The **** your family says

goodmonster

When I was young my uncle told me that if a girl lifted weights they would look like Bo Abobo from Double Dragon.
For those of you who don't know what the eff I'm talking about:


Yeah. Gross.

So what other completely random/untrue/awkward things have your family members told you?

ronda_gettinghealthy

my grandad said if I kissed my elbow I would turn into a boy....

StaceyL76

My dad used to tell me to eat (insert food of your choice) because it would grow hair on my chest!

As if that was an incentive for a young gal.. maybe if he would have said breasts.. it would have worked.

Contrarian

My dad told me that a jellyfish ate my sunhat when it blew off the end of a pier. I now know that jellyfish are incapable of eating sunhats.

rochey1098

My gran told me that when I lie I get a spot on my tongue. I asked her about it recently and she said that she always knew when I was lying because I'd poke my tongue out in the mirror lol

ronda_gettinghealthy

My gran told me that when I lie I get a spot on my tongue. I asked her about it recently and she said that she always knew when I was lying because I'd poke my tongue out in the mirror lol

yep I remember Lie bumps...

CakeFit21

My dad told me that Santa was shot down by the Russians.

It's my favorite story to tell about my father.

CastleMadeOfSand

My dad told me that Santa was shot down by the Russians.

It's my favorite story to tell about my father.

Lolololololol

ummommyme

My dad told me that a jellyfish ate my sunhat when it blew off the end of a pier. I now know that jellyfish are incapable of eating sunhats.

hehe, that made me giggle!

joanneeee

When I was young my uncle told me that if a girl lifted weights they would look like Bo Abobo from Double Dragon.
For those of you who don't know what the eff I'm talking about:


Yeah. Gross.

So what other completely random/untrue/awkward things have your family members told you?

it's true though. i actually look like this.

TDGee

"Can we talk later? The news is on... Well, if you have tuberculosis it's not gonna get any worse in the next 30 minutes, jesus."

TDGee

"Can we talk later? The news is on... Well, if you have tuberculosis it's not gonna get any worse in the next 30 minutes, jesus."

TDGee

"You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon."







Both stolen from **** my Dad Says

Stacera

watching football one time as a family a player tripped and went down, wasn't even tackled and my G-ma said, "He went down like a warm, sweet roll" crazy ol G-ma!

My mom occasionally says. "It's as hot as diner in here.." I have no idea what that means.. I've asked I don't think she knows either.

My Pops (g-pa) and his brothers used to make moonshine and he would always say he was going to check the spicy bacon......

i think my family is nuts.

MrsCon40

My grandfather used to tell us that there were special breeds of sheep called gynippers. Their legs on one side of their body were shorter than the other to make gazing on hillsides easier. Of course there were "right" and "left" gynippers.

He also told us never to hit a box in the road because there might be a baby in it.

Oh, and the tents that they put over power transformers on power poles were actually city people that couldn't afford to camp in the country.

Yes - he was a Portagee of the highest order. I miss him.

erzsebet_1560

When we would ask Grandma what we were having for dinner she would say, "Snake ankles on toast and barbecued fleas livers." She had a whole bunch of other things she would say..I miss her she was funny. RIP Grandma

NewVonnie

I used to bite my nails when I was a girl..constantly. One day my grandmother says, " I knew a girl who bit her nails like you..and swallowed the pieces by accident. They filled up all her organs and she died. When they cut her open she was all filled up with fingernails." Holy crap! I was petrified. Stopped that very second biting my nails.

Never occured to me that it was crazy to say that to a kid..lol

Didnt realize until years later that would be impossible. I just had visions of piles of fingernails inside me..OMG.

CastleMadeOfSand

I realize this is a bit off from the intention of the post, but mostly relative.

My dad once asked me (I was about 3 or 4) if I had brushed my teeth. I assured him yes. He said ok, and asked me to follow him to the kitchen. He put a pot of water on the boiler. Turned it all the way on. Let the water boil and told me that the flouride of toothpaste gets all over your hands when you brush, and that I could stick my finger in the boiling water and be protected by it.

