Awful, horrible, miserable day.

ChubbyBunny

I am glad you are doing better.

I understand the friend thing, I have one just like her. Sucks the life and hope right out of you and makes your brain crazy. I've had to limit the contact for a while or when I am REALLY strong.

:flowerforyou:

mrsyac2

I don't think they mean to suck the life right out of you by telling you the truth but more along the lines of giving heads up.
-Cheatin does happen over there but it also happens with the person that is in the state as well.

Dont let people get you down

I hear all the drama of what goes on in my husbands company I know who is cheating on who, who is getting a divorce, What's going on in other peoples marriages- Who is dating who, who is hanging out where they shouldn't be ect... Its very entertaining.

Don't stress if you know your husband then don't feed into what she is saying.

ccano

.

GIBride01

Long distance relationships are crazy, period! It's a struggle no matter the circumstances, so I know you feel my pain.

I am doing much better now. Part of my problem was that I had visited the wife of someone my hubby works with (who is also deployed), and she told me all these stories and screwed with my head. Stories about cheating that I really didn't want or need to hear. My husband is a good, trustworthy man and I know this. But hanging out with her totally broke me down. It was after seeing her that I came home and broke down completely. But my husband has put me at ease and I am back to my normal self. Thank goodness.

This morning I woke up to an email from him that said "If marriage wasn't a one time thing, I'd ask you to marry me all over again."
[/quote]

Ok, the whole 'cheating is rampant in the military' thing drives me:explode: :explode: :explode: Has anyone taken a poll to see what the incedence of cheating in the medical field or housekeepers or cooks is??? No....but it the military, someone cheats, that someones significant other goes to the cheaters commander and voila...everyone and their brother knows about it. I have worked in the medical field the time I have been with hubby, and have seen plenty of doctors, nurses, secretaries cheating too. No one I personally know in the army has cheated on a spouse, with the exception of one slacker 'friend' my husband had years ago. Hello, cheating might be more about a persons character more than a profession. If you are married to a good trustworthy person, no more reason the think a military person will cheat more than the dude across the street. Rant over...:grumble:

mrsyac2

Dont let people get you down and dont get crazy ideas in your head if you and your husband communicate and talk and are very open with each other and are honest and trust each other than don't worry about it.

Cheating happens but that doesn't mean all the guys/girls do it. --

ChubbyBunny

:huh:

mrsyac2

Long distance relationships are crazy, period! It's a struggle no matter the circumstances, so I know you feel my pain.

I am doing much better now. Part of my problem was that I had visited the wife of someone my hubby works with (who is also deployed), and she told me all these stories and screwed with my head. Stories about cheating that I really didn't want or need to hear. My husband is a good, trustworthy man and I know this. But hanging out with her totally broke me down. It was after seeing her that I came home and broke down completely. But my husband has put me at ease and I am back to my normal self. Thank goodness.

This morning I woke up to an email from him that said "If marriage wasn't a one time thing, I'd ask you to marry me all over again."

Ok, the whole 'cheating is rampant in the military' thing drives me:explode: :explode: :explode: Has anyone taken a poll to see what the incedence of cheating in the medical field or housekeepers or cooks is??? No....but it the military, someone cheats, that someones significant other goes to the cheaters commander and voila...everyone and their brother knows about it. I have worked in the medical field the time I have been with hubby, and have seen plenty of doctors, nurses, secretaries cheating too. No one I personally know in the army has cheated on a spouse, with the exception of one slacker 'friend' my husband had years ago. Hello, cheating might be more about a persons character more than a profession. If you are married to a good trustworthy person, no more reason the think a military person will cheat more than the dude across the street. Rant over...:grumble:
[/quote]

As a fact the divorce rate is high in the military for a reason. It happens all the time. I am very close with alot of military people men and females and I know ALOT of times either they were cheated on or they did there spouses wrong.

I know men who come home to empty houses with a dead dog in the back yard and a bank account cleaned out and wife nowhere to be found.

I know of instances where overseas the men were cheating on their wife while she was in the state waiting for him to come home.

