ugly
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you are very well spoken, and thank you!
my husband does happen to be ridiculously handsome...i had our wedding photo in my office when i was an MA before my daughter was born and not a single woman entered my office without commenting on handsome he was....sorta made me wanna barf lol
i know its clearly unhealthy to think these things about myself....but its 100% what i think, i dont know how to change it...i try..
Thanks, being well spoken helps compensate for not having supermodel thighs :laugh:
I understand the insecurity of having a significant other who is drop dead gorgeous, I've dated a few of those myself. Difference is, none of them were the marrying kind, and your husband clearly is. And he wanted to marry you, not someone else, only you. I don't know him of course, but unless you picked someone so shallow that it's all about the exterior for him, then he wanted you because you inspire him to love you for who you are and not because he thinks you make nice arm candy.
Actually, one good thing about having a drop dead gorgeous husband is he's probably less likely to want an arm candy wife, since he can be his own eye candy!
It's hard not to compare myself to models even now, even at age 39, long past the time when I could have ever been a supermodel even if I'd been born beautiful enough. It's hard because it's in my face all the time, on TV, in magazines, everywhere. It helps to look around at several of my female friends and to note that none are super model gorgeous (or anywhere near that) and all except me are happily married to faithful husbands who love them. And some of those husbands are pretty good looking themselves, too.
And me? Why aren't I married? It's not my looks, I figured that out awhile ago. I think it might be that I'm not ready yet, and may never be ready.0 -
Fumble finger double post!0
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you're not ugly, i've seen ugly.. in the mirror every day0
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Your child is very young, and you are still there. Right now a lot of your life is about nurturing them. Do you have girlfriends? Can you get out for a girls night out?You aren't ugly at all. However we all get those feelings. Dress up from time to time. Slap a little make up on.
When I stayed at home with my kids doing those things made a huge difference.
You are a mother and a wife. However in all of this you need to keep your identity. You need to have more confidence in order to be the mother and wife you want to be.
i fully agree, i just dont know where i went? if you see me...send me back pls
Ask your husband for even a few hours a week to even just go shopping by yourself, or running. Whatever. You need to spend a little of time for YOU.
i dont have any girlfriends. my husband is army and we moved here in 2009, i had some then...after the men deployed alot of the women went nuts and cheated, became alcoholics...all kinds of $h*t!
my baby is my identity, its hard to change that when i spen all my time with her. i dont go out because who wants to do that alone, and we really dont have any extra money right now.0 -
you're not ugly, i've seen ugly.. in the mirror every day
see now i look at you and think you are very pretty...and i think YOU are nuts for not thinking that lol0 -
From what I can see of your pic, you are NOT ugly either, please stop.you're not ugly, i've seen ugly.. in the mirror every day0 -
As others have said this probably sounds cliche but whats important is what is in the inside. Looks can change/fade or even be taken from you so what truly counts is who you are. Have you ever met someone who might had been cute but once you got to know them their looks changed to their personality? (worse if not such a nice person, better if nice or maybe not sexy anymore if overly goofy, unless you like goofy! All perceptive) or visa versa. Just remember that next time you look in the mirror and instead of picking at yourself from outer appearance start to praise yourself in the mirror for the person you are. BTW, you're not ugly
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I don't have any more advice than what has been given on here. Reread them and believe them, YOU ARE NOT UGLY!!!!!!!!!!0
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thank you for all of your support.
mfp is such a wonderful community.0 -
ok. You're not ugly. I am a catty *****, so seriously take this to heart. You are beautiful and would be beautiful at any weight. I'm sorry you're having a hard time, keep trucking you will get to where you want to be!0
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ok. You're not ugly. I am a catty *****, so seriously take this to heart. You are beautiful and would be beautiful at any weight. I'm sorry you're having a hard time, keep trucking you will get to where you want to be!
LOL @ catty *****!
thank you
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I hope you take some of these posts to heart, because I just looked at your pictures and you are BEAUTIFUL!! Your smile, your eyes, your hair. You're frikkin' adorable, girl. I used to feel ugly too, especially growing up. I don't think I magically became pretty, I think I finally looked in the mirror and accepted what I saw and realized how unique I am and it went from there. From the forum posts I've seen, people here on MFP don't lie, lol and if they are saying you're beautiful then I think maybe they're onto something... 0
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i know its clearly unhealthy to think these things about myself....but its 100% what i think, i dont know how to change it...i try..
It's also unhealthy for your daughter to grow up with a mom who dislikes herself. You want her to grow up to love and value herself. And you have to be the one to show her how.
Every day, look in the mirror and say something positive about yourself. Say it out loud, and mean it. It really does help to hear it out loud. And you can't say the same thing every day. It doesn't have to be about your appearance all the time either. Change the voice in your head to a positive one.
Treat yourself the way you want your daughter to treat herself when she grows up. You'll both benefit.0 -
i know its clearly unhealthy to think these things about myself....but its 100% what i think, i dont know how to change it...i try..