I reached out to put my hand in the boiling water, he grabbed it immediately and said: "Goodnight mijo, go to bed."

erzsebet_1560

I used to bite my nails when I was a girl..constantly. One day my grandmother says, " I knew a girl who bit her nails like you..and swallowed the pieces by accident. They filled up all her organs and she died. When they cut her open she was all filled up with fingernails." Holy crap! I was petrified. Stopped that very second biting my nails.

Never occured to me that it was crazy to say that to a kid..lol

Didnt realize until years later that would be impossible. I just had visions of piles of fingernails inside me..OMG.

OMG!! That would horrify me!! LMAO!!!

boomboom011

my grandma told us if we watched 2 dogs "do it" we would get the pink eye.

goodmonster

My grandpa always said that if I ever met a bear camping I should challenge it to a game of cards- they were terrible gamblers.
I think he was drinking at the time.

... that and my grandma's leg was full of gold; that was why she couldn't move it very well.

Contrarian

my grandma told us if we watched 2 dogs "do it" we would get the pink eye.

That's excellent.

Ocarina

I used to have this addiction to salt so badly I would pour it in my hand and lick it up. My dad fixed the problem by telling me that if I licked it enough I would turn into a horse. I totally believed it!!

WifeNMama

My grandpa would tell us not to swallow our bubble gum or our bums would stick shut and we wouldn't be able to poop. I immediately started swallowing every piece of gum I got just to see if it was true. Lol good try grandpa. RIP.

My mom and her family always called mandarins "jap oranges" and it never occurred to them that it was actually an offensive term.
Yikes!

PetitePerfection

when I was about 7 years old, my brother told me that when people turn 8, they start to grow grapes on their legs...I totally believed him, needless to say I haven't eaten a grape since
When I was 4 or so, my dad told me that there was one hair that was connected to all the others on my head and if that one fell out, all the others would come out with it...I don't think I brushed my hair for a month after that one!
my grandpa always told me that water isn't actually wet and that the gov't has just convinced us that it is and b/c we've been told that water is wet, we perceive it as wet, when its really not....yeah okay gramps!
my grandma once told me that my family has a weird thing where all of our dreams come true because we are descendants of some magical clan of ireland...thank god that's not true because I have had some messed up dreams!!

Coyla

My dad....sigh....

I will sometimes have a dish of frozen whip cream in place of ice cream.

My Dad's reaction to me dishing out a spoonful: "If you have a craving for sweets, you should eat a doughnut, not that junk! That's not good for you!"

My Dad on thunderstorms: "If the electricity goes out, we'll have to watch TV by candlelight."

BondBomb

Old black people used to 'value' light skin. My grandmother used to tell us how lucky we were to be so light. My grandfather would tell me not to drink coffee because it would make me 'black'. These people were nuts.

l00zrr

My mom used to tell me not to stay on the toilet too long, or "El Cucuy" would pull me in.
I now have to take small craps throughout the day.

Funny thing is, my boyfriend, as I discovered when I moved in, was told the exact same thing as a child.
Lucky us.

Beastette

My mom has always been pretty progressive, so when I asked her where babies came from she told me...the truth. She used words like "erection" and "sperm" and PAIN. I was very young, but I still recall the overwhelming nausea that accompanied this revelation. I also remember asking her why she would do something so gross with my dad. Lol

My dad tells the most preposterous stories about his past, and I think he really believes them. He likes to tell us how great he was at martial arts, until he almost killed a man in the ring. Then he'll pause, and say "I've never told this to anyone before". Finally, I started telling him "You have. You've told ME this before. Plus, I think that happened in Rocky or maybe Karate Kid...".

My grandmother always told me I was her favorite, but not to tell the others because it would hurt their feelings. After her funeral, we all sat around reminiscening and realized she'd told that to us all. R.I.P. Swamp Fox, you crafty lady. I hope to be as wily some day...

FearAnLoathing

My dad told me he was going to put his goat in mommys pen,for a long time I wondered if we had a goat somewhere I had never seen,then i figured it out:sick:

vim_n_vigor

My dad told me he was going to put his goat in mommys pen,for a long time I wondered if we had a goat somewhere I had never seen,then i figured it out:sick:

That is the kind of thing that results in a lifetime of therapy!

My grandma always used to tell us to go make shame in the corner when we got in trouble. As I got older, I wondered exactly what she wanted us to do in that corner. :embarassed: