Anyone with travelling spouse?
mleoni092708
Posts: 629 Member
My husband travels for work and I'm finding it difficult to handle. We have a 3 year old and it leaves me as a single parent. This is a fairly new occurance-within the last year or so and I'm still getting used to it. It's tough. I have anxiety and it tends to act up when he's away-I guess I don't feel safe or something, so I don't sleep well and I generally feel like crap. I keep hoping it'll get better. It's not for long stretches of time, usually only a few days or at the most 2 weeks. I work FT outside the home. Anyone have words of wisdom on learning to not let it bother me? I miss him, and he's underground in a mine sometimes which makes me worry he's safe. I know I shouldn't stress, but I can't help the anxiety, it's just there (I am being treated for it). I suppose I could just dope myself with anxiety meds but then I am drowsy and it's harder to take care of my daughter. I am super tired today.
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Replies
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I am the traveling spouse. You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.0
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But really--what helps in our house is to make sure my hubby has time with friends etc. when I'm out of town. That way he's well fed and entertained. And anxiety free.
You need a support network and alone-time (even to take a walk)
This is something no drug can provide...you need to make the effort and you will be so much happier. I promise.0 -
Thanks for the grammar lesson....0
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Not something I'm currently dealing with- but my suggestion would be to use all means of communication that you can: skype, text, email, etc. Anything you can to help feel closer to him while he's away. I know it's hard!!!0
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I'm the travelling spouse as well although my husband does go away with work once a year.
Do you have any friends or family you could ask to stay the night while your husband is away? It might help your feel better about being the only adult in the house.0 -
glad to hear you're getting help. Maybe come up with some sort of meditation before bed so that you can relax enough to get some good sleep. I bet if you were well rested you'd be way less stressed. Then just set some daily goals for you and your daughter. Set some together goals for when your loving man is around. Then try not to stress. There isn't anything that you can do to change the situation. Going to have to learn to let it go. Try to focus your energies on something positive.
Hang in there. 0 -
Thanks for the grammar lesson....
Not trying to be mean. It just happens a lot on here. If you use Firefox as your web browser it will correct the spelling as you type. I just see a lot of typos on MFP when the web is here to help...FF is free and is a great tool!0 -
You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.
Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.0 -
You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.
Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.
Well it shows up wrong on my computer. So sorry. I don't think the British invented language in general (or spelling). I get your point. Not here to fight. If the poster was British or Canadian they spelled it correctly. If not, they spelled it wrong. There's misspellings every day on MFP and it just makes the person look like they don't care. When posting something viewed by 100s of people is it really that difficult to spell correctly?0 -
Thanks everyone. I am even very close with my next door neighbors. You would think that would help relax me too, if I needed anything they are there for us. Sleep is a major issue for me. I'm waiting on a dental appliance for sleep apnea that should be ready in a few weeks (Merry Christmas to me!). And my 3 year old wakes me up at least once a night for who knows what reason. I'm going to try a PM Yoga dvd I have and see if that helps. He has a great job and seems to like it. I try to keep quiet about how I am feeling so I don't stress him out. He knows I have trouble with it, I just don't keep bringing it up.0
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The poster is from PA. They spell it with one L in PA along with the rest of the US.0
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You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.
Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.
Well it shows up wrong on my computer. So sorry. I don't think the British invented language in general (or spelling). I get your point. Not here to fight. If the poster was British or Canadian they spelled it correctly. If not, they spelled it wrong. There's misspellings every day on MFP and it just makes the person look like they don't care. When posting something viewed by 100s of people is it really that difficult to spell correctly?
Should be "There are misspellings every day on MFP."
:bigsmile:0 -
The poster is from PA. They spell it with one L in PA along with the rest of the US.
Seriously? That's enough. I'm posting on here for support, not a spelling lesson. That's quite condescending of you and unappreciated.0 -
You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.
Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.
Well it shows up wrong on my computer. So sorry. I don't think the British invented language in general (or spelling).
They invented the English language. As someone who uses British spelling, I appreciate the extra "l" and any superfluous "u"s you have kicking around in the cupboard, as well. 0 -
My husband travels quite a bit as well. Even with an older child (12 yr old) I had some of the same issues. I started to view it as girl time when he's gone. We have friends come over and spend the night, go out on play dates with friends, classes together at a recreation center. Basically I tried to keep myself really busy during the time that he was gone so I wasn't dwelling on being alone. As for the hard time sleeping, I started drinking a cup of sleepy time tea before bed (celestial seasonings). It doesn't make you groggy so you will hear if your child needs you during the night. It just helps you relax and be able to sleep. Maybe try doing any workouts in the evening at a gym or rec center that offers fun stuff for your child to do while you exercise. Then when you get home you are really tired and ready to fall into bed.
