Hostile reply posts?

cspence2270

I've noticed that on internet sites people tend to say things that they would never say to someone's face. It's like the impersonality of the internet gives people the right to be rude, insensitive and just plain mean. It's too bad that people forget that they are actually "talking" to a real person with feelings. I try to never post something I wouldn't actually say face to face or that I would be upset if my Grandmother heard me say to someone.

stubbysticks

In my experience a lot of people dont ask for opinions -- they simply get attacked. Not to mention, there are polite ways of phrasing things, which will get ones point across just as clearly as being hostile and rude.

Isn't posting a discussion topic asking for an opinion? I think that's implied. It is, after all, a DISCUSSION board. That said, there are definitely ways to be tactful in your responses & some people are better at it than others.

Some people on here think it is their right to speak their minds

Well, it is. Everyone has the right to think & say whatever they like. Sure, there are some who reply with unnecessary snarkiness which will obviously give them less credibility, which is a shame because they really could have had a helpful answer...they just chose to frame it in obnoxious condescension.

I like to think that I am capable of recognizing good intent even if it's not what I want to hear & I appreciate anyone who takes the time to give me their honest opinion whether I use the information or not. I also like to give others who post here credit for being just as capable, so if they're not, there's nothing I can do about that.

Anyone who takes stuff on an internet discussion board personally should probably stay away from internet message boards.

Personally I've learned a ton here because I am selective about the threads I read & respond to. It's not that hard to stay away from the negative ones.

IamRoJ

If someone wants an opinion, I'm going to say it. That's just the way it goes......


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I agree that if someone asks for an opinion, I also will be giving one, however, opinions are like *kitten*...everybody has one. So if you don't want your feelings hurt, 1. Ignore the moronic replies, 2. If the reply is rude, consider the source and think how miserable that persons life must be and they are just taking it out on you and 3. Don't ask for opinions that might be very different from what you are looking for.

As for giving an opinion and that's the way it goes, sometimes one has to use some diplomacy, if someone chooses to deliberately be rude and hurt someone's feelings...shame on them...Nuff said BUT if someone wants to argue with me about this, or give a rude reply.....*opens the door* Come on in....I'll take you on, I am not afraid of your miserably rude commentary...*lol*

This is brilliant! Ignore it or challenge it. My theory, and opinions are just that, theories about life, is that rudeness is objective. Not everyone sees things the same way, and what some consider rude, someone else might consider helpful. Perspective is a *****, and if you can only see from your own then you are sure to get a lashing at some point.

^^^like!

maidentl

While absolutely I agree there are rude people on this site, I have noticed on the internet in general compared to in RL, people seem very liable to read things the wrong way, and take offence where none is intended. I have been told I am being rude or nary several times when I haven't at all, so much depends on the way the person reading chooses to interpret.

This. I have lost count of how many times someone has said something and had people disagree with them and then start crying about being "attacked." Disagreement is not a personal judgment. I have seen people on here post patently false information and then claim that nobody likes them because those people try to share the correct information. There's the occasionally flat-out rude person but most of the time people are either not being rude at all or are maybe being more blunt than we're accustomed to or perhaps even trying to be funny. Again, I have seen what to me were painfully obvious jokes that have been taken very seriously.

AZackery

When people don't like you, they will follow you too and try to make people believe you don't know what you are talking about. Their friends will back them up. Bullies comes in crowds. A bully is just a coward that has low self esteem. People need to grow up.

Jorra

While absolutely I agree there are rude people on this site, I have noticed on the internet in general compared to in RL, people seem very liable to read things the wrong way, and take offence where none is intended. I have been told I am being rude or nary several times when I haven't at all, so much depends on the way the person reading chooses to interpret.

This. I have lost count of how many times someone has said something and had people disagree with them and then start crying about being "attacked." Disagreement is not a personal judgment. I have seen people on here post patently false information and then claim that nobody likes them because those people try to share the correct information. There's the occasionally flat-out rude person but most of the time people are either not being rude at all or are maybe being more blunt than we're accustomed to or perhaps even trying to be funny. Again, I have seen what to me were painfully obvious jokes that have been taken very seriously.

Amen. There are some people who see any attempt to show them they have incorrect information as an attack. I believe there would be a lot less hostility if people didn't take disagreement and disproving as bullying. If anyone is providing wrong information, it's important to correct that information and provide proof so no one else gets any wrong ideas.