I know of a man who thought him and his wife were happily married and the entire time since the day he left she sold his stuff (told him it was stolen), spent his re-enlistment bonus (every single penny), and then after everything was gone said she was seeing someone else.

I know of the same wife crying when her husband was deploying to the next day having an affair while he was gone up until the day he came home.

(When not deployed) A soldier was working night shift and his wife brought him dinner after she left he gave that dinner away and went out with another female-

Cheating happens all the time either if your a civilian or a soldier.

Husband comes home from Iraq gets his wife pregnant guess what he gave her yeah it wasn't just a baby but also an STD

Female Soldier comes home and passes her husband an STD as well.
I know these instances not because the commander found out but because guys/gals talk to each other and word travels- The military is a fish bowl


(Im not saying everyone is doing it but it is happening- Hell they give the soldiers condoms)- I am not naive to what goes on I see it- I have seen many marriages fail.

mrsyac2

You must be a very strong person to be able to have only ONE meltdown after a month with your guy in the military! My fiance and I used to be long-distance and only saw eachother once every six months, but it was only because we lived apart, not because of the military. I broke down a lot more than you have and your situation I'm sure is much more stressful!

I respect anyone who can be strong enough to handle having a significant other in the military!

Long distance relationships are crazy, period! It's a struggle no matter the circumstances, so I know you feel my pain.

I am doing much better now. Part of my problem was that I had visited the wife of someone my hubby works with (who is also deployed), and she told me all these stories and screwed with my head. Stories about cheating that I really didn't want or need to hear. My husband is a good, trustworthy man and I know this. But hanging out with her totally broke me down. It was after seeing her that I came home and broke down completely. But my husband has put me at ease and I am back to my normal self. Thank goodness.

This morning I woke up to an email from him that said "If marriage wasn't a one time thing, I'd ask you to marry me all over again."

I am in no way saying that your husband will do you wrong-- I still stand by what I said when I said don't let people get in your head you are the only one that knows your husband nobody else does. Maybe that wife was talking about the negatives has doubts about her own spouse

ChubbyBunny

As a fact the divorce rate is high in the military for a reason. It happens all the time. I am very close with alot of military people men and females and I know ALOT of times either they were cheated on or they did there spouses wrong.

I know men who come home to empty houses with a dead dog in the back yard and a bank account cleaned out and wife nowhere to be found.

I know of instances where overseas the men were cheating on their wife while she was in the state waiting for him to come home.

I know of a man who thought him and his wife were happily married and the entire time since the day he left she sold his stuff (told him it was stolen), spent his re-enlistment bonus (every single penny), and then after everything was gone said she was seeing someone else.

I know of the same wife crying when her husband was deploying to the next day having an affair while he was gone up until the day he came home.

(When not deployed) A soldier was working night shift and his wife brought him dinner after she left he gave that dinner away and went out with another female-

Cheating happens all the time either if your a civilian or a soldier.

Husband comes home from Iraq gets his wife pregnant guess what he gave her yeah it wasn't just a baby but also an STD

Female Soldier comes home and passes her husband an STD as well.
I know these instances not because the commander found out but because guys/gals talk to each other and word travels- The military is a fish bowl


(Im not saying everyone is doing it but it is happening- Hell they give the soldiers condoms)- I am not naive to what goes on I see it- I have seen many marriages fail.

It's sad that you've had such an over-exposure to negative military personel.
I wouldn't say "infidelity" is the only main reason for military divorce, at least not without legitimate facts.
To "cheat" is a personal choice, not one typically assigned to a given profession.
To treat it as "common practice/acceptable practice" and generalizing an entire group of people adds unnecessary stress to those exposed to it.
It is not being nieve to have faith that people will make wises choices.
The act is a choice... and reflects on the individual's choice not the career choice.

:flowerforyou:

GIBride01

As a fact the divorce rate is high in the military for a reason. It happens all the time. I am very close with alot of military people men and females and I know ALOT of times either they were cheated on or they did there spouses wrong.

I know men who come home to empty houses with a dead dog in the back yard and a bank account cleaned out and wife nowhere to be found.

