Should I feel guilty?

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Replies

  • geri1955
    geri1955 Posts: 106
    No !!!!You def shouldnt feel any guilt here!! I would have told them "you still havent paid me last time I lent you money" ! Dont be so easy on ppl. that just dont have any respect for others! And dont be so hard on yourself either...its nice to help ppl. but they also have to help themselves!!! remember we teach ppl. how to treat us, dont be anyone's doormat!!! enjoy ur tree!!!!:heart:
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    I should add too that four days ago they text and asked to borrow money for cigarettes.

    It's just such an awkward situation. But thanks for the reassurance! Time to go decorate my tree!! :)

    They TEXTED to ask for cigarette money?? They couldn't even be bothered to leave the house to beg for your hard earned cash?

    Yeah they're serial moochers and anything short of "Get off my property and never speak to me again" is being too kind to them. Don't feel bad for one minute.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,850 Member
    oh and i'm 99% sure you must have moved next door to my former in laws. my apologies.
  • 1WorkoutAtATime
    1WorkoutAtATime Posts: 719
    nah..
  • Mad_Dog_Muscle
    Mad_Dog_Muscle Posts: 1,251 Member
    Guilty??? Uh, NO..... It sounds to me that they use the "sick brother" to make people feel sorry for them. I would have told him to loan himself the money he already owed you and get gas. Tell your neighbor to either get a freakin job or learn how to manage money better so he wouldnt have to borrow!! Tough love!!:grumble: :grumble:

    as for the tree and them seeing you bring it in the house?? Come on!! No freaking way should you feel guilty! Your husband lost his job so now is the time for you guys to look after yourself.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    I'm curious how many "No" responses in this thread would leave you guilt-free. How many "Yes" responses would cause you to feel guilty? Is it a specific number either way, or does the ratio matter more? I suspect whether you should feel guilty isn't really the question you want answered.

    Judging from the follow-up post, I'm guessing that maybe you want to set a boundary with your neighbor and are seeking justification for doing so. If that is the case, and you want my opinion, I think that's fine. You should set a boundary. It's OK to say no. Respectfully setting a boundary doesn't make you mean.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I should add too that four days ago they text and asked to borrow money for cigarettes.

    It's just such an awkward situation. But thanks for the reassurance! Time to go decorate my tree!! :)
    Making excuses sends the message that you would give them the money if you had it. So they will keep asking, in case you do have it. These people are not going to get the hint. Next time they ask I would just say no; you don't owe them a reason.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    I should add too that four days ago they text and asked to borrow money for cigarettes.

    It's just such an awkward situation. But thanks for the reassurance! Time to go decorate my tree!! :)

    Just keep saying NO. Eventually they'll get the hint and if not - the more you say NO the easier it gets.
    The awkwardness will go away. They are the ones that should feel awkward, but apparently they have no
    shame. Go have fun decorating guilt free!
  • unmitigatedbadassery
    unmitigatedbadassery Posts: 653 Member
    I think you should have been straight with them. If you can't/don't want to loan the money at least tell them the truth as to why.

    The bottom line is it really doesn't matter if we think you should feel guilty. Obviously you do or it wouldn't be an issue to discuss.
  • SooZ1138
    SooZ1138 Posts: 65
    I have very few rules that I absolutely have to live by, but one of the big ones is:

    Never lend out money... ever!

    Not to friends... not even family! Unless you are okay with the person never paying you back, don't set yourself up for the disappointment. You work hard for that money and it is not your problem that people don't plan for emergencies. It can only serve as a lesson for them to prepare themselves financially for the unexpected!
  • JellyJaks
    JellyJaks Posts: 589 Member
    In no way should you ever feel obligated to lend anyone ANYTHING let alone money. I will lend people things/money when we are able. If they don't pay it back they never get the chance to borrow again even when we're able. There's a difference between genuinely being in a bind and being a complete mooch douche canoe.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    You should only feel bad for not being honest. Had you told him the real reason you didn't want to lend him the money, you wouldn't be asking us this question today. You'd know that you handled it correctly and you'd go ahead and get your tree, end of story.

    That said, guilt is a useless emotion. If you're not willing to confront the situation or solve it in some way, just let it go and handle it differently the next time if you feel you need to.
    [/quote


    Ditto!]

    I don't agree with this. You shouldn't have to defend why you can't give them the money. They don't need to know what you're buying instead of their gas. It's your money, feel free to tell them no, and don't feel like you have to justify it.

