Should I treat this like AA? Hi, my name is Melissa and I'm

melcasa

I'm frustrated. With myself, with life, just...frustrated.

I know I need to make a change in my life, a BIG change. I'm damn near obese and that pisses me off. I hate that I am 23 and the biggest person I know. I hate that I haven't been strong enough to truly exercise and eat right. I hate that I hate so many things!

I love my family, my friends and the thought of living a normal life. One that doesn't include self loathing. I know that because I'm all ready overweight I will always have to pay attention to what I'm eating and how much I'm moving. My hope is that one day that attention won't be so time consuming and overwhelming.

Everyday I think about food. Everyday I think about exercise. Some days I will actually eat good things (and correct portions of them) and sometimes I even add exercise! But that's not my norm. I despiratly want to just go through the day, everyday, doing what is good for me without over thinking every step.

OK! Pity party way over. I'm not this whinny or pathetic, well, I don't allow people to know that I am anyway. I feel that no matter how happy I am in the back of my mind my weight is always there. Laughing at me. Making me stand out in a crowd. Forcing me to be uncomfortable in my own skin.

I know I have control over this. I know I can make the change. I need a routine. A realistic and pretty easy to get into routine. I would appreciate input from others. As far as exercise and meals go I know a lot. I was actually in weight lifting in high school and that knowledge has stayed with me (I just don't utilize it like I should). As far as healthy foods and portions I'm also knowledgeable. I love to research and I have a pretty good idea as to what I should be doing.

I need to stay on task. I need to be held accountable. I would try to have my family and boyfriend do this...but they just love me so much they couldn't possibly deny me a delicious slice of pizza or tell me don't to drink that soda (can you feel the sarcasm burning through the screen?)

Any motivation is absolutely welcome! I'm currently 165lbs and looking to be around 130lbs. To me it seems like that day will never come. Honestly, I don't even care. If I could just be healthier and not be jiggly from head to toe I would be happy! More muscle, less fat. Please and Thank You!

RobertG86

HI Melissa Welcome.:happy:

annabellj

it is like AA for me also. If I skip a mtg, i binge! I think healthwise, we have to think of it that way too. we need to get healthy to stay around for those we love. just try to complete what you want to eat each day before you eat it. that way you know you will stay within your calorie count.if you want to eat more, exercise more. if you stick with it, you will have a lot of friends on here for support. its like crack to me now. cant live without it!lol

vjrose

Hi and welcome, I am sure you will find the right kind of friends here to challenge, support, and uplift you when you need it.

RobertG86

What are your goals. Daily, Weekly, Monthly?

kimmie185

You can do it!! Think positive thoughts and take it one day at a time. After some time good things will just become a habit.

elizwelshman

Welcome aboard Melissa!!

ninerbuff

I'm frustrated. With myself, with life, just...frustrated.

I know I need to make a change in my life, a BIG change. I'm damn near obese and that pisses me off. I hate that I am 23 and the biggest person I know. I hate that I haven't been strong enough to truly exercise and eat right. I hate that I hate so many things!

I love my family, my friends and the thought of living a normal life. One that doesn't include self loathing. I know that because I'm all ready overweight I will always have to pay attention to what I'm eating and how much I'm moving. My hope is that one day that attention won't be so time consuming and overwhelming.


Everyday I think about food. Everyday I think about exercise. Some days I will actually eat good things (and correct portions of them) and sometimes I even add exercise! But that's not my norm. I despiratly want to just go through the day, everyday, doing what is good for me without over thinking every step.

OK! Pity party way over. I'm not this whinny or pathetic, well, I don't allow people to know that I am anyway. I feel that no matter how happy I am in the back of my mind my weight is always there. Laughing at me. Making me stand out in a crowd. Forcing me to be uncomfortable in my own skin.

I know I have control over this. I know I can make the change. I need a routine. A realistic and pretty easy to get into routine. I would appreciate input from others. As far as exercise and meals go I know a lot. I was actually in weight lifting in high school and that knowledge has stayed with me (I just don't utilize it like I should). As far as healthy foods and portions I'm also knowledgeable. I love to research and I have a pretty good idea as to what I should be doing.