I know of instances where overseas the men were cheating on their wife while she was in the state waiting for him to come home.

I know of a man who thought him and his wife were happily married and the entire time since the day he left she sold his stuff (told him it was stolen), spent his re-enlistment bonus (every single penny), and then after everything was gone said she was seeing someone else.

I know of the same wife crying when her husband was deploying to the next day having an affair while he was gone up until the day he came home.

(When not deployed) A soldier was working night shift and his wife brought him dinner after she left he gave that dinner away and went out with another female-

Cheating happens all the time either if your a civilian or a soldier.

Husband comes home from Iraq gets his wife pregnant guess what he gave her yeah it wasn't just a baby but also an STD

Female Soldier comes home and passes her husband an STD as well.
I know these instances not because the commander found out but because guys/gals talk to each other and word travels- The military is a fish bowl


(Im not saying everyone is doing it but it is happening- Hell they give the soldiers condoms)- I am not naive to what goes on I see it- I have seen many marriages fail.

It's sad that you've had such an over-exposure to negative military personel.
I wouldn't say "infidelity" is the only main reason for military divorce, at least not without legitimate facts.
To "cheat" is a personal choice, not one typically assigned to a given profession.
To treat it as "common practice/acceptable practice" and generalizing an entire group of people adds unnecessary stress to those exposed to it.
It is not being nieve to have faith that people will make wises choices.
The act is a choice... and reflects on the individual's choice not the career choice.

:flowerforyou:

Amen!

Well I think this is an agree to disagree situation, and an argument for a different forum but....Again, hubby about to retire with 20 years in...he has never cheated, I have never cheated. Most of our close friends have retired with 20, or are about to..Long term marriages with no cheating. Like ChubbyBunny said, its a personal choice, not a career choice.

mrsyac2

As a fact the divorce rate is high in the military for a reason. It happens all the time. I am very close with alot of military people men and females and I know ALOT of times either they were cheated on or they did there spouses wrong.

I know men who come home to empty houses with a dead dog in the back yard and a bank account cleaned out and wife nowhere to be found.

I know of instances where overseas the men were cheating on their wife while she was in the state waiting for him to come home.

I know of a man who thought him and his wife were happily married and the entire time since the day he left she sold his stuff (told him it was stolen), spent his re-enlistment bonus (every single penny), and then after everything was gone said she was seeing someone else.

I know of the same wife crying when her husband was deploying to the next day having an affair while he was gone up until the day he came home.

(When not deployed) A soldier was working night shift and his wife brought him dinner after she left he gave that dinner away and went out with another female-

Cheating happens all the time either if your a civilian or a soldier.

Husband comes home from Iraq gets his wife pregnant guess what he gave her yeah it wasn't just a baby but also an STD

Female Soldier comes home and passes her husband an STD as well.
I know these instances not because the commander found out but because guys/gals talk to each other and word travels- The military is a fish bowl


(Im not saying everyone is doing it but it is happening- Hell they give the soldiers condoms)- I am not naive to what goes on I see it- I have seen many marriages fail.

It's sad that you've had such an over-exposure to negative military personel.
I wouldn't say "infidelity" is the only main reason for military divorce, at least not without legitimate facts.
To "cheat" is a personal choice, not one typically assigned to a given profession.
To treat it as "common practice/acceptable practice" and generalizing an entire group of people adds unnecessary stress to those exposed to it.
It is not being nieve to have faith that people will make wises choices.
The act is a choice... and reflects on the individual's choice not the career choice.

:flowerforyou:

Amen!

Well I think this is an agree to disagree situation, and an argument for a different forum but....Again, hubby about to retire with 20 years in...he has never cheated, I have never cheated. Most of our close friends have retired with 20, or are about to..Long term marriages with no cheating. Like ChubbyBunny said, its a personal choice, not a career choice.

I agree because I haven't cheated nor has my husband (if he did I would be on the news). But all I was stating is that it does happen I told my husband about this topic- and he agreed with everything I said and said that he could name a few instances off the top of his head. I have alot of soldier friends male/females. I am close with EVERYONE in my husbands company- I also know soldiers in all branches.