    I totally agree. Yet she did justify it, by saying they didn't have the money. That's what's causing the conflict here. Had she just said, "No, I'm sorry," there would be no reason to feel guilty.
  • WarriorMom2012
    WarriorMom2012 Posts: 621 Member
    Ask them to borrow toilet paper and say you will return it when you're done. When they look at you with the "ewww" face, tell them the last time you lent them money, you were out of toilet paper and had to use those $1's...

    They won't ask again ;)
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I think you should have been straight with them. If you can't/don't want to loan the money at least tell them the truth as to why.
    Why do they deserve a reason about why? NO is enough.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Nope. I don't loan or borrow money.


    What you do with your money is none of their business.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    WHO asks their neighbors for gas money? That's absurd in the first place to me.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    WHO asks their neighbors for gas money? That's absurd in the first place to me.
    My neighbors did.
  • PegasusDeb
    PegasusDeb Posts: 665 Member
    No, you should not feel guilty. And as for an explanation of why you can't, I wouldn't be too elaborate, they would just give you the sob story anyway. Say, no, sorry & leave it at that! My neighbor asked to borrow a dollar! What the heck can you buy for a buck these days? I said no. Don't encourage them, they are like strays...!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    You are not obligated to make someone else's problem your problem. Unless they are paying your bills or you owe them money, in which cases you probably ought to be concerned about said problem.
  • PegasusDeb
    PegasusDeb Posts: 665 Member
    I think you should have been straight with them. If you can't/don't want to loan the money at least tell them the truth as to why.
    Why do they deserve a reason about why? NO is enough.

    I agree. They already gave you the line about going to see a sick relative... I could see them turning on the charm, and then really making you feel bad. Screw that. "No, sorry." Is all they need to hear. Or... if you really want to test them, offer to drive them out to this place, see how they back-peddle then! Then you would know they are lying!
  • evil_rider
    evil_rider Posts: 81
    One of my neighbors came over last night and asked to borrow $20 for gas so he and his girlfriend could drive 200 miles to see her brother because he is very sick. In the past they have borrowed money and not paid us back. A lot of our other neighbors don't even talk to them anymore because of the same reason.
    We told him that we didn't have the money.
    My husband lost his job in August, and we only have my income right now, which is especially tight right now during the holidays.
    Today is my day off and I had planned on getting my ($15) Christmas tree from town. Should I feel guilty? I know they'll see us bringing in the tree.

    NO
  • _hardGAINER_
    _hardGAINER_ Posts: 10
    I wouldnt feel guilty at all. Probably running "game" on you anyway.
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 846 Member
    20 dollars worth of petrol will get you 200 miles? Damn I need to move to America, 20 dollars (around 13 quid) wont even move the needle on my petrol gage.

    Personally I would have just said, no sorry, I'm still waiting for the other money you borrowed to be paid back & wished them well but lets face it, their whole story was bollocks so you could have just said, no sorry, I need that 20 bucks to get a vajazzle.
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
    Isn't it funny that we feel we need to give an excuse? I was approached in the supermarket last week when a guy asked for money for food. I said to him no because I'm a widow and he weirdly said 'aren't we all'. When I told the attendance about this nuisance, she said "isn't it funny that we feel we need to share something like that to a stranger to justify refusal"?

    I should have just said no and walked away, but it really is a psychological phenomena that we want to acquiese when confronted, I did a study on it when I was at uni.

    Once a priest told me that he was always being asked for petrol money or fare money, and he ended up having a load of train tickets on hand, and offered them to beggars with that sort of story. Not surprisingly most didn't take the tickets.

    GG
  • Savemyshannon
    Savemyshannon Posts: 334 Member
    I think you should have been straight with them. If you can't/don't want to loan the money at least tell them the truth as to why.
    Why do they deserve a reason about why? NO is enough.

    I agree with this. You don't owe them an explanation about what you plan to do with YOUR MONEY that YOU worked for. I am all for helping our fellow man or donating but if this is something that seems to happen frequently, and they don't even TRY to pay you back, then you don't owe them the energy it would take to make an excuse.

    People like this frustrate me because there really are people out there who just really need a couple bucks and are genuinely in trouble (and would actually take that money to better themselves and then try to repay the favor), but people like this just make us suspicious of everyone.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    Are you religious? If so, go look to your religion for the answer. If not, what is that guilt thing you speak of again?
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