I have an eating disorder.

arrivederci

Hi guys. I've been diagnosed with bulimia with anorexic tendencies.
I sometimes only eat one meal a day, and then purge it, and exercise.
I have many health problems because of this. It's a disease. I want it all to go away, and it's not as easy as just saying "okay time to be healthy!" because it's a mental disorder and the thoughts never leave. It traces back to my childhood, etc.. It's about my body, yes, but also about control, and it's a coping mechanism for depression and anxiety.

Anyway, I really am trying to recover. But whenever I try to recover, I gain weight, which just makes me relapse even worse, because weight gain is too triggering for me.
So I'm trying to lose weight the healthy way.
I still don't eat enough calories, and I still purge, but I'm working on it! And I decided this site is a good place to keep track of what I'm doing. If I have to keep track of what I eat, maybe I'll stay in line and start to get healthier.
Dunno why I'm posting this; guess I just decided to say hi.

cstein71

You do not mention if you are getting help with this disease? Speaking with both a psychologist and nutritionist would be the most important steps you could take to learn how to manage this. You are taking an important step here, too, by reaching out for support.

BarbWhite09

Welcome!
I have struggled with an eating disorder as well.
Good job on trying to recover

vdavis_89

I agree with the previous poster. You need to get professional help along with the help here on MFP. Its a huge step admitting that you have a problem and now reaching out for help. Good luck!

lawmama_

It is good that you are reaching out for support. But professional support is also helpful too! Are you seeing a psychologist or other type of licensed therapist?

We all wish you well on your journey to becoming and staying healthy!

_Sally_

MyFitnessPal strongly recommends that anyone suffering from the symptoms of Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia, or Compulsive eating make use of the resources offered by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders.

You may reach the ANAD hotline by phone in the US: 847-831-3438 (Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm, Central Time) or on the web at http://www.anad.org/site/anadweb/

With Respect,
_Sally
MFP Forum Moderator

mrsmarsh2b

I had stressed induced anorexia, which caused me to vomit any time I did eat due to the food rotting in my stomach because my stomach no longer new how to digest anything solid. I had this for about a year because of the relationship I was in. After medical help and being in the hospital a few times they diagnosed me with this. It was hard to beat but it is possible. All I can tell you is that I feel 10X's better now that I eat and eat healthy. I feel for you tremendously. I wish you the best and I hope you find the support you need. Im here if you ever want to talk.

DaniellePF

Good luck on this very long journey of yours. I had an eating disorder growing up--and while I have gotten past the behavior (the actual binging/starving/purging) the mental struggle stays with me everty day. I am constantly trying to rein in my tendancy to become obsessed. That being said, the fact that you did post this is a good sign--I didn't tell ANYONE or say it out loud until I was truly ready to be done and get through it. No one can force you to get better or make the change until YOU really want to.

I can say that being on this site and having the right friends on here has helped keep me on the right track. I see their healthy choices and that it really is no cake walk for any of us, and I find it easier than ever to keep doing this the right way. Get whatever help you need, wherever you need to get it--and I wish you success.

Arabian♥Breeze

We want you to live sweetie:) Im so glad you decided to try to change things:) because it is possible to do this the right and healthy way:) check out the success postings it always motivates me. Plus as soon as the first week you feel the results. You feel stronger your skin and hair look healthier and your strength just gets better! No feeling is better then to be healthy. YOU CAN DO THIS SWEETIE HANG IN THERE. ADD ME IM HERE FOR YOU AND I CARE XOXOXOXOXOXO

P.S. I used to be anorexic. AND Im not anymore and im losing weight the right way now and I LOVE IT!!!!


XOXOXOX

willaful

Another source of support: Overeaters Anonymous. People with any kind of eating disorder are welcome.

msallymae

hello. i used to be anorexic and bulimic. to be honest that is why you gain weight so easily. is your body will just absorb what you because you starve it. but after time if you eat regular meals it won't happen. it doesn't even have to be THAT much at first, but if you work out then you can balance it out.

its all about balancing. i learned the hard way. the hardest step is letting go and jumping over that hurdle of forcing yourself to eat. you will actually lose more weight that way.

i am sorry that you are going through this, but you for sure not alone. i still struggle with it every day, the allure of not eating...

good luck

cloud2011

I wish you the best and I hope you accept the advice of MFP to seek professional assistance, is you haven't already.

Good luck with everything, and hang in there!

CakeFit21

Please get help from a professional. It is practically impossible to get to the real root of the problem, (even if you think you already know what it is) without help.

CoraGregoryCPA

Hi!

I wish you the best and Happy Healthy eating! Look at others diaries for meal ideas.

fatgirlslove

I really hope you're getting help :flowerforyou:

LosingWeight2012

I assume since you have been diagnosed, and that you seem to have a pretty clear understanding of why you are this way, than you are probably seeking professional help. I wish you the best and Merry Christmas. I've struggled with eating disorders in the past and I can say that my whole mindset was screwed during that time. The bulimia scares me more than anything. Each time could be your last, and I'm sure you know that. Very scary and heart breaking disease. PLEASE don't give up.

BenderFitness

First of all I think it's very brave of you to share your story. I am currently studying occupational therapy and one of my areas of interest is helping people with eating disorders. You are 100% right that most eating disorders aren't just about weight, but also about control. So taking control of other areas of your life can be very theraputic.

I understand that you want to lose weight, but are you currently at a healthy weight? I hope that you are seeking help, and are able to start living a healthy lifestyle.