I need to stay on task. I need to be held accountable. I would try to have my family and boyfriend do this...but they just love me so much they couldn't possibly deny me a delicious slice of pizza or tell me don't to drink that soda (can you feel the sarcasm burning through the screen?)

Any motivation is absolutely welcome! I'm currently 165lbs and looking to be around 130lbs. To me it seems like that day will never come. Honestly, I don't even care. If I could just be healthier and not be jiggly from head to toe I would be happy! More muscle, less fat. Please and Thank You!

Sounds like you love everyone but yourself. And it has to start there first before anything can be fixed. People that like themselves have problems just as anyone else, but they respect themselves enough to do what it takes to solve them.
"Like yourself unconditionally". It's always something I tell to my clients and I know that it's part of the reason they succeed.
Welcome to the forums.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Lt_Hawkeye

Hey Melissa! Welcome to My Fitness Pal!

What's your current fitness level? I have some programs I would recommend for you: Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred and Ripped in 30. But it's best that you're an intermediate exerciser before you start doing them.

MaraDiaz

What you call yourself has to be your decision, it will become part of your identity and either a motivator or demotivator for you.

Me, I'm not giving myself anymore negative labels. I have enough already. I won't even accept a politely, optimistically worded one. In fact, if I went crazy and became a mass murderer, I would call myself an expert human discorporealator.

(In case anyone was wondering, that was a joke and unrelated to any and all of my actual future plans!)

wmlpd6

Welcome to MFP and good luck with your goals. Theres plenty of folks here to inspire, challenge, listen and kick ya in the butt if you need.

RobertG86

Also 35 pounds doesnt make you a fatty.

melcasa

Ah! So many comments and I haven't figure out how to reply to each thing!

First and Foremost WOW! Thank all of you for the instant responses! I'm reading through everything now and will respond but for now

THANKS!!

skywa

You can do this!

I believe in yooouuu.

auntiebabs

Hi Melissa,

Just remember you've only 1 lb to lose... the next one.

Here's how I started:

1) tracking for a couple of weeks before I worried about losing.
(although seeing what I was eating I couldn't help but rein back a bit)

2) seeing where I could make small changes on things that weren't that important to me.
(Don't even think of taking chocolate out of my diet!!!)
--Reducing quantities where I won't notice it so much
--Swapping out things instead of eliminating them.

3) Look at my diary and started adding foods that had positive healthy effects specifically for the health issue in my family.
I found most of the things I "should" add were really yummy too! salmon, avocado, oatmeal, mango, red grapes....
(Sort of think of food as medicine to deal with family history of various health issue oatmeal is good for heart health, mango and red grapes lower cholesterol, tumeric and cinnamon good for arthritis)

4) every couple of weeks I see where I can make another couple of small changes.
If you completely revamp your diet, it's way easy to revert to old ways in times of stress. (and who doesn't have stress?)
If you make a series of small changes, food still offers you some sense of comfort.
sort of a comfort continuum, and after a while the first small changes will seem comforting in themselves.
You don't have to be perfect you just have to do better.

5) also rather than being uberstrict with the target MFP set for me I did the math to find out the calories needed to maintain my goal weight and my current weight and I gave myself a range with 1200 as my rock bottom, lose 1 lb/wk as my target*** and maintain my goal weight as the top of my range. As long as I keep within in this range I'll lose. I tend to naturally zig zag my calories 3-4 at very close to my target and then a higher calorie day closer to the top of my range.

As long as I stayed under maintain my current weight calories I won't gain. So no need to throw in the towel, just pick-up where I left off.

Once I found ways to lessen the stress, I found it way easier to focus on the process and let the results follow. (It's what worked for me some people need the stress to get them motivated. Me I get scared and overwhelmed and don't see the big goal as acheivable. I only worry about it 1 lb at a time.)

