Unsupportive people?

kit_katty

So I'm out shopping with my father today and he suggests we grab some lunch. Where does he decide lunch would be good? New York Fries. Seriously. Oh and then offers to go and grab us some ice cream.

Does anyone else have people who know that you're trying to loose weight and eat healthily that do things like this? He's not supportive and not unsupportive... but this was really an odd move.

FYI: I ordered a small fry and a diet pepsi... 350 cal. So decent, but still french fries!

sunkisses

I think you'll find most people don't actually think in terms of what's good for everyone else. They think in terms of what's good for themselves. I know I don't go "My friend is dieting, I think I'll limit *my* diet today just for her" too often. I allow people to make their choices, and I work around them, like you did. Good job.

ellekay22

Sounds like he loves you and he wants you to be happy. My dad shows love by giving treats - because mom always said "no" and it was our little thing.

Or maybe he just thinks you're getting too sexy.

therealkittymao

I hear you, sister. It makes it really hard to hang out with people. My mom is at once really critical of my weight and also always buying me candy and cookies. Drives me BONKERS.

BarbiNay

I did a Zumba workout one night and as I finished my daughter brought me a HUGE ice cream sundae with hot fudge ect on it from Braums. I just wanted to barf. It isn't they are unsupportive is they do not think before they do.

RAFValentina

IT'S OK TO EAT FRENCH FRIES SOMETIMES!

Sometimes parents can see things we don't and force us to do things to keep us sane....my Dad did the same thing to me... I got a bit crazy with all this and obsessed...went to Italy, and we ate and ate...and we had the odd treat every other day and ate well, no cardio exercise... and hey guess what, I lost 2 and a half kilos came back destressed and happy and able to indulge but be in control too!

Arabian♥Breeze

Yea and if they dont respect it then i shove it in there face and say THERE IS NO WAY I CAN EAT THERE! I'm the boss of what i eat no one can force me to suffer like that and smell all that yummy food!!! Just because im losing weight doesnt mean im not human and dont crave those things still. So i just make sure to avoid those situations or make sure everyone knows I CANT EAT THAT!

Good luck

nasprewell

Some of my girlfriends are like that. I just say no thank you, and that is the end of it! Just stick to your guns, your dad will get the picture.

CaptainGordo

There's an old saying that goes something like "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

The food invites will keep coming from him and other people as the years go by. Best to be gracious, and recognize that it's a gift -- a sacrifice of time and/or money. The only person that can sabotage your weight loss is yourself. Deal with it, appreciate it, and keep plugging along afterward.

I would imagine that a lot of folks who no longer have their dad around would love to sit down and have a greasy burger and fries with him one more time.

pupcamper

Don't be too hard on him, he probably isn't doing it on purpose! My husband (who is totally supportive and committed to losing weight using MFP himself) made me a sandwich for lunch today - I felt like flipping when he used two slices of whole wheat twelve grain 120 calories per slice bread not my 130 calorie for two slices rye bread! It didn't put me over my calories for the day and he was being nice! Sometimes I guess we have to stop being calorie control freaks and see that there is a nice gesture there!!

ilookthetype

What really pisses me off is when people I know continue to invite me to restaurants that serve gluten laden food even though they know gluten makes me sick. Actually, the whole world should go gluten free because gluten makes me sick...

Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?

EDesq

So I'm out shopping with my father today and he suggests we grab some lunch. Where does he decide lunch would be good? New York Fries. Seriously. Oh and then offers to go and grab us some ice cream.

Does anyone else have people who know that you're trying to loose weight and eat healthily that do things like this? He's not supportive and not unsupportive... but this was really an odd move.

FYI: I ordered a small fry and a diet pepsi... 350 cal. So decent, but still french fries!

So you must be 7 years old, right? Because, NOBODY MAKES Me eat anything that I do not want to...even if I have to just sit and watch them eat. I have been with people out to lunch and just drank tea. So PLEASE...Get Over It, and Grow up! Oh, and who said Fried potatoes are "Bad" Food. The "Bad" come when "we" don't have a LIMIT! Ai8n't nothing wrong with a potato or veggie oil.

TheFitHooker

My thing is, I'm on the new life style change, not everyone around me. My husband and kids aren't on it, just me. That might change soon, but I have to remember that and if we do go somewhere to eat and it's not considered part of my life style, I will use that day as my cheat day or just do extra work out. I can't expect everyone around me to sacrifice because I made the step to do so. It's my choice to look better and if I let eating out somewhere make me fail then that is my choice. About the ice cream that is when you kindly decline and say something like "Thank you but I will have to decline on the ice cream."

I honestly find it wrong to expect everyone around me to cater to me because my life style is different from there's. I have the right to decline.

