Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse?

erinrose07

Hello Fellow Health Conscious MFP-ers

This may be too "taboo" a topic to discuss, but ...eh...I don't really care. I thought I would reach out to you folks to ask the all too personal question: Have any of you recently started, or are near the end of the journey to recovery from childhood sexual abuse? I'm sure all of us at least know someone who was sexually abused as a child.
I know there are a lot of women (and maybe men) that use this site that find themselves quite preoccupied with food, dieting, body image, etc. It's actually alarming how connected CSA and eating/body image issues are. I have personally started to get over some of the body image and dieting issues, thankfully.

I'm going to be "that guy" and come out and say I've recently started on the road to healing and have come out about being abused. I want a normal, non-chaotic, anti-emotional-roller-coaster life and I'm putting my freaking foot down. If any of you would like to become friends on MFP for mutual support, feel free to message me or add me.

Yeah, yeah, I know....this is a dieting website, not Oprah, but it's MY MFP Account....I'll use it how I wanna :smokin:

fit4mom

We all have our difficulties. You could start a support group. I did it for OCD. Just opening up helped others not to feel alone. Be encouraged and thanks for stepping up and being open to use what was intended for failure for good. You are a treasured gift. Keep being amazing. Your beauty is showing.:flowerforyou:

flsunshine

i personally havent had to deal with a trauma of that sorts and i applaud you for breaking away from the taboo and openly wanting to talk about it- as for myself i have poland's syndrome so my body image of myself is distorted and i can get past the whole dieting thing and look at myself and see a monster. i also suffer with mental health issues stemming from childhood- i suffer from schizo affective disorder as well. however that is more managed than the poland's.
best wishes to you hun for having the courage to openly speak.

RobertaG

First of all, I want to say that its so brave of you to be open about this. I wish you the best recovery process. Although I don't know first hand what you're going through, I know people who have been sexually abused as children. It affected their eating habits, academics, and even social life. I hope you can find people that relate to you and can help you. Message me if you ever need anyone just to talk to

moushtie

Hello

I'm a fellow survivor, and I know that my binge eating started pretty much the same time as the abuse did. I agree there are probably people that don't want to look at topics like this, either because it triggers memories, or they just don't want to see the damage done, even if we're now adults and fighting for our health and wellbeing. I'm still fighting some of the related issues (emotional abuse) with my mother, but my sexual abuser is now dead, which simplifies things somewhat. I guess I'm probably further along the road of healing, although I don't think that road ever ends exactly. I'm happy to be messaged/friended by anyone who wants to chat too.

ShannonMpls

I'm a rape survivor. Good for you for speaking out and I am glad you are healing

http://www.PandorasProject.org is a nonprofit with a free online support group if you want to check it out. (full disclosure: I'm the founder)

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

I'm actually nearing the end of my journey to recovery. Since my family didn't believe me about what was going on, I had to do this all myself, and I had an opposite reaction, for about a year, I stopped eating almost completely. I had to snap myself out of that too, though because my mom became ill and I realized I would have to take care of her. But, if you were to start a group for people like us, I would gladly join!

kmbrooks15

I was married to a minister who was emotionally abusive (though I didn't recognize it at the time). I found out about 14 months ago that he had been sexually abusing my daughter. When she told me, I reported him to the authorities, and he confessed. He was out on bond and got word that he had a trial date, so he went in his parents' basement and hung himself. His 80 year old father found him. So I understand completely about the need for recovery. My kids and I have all been through counseling, which was definitely helpful.

I, too, applaud you for finding seeking to recover. You can have victory over your abuser by not allowing the abuse to ruin your life. I think that robs them of their power over you. I wish you the best as you move forward. You might want to think about starting a group for those who are recovering from this. I doubt you're the only one, and there may be others who could use the support. If you start one, let me know...I'll gladly join!

thor1god1of1awesome

My name is Andy and was molested from the age 6-8 by a cousin

Jill_newimprovedversion

I have a LONG history of this. Not just once, not just with one person.
To the point that I was convinced that I am doing things subconsciously that
"attract" it, that the problem lies with ME- sending out the signals

So, my *solution* was to gain weight- and become more repulsive.
And it worked...until my health became at risk.
And then I decided I wasn't going to kill myself slowly over the creeps of the world
who have some serious mental issues.

I do want to go on record that I have a PHENOMENAL, SUPPORTIVE hubby who loves me
and knows EVERY thought (however odd they can be) that goes through my head,
and has gone with me to therapy over it.

But, yes, my eating disorder(s) are both closely tied together.

erinrose07

Oh my goodness! I didn't think I'd get any responses at all, or anything but negative ones! I'm overwhelmed by everyone's words of encouragement, kindness and support. What an amazing network of people...
I am sorry for all of you who have been robbed of innocence, trust and childhood. For those of you who were taken advantage of, betrayed and not cared for. I'm so sorry for those of you who tried to seek help and support and were turned away. Some people are in so much denial because they cannot emotionally or mentally handle the devastation that you went through and still go through.

