lots of friends whose diaries are open for viewing and then some who do not have it open. I like to always try to comment on something positive for those that have their diaries open - they are putting it out there so I want to be supportive. I find it kind of impossible to comment on closed diaries b/c I have no idea what I'm commenting on. LOL I welcome comments on my own diary from friends, there are definitely things that they could comment negatively about if they wanted to, but thankfully everyone has always had something positive to say when they comment.

rml_16

Why dont you put that in your profile so they know this information ahead of time. Nobody is perfect, that is why some are here for support. Im very clear in my profile. If you arent going to share your diary then we arent friends. I want more food ideas so i will never get bored eating healthy!

And that's one of the reasons I keep my diary open. People like to look for new ideas. And being vegetarian, there are a LOT of people on this site who are trying to become veg and ask for ideas. It's so easy to point them to my diary and they can ask a specific question than to just try to think of stuff off the top of my head.