It's also unhealthy for your daughter to grow up with a mom who dislikes herself. You want her to grow up to love and value herself. And you have to be the one to show her how.
Every day, look in the mirror and say something positive about yourself. Say it out loud, and mean it. It really does help to hear it out loud. And you can't say the same thing every day. It doesn't have to be about your appearance all the time either. Change the voice in your head to a positive one.
Treat yourself the way you want your daughter to treat herself when she grows up. You'll both benefit.
wow, that hit me hard. like a kick in the face. i would NEVER want my daughter to think badly of herself. one of the biggest reasons i joined this site was to get healthy for her. i didnt realize how much i disliked myself could hurt her.
THANK YOU0 -
I just have to say that I agree with everyone else. I looked at your photo's and you have a very pretty face! I also think that more of your features will "pop" as you get closer and closer to your goal weight. But even wthout any weight loss, you are far from ugly!0
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If you don't like your weight, the great thing is you CAN do something about it. And since you're on this site, I'm guessing you're on that path. I know how easy it is to hear other people say nice things about you, but not be able to take them as truth because YOU don't feel they're true. Ultimately it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because that's not going to change what's in your head. You have to believe it.
My husband always tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, but I don't always feel that way. At all. If you think it's your weight that's holding you back, you're on the right path to start getting healthy. If you think it's your hair color, you may not always be able to get that fixed since you said finances are tight. But just do one thing at a time. Right now, really focus on getting your weight to where you want it. And do what everyone has said -- pick one thing you're OK with. Even if it's not something you LOOOOOVE about yourself. Like, "my hair looks nice today." Even if you don't like it the next day. One day at a time.
You are what you think.0 -
I know how you feel, but I think it's important to work on focusing on your strengths and positives. If you do that I think you will start to see yourself as prettier. Granted I know this is easier said than done (like I said, I know you feel because I feel similiarly), but it's a start.0
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You mention PPD. Is it possible you are still experiencing it? If you have been breastfeeding and stopped it can strike again 3 months after you stop. I been in your shoes and the best way for me to snap out of it was to find some friends to hang with. I too recently moved and had to make new friends. I joined a moms group, MOPS - mothers of preschoolers. If you are generally a social person this might help. Also listen to any compliment your husband tells you and believe it., even pillow talk. Men generally don't drop compliments just because. They mean it. I also had to stop dressing down even if I was just staying home. I've never been a make-up kinda person but I do try to pick more flatter clothes. I also wear the ones my husband has complimented and think to myself "I'm sexy in this". If you have a hard time finding things you love about your looks, start with character qualities you like. Repeat those to yourself and start building some self esteem. Beauty is more about the way you present yourself than your actual facial features. Personally I think Anglia Jolie is ugly but she carries herself with such poise she can win over anyone. Good luck with your journey to love yourself.0
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You mention PPD. Is it possible you are still experiencing it? If you have been breastfeeding and stopped it can strike again 3 months after you stop. I been in your shoes and the best way for me to snap out of it was to find some friends to hang with. I too recently moved and had to make new friends. I joined a moms group, MOPS - mothers of preschoolers. If you are generally a social person this might help. Also listen to any compliment your husband tells you and believe it., even pillow talk. Men generally don't drop compliments just because. They mean it. I also had to stop dressing down even if I was just staying home. I've never been a make-up kinda person but I do try to pick more flatter clothes. I also wear the ones my husband has complimented and think to myself "I'm sexy in this". If you have a hard time finding things you love about your looks, start with character qualities you like. Repeat those to yourself and start building some self esteem. Beauty is more about the way you present yourself than your actual facial features. Personally I think Anglia Jolie is ugly but she carries herself with such poise she can win over anyone. Good luck with your journey to love yourself.
my daughter is almost 9 months...i have alot of factors that contributed to the ppd...and still battle with it a bit.0 -
I will repeat what everyone here has said,
You, my dear, are not ugly!
If you can't love yourself for you, love yourself for your daughter. My mother has low self esteem and vocalized it often. Just little things like "Oh, I can't wear that. I'm too fat." or "Oh, I'm so stupid." While trying to console her and make her realize she was beautiful and intelligent I picked up her mannerisms. I constantly battle with myself. After a bad time in my life I looked in the mirror and realized that half the problem was that I was making myself unhappy. In the process of that I was putting on weight turning myself into the person I THOUGHT I saw in the mirror.
My point is that you need to kick the self loathing now. Not just for you, but so your daughter doesn't grow to be as hateful towards herself as you seem to be now. It's not going to be easy. Just like weight loss, it's a process. They'll both make you happier and healthier. Mentally, physically, emotionally.
Your face lights up when you smile. Do it more.
Laugh more. Its healthy for you. 0 -
I dont like the way I look but I have learned to put things into perspective. My first daughter was born with hip dislocation. All my family and friends said she would be mentally disabled and I should have no more kids. In reality, she wore a brace for 3 months and that was the end of that. My third daughter was born with very big floppy ears. I know it sounds funny, but we were so worried. The cartilage in her ears is weak. We thought we could get surgery later. Plus all this time I was worried about how I looked. Then, I had my son. He has down syndrome. All of a sudden, a little weight, some bad school grades, floppy ears, gross braces that scared strangers didn't seem so important any more.
