I have an eating disorder.

Rinne129

I battled with eating disorders of every kind from 8th grade all the way through college. I did seek professional help, I did see a nutritionist and I tried every workout regimen and diet in the book to make me "feel better." Nothing worked, nothing helped. I was starving and depleted of necessary vitamins and nutrients. There were days when I considered 1 piece of bread and 5 pieces of gum "enough" to get me through my competitive swim meets in high school...
Even though I am now recovered from my eating disorders (I think?), I continue to struggle with the remnants of my abuse. I can never splurge without significant consequences, I will never be able to lose weight and keep it off without strict restrictions. I wish I could have foreseen the longterm damages I was doing to my body -- if I had just eaten "normally" I would be able to eat "normally" now... I now continue to fight the battle with weight and I will my whole life.
My advice to you is to stop now when you still have a chance at future sanity!!! How? Concentrate on the things you love -- about you, your body, your life, family, friends, talents. If you can find happiness in other areas, you may not focus on what you're eating as much. And this is the key. The less I focus on food and meals, the more I'm likely to eat healthy and right and not splurge, ever.
Not sure if this helps at all, but I wish somebody would have told me this when I was in the thick of my battles... and to give you some hope, I am now a happy, healthy, 150 lb, 5 ft 7 in woman with a husband who loves every single one of my curves and I'm an accomplished marathoner. I have never felt stronger, more confident or happier in my life!