Anyone with travelling spouse?

mleoni092708

My husband travels for work and I'm finding it difficult to handle. We have a 3 year old and it leaves me as a single parent. This is a fairly new occurance-within the last year or so and I'm still getting used to it. It's tough. I have anxiety and it tends to act up when he's away-I guess I don't feel safe or something, so I don't sleep well and I generally feel like crap. I keep hoping it'll get better. It's not for long stretches of time, usually only a few days or at the most 2 weeks. I work FT outside the home. Anyone have words of wisdom on learning to not let it bother me? I miss him, and he's underground in a mine sometimes which makes me worry he's safe. I know I shouldn't stress, but I can't help the anxiety, it's just there (I am being treated for it). I suppose I could just dope myself with anxiety meds but then I am drowsy and it's harder to take care of my daughter. I am super tired today.

Onesnap

I am the traveling spouse. You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.

Onesnap

But really--what helps in our house is to make sure my hubby has time with friends etc. when I'm out of town. That way he's well fed and entertained. And anxiety free.

You need a support network and alone-time (even to take a walk)

This is something no drug can provide...you need to make the effort and you will be so much happier. I promise.

mleoni092708

Thanks for the grammar lesson....

lik_11

Not something I'm currently dealing with- but my suggestion would be to use all means of communication that you can: skype, text, email, etc. Anything you can to help feel closer to him while he's away. I know it's hard!!!

littlemissshowoff

I'm the travelling spouse as well although my husband does go away with work once a year.

Do you have any friends or family you could ask to stay the night while your husband is away? It might help your feel better about being the only adult in the house.

bethvandenberg

glad to hear you're getting help. Maybe come up with some sort of meditation before bed so that you can relax enough to get some good sleep. I bet if you were well rested you'd be way less stressed. Then just set some daily goals for you and your daughter. Set some together goals for when your loving man is around. Then try not to stress. There isn't anything that you can do to change the situation. Going to have to learn to let it go. Try to focus your energies on something positive. Hang in there.

Onesnap

Thanks for the grammar lesson....

Not trying to be mean. It just happens a lot on here. If you use Firefox as your web browser it will correct the spelling as you type. I just see a lot of typos on MFP when the web is here to help...FF is free and is a great tool!

Contrarian

You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.

Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.

Onesnap

You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.

Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.

Well it shows up wrong on my computer. So sorry. I don't think the British invented language in general (or spelling). I get your point. Not here to fight. If the poster was British or Canadian they spelled it correctly. If not, they spelled it wrong. There's misspellings every day on MFP and it just makes the person look like they don't care. When posting something viewed by 100s of people is it really that difficult to spell correctly?

mleoni092708

Thanks everyone. I am even very close with my next door neighbors. You would think that would help relax me too, if I needed anything they are there for us. Sleep is a major issue for me. I'm waiting on a dental appliance for sleep apnea that should be ready in a few weeks (Merry Christmas to me!). And my 3 year old wakes me up at least once a night for who knows what reason. I'm going to try a PM Yoga dvd I have and see if that helps. He has a great job and seems to like it. I try to keep quiet about how I am feeling so I don't stress him out. He knows I have trouble with it, I just don't keep bringing it up.

Onesnap

The poster is from PA. They spell it with one L in PA along with the rest of the US.

anzabeth

You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.

Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.

Well it shows up wrong on my computer. So sorry. I don't think the British invented language in general (or spelling). I get your point. Not here to fight. If the poster was British or Canadian they spelled it correctly. If not, they spelled it wrong. There's misspellings every day on MFP and it just makes the person look like they don't care. When posting something viewed by 100s of people is it really that difficult to spell correctly?

Should be "There are misspellings every day on MFP."

:bigsmile:

mleoni092708

The poster is from PA. They spell it with one L in PA along with the rest of the US.

Seriously? That's enough. I'm posting on here for support, not a spelling lesson. That's quite condescending of you and unappreciated.

Contrarian

You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.

Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.

Well it shows up wrong on my computer. So sorry. I don't think the British invented language in general (or spelling).