I used to be "perfect" when I was young. Very thin, pretty,etc. and when the weight crept up I felt like a loser. Well, overall in the whole scheme of life even though i am not perfect anymore I have a pretty easy time saying, oh well, I still keep trying and that makes me pretty cool. Im proud of me and what I contribute and I can tell you that if you asked anyone that knows me what they like about me the most it wont be my looks. I kinda think i like that. (but of course i would like someone to say I like it that she looks like jennifer annistin) lol
You are amazing for all you do. :Your baby needs a good role model in the self esteem dept. I think everyone who gets on here is amazing because they dont give up.
YOU ARE NOT UGLY!0 -
A book an self esteem might be a big help 0
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It's unfortunate that you have a self-esteem issue. I don't think you are ugly. We all think about vanity and how important it is to us or at least I do; but what we need to realize is that lots of us have the gift mobility, communication, we have all of our senses, and are fortunate not to be in worse situations. Be thankful that you have those abilities and that fact that you aren't ugly and get back to eating healthy and getting in shape! Take care:drinker:0
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Like everyone else above said, your not ugly. Your really beautiful. Just tell yourself that everyday
thank you, i'm trying.
i also havent gotten showered, dressed, hair done, and makeup on too often since my daughter was born in march...so i think that plays into it a little bit.....also our area is full of DONE UP stay at home moms...so even in the grocery store i feel akward
Want to feel akward in a grocery store?? Try going in with sweat stains and horse hair stuck to your butt and wearing your spurs. That will get you some looks. I've done it many times. But I get where you are coming from, because I'll find myself in that "trap" too. But then I think of all the good I've got in my life...a good husband, a home of our own, and all our critters.
((hug))0 -
I think you're pretty, and I hope you believe that because if I didn't think so, I just wouldn't bother replying to your post.
I know the feeling though... I used to think that about myself all the time, so much so that I avoided looking in the mirror, would go out of my way to avoid having my picture taken, etc. It really is difficult. I grew up being made fun of by relatives for being fat, being told I'd be pretty "if I lost weight," etc., and I'm guessing you had a similar experience, and that makes me angry, because neither you or I are ugly.
I hope one day you're able to realize that you are pretty... on the inside and out. It's a long process though--even today, while I don't necessarily "avoid" the mirror... I probably really only look at it in the morning when I'm getting ready, then occasionally have glances throughout the day to make sure my hair's still in place and that I don't have lipstick on my teeth, etc. But I no longer cringe or put myself down when I see my reflection in the mirror, and I really hope that someday, sooner rather than later, you can do the same, because YOU ARE NOT UGLY!!!0 -
Wish I was there to just hug you - that's what came to mind first.... made me sad that you feel this way. I also looked at your photos and you are so not ugly!0
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The only ugly thing is the veil that is over your eyes to see the true beauty we all have. Its a cycle we invent. I thought I was ugly and i still have my days.... maybe talk therapy will help you understand that beauty is not only skin deep. I have met what is deemed as "deformed" and have thought they were beautiful. I have seen super model pretty people, and have met their true self, and have realized that though they are aesthetically beautiful, they are truly ugly with darkness in them. The beauty of the person is not measured by the outside, its what you have on the in. I know that sounds like a line of ****, but I have met nonconventional beauty and it is amazing.0
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Someone said to ask your husband for his opinion and I agree. When I asked mine, he surprised me by saying he really liked how having the two kids gave me curvy hips. I thought I just looked fat, but then I realized my hips give me more of an hourglass shape, and now I really like them. :-) if you're scared of the pause, like you said, you could ask him to think about it and write down your three best features. It takes the pressure off of him in the moment, and gives you a little lovenote that you can look at whenever you need a reminder that you are someone's favorite person. :-)0
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You are NOT ugly. You have a beautiful smile, bright eyes, and pretty hair. I have tried going brunette because I think its sophisticated, but it looks silly when I do it. I soooo wish my hair would do that. Chin up... you are NOT ugly. You have to start focusing on what you like about yourself.0
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You're not ugly. I think you're very pretty, actually. But I know my opinion really doesn't matter.
I used to hate my appearance as well and think I was hideous... now I love myself 100 percent... One way I started (and this might be cheesy lol) was looking at the things other than my physical appearance - I realized I am so so so much more than my body. I have thoughts, dreams, and talents. and so much more.
People tell you when you are starting a journey of self love to pick little things about yourself that you like (ex- i have pretty eyes, i have pretty hair, etc) Well, sometimes it's hard to start with just the physical aspect so think about those things inside you that you are happy about. What are you proud of about yourself? What do people tell you about your personality that just makes you smile? Stuff like that.
Good luck!
I know it's a hard journey to start loving yourself inside and out. But let me tell you, the results are absolutely worth it.0
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