Worried about daughter in law

Elizabeth_C34

It is really important to remember that people don't embark on life-changing endeavors because someone else told them to. When/if she is ready to make the changes necessary, she will.

Just be there to support her when she does decide to do something.

My1985Freckles

I am a mother-in-law....you just met her last week? DO NOT say anything to her...

I understand you are concern, but it really isn't your place to say anything. if you just met her, than your really don't have a relationship with her....saying something will only be detrimental to any relationship with her in the fututre.

I am sure she is aware of the weight gain and of her risks. I would just work on being her friend and giving her love and support.

Chances are your DIL just started a new birth control. When I started mine, I gained 40 pounds in 4-5 months! It was horrible! I was moody and depressed and felt FAT!.... MILs and DILs don't typically get along (sterotype I know, but in MOST cases it is true). So, unless you want to cause a family rift which results in you only seeing your son on holidays, I wouldn't say a word. If my MIL elluded for one second that she thinks that I am fat (even with the "I'm worried because you'll get sick.") she would never see my husband again. Just sayin' you might think you are being "nice" but she won't take it that way.

ElizabethRoad

If you think she is depressed then you could try to be there for her with that problem. But you know you are in no place to mention her weight to her, no matter how good your intentions.

ElizabethRoad

Its a sticky subject to be sure, but when i started gaining alot of weight my cousin pulled me aside and told me how worried he is. I got mad but he was right. I ask for the parents permsion first and if they give the ok and then go for it, be kind and understanding.

Why on Earth would she ask the parents' permission?

ljholmann

Nice Sleeve, I am working on a half sleeve, but unfortunately at my work I have to keep mine covered.

padraigin67

As a MIL whose DIL said to me "I don't want to end up as big as my mother and sister." I took that to mean she wanted me to encourage her and told her about mfp. I was asking her if she wanted me to pick her up and take her with me on my walks. She told my son that I hurt her feelings and was implying she was fat. That was not what I was doing and told my son about our conversation. He said she was just saying that and that she felt I was being bossy and too free with advice. That while she appreciated my advice, she wished I would wait until she asked for it. Yeah, I wouldn't say anything until she comes to you and asks for help.

Fit4_Life

Great advice from all of you. Thank you so much! It sure helps getting advice from friends like you. I truly appreciate your comments, and plan to keep out of it. :-) I figure time will come to make that decision on her own.

mistresseeyore

I am close to my Mother in Law and she has never said anything, even when I gained 104 pounds in the time I married her son. I love my parents, and my Father is an exercising/eating dictator. My parents would say something to me, and it would frustrate me and make me feel bad. It takes time, and when I was ready, I started, but if you say anything before she is ready, you are going to have a very strained relationship with her. Decide whether you want a strong relationship with her, or you want her to lose, feel bad, and not like you.

MeganLMeier

Under no circumstances should you say anything about your daughter-in-law's weight.

It is not a mother-in-law's place to tell her daughter-in-law that she is fat. For that matter, it really isn't anyone's place to bring up someone else's weight. It's about the rudest thing I can imagine, maybe tied with "How much money do you make?" and "When are you going to have a baby?" These things are none of your business, and you do not have a right to bring them up, even if they concern you.

For the sake of your relationship with your son and your daughter-in-law, keep your concern to yourself.

TripleJ3

Its a sticky subject to be sure, but when i started gaining alot of weight my cousin pulled me aside and told me how worried he is. I got mad but he was right. I ask for the parents permsion first and if they give the ok and then go for it, be kind and understanding.

Why would she ask the parents first? She's 24 and married so I am sure she isn't still living with her parents.....

I say unless you can bring MFP up in the conversation casually, like there is an actual opening to suggest it, then I wouldn't say anything. Its one thing if you two knew each other better. But since you barely have a relationship, starting out mentioning "helpful weight loss tips" may not be taken so well. She may chalk it up to a nosy new Mother-in-law and not take the time to actually really think about what and why you are saying these things.

Do you talk to her often? Live close by? You could start out slow, asking her to lunch/shopping. Maybe while looking at an outfit mention how this is my goal outfit and go from there. If you choose lunch say how you like to eat at a certain place because then you can track your calories on MFP. Put a bug in her ear. Maybe she will ask more about it, maybe she won't. But at least if you get the chance to sort of mention it without aiming it towards her, she can think about it or go home and be able to check it out herself without feeling embarrassed that you are "watching" or judging her.

I would definitely try to get to know her better since it sounds like from what you wrote, that you two don't have much of a relationship yet.

Good Luck!

catwrangler

You have wonderful intentions, but please don't say anything. She is likely to take it as criticism and be hurt by your words.

