Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse?

debbieHOC

I too am a survivor of 12 yrs of incest from age 2-14. I was also raised by a paranoid schizophrenic. I have tried unsuccessfully t lose weight and also been in and out of counseling for the abuse. I am back in couseling again and I am hopeful I am on the right path. My couselor was also a nurse like me so she understands,my world.
I have a long way to go and a lot of crap to let go of but I am determined not to stop until I am done. My weight gain started at puberty. I was so confused and felt my body was betraying me. How culd I be attracted to boys after what I had been through. I started over eating.
I am married for the 2 nd time and have a husband that is supportive. I am hpeful that life will continue too improve.
Thanks for sharing... we are only as sick as our secrets.
Deb

reneelee

They are two different mindsets, as a victim you are always going to be dwelling on it, as a survivor you are going to move on from it and better yourself because of it.

Thank you for this quote. I never knew the difference and I'm a survivor too!

leahartmann

I´m sitting and reading this, not sure if I want to post or not.... I was abused by my father, but it´s still displaced. I don´t know how old I was or how long. I feel so guilty even saying this, and feel stupid for stating the abuse, when I don´t even remember. But my body surely remember. And when I started to question it all, I knew excactly where to look for the abuser. I called my older sister and asked her straight out if she had been abused by our father. She confirmed. Had never told anyone in her entire life. I found another one he had abused and I know of two, he had tried to abuse without any luck. I don´t know how many more there´s out there.

As so many of you, I have to struggle with anxiety, depression and self hurting (I don´t know the excact english word, sorry.) Since I was early teenager I use to bang my head against the wall. I have been able to stop the self hurting, but still have to struggle with the urge to do so. I´m sure it was what provoked my bipolar condition to break out.

My weight problem has been the opposite of many others. I use to be so skinny, people would think I was sick. I was trying to be as less female as possible. When I started on my medication (three different kinds) I gained 20 kg (44 pounds) in the first year.

I don´t want to feel like a victim. I have reached 30 years back and made a promise to the little scared girl, that I would protect her and make sure she will get a good life. It´s my responsebility. He´s dead now, so there´s no reason for hatred.

I´m so lucky, when I told my mother she told me, she have had a slight suspicion, but not really a reason to have one. So she believed me right away and was so angry with my father, she threw out everything from her house that reminded her of him. I know I have to be gratefull for that.

I don´t know what else to say. I have a lovely husband who support me entirely, but it´s very difficult for him to listen to me, when I talk about it, he´s a protective man. And sometimes you just really have to vent. Thank you for listening.

HurricaneElaine

Yes, I'm a survivor also. CSA and other kinds of abuse as well. It's why I 'grew' this protective wall of fat around me. Now that I'm trying to shed it, I'm wondering what will happen when it's gone. I did it once before, when I was in my 20s, and I looked good. Men were showing interest in me, and that scared me. The weight went back on.

debbieHOC

HurricaneElai... I so understand the being scared after you lost the weight. I do the same thing. As soon as I get my weight down where people start to notice and make comments it brings back nightmares and anxiety and I start eating. I am in counseling again but haven't lost any weight.... but at least I am not gaining. Hoping to someday be able to put that abuse away and be in the present.
I too wonder what will be left of me after I let this go..... seems this has molded my whole life and I don't know how to separate it.

mzbab

To every incredible, brave, noble soul who has answered this topic, I love and applaud each and every one of you. You are brave, strong human beings whose lives and wisdoms are extremely touching gifts. For each and every one of us. I feel your pains, even though I don't THINK I actually went through that from the hands of an adult.

Personally, I have struggled with OCD since kindergarten, and I am 18 now. I have had fluctuatingly severe depression for 6 years, and I have cut before. I don't know if I was sexually abused, since certain things happened to me that I've blocked out in a restroom back in kindergarten from another classmate, and there's not a moment where the thought of sex doesn't make me either terrified or addicted. It's also been a pattern through my life that I was always afraid of men, even though every man I remember knowing was safe and trustworthy.

I know so many people who were sexually abused and deal with flashbacks and thoughts of suicide every day, and my heart goes out to any one of you with that burden. You are never, ever, ever alone. Especially in your pain. I wish that each and every one of you find that source of permanent, lasting, life-changing, infectious joy and I hope it permeates each and every one of your lives every second. I love you all and I wish I could hug every one of you.

upgetupgetup

I've been very lucky to not have suffered this terrible experience, but thought people might be interested in these:

Childhood sexual abuse and obesity. Obes Rev. 2004 Aug;5(3):129-35.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15245381


How Childhood Trauma Can Cause Adult Obesity

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1951240,00.html

Good luck to everyone.