Jill_newimprovedversion

Agree with the other posters- maybe it's not being Unsupportive- that is, DELIBERATELY sabotaging efforts-
as much as just not thinking, period. One is malicious, one is harmless.

A good way to tell is to make a joke out of it, and see how they react...something like, "Geesh, Who's side are you on anyhow???"

But, seriously, you made a great choice to just eat sensibly.
That's a part of life's journey for the rest of your life...and might as well plan how you'll handle scenarios like this,
because they'll come up AGAIN, I'm sure.

And yeah, as someone else said,
I'd love to sit down and have lunch with BOTH my folks- greasy burger and all- they're both gone and I miss them terribly.

stevwil41

I don't expect everyone I know to change their eating habits because I'm eating healthier. Part of sustaining my healthier lifestyle (I really hate that term) is learning how to eat in the real world. Sometimes I say yes when invited somewhere that wouldn't be my first choice and sometimes I say no. When invited for ice cream sometimes I say "yes" and sometimes I say "no, thank you". It depends on whether I can work it into my daily calorie allowance. My friends and family don't take offence one way or another and ultimately what I eat is my choice.

koosdel

So I'm out shopping with my father today and he suggests we grab some lunch. Where does he decide lunch would be good? New York Fries. Seriously. Oh and then offers to go and grab us some ice cream.

Does anyone else have people who know that you're trying to loose weight and eat healthily that do things like this? He's not supportive and not unsupportive... but this was really an odd move.

FYI: I ordered a small fry and a diet pepsi... 350 cal. So decent, but still french fries!

Just a suggestion.

Create a list of approved compliments, foods, and motivational quotes. Distribute this list among your friends with instructions on how and when to reference said list.

gloygirl

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iuew

my friends are fairly supportive. i can understand if my friends want to go somewhere other than subway. i do admit, however, turning down some invites to barbecues and big dinners.

i can usually find something healthy anywhere. it has really opened my eyes to how little healthy options that actually taste good are on the menus of most restaurants, however. most of the time, it's a grilled chicken sandwich that isn't very good because they don't expect anyone to actually order it.

Just_Dot

It's not often that I quote ExGordo...but there's a first time for everything... :laugh:

The only person that can sabotage your weight loss is yourself.
^Word.^

Unless you plan on living in a bubble for the rest of your life--never going out, never enjoying a meal with friends, never splurging on a delicious (and probably calorie-laden) meal at some swanky restaurant, etc. You will have to learn to bend a bit. (*OR* you could bring your own food to these places...several years ago I went to a bachelorette party in Dewey Beach where a friend of the bride-to-be brought in her own "special" food to all of the places we went. EMBARRASSING!!!) Your dad wanted to treat you, you can either allow yourself to be treated or put on your big girl pants and suggest somewhere different--one that might have some other options for you.

Being offended, however, was YOUR choice. Taking it out on your dad is somewhat immature--IMHO--of course.

Jorra

I don't think it's unsupportive for someone to offer to get some food while hanging out. Food is a huge part of culture and it's as much a bonding event as a way to consume calories.

You are free to turn down any offers you wish.

An additional question: would you think his suggestion would be an "odd move" if you weren't on a diet? Probably not. I don't think he would see it that way either.

CaptainGordo

It's not often that I quote Just_Dot...but there's a first time for everything...

Unless you plan on living in a bubble for the rest of your life--never going out, never enjoying a meal with friends, never splurging on a delicious (and probably calorie-laden) meal at some swanky restaurant, etc. You will have to learn to bend a bit. (*OR* you could bring your own food to these places...several years ago I went to a bachelorette party in Dewey Beach where a friend of the bride-to-be brought in her own "special" food to all of the places we went. EMBARRASSING!!!) Your dad wanted to treat you, you can either allow yourself to be treated or put on your big girl pants and suggest somewhere different--one that might have some other options for you.

Being offended, however, was YOUR choice. Taking it out on your dad is somewhat immature--IMHO--of course.

As the kids say nowadays: ^Word^

Well put, kiddo.

Just1forMe

So I'm out shopping with my father today and he suggests we grab some lunch. Where does he decide lunch would be good? New York Fries. Seriously. Oh and then offers to go and grab us some ice cream.

At this point, you could have suggested something else. Only YOU can control your choices and what goes in your mouth.
Isn't that type of place in a food court? Weren't there other, healthier choices that you could have made while he had fries? If you wanted the fries and had the calories for the fries, it's not really a problem. If you didn't, you should have spoken up and made a better choice. We can't blame other people for influencing our choices. My husband eats chocolate every single night in front of me. He brought home cookies and eggnog yesterday. There are Thanksgiving desserts all over my house. Only I can decide if I should eat them or not and if I do, it's no one's fault but my own. I'm not trying to be harsh, but the sooner you realize that there are bad influences all around you every day and choices to be made that only you can make, the better your journey to fitness will go for you

Elzecat

I would imagine that a lot of folks who no longer have their dad around would love to sit down and have a greasy burger and fries with him one more time.