I did have to take a break for a month due to a health scare, but otherwise I kept with the slow and steady approach. Took me 9 months (including the month off) At first I lost at the rate of about 3 lbs per month, but the closer you get to the goal the slower it goes. So be patient and hang in there.

***also once my lose 1 lb/week target was down to 1200 calories I switch to lose 1/2 lb/ week (1200 cal rock bottom, 1/2 lb/week as my target, maintain goal weight as the high end of my range.)

Food is not the enemy.
Oddly enough on my journey here I've reduced guilt over food.
I have the occassional treat and I fully enjoy it with no guilt involved.
The thing is since I'm not eating crap all the time the occassional treat is just that a TREAT it's special and I enjoy it so much more than when I was unconsciously shovel junk food into my face.

I figure if I've got a good plan that I can actually maintain I can keep this off for a long time to come, without feeling deprived.

Good Luck

Eleanorjanethinner

Hi there,

You say

"no matter how happy I am in the back of my mind my weight is always there. Laughing at me. Making me stand out in a crowd. Forcing me to be uncomfortable in my own skin."

To me that says you've got some work to do on your mindset as well as your food and exercise. I was just in the 'obese' category and I never felt like I stood out and I was pretty happy in my own skin (not totally obviously, which is why I'm losing). But self esteem shouldn't be related to how you look, ideally.

I guarantee that you don't stand out in a crowd! You may have skinny friends, but compared to the majority of people, you're pretty damn normal! But that feeling of embarass ment and awkwardness is something that you can work on.

Good luck on your journey!

ChildofGallifrey

Hello Melissa c:

This was an emotional post. Exactly how I feel. Look we are a huge community and we will all help you as you will help us. Together we will all have healthy bodies, minds, and souls. Kick food addiction in the butt!

Cheers,
Paola P.

Tani316

Welcome Melissa.

This is one of those things that is definitely difficult in the beginning but after a few weeks it becomes much easier. Whenever you get the urge to binge, think of what you really want for yourself in this life, not just what you want right now.

Exercise is a big fried food deterrent for me in the most unusual way.
Once I had an idea of the nutritional value of the junk I was eating I would ask myself how many miles I would have to walk just to offset it and am I willing to do that in addition to my standard routine?

Also when my mind slips and tells me to start shoveling food in my mouth when I know it's not time to eat I sometimes log on to mfp and browse the forums. These people are hilarious, encouraging, knowledgeable, perfect strangers that wish you nothing but the best and the success stories are a big motivator.

Good Luck! :flowerforyou:

melcasa

OK! Wow! Tons of replies coming at you!

@annabellj
I really like the concept of this. I actually did this when I was working because I had to prepare my lunch daily so I would go ahead and get breakfast and lunch done each night (because I like to sleep!) I got out of the habit but I think it will really be a key to me sticking to things. Thanks!

@vjrose
Thank you for the welcome and support!

@robertg86
Daily goals: Drink more water than coffee (probably can’t happen hah) No..really..at this point I think I just want to stick to a healthy daily diet. Solid breakfast, healthy lunch, and dinner (my mortal enemy). Weekly I would say making sure I have exercised enough. Monthly: starting to see that I am in a regular pattern of eating and exercise.

@cutiekimmie18
Thank you for the motivation. I read Buddhist quotes every day so thankfully I have some positive thoughts! Hopefully more will be coming soon!

@elizwelshman
Thank you!

@ninerbuff
If I knew how to do that I wouldn’t be here Don’t get me wrong, I am so proud of what I have accomplished in my life. My weight which I have struggled with for 10 years has def. done a number on my psyche. I’m stuck in the belief that until I lose weight I can’t love myself.

@lt_hawkeye
My fitness level…I’m good with strength training. Cardio below beginner all the way. I hate to run so if I’m doing cardio I need to trick myself into it! I’ve tried P90X. I did it for a week and a half and was no longer able to walk, sit, stand or lay. So I’m nowhere near that level of intensity (and I wasn’t even giving it my all!)

@MaraDiaz
LOL First off I love your sense of humor! I agree. I know that how I think will affect how I behave. I don’t do a lot of negative self bashing I’m just tired of defeating myself over and over again. Thank you for the reminder. I will try to stay more positive and less self demeaning!