There are many of you also struggling in other ways...schizophrenia, diseases that actually cause body distortion (I never even know such a heart-breaking thing existed), emotional abuse, having close family members who are struggling through abuse. My heart goes out to you all for the struggle that you endure everyday. But what is truly amazing is that you tap into an incredible strength on a daily basis to keep plugging along. You're remarkable and I hope that there is a brighter future for all of us in which we don't have to fight breathlessly to survive everyday life.

Some of you mentioned that I should start a support group. Maybe I could and maybe I will. Unfortunately, I don't feel like I have the self-confidence, know-how or leadership to take on such a challenge. Maybe I will try. I'll sleep on it for now. Keep the comments coming, it's so great to hear from you all!

erinrose07

I have a LONG history of this. Not just once, not just with one person.
To the point that I was convinced that I am doing things subconsciously that
"attract" it, that the problem lies with ME- sending out the signals

So, my *solution* was to gain weight- and become more repulsive.
And it worked...until my health became at risk.
And then I decided I wasn't going to kill myself slowly over the creeps of the world
who have some serious mental issues.

I do want to go on record that I have a PHENOMENAL, SUPPORTIVE hubby who loves me
and knows EVERY thought (however odd they can be) that goes through my head,
and has gone with me to therapy over it.

But, yes, my eating disorder(s) are both closely tied together.

Oh Jill, my favorite MFP buddy. I'm so sorry. It's really crazy though because the first person I thought of when I posted this was you. We sometimes seem so similar that I couldn't help but wonder if you'd been through this too. I'm SO happy that you're husband is so amazing and that you've turned this around. You deserve the best life! Lots of love

kmbrooks15

I'll be glad to help you moderate the group if you decide to start it. Maybe taking that step will help you to build the confidence. I'll help you in any way I can!

erinrose07

I'll be glad to help you moderate the group if you decide to start it. Maybe taking that step will help you to build the confidence. I'll help you in any way I can!

Hi! Thank you I guess I just don't know where I'd start or how to help others once it got started. I'll add you as a friend and we'll talk about it! If anyone else is interested, let me know

hedleyrocks247

Bump so i can read for later

fit4mom

God takes us where were at, if we waited until we were perfect we'd never make it. You are a gift where your at and you can help shine the light down the path of abundant living for those whose lives you'll touch. I believe in you. :flowerforyou:

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/906-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

here is the group for anybody interested in joining.
erinrose, If you need another admin/mod, I would be more than happy to do that!

Jill_newimprovedversion

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/906-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

here is the group for anybody interested in joining.

How do we join?

[I'm putting on the dunce cap]...click on the link above and select the JOIN GROUP button, right?

erinrose07

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/906-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

here is the group for anybody interested in joining.
erinrose, If you need another admin/mod, I would be more than happy to do that!

that's great! I'll add you as a moderator! Thanks for your help

erinrose07

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/906-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse

here is the group for anybody interested in joining.

How do we join?

[I'm putting on the dunce cap]...click on the link above and select the JOIN GROUP button, right?

I think I sent you an invite Jill

annalynne1983

Yip, add me to the list. I am an only child, and always thought of my cousins as the closest thing to siblings, i.e. very important people in my life. Unfortunately, I was molested by a cousin when I was 4 and have suffered severe anxiety ever since, and some bouts of depression. I finally was forced to deal with it after finding out an uncle on the other side of my family abused a different cousin.

I also had what I now realise was an emotional abusive grandmother (who I share with my abusive cousin). Never mind the teenage and adult food and bodyweight issues, relationship issues etc etc etc...my husband has been amazing and put up with a lot as the abuse messed with our marriage HUGELY. I've been in counselling now for nearly 2 years and finally finding some peace from it all, and for the first time in my living memory, I don't feel like a piece of ****, undeserving of happiness.

However, I'm on two drugs for the anxiety and depression, which work very well for my anxiety (the first one on it's own, not so much). I needed the medication to get out of a very bad place before I was able to work through any of it all. Catch is, after the meds I've put on about 10 kg in total.

The long story with my weight is that when I hit puberty, I started eating. That was when the abuse memories really started to get to me on a conscious level. My family are a bunch of over-eaters anyway, add emotional problems to it, probably not surprising I wound up obese with a very high blood pressure at 22. I lost the weight by becoming pretty much obssessed with losing weight, hoping I'd feel better with myself if I at least LOOKED "normal" and because I was terrified I was going to die (the anxiety kicked up a notch). I got down to the bottom of my BMI range and stayed stable for years there - until the anxiety meds.