Demwitted

Yes, I have noticed it. I nearly didn't stay with MFP because I got so many rude and snarky responses from the 2 topics I posted. I thought that if the community was going to be so hostile, I'll use a website without one... but (as mentioned earlier) there are many more nice people than rude people.

I'm excited about the ignore feature, but I haven't used it yet. I don't go on the message boards much anymore. I was advised by several people to get some friends and then visit the message boards sparingly. I think that was good advice.

Also, internet people sometimes like to troll. In case some don't know what it is:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet)

I know a guy IRL that likes to do this and brag about it. He's an a-hole IRL too. And sort of a loser and a mooch. I think of him when someone is rude to me online. People lose their filter when there's no face-to-face.

kennethmgreen

Amen. There are some people who see any attempt to show them they have incorrect information as an attack. I believe there would be a lot less hostility if people didn't take disagreement and disproving as bullying. If anyone is providing wrong information, it's important to correct that information and provide proof so no one else gets any wrong ideas.

Pretty sure I agree with what you are trying to say, but not with your phrasing here. You wrote "there would be a lot less hostility if..." Thing is, I don't think there is that much hostility. I think people are *interpreting* things as being hostile. To me, there is a huge difference - and it's not just semantics. If I disagree with you about something and post that disagreement, and you feel that my post is hostile, that isn't hostility. It's hurt feelings/offense/bruised ego, etc.

I know some will argue that I am painting a picture of "blaming the victim" - that everyone has a right to feel however they feel. I will agree with the second part of that. Everyone does have a right to feel however they way. But let's keep the focus on that. If you disagree with me, and I feel hurt by your disagreement, I'm hurt. That's my feeling. No one can take that away. But calling it hostile is an accusation. Remember that. We get so wound up defending our feelings, but do so in this way where we focus on others. Doesn't make sense. Enough with the hostility/bullied stuff. If you are hurt or offended by what is posted, please say so. But quit slinging accusatory emotional buzzwords about while defending the behavior with "I have a right to my feelings" argument. Own your feelings.

Rain_Howard

This rock we live on already has enough hate, rudeness and vile people to go around. Many you can do nothing about. Fortunately one of the wonderful things about technology is it affords you the opportunity, the choice and the ability to ignore those that think it necessary to irritate, belittle or otherwise cause distress to their fellow man.

Unfortunately the relative anonymity of the Internet allows many people an outlet for the internal cancer of hate that causes them to decay from within. Practice random acts of goodness. It won't hurt.

Jorra

Amen. There are some people who see any attempt to show them they have incorrect information as an attack. I believe there would be a lot less hostility if people didn't take disagreement and disproving as bullying. If anyone is providing wrong information, it's important to correct that information and provide proof so no one else gets any wrong ideas.

Pretty sure I agree with what you are trying to say, but not with your phrasing here. You wrote "there would be a lot less hostility if..." Thing is, I don't think there is that much hostility. I think people are *interpreting* things as being hostile. To me, there is a huge difference - and it's not just semantics. If I disagree with you about something and post that disagreement, and you feel that my post is hostile, that isn't hostility. It's hurt feelings/offense/bruised ego, etc.

I know some will argue that I am painting a picture of "blaming the victim" - that everyone has a right to feel however they feel. I will agree with the second part of that. Everyone does have a right to feel however they way. But let's keep the focus on that. If you disagree with me, and I feel hurt by your disagreement, I'm hurt. That's my feeling. No one can take that away. But calling it hostile is an accusation. Remember that. We get so wound up defending our feelings, but do so in this way where we focus on others. Doesn't make sense. Enough with the hostility/bullied stuff. If you are hurt or offended by what is posted, please say so. But quit slinging accusatory emotional buzzwords about while defending the behavior with "I have a right to my feelings" argument. Own your feelings.

Thanks, Ken. You always know the right thing to say. Perhaps I should have said there would be less perception of hostility?

CaptainGordo

I like MFP. :flowerforyou:

TDGee

I think people act that way because they are jealous and want to bring others down. :flowerforyou:






Until there is a cure...

fit4mom

I've noticed it's because people in certain cases feel insecure about themselves when an opinion is not theirs they go on a defensive attack. People have a right to be heard and what some don't realize is that it's not their right to take away anothers voice. Then they attack character. It goes to prove that toleration on exists for those who can be in a position of power, it's OK for them to say how they feel but watch out if your opinion differs. It's really Pious.