@wmlpd6
Thanks! I’m glad to hear it!

@skywa
Thanks! Now I just need to believe in myself!

@auntiebabs
Thank you for sharing! Coffee is my chocolate for sure. I will take your story into consideration. I’m trying to balance the number of calories calculators tell me I should have and my growling stomach. Perhaps I’m not getting enough of one particular thing and that’s why I’m still hungry after I have met my calorie goal (and this is when I 100% stick to a healthy diet which I can usually only do for a 1-3 weeks before I revert back to my old evil ways)

@eleanorjanethinne
Yeah my mind is pretty out of wack!

@childofgallifrey
I’m sorry to hear that you also feel this way. It’s pretty ****ty. I am so happy that I decided to post. Part of me hates it though because the support is overwhelming and maybe scarier than my own thoughts! Hah! Thank you for the response I’m certain we will both obtain our goals!

melcasa

@tani316

Thankfully I rarely binge. It’s more of not realizing (or ignoring) how much I’m eating or what I’m eating.
I try to eat natural and organic foods typically. Yeah the thought of all the processed mess that is in food today makes me sick. Even worse, sometimes I just crave nasty greasy food (can I blame that on living in the south!?)
I will definitely be using this community to work through my feelings and struggles! Thank you for the response!

Lt_Hawkeye

@lt_hawkeye
My fitness level…I’m good with strength training. Cardio below beginner all the way. I hate to run so if I’m doing cardio I need to trick myself into it! I’ve tried P90X. I did it for a week and a half and was no longer able to walk, sit, stand or lay. So I’m nowhere near that level of intensity (and I wasn’t even giving it my all!)

Oh I see. Well then the 30 Day Shred and the Ripped in 30 would be great for you! It's strength training combined with cardio, and the cardio ain't that bad since it's only for 2 minutes at each circuit. So I guess it's pretty much circuit training: You do 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute devoted to doing ab workouts. Rinse and repeat for 20-30 minutes and you'll feel like you've got an hour's worth of working out at the gym!

OneDayAtaTime1967

Well Melissa, you are in the right place now, Let's get passed pissed off because I've been there. I got something even more to be pissed off about. How about in 2004 I lost 96lbs from Jan. to Oct down from a size 24 to a 12 and I'm back up to a 22. Now just think how pissed I should be. But since I joined myfitnesspal I to realize that the reason I gained all of the weight back is because I didn't know that logging all my food down everyday is going to be a LIFE TIME THING TO DO. I am and will always be just like ppl that attend AA meetings, I am a over eater. Once you realize who you are, you need to stop being pissed off and lets do something about it. There are a lot of ppl here on this site is just like us and we'll support you in every way just keep talking, and making changes in your life. Everyone here has a story and a lot of them has lost weight. I have been on the site for only 19 days and I have lost 7lbs and I have been feeling better than I have in years. Log in every day post all food even if its a bad day and we'll get through this thing together. So here's a big Welcome Melissa from me and all of your my fitness pals.

LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!!!!!!!

PMPB7

Hi Melissa,

I am so glad you are here! Truly, it something like AA or OA for eaters. It might feel sad to say it like that, but our love of food and no exercise is what ails us. Admitting it IS the first step. Doing something about it and really working the steps to make a BIG change IS NOT easy! You are doing the right thing and it is my hope and prayer for you and myself, (and every one here) that this will be the final beginning on a journey that will last a LIFETIME. There will be ups and downs for sure, but this time will pass and next summer will be here again. Shorts and bathing suit time. Whether you are ready or not. This is your chance to be ready and shine.

Welcome to the site. It is only my second day using it, and I am with ya!