So yes, my weight has been HUGELY affected by my abuse, directly and indirectly. I am actually really angry about the weight I've put on - i had such good control of it there for a reasonable length of time. Just one more thing to add to the list.

BeautyFromPain

I'm not recovering from sexual abuse but physical and mental/emotional...

whitehandlady

*raises hand*

i have been "recovering" most of my life

i don't know if it will ever be final

but i know i will die trying to make it so

i want my life and my body back

BarbWhite09

I was sexually abused a couple times throughout my childhood, when I was 5, 10, 14. It's defiantly contributed to an unhealthy lifestyle on my part but getting through it has helped me progress into a better type of lifestyle. I love that you brought the topic up on here.

fatgirlzrule2

I would like to join this group. Thanks for starting it.
(I'm having trouble finding it, though...if anyone can help, I would appreciate it.)

annalynne1983

I would also like to say that I needed BOTH counselling AND the medication. I didn't want to take any sort of drug unless it was absolutely necessary, and wasted 6 months trying to deal with things without drugs. The medication actually saved my life, because my anxiety got totally out of hand and I spiralled into a really bad depression with self harm and alcohol abuse (and I must point out here that I rarely drank as a teenager and young adult at all) and a LOT of serious thinking about the merits of suicide. It's different for everyone, but for me, the drugs were lifesaving. Without them, and without my awesome counsellor, I'm not certain that I'd still be here. Coping strategies that may work for a part of your life can become really unhealthy and/or fail to work. People who haven't been through this don't seem to be able to understand very well - not their fault, their good fortune, but it can make things so hard to work through when you're surrounded by people who don't understand. They tend to say things that kick your anxiety up a few notches!

Anyway, now I'm trying to lose weight again...sigh....and I'm pretty sure the drugs bear some responsibility because they both have weight gain and/or increased appetite as possible side effects. Sigh....

14bound

I have not gone through this type of abuse, but am on nerve pills... Celexa. It is a anti-anxiety/drepression that does not cause weight gain. Maybe, it could be an alternative to the ones that do. I wish you all the best in your recovery. Be blessed.

tanniew78

I am recovering too. And it is SO difficult. I hate that people look at me as fat and lazy when that is the furthest thing from the truth. My fat is my survival instinct. Its my protector when no one else did. My mom spent more time drinking and telling me she wished I was never born, which didnt exactly inspire confidence that she would care what was happening to me. That and I had a hand in my own abuse. Which i struggle with alot. However, there was more than once instance that it happened with more than one person. I think if it had just been the one boy, then I would have been fine. It was the others that hurt me that got me where I am today. I stopped playing outside because it seemed like every guy was out to get me. I started eating because even at that age I understood that fat= unattractive in this life. My hygiene became poor and I suffered school humiliations and sexual ridicule from some of the "hot shot" boys. You know them... The ones that say nasty stuff and pretend they like you but then you catch them making fun of you in the hall or overhear some equally nasty cheerleader types laughing about it.

This has ruled me my entire life. To this day when I get below a certain weight I start to panic and sabatoge and stuff down all the crap that beats against my brain. And honestly, most of it is subconscience. I dont have that thought at the fore in my mind. This stuff brews underneath and I still havent figured out how to purge it for good. I write blogs and letters and go out somewhere to scream it away, but it stays with me.

Yes Ive been to therapy, but i just cant afford it long term.

mamasyd

I am a member of this club that nobody wanted to join. My story is rather long and involved, but let me assure you that freedom is more than possible. It is the reality of my life!

djkshdfd

I don't know where to begin with my recovery. At age 13 I met a man that abused me and manipulated me until I was 16. It got out of hand and the police finally intervened. Thank God because he had me so manipulated into thinking what was going on was okay. I know it has caused long term issues with myself, I just don't know where to start with the healing since it is so sealed up.

If anyone can suggest support for these bottled issues, please let me know. I have a pattern in relationships now. I push people away, I reduce physical contact as much as possible and intimacy is not as enjoyable as it used to be.

Starla_

I was sexually and emotionally abused for 17 years by my step father who was grooming me to be his wife. I finally left when I was 21. Destroyed my entire family, got disowned, attempted all manner of things.

I got my mother back, I got my brother back, and eventually I got my sister back. It's nearly been 8 years since I left and I'm recovering, without the use of drugs and traditonal counselling. I have a husband and 3 children. I was diagnosed with both PTSD and anxiety which I thought I would never be able to get rid of and the last 4 months I have been the happiest I have ever been (coincidently since starting on MFP and my lifestyle change), I feel like I am alive for the first time in my life. I was 4 years old when everything started and now at 29 I finally know what it is really like to live.

If I could give any word of advice it's this: Don't be the victim. Be the survivor.

They are two different mindsets, as a victim you are always going to be dwelling on it, as a survivor you are going to move on from it and better yourself because of it.

You can beat it.