When is time to call it quits?

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  • Hayesgang
    Hayesgang Posts: 624
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    ^^This^^

    You are acting like a child that didn't get her way and it's not fair to him to expect him to validate you and your temper tantrum.
  • IvoryParchment
    IvoryParchment Posts: 651 Member
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    Lately I have been feeling way more depressed than usual mostly because my significant other is not supportive and actually stresses me out more.

    One of the characteristics of depression is that you put the worst interpretation on everything. You can't take a joke. You take offense where none was intended. It's the depression making you miserable, not the fat. Your SO said the only thing that would have been appropriate. Should he have said, "Yeah, you haven't made any progress at all, have you?"

    Yet he wants to get you out of the house to have fun. He's a keeper, from what I can see, and you aren't in an emotional state to be making any major life decisions right now. Learn about depression and adjustment disorder so at least you know why you're feeling the way you do; having some understanding gives you more control and is half the battle to getting better.
  • dimpleschick
    dimpleschick Posts: 85 Member
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    Men can never win. No matter what they say, it will be wrong. I think he was attempting to make you feel better about yourself. Unfortunately, he failed to notice that you were distressed over your clothes not fitting. It was NOT a comfort to hear that you were ok . In his eyes, he loves you like you are. He needs to be told (lord knows they always need to be told) that you need support and encouragement.

    As differently as men and women think about things, it's amazing that we even get along at all!

    Don't call it quits. Even if you have to write down your goals daily, you can do it.
  • george_ie_girl
    george_ie_girl Posts: 120 Member
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    Yeah I agree - he was being supportive. Most people would crack it if their trip got canceled! I know I would have!
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    If I were you I'd give him a steak and then give him something else after the steak, that I won't talk about because I'll get a strike.


    EDIT: Srs. I think he was being very supportive and I think you were being irrational and probably owe him an apology.

    Not saying this to be a dink, this is how I see it as of now.
  • k2quiere
    k2quiere Posts: 4,151 Member
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    Ooo, you're talking about dropping the boy aren't you?

    Yes yes I am, I am doing this all for me not anyone else and I need some support and understanding not someone that tell me it’s not big you have no reason to change, blah blah blah, it depresses me more to be with someone that can't understand why I want to change my lifestyle and be healthier.

    Doesn't sound like he was not understanding why you want to make the change. Sounds like he was trying to help make you feel better in your moment of overreacting and not trying to cancel plans, which may later on make you feel worse once you've calmed down. I don't know how long you've been working at this, but my question is why would you wait until the day of the plans to try on clothes you wanted to wear? If your weight had gone way up, and you had been trying to get down to some goal, you just set yourself up for some seriously bad feelings on one day and then are transferring the blame to the boyfriend. Just my thoughts.
  • Britt2Fitjrny
    Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
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    Different point of view:

    You're SO was being supportive in this situation. You were being emotional and dramatic. YOU cancelled the whole trip (that did not just involve YOU) because YOU didn't accomplish what YOU thought you should have. You are lucky that is all your SO said. My So would of hugged me, told me to put my big girl panties on and get in the damn truck.

    Put yourself in his shoes!

    Amen! If you're all worked up about him saying that to you then let him go be with a girl that would appreciate his support and not give him such a hard time! This is your life and you need to make these decisions for you. I think you need to talk to him for sure! Tell him exactly what this means to you and ask for his take on the whole thing! Seriously listen to everyone! Is it TOM week because this seams a tat bit over emotional but maybe your just a really sensitive person. Don't keep this in and honestly you need to sit down with him and talk heart to heart. Good luck! and don't even think about giving up on the weight loss journey!!
  • Britt2Fitjrny
    Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
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    Thank you all, you’re probably right I am being emotional and perhaps over dramatic. Maybe he was trying to be supportive and not insensitive and I just took it the wrong way. I guess he didn't say what I was looking for at the time, which is not really his fault at least he tried right! You all have made me look at this specific situation with a different perspective!

    YES!! Time for the make-up-sex! :wink:
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
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    Different point of view:

    You're SO was being supportive in this situation. You were being emotional and dramatic. YOU cancelled the whole trip (that did not just involve YOU) because YOU didn't accomplish what YOU thought you should have. You are lucky that is all your SO said. My So would of hugged me, told me to put my big girl panties on and get in the damn truck.

    Put yourself in his shoes!

    This. I wonder how stressed out and unsupported he is feeling.