Feel free to add me as a friend, if you need an ear to talk to while he's away I'm here.0 -
OP, I think it's just something that you will get used to, eventually. Try to stay in contact with your spouse as much as you can while he is away.
Do you have any close friends who live nearby? Maybe you could spend more time with friends when he is away.
I'm sorry. I know it's a difficult situation. Be brave!0 -
I'm not lashing out at the poster. I'm lashing out at people telling me that the British invented the language and blah, blah, blah. I happen to be married to someone who is 1/2 English and have an English last name. I respect all cultures and love to travel. I however, don't need someone throwing my point in my face and telling me "well, it's spelled this way in MY country"
This happens every day on MFP...spelling errors are pretty common on here.
I did offer up advice on the topic. In fact, I was the first one to do so.
Again, I'm not picking on the poster. I'm just angry about the person throwing the whole English language thing in my face. I pointed out a mistake...that's it.0 -
Should be "There are misspellings every day on MFP."
:bigsmile:
Seriously? My original point was trashed. I'm just sick and tired of the subject line in forum posts having spelling errors. We're not 10 years old.0 -
My spouse works offshore rotation schedule. He's gone two weeks, home one. I have two teenagers in the house, so they are very self-reliant, but bring their own challenges. He's been traveling for the last 2-1/2 years. I can say, it does get easier.
The suggestions about friends is dead-on. I have a tendency to "hermit" when he's gone, but have a great church family who won't let me burrow too deep into myself before dragging me out (kicking and screaming). Socialize and open your home to your friends. Remember; your couple friends are still your friends, even when you don't feel like a couple. You may feel like a single-parent sometimes, but you are not.
Secondly - you mention that he works underground mining. You cannot dwell on the dangers of his occupation. I did for the first six months Shawn was on oil rigs in the Gulf. After the Horizon incident, the danger was even more "in-my-face." Have your spouse discuss the safety procedures and precautionary measures that are in place. Daily safety meetings, constant awareness and stop-work authority practices. I found that when I knew how many precautions and procedures were in place to keep the men safe, I began sleeping better at night.
Lastly - pray. Give your spouce and your marriage to God every day. Ask for protection and awareness. Ask God to guard your heart from the seeping negativity of Satan. Phil 4:6-7 are the verses I stand upon daily. "Be anxious for nothing, yet in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of the Lord which passes all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus."
Hope this helps!0 -
My spouse works offshore rotation schedule. He's gone two weeks, home one. I have two teenagers in the house, so they are very self-reliant, but bring their own challenges. He's been traveling for the last 2-1/2 years. I can say, it does get easier.
The suggestions about friends is dead-on. I have a tendency to "hermit" when he's gone, but have a great church family who won't let me burrow too deep into myself before dragging me out (kicking and screaming). Socialize and open your home to your friends. Remember; your couple friends are still your friends, even when you don't feel like a couple. You may feel like a single-parent sometimes, but you are not.
Secondly - you mention that he works underground mining. You cannot dwell on the dangers of his occupation. I did for the first six months Shawn was on oil rigs in the Gulf. After the Horizon incident, the danger was even more "in-my-face." Have your spouse discuss the safety procedures and precautionary measures that are in place. Daily safety meetings, constant awareness and stop-work authority practices. I found that when I knew how many precautions and procedures were in place to keep the men safe, I began sleeping better at night.
Lastly - pray. Give your spouce and your marriage to God every day. Ask for protection and awareness. Ask God to guard your heart from the seeping negativity of Satan. Phil 4:6-7 are the verses I stand upon daily. "Be anxious for nothing, yet in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of the Lord which passes all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus."
Hope this helps!
Thank you! Yes it does help. I have struggled with my faith but I am working on it and need to learn to pray more and trust the higher power.0 -
You need a good support system, as others have said.
Are your or his parents nearby who can help you with your childcare needs?0 -
OP- My husband has worked a 12 hour swing shift for our whole relationship. So he works 4 days, has 4 days off then works 4 nights. I never really saw him because he was also forced in to overtime. He was also sent for training for many months at a time. It was very hard. But I was used to a "man" not being there. My dad would travel for work months at a time. It was hard at first but I have a very loving and supportive family on both sides. He works at a refinery which scares me all the time. If one idiot forgets to close a valve all the way theres a gas leak and it could blow.
I would say find something that makes you calm down. Get into reading, art, or classes. Make sure your husband knows how you feel. He is doing everything do provide for his family. Letting him know you are worried or scared might make him feel appreciated. Plus, when he is home it will make that time even more special. And not to be a downer but you might not ever get over that feeling. But, you will find ways to get through it.0 -
Dude. Get over it. You've douched enough on this thread, and it's become annoying. Everyone's impressed with your spelling abilities. Move along.I'm not lashing out at the poster. I'm lashing out at people telling me that the British invented the language and blah, blah, blah. I happen to be married to someone who is 1/2 English and have an English last name. I respect all cultures and love to travel. I however, don't need someone throwing my point in my face and telling me "well, it's spelled this way in MY country"
This happens every day on MFP...spelling errors are pretty common on here.
I did offer up advice on the topic. In fact, I was the first one to do so.
Again, I'm not picking on the poster. I'm just angry about the person throwing the whole English language thing in my face. I pointed out a mistake...that's it.
I recall what someone said on another thread...
Oh, wait...This website (and all social networks) are full of RUDE people and people that think they are better than every one else.0 -
Dude. Get over it. You've douched enough on this thread, and it's become annoying. Everyone's impressed with your spelling abilities. Move along.I'm not lashing out at the poster. I'm lashing out at people telling me that the British invented the language and blah, blah, blah. I happen to be married to someone who is 1/2 English and have an English last name. I respect all cultures and love to travel. I however, don't need someone throwing my point in my face and telling me "well, it's spelled this way in MY country"
This happens every day on MFP...spelling errors are pretty common on here.
I did offer up advice on the topic. In fact, I was the first one to do so.
Again, I'm not picking on the poster. I'm just angry about the person throwing the whole English language thing in my face. I pointed out a mistake...that's it.
xoxoxoxo0 -
Well I have been dealing with this since my son was born...17 years ago! So I guess I am a pro. It has been quite trying at times and the main reason we only have one child. I didn't work outside the home so it was very lonely at times. My son kept me busy and meeting some great friends along the way with children the same age helped a lot. However now he is older and the hubby is still traveling, it can be lonely. Great friends and going on outing with them makes it bearable. Take the time to do things by yourself or with a friend and get a good babysitter so you don't have to worry about home when you are out enjoying yourself and destressing. If you would like to talk more you can add me as a friend if you like...I will gladly be some support because I know how hard it can be. Good luck with everything.0
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You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.
Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.
I think I love you for this comment
Was just about to say the same thing! ^_^0 -
You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.
Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.
Well it shows up wrong on my computer. So sorry. I don't think the British invented language in general (or spelling).
They invented the English language. As someone who uses British spelling, I appreciate the extra "l" and any superfluous "u"s you have kicking around in the cupboard, as well.
You are actually my new favourite person
(Inb4 the other person gets mad I didn't spell it 'favorite')
WRONG SPELLING IS WRONG0 -
All right. Enough.
My point was 100% ignored and a whole bunch of you attacked me for it.
Stop the name calling (to me). Stop accusing me of 'douching' on this post. Stop telling me how in YOUR country the word was not spelled wrong.
I pointed out that there's technology out there to make sure you do not spell things wrong (online). Firefox is free.
Seriously, people? Every single one of you that lashed out at me was completely rude. I simply said I'm sick and tired of people spelling things wrong on this website. I know it's easy to do. We are not all perfect.
Each and every one of you that was rude to me on here can just jump in a lake. I was being helpful to the poster in my first post. I spoke from experience because I'm married and I travel for work.0 -
My husband has been in the military for 17 years. You do get used to it. Keeping busy helps.0
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As an American, I equate the use of superfluous "u"s to being subject to a tyrannous king again.
You are actually my new favourite person
They invented the English language. As someone who uses British spelling, I appreciate the extra "l" and any superfluous "u"s you have kicking around in the cupboard, as well.
Well it shows up wrong on my computer. So sorry. I don't think the British invented language in general (or spelling).
Travelling can be spelled with two "l"s. It is the British spelling. Since they invented the language, I'm pretty sure it's okay to spell it that way.You spelled, traveling wrong, btw.
(Inb4 the other person gets mad I didn't spell it 'favorite')
WRONG SPELLING IS WRONG
I kid. I'm over it. Hail Britannia!0
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