Bernie

PMPB7

Well Melissa, you are in the right place now, Let's get passed pissed off because I've been there. I got something even more to be pissed off about. How about in 2004 I lost 96lbs from Jan. to Oct down from a size 24 to a 12 and I'm back up to a 22. Now just think how pissed I should be. But since I joined myfitnesspal I to realize that the reason I gained all of the weight back is because I didn't know that logging all my food down everyday is going to be a LIFE TIME THING TO DO. I am and will always be just like ppl that attend AA meetings, I am a over eater. Once you realize who you are, you need to stop being pissed off and lets do something about it. There are a lot of ppl here on this site is just like us and we'll support you in every way just keep talking, and making changes in your life. Everyone here has a story and a lot of them has lost weight. I have been on the site for only 19 days and I have lost 7lbs and I have been feeling better than I have in years. Log in every day post all food even if its a bad day and we'll get through this thing together. So here's a big Welcome Melissa from me and all of your my fitness pals.

LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!!!!!!!


I am SOOOOO glad you are on my team in this new journey for me! I feel your pain. I have lost and gained, over and again! I so want it BAD this time around!!!!!!!!

BenderFitness

Hi Melissa,

You can definitely do this. It sounds like you already know what you need to do and just need some help with the motivation aspects of it. Also, your goal is very realistic and achievable! It sounds like you just need to find changes that will fit with your lifestyle.

(my name is also) Melissa

turningstar

Welcome Melissa! I could have written your post. Im even the same weight as you! Im starting the
fatness to fitness train too. I've failed many times, but my almost one year old son is now
My motivation. That, and the prospect of a new career a few years down the road ( which relies on
Fitness). Coming from someone who always pushed as hard as possible and burned out, my advice
Is baby steps. Week one- drink more water and walk a mile. Week two- cut down on sugars and junk
And walk three miles. Week three- watch portion sizes and do a workout video twice. These are just
Examples. Everyone is different.
Also, find your motivation. Buy a dress that is a little too small and workout till it fits, cut out pics of
Your dream body and work toward it.
Good luck, and message me anytime you need a buddy!

Thea7777

I just need to look at this one day at a time ... if I look at the big picture its overwhelming! But today - sure I can do this

gcinann

wow melissa welcome

i don't know what to sayn luv, they say it all... im new here i already enjoyed it

To all keep it up>>>>>

suelegal

Hey Melissa! I hear you trying to control. Control starts with realizing that you can't control by sheer willpower. I have the same addictive personality with food that I have with booze or shopping or nearly anything that is "comfort" type doing. But we need food to survive, which is quite different booze. I had to admit there were certain foods that I just can't eat everyday. I found out that sugars are my downfall and complex carbs all break down into sugars. I use them poorly, I get that rush and then that crash and then the cravings all start and I'm out of control again. So I eat low carb. I just do better in general doing that. I'm not saying you should, what I'm suggesting is that you find your triggers, those foods that send you spiraling out of control, and start there. Little steps, one day at a time... You know how to do that!

Sunlight2011

That day WILL come. Believe. Welcome to the beginning of reaching your goal!!

OneDayAtaTime1967

Well Melissa, you are in the right place now, Let's get passed pissed off because I've been there. I got something even more to be pissed off about. How about in 2004 I lost 96lbs from Jan. to Oct down from a size 24 to a 12 and I'm back up to a 22. Now just think how pissed I should be. But since I joined myfitnesspal I to realize that the reason I gained all of the weight back is because I didn't know that logging all my food down everyday is going to be a LIFE TIME THING TO DO. I am and will always be just like ppl that attend AA meetings, I am a over eater. Once you realize who you are, you need to stop being pissed off and lets do something about it. There are a lot of ppl here on this site is just like us and we'll support you in every way just keep talking, and making changes in your life. Everyone here has a story and a lot of them has lost weight. I have been on the site for only 19 days and I have lost 7lbs and I have been feeling better than I have in years. Log in every day post all food even if its a bad day and we'll get through this thing together. So here's a big Welcome Melissa from me and all of your my fitness pals.

LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!!!!!!!


I am SOOOOO glad you are on my team in this new journey for me! I feel your pain. I have lost and gained, over and again! I so want it BAD this time around!!!!!!!!

I'm glad we're on the same team too!!!!!!!