They invented the English language. As someone who uses British spelling, I appreciate the extra "l" and any superfluous "u"s you have kicking around in the cupboard, as well.

applebobbrush

My husband travels quite a bit as well. Even with an older child (12 yr old) I had some of the same issues. I started to view it as girl time when he's gone. We have friends come over and spend the night, go out on play dates with friends, classes together at a recreation center. Basically I tried to keep myself really busy during the time that he was gone so I wasn't dwelling on being alone. As for the hard time sleeping, I started drinking a cup of sleepy time tea before bed (celestial seasonings). It doesn't make you groggy so you will hear if your child needs you during the night. It just helps you relax and be able to sleep. Maybe try doing any workouts in the evening at a gym or rec center that offers fun stuff for your child to do while you exercise. Then when you get home you are really tired and ready to fall into bed.

Feel free to add me as a friend, if you need an ear to talk to while he's away I'm here.

Contrarian

OP, I think it's just something that you will get used to, eventually. Try to stay in contact with your spouse as much as you can while he is away.

Do you have any close friends who live nearby? Maybe you could spend more time with friends when he is away.

I'm sorry. I know it's a difficult situation. Be brave!

Onesnap

I'm not lashing out at the poster. I'm lashing out at people telling me that the British invented the language and blah, blah, blah. I happen to be married to someone who is 1/2 English and have an English last name. I respect all cultures and love to travel. I however, don't need someone throwing my point in my face and telling me "well, it's spelled this way in MY country"

This happens every day on MFP...spelling errors are pretty common on here.

I did offer up advice on the topic. In fact, I was the first one to do so.

Again, I'm not picking on the poster. I'm just angry about the person throwing the whole English language thing in my face. I pointed out a mistake...that's it.

Onesnap

Should be "There are misspellings every day on MFP."

:bigsmile:

Seriously? My original point was trashed. I'm just sick and tired of the subject line in forum posts having spelling errors. We're not 10 years old.

deeannhill

My spouse works offshore rotation schedule. He's gone two weeks, home one. I have two teenagers in the house, so they are very self-reliant, but bring their own challenges. He's been traveling for the last 2-1/2 years. I can say, it does get easier.

The suggestions about friends is dead-on. I have a tendency to "hermit" when he's gone, but have a great church family who won't let me burrow too deep into myself before dragging me out (kicking and screaming). Socialize and open your home to your friends. Remember; your couple friends are still your friends, even when you don't feel like a couple. You may feel like a single-parent sometimes, but you are not.

Secondly - you mention that he works underground mining. You cannot dwell on the dangers of his occupation. I did for the first six months Shawn was on oil rigs in the Gulf. After the Horizon incident, the danger was even more "in-my-face." Have your spouse discuss the safety procedures and precautionary measures that are in place. Daily safety meetings, constant awareness and stop-work authority practices. I found that when I knew how many precautions and procedures were in place to keep the men safe, I began sleeping better at night.

Lastly - pray. Give your spouce and your marriage to God every day. Ask for protection and awareness. Ask God to guard your heart from the seeping negativity of Satan. Phil 4:6-7 are the verses I stand upon daily. "Be anxious for nothing, yet in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of the Lord which passes all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus."

Hope this helps!

mleoni092708

My spouse works offshore rotation schedule. He's gone two weeks, home one. I have two teenagers in the house, so they are very self-reliant, but bring their own challenges. He's been traveling for the last 2-1/2 years. I can say, it does get easier.

The suggestions about friends is dead-on. I have a tendency to "hermit" when he's gone, but have a great church family who won't let me burrow too deep into myself before dragging me out (kicking and screaming). Socialize and open your home to your friends. Remember; your couple friends are still your friends, even when you don't feel like a couple. You may feel like a single-parent sometimes, but you are not.

Secondly - you mention that he works underground mining. You cannot dwell on the dangers of his occupation. I did for the first six months Shawn was on oil rigs in the Gulf. After the Horizon incident, the danger was even more "in-my-face." Have your spouse discuss the safety procedures and precautionary measures that are in place. Daily safety meetings, constant awareness and stop-work authority practices. I found that when I knew how many precautions and procedures were in place to keep the men safe, I began sleeping better at night.

Lastly - pray. Give your spouce and your marriage to God every day. Ask for protection and awareness. Ask God to guard your heart from the seeping negativity of Satan. Phil 4:6-7 are the verses I stand upon daily. "Be anxious for nothing, yet in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of the Lord which passes all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus."

Hope this helps!

Thank you! Yes it does help. I have struggled with my faith but I am working on it and need to learn to pray more and trust the higher power.