    Only you know if you are better off or worse of with him. Or if you are bad for each other. Try to turn the drama down by putting your stuff in the right size. The pants not buttoning was not the end of the world. There were other solutions. The whole day did not need to be ruined. He, in his efforts to get you to stop freaking out (he gets something out of that I grant you, but he was also trying to reassure and soothe you I bet, too) made a comment that, in your over-sensitive state, you over interpreted as not supportive. Do you do that to him? Probably, and it isn't different, at least not as much as you think. And the one "it isn't that big a deal" comment (and in the scheme of things, it isn't that big a deal--no one is dying, you have the internet and food on Thanksgiving in a warm place with a roof. You live in a relatively peaceful country and you don't have a dread disease) does not mean that the relationship needs to be over. BUT if everything is THAT big a deal at any time, with no warning, out of the blue sky, then you're not gonna be with someone long term. Or that someone is gonna be someone who feeds off of drama too. Wouldn't you really rather have peace and contentment?
  • IvoryParchment
    IvoryParchment Posts: 651 Member
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    ...unless he was the one who ran your rayon clothes through the dryer ;)
  • nanodot
    nanodot Posts: 154 Member
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    Different point of view:

    You're SO was being supportive in this situation. You were being emotional and dramatic. YOU cancelled the whole trip (that did not just involve YOU) because YOU didn't accomplish what YOU thought you should have. You are lucky that is all your SO said. My So would of hugged me, told me to put my big girl panties on and get in the damn truck.

    Put yourself in his shoes!

    This. I wonder how stressed out and unsupported he is feeling.

    Only you know if you are better off or worse of with him. Or if you are bad for each other. Try to turn the drama down by putting your stuff in the right size. The pants not buttoning was not the end of the world. There were other solutions. The whole day did not need to be ruined. He, in his efforts to get you to stop freaking out (he gets something out of that I grant you, but he was also trying to reassure and soothe you I bet, too) made a comment that, in your over-sensitive state, you over interpreted as not supportive. Do you do that to him? Probably, and it isn't different, at least not as much as you think. And the one "it isn't that big a deal" comment (and in the scheme of things, it isn't that big a deal--no one is dying, you have the internet and food on Thanksgiving in a warm place with a roof. You live in a relatively peaceful country and you don't have a dread disease) does not mean that the relationship needs to be over. BUT if everything is THAT big a deal at any time, with no warning, out of the blue sky, then you're not gonna be with someone long term. Or that someone is gonna be someone who feeds off of drama too. Wouldn't you really rather have peace and contentment?


    This.

    You kinda had a meltdown, and ruined you own day and his. Then you considered dumping him over a pretty decent attempt to support you in your freakout? I think that this relationship is in serious trouble. He would probably enjoy someone who appreciates his efforts and doesn't make him the bad guy when he's offering his support.
  • kopite25
    kopite25 Posts: 6
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    Can i just say that from a mans perspective he was trying to do and say the right thing, it's just how our brains work unfortunately. My other half said to me the other day that sometimes a woman just wants a cuddle and told it'll be ok etc etc but 99 times out of 100 and man will try and offer a solution to the problem it's just how our brains work i'm afraid!!!!
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    I think you are overreacting. He is just trying to be nice to you. Do you really want him to say "yeah, i can't believe your pants won't zip."
  • madameduffay
    madameduffay Posts: 166 Member
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    I don't know the guy but from your description, it sounds like he was trying to let you know you are beautiful at your weight and trying to make you feel better so that you stopped crying.

    Perhaps you could talk to him about the kind of support you want from him? He might surprise you and give you exactly what you need.
  • madameduffay
    madameduffay Posts: 166 Member
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    Can i just say that from a mans perspective he was trying to do and say the right thing, it's just how our brains work unfortunately. My other half said to me the other day that sometimes a woman just wants a cuddle and told it'll be ok etc etc but 99 times out of 100 and man will try and offer a solution to the problem it's just how our brains work i'm afraid!!!!

    I agree. I think that there is a difference between a "man's" idea of support and a "woman's" (generalization I know). Generally speaking, women tend to take the "shoulder to cry on/sympathic ear" approach. Men on the other hand, tend to take the "how can I fix this" approach.

    I don't think one is better then the other, but it gives a bit of perspective in terms of understanding why people respond the way they do and why others seem dissatisfied with that response.
  • madameduffay
    madameduffay Posts: 166 Member
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    Lately I have been feeling way more depressed than usual mostly because my significant other is not supportive and actually stresses me out more.

    One of the characteristics of depression is that you put the worst interpretation on everything. You can't take a joke. You take offense where none was intended. It's the depression making you miserable, not the fat. Your SO said the only thing that would have been appropriate. Should he have said, "Yeah, you haven't made any progress at all, have you?"


    Interesting comments about depression. I used to do this and never would have thought of it as being depressed. Looking back, I can see it.
  • jplucheck
    jplucheck Posts: 275 Member
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    ^^This^^

    You are acting like a child that didn't get her way and it's not fair to him to expect him to validate you and your temper tantrum.

    Thanks for comments on my tread but really when someone states they are emotional and depressed, calling names and putting them down doesn't exactly help. This is supposed to be a supporting, inspirational and motivating site where people should feel safe to openly discuss actual issues that are bothering them without judgment!
    Yes I may have over reacted and I see that now but you by no means know me, my SO or the whole situation to comment and judge in the way you did. My advice, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don't say it at all!!!
    Thanks to everyone that gave me great advice and a different perspective without making me feel worse, I appreciate all the support and warm wishes!

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