IvoryParchment

If you choose to use MFP (I suspect your non-bulimic friends may be using it and that you would stand out if you didn't) be sure to incorporate it with your therapy. It can be useful or harmful.

It allows you to establish control: I will eat what I want, but I will eat the amount I have chosen in advance, because I choose to log it. You want control of your body, and MFP can allow you to be in complete control. If you don't binge, it's easier to avoid skipping meals and purging. If you log your exercise, you will see the number of calories you need to eat to support that activity.

If your therapist is going over your food diary with you, it could be a helpful part of therapy. But only you and your therapist together can decide when the right time is to start this kind of program.

BobbyClerici

Those with bulimia need to work first on addressing their primary problem which is bulimia.
The last place you need to be right now is on some site that tracks and encourages weight loss.

Forget anything your mind is telling you, and go with whatever weight and body fat levels are healthy ACCORDING TO BMI AND BODYFAT CHARTS that are validated through objective health science.

Pick the middle number and take ownership of your health by striving for that weight and bodyfat levels - not some unreasonable, unhealthy, low weight. Your challenge will be more internal than external.

Godspeed!

lcchrt

When you make your mind up to get better, it will happen so you are definitely going in the right direction!! I also had bulimia and restricted way too much. It took me awhile to recover but when I did I was so much happier. Even now it is hard to love who I am but I am doing it! If you ever need anyone to talk to, I am here. The thing about eating disorders is that they actually grab ahold of you and never let you go. Even five years from now you will have thoughts that you do now. The difference is, you learn how to control them and overcome these hard moments. Good luck I know you can do it!!

plhforlife

I'm glad you are reaching out, and I believe you can beat this! I struggled with three eating disorders, so I know how you feel. Feel free to talk to me for support anytime!

Jennieam

Welcome to MFP. I see that you have already received a lot of good advice. We all want you to succeed.

My thoughts are that if you are going to succeed, you need to be sure to log everything. Be honest. This way you will be able to track your progress, and start to see the effect of eating well.

My other suggestion is to take time out to work out what is important in your life. What do you want to accomplish? What inspires you? Then determine the small goals which you need to meet, in order to meet your ambitions.

You have made the first step in joining a very supportive community ... Good luck with your journey.

Chood5

You do not mention if you are getting help with this disease? Speaking with both a psychologist and nutritionist would be the most important steps you could take to learn how to manage this. You are taking an important step here, too, by reaching out for support.

I agree. and Its a good first step that you are admitting it!

cowlover22

Yes welcome..well admiting it is the first thing..now time to get some professional help. Very few people can do it alone. Besides there are to many things medically that could go wrong. esp with the purging..potassium levels and your heart to start with. But after you get some help we are here if you want to join us. feel free to add me as a friend if you like

kmbrooks15

I agree with everyone else wholeheartedly. We are all thrilled that you are acknowledging your problem; that's the first step toward recovery. But it's a BABY step and only the first of MANY, MANY steps you need to take. It is crucial that you not try to do this alone. As great as MFP is, it is not sufficient to help you deal with a disease as complex as bulimia. Bulimia has many underlying causes and triggers, and only a professional trained to help those with eating disorders can help you get to the root of your problem. You have to deal with whatever issues or events caused the bulimia in the first place. It's kind of like pulling weeds in your garden; if you just pull the top part of the weed, your garden will look great temporarily, but the weeds will come back. To get completely rid of the weeds and have a healthy garden, you have to pull those weeds up by the root so they can't grow back. The issues that caused your bulimia will continue to rear their ugly heads and trigger problems if you don't dig down and deal with them. If you aren't sure where to find help, use the hotline numbers that the Moderator (Sally) posted. They can refer you to someone in your area.

We all wish you the best and hope you are able to fully recover. Bulimia can take over your life, and now's the time for you to take your life back. We're all rooting for you!

iamthevieve

I struggled with anorexia when I was in high school. It was a major problem for me. When I joined the military, I was essentially forced to eat during basic training. Once I got over my anorexia, I started over eating, which wasn't a problem until I got pregnant and left the military. Now I'm borderline obese.

arrivederci

Yes, I am getting professional help, just so everyone knows. I'm already a bit better-- I used to not even be able to keep down water without throwing up, and today I kept down a healthy breakfast and lunch. So it is getting better, but it is still difficult.
Thank you for your support. I just wanted you to know that yes I have professional help.

PetitePerfection

Awesome choice!! Honestly, going into recovery is one of the best things I have ever done for myself! And I totally understand what you mean about "recovering" gaining weight, then relapsing. That still happens to me every once in awhile. But then I go back and read some of the things I wrote and felt in the throes of my ed and remember how miserable it was. I remember the weird look I got from people when they could see my bones sticking out. And how exhausted I always was and then I tell myself that I am now a healthy weight and that my body is capable of amazing things. I could create another life if I wanted too (something that I lost the ability to do for a while), I can run for miles and miles (which I was much too weak to do previously)and now guys check me out because, believe it or not, they appreciate a bit of an *kitten*!!! Good luck and you'll be so thankful that you chose to recover!!
Feel free to add me if you need support!

jeninabilan

Hey hun.. your topic inspired me to post this message.. hope you read it...

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/412164-eating-disorders-my-story

arrivederci

Thank you to everyone who responded. If anyone else has similar issues, I'm also here for support. You all are wonderful.

sarahlovestorun

Hey! I'm Sarah, I'm in high school, and I've suffered from anorexia with bulimic tendencies since 5th grade. I'm on the road to recovery, but it's still a struggle. Feel free to send me a message! Welcome to MFP!