This, for sure. The company is way more important than the food. Just set the food aside...but don't say no to that time with family and friends. Trust me. I lost my dad when I was 15. And yeah...what I wouldn't give to have him around, regardless of what we eat.

ElizabethRoad

my friends are fairly supportive. i can understand if my friends want to go somewhere other than subway. i do admit, however, turning down some invites to barbecues and big dinners.

Honestly, I would rather be fat than turn down social invitations because I'm worried about my diet. (Luckily, I don't have to make that choice, since it's possible to eat reasonably pretty much anywhere, and it's fine to have a big meal once in a while.)

OP, I don't know what New York Fries is, but is that all they serve? Your whole lunch was fries? I would have wanted to go somewhere else just because that sounds really unsatisfying, never mind it sabotaging your weight loss.

You said he offered to go and grab some ice cream. That really makes me think it was a food court. So didn't you have the option of eating wherever you wanted?

kennethmgreen

I think you'll find most people don't actually think in terms of what's good for everyone else. They think in terms of what's good for themselves. I know I don't go "My friend is dieting, I think I'll limit *my* diet today just for her" too often. I allow people to make their choices, and I work around them, like you did. Good job.

Excellent stuff.

I'll go one step further and suggest to the OP that you can let go of expecting others to think/act/feel in accordance with your own thoughts/acts/feelings and you may find yourself more independent, satisfied, at peace and enjoyable to be around. A sometimes difficult path to follow, but well worth it, IMO.

ilookthetype

Just a suggestion.

Create a list of approved compliments, foods, and motivational quotes. Distribute this list among your friends with instructions on how and when to reference said list.

Excellent suggestion

Demwitted

My parents (and grandparents and in-laws) are like this too. I just moved near them again after years apart. It can be really tough when you see them many times a week and every time it seems like they just want to fatten you up. I know that they are not trying to sabotage me or be unsupportive. Truthfully, I would like to be able to influence them more. Some of them make some pretty bad food choices and it affects their health... but that is tricky too. I'm not the only one trying to be health-conscious in my circle, but sometimes it seems like it. I totally know where you are coming from.

I love my family and family-in-law and want to keep a good relationship with them so I work pretty hard to find middle ground about food. Typically, when I know I'm going to be eating a meal with them, I try to eat super-healthy and exercise some during the rest of the day. If I eat out with them for meals or days in a row, I try to suggest places that have healthy options. If Grandma bakes me a lasagna pan packed full of oatmeal raisin cookies, I eat a few and share the rest with friends.

Next time, see if your dad would be ok with a different place if you do not feel like splurging on your calories or work around it if you do feel like it.

lexgem

One thing you can do is make a list for yourself of restaurants and fast food places that have options you know you can eat without sabotaging yourself.
Next time, you can say "hmm... I'm more in the mood for X or Y right now". Or anticipate by doing the inviting when you feel it might go in that direction.
Most likely he just wasn't thinking of your diet, or maybe he was and thinks you're doing such a good job it's ok to indulge a little once in awhile.

pinkgigi

I wish my Dad was still here to take me out to a restaurant. I wouldn't call that behaviour unsupportive, it is just real life, after you have stopped dieting you will have to live with with going out to eat, so you will need skills to cope with this.

GG

i_love_vinegar

So I'm out shopping with my father today and he suggests we grab some lunch. Where does he decide lunch would be good? New York Fries. Seriously. Oh and then offers to go and grab us some ice cream.

Does anyone else have people who know that you're trying to loose weight and eat healthily that do things like this? He's not supportive and not unsupportive... but this was really an odd move.

FYI: I ordered a small fry and a diet pepsi... 350 cal. So decent, but still french fries!

So you must be 7 years old, right? Because, NOBODY MAKES Me eat anything that I do not want to...even if I have to just sit and watch them eat. I have been with people out to lunch and just drank tea. So PLEASE...Get Over It, and Grow up! Oh, and who said Fried potatoes are "Bad" Food. The "Bad" come when "we" don't have a LIMIT! Ai8n't nothing wrong with a potato or veggie oil.

Your input in the Hostile Response thread would be valuable. Or not. But you should post there anyway :flowerforyou:

Oishii

I'd think of it as resistance training :laugh: and you did brilliantly to be restrained like that. When I was on 1200kcal, mcdonalds was a salad with no dressing and some fries, but at least it meant I could go out with family and friends. It also helps such places to seem less inviting if you go there and see how little food you can get for your calories.

Count it as a NSV!