Not only hurt, but angry. If she's an emotional eater, you will make her eat more. Stay silent on the matter. Trust me, she already knows she's fat, depressed and needs to do something. Don't set her back by saying anything about it.

amberrrogers

DO NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT HER WEIGHT. You have no right to do so. My mother in law was worried about my weight, and she had a right too since I ballooned to over 300 pounds. But she never said a word to me until I made the choice to change my life. Then she told me how worried she had been. If you speak out, it will cause hurt feelings and that is not what you want

Maryfullofgrace

DO NOT SAY A WORD.

yoshi91610

I have seen pictures of my daughter in law, who I have never met till last week. She is 24 yrs old, and have gain a large amount of weight, recently. Her parents who are in their early 50's are Type 2 diabetics. I'm just worried for her sake, and would hate to see her become a diabetic at her early age. Should I keep my nose out, or should I tell her that I, and others are concerned? I have given her hints that I have joined MFP a year ago, and how great the website/app has been for me, and how it works.
I could tell she is depressed a lot. I would just like to get her back on her feet.

Any suggestions? Or should I not say anything? If so...how should I bring it up?

Thanks in advance.

For me, it worked out better when people actually said that they were worried about my weight and that it was not healthy. I was talking to my mom one day and I said something like, "I don't like being 100lbs overweight and ashamed of myself." And she responded with "Oh you're not that unhealthy, you don't even look that overweight." I had to tell her I appreciated that she was trying to boost my self-esteem but it doesn't help me at all when people do that because to me it's like saying it is ok that I am overweight and unhealthy. And it really did help when I had someone (my husband after I asked his honest opinion) tell me like it is, I already have diabetes and high blood pressure, and I am only 23, I know if I lose weight I can lower my blood pressure and possibly get off the meds that I am taking. BUT not everyone responds well to "tough love." if you guys are close then yes I would tell her straight out how you are concerned but I wouldn't speak for other people if they aren't around.

ackeebee

express your concerns to your son and it is up to him whether or not he does the rest. if you have only met this woman 5 minutes ago, you have not yet built the sort of relationship where this concern would be welcome.......

Liopleurodon

The closest I would get is something along the lines of "you seem a bit low - are you ok?" and if she wants to talk about anything then listen and if she doesn't then butt out. If she is depressed then the weight gain is probably a symptom of that and she needs to deal with that side of things rather than the weight on its own. It's also the case, though, that someone with depression is even more likely to hear criticism and personal attack where you don't mean to include it. She probably already feels bad about her weight and if you point it out it will probably sound judgemental rather than supportive.

thor1god1of1awesome

Its a sticky subject to be sure, but when i started gaining alot of weight my cousin pulled me aside and told me how worried he is. I got mad but he was right. I ask for the parents permsion first and if they give the ok and then go for it, be kind and understanding.

Why on Earth would she ask the parents' permission?

my fault I read it wrong, I was thinking step daughter

xoxMandyxox

Since you don't know her too too well, perhaps inviting her along for nature walks. Nothing too extreme at first. Just a normal walk where you can bring up talking about going for hikes and more intense walks than the one you're on. Even just regular, face-paced walks around neighborhoods wouldn't be bad.

You don't want to just talk to her about weight issues or things relating to because, as subtle as that seems, it's not when it's a constant thing. So, rather than focusing on her health, focus on getting to know her, but do it on walks. Go to the mall and walk, in the neighborhood, etc. Ask her if she needs to go to the grocery store and have her tag along with you (or tag along with her), and talk up healthy foods. Like, "Oh you'd think this tastes bad, but it's sooo good you can't tell it's good for you!"

Just1forMe

I am a mother-in-law....you just met her last week? DO NOT say anything to her...

I understand you are concern, but it really isn't your place to say anything. if you just met her, than your really don't have a relationship with her....saying something will only be detrimental to any relationship with her in the fututre.

I am sure she is aware of the weight gain and of her risks. I would just work on being her friend and giving her love and support.

This is the absolute truth. Do NOT say anything to her or your son. Do you think she isn't aware of her weight gain? When she is ready, she will do something about it, but if you value your relationship with her and your son, you will NOT say a word or drop any "hints". My FIL said something to someone about my weight gain 18 years ago and although I love him, I have never really forgotten or forgiven him for the comment he made to this day. Stay out of it! If she comes to you for advice, that's another story...

Liopleurodon

Tbh I can see even talking up healthy food could be seen as criticism. It could come across in quite a passive aggressive way, like taking an overweight friend out to lunch and going on about how "this place has fantastic salads, you know." If she's not stupid she'll realise what you're doing pretty quickly.