Chubby Bunny your right cheating isn't the only reason the divorce rates are so high in the military it has alot to do with constant deploying- I don't condone what happens as a matter of fact I flip on those people that cheated ( I hate liars and cheaters) I also tell their wives/husbands (I look at it like I would want someone to tell me).


but regardless cheating doesn't just happen in the military it is everywhere and its real sad I don't know why people do it never understood it-

mrsyac2

As a fact the divorce rate is high in the military for a reason. It happens all the time. I am very close with alot of military people men and females and I know ALOT of times either they were cheated on or they did there spouses wrong.

I know men who come home to empty houses with a dead dog in the back yard and a bank account cleaned out and wife nowhere to be found.

I know of instances where overseas the men were cheating on their wife while she was in the state waiting for him to come home.

I know of a man who thought him and his wife were happily married and the entire time since the day he left she sold his stuff (told him it was stolen), spent his re-enlistment bonus (every single penny), and then after everything was gone said she was seeing someone else.

I know of the same wife crying when her husband was deploying to the next day having an affair while he was gone up until the day he came home.

(When not deployed) A soldier was working night shift and his wife brought him dinner after she left he gave that dinner away and went out with another female-

Cheating happens all the time either if your a civilian or a soldier.

Husband comes home from Iraq gets his wife pregnant guess what he gave her yeah it wasn't just a baby but also an STD

Female Soldier comes home and passes her husband an STD as well.
I know these instances not because the commander found out but because guys/gals talk to each other and word travels- The military is a fish bowl


(Im not saying everyone is doing it but it is happening- Hell they give the soldiers condoms)- I am not naive to what goes on I see it- I have seen many marriages fail.

It's sad that you've had such an over-exposure to negative military personel.
I wouldn't say "infidelity" is the only main reason for military divorce, at least not without legitimate facts.
To "cheat" is a personal choice, not one typically assigned to a given profession.
To treat it as "common practice/acceptable practice" and generalizing an entire group of people adds unnecessary stress to those exposed to it.
It is not being nieve to have faith that people will make wises choices.
The act is a choice... and reflects on the individual's choice not the career choice.

:flowerforyou:

I wouldn't call it negative because it's life cheating is everywhere- As far as being naive (of the negatives of being deployed) compared to having faith your significant other will do the right thing and make the right choice- Are very different because I have spoke to alot of wives who had no clue as to what really goes on over there (had no clue people were cheating)
They think their husbands just work all day/night long (that wife knowing that negatives happen doesn't stop her from having faith in her husbands faithfulness-

I know what goes on over their and I don't worry about my husband cheating when he is deployed and he doesn't worry about me

ChubbyBunny

Amen!

Well I think this is an agree to disagree situation, and an argument for a different forum but....Again, hubby about to retire with 20 years in...he has never cheated, I have never cheated. Most of our close friends have retired with 20, or are about to..Long term marriages with no cheating. Like ChubbyBunny said, its a personal choice, not a career choice.

I agree.... it's an agree to disagree point.
I also brought this topic up with my other half and he agreed with everything I've said. As well as off the top of his head having lists full of examples.

Not everyone is the same.
You know what's going on there through your experiences and who your exposed to, which is not who others may be exposed to or what they experience.
So what you "know" may not resemble what we "know."
Neither is right or wrong, but different.

The big picture, it is sad and destructive....in any situation.

mrsyac2

It is very sad because families are being broken up-
Its a messed up situation all around-

I never said everyone in the military cheated what I did say is that it DOES happen that doesn't mean that everyone is doing it just because they are in the military--

Just like civilians cheat- My facts were just pointin out that it does happen- Now just like I know plenty of people that cheated or were cheated on I know just the same amount that didn't/haven't-

I also know civilians that have been cheated on or vice versus.

My point was that it does happen in the states as well as other places and in all career fields.

I never said it was impossible to have a successful/faithful relationship with a soldier (because that is a lie)

ccano

Okay, I'm a little confused as to why this thread took the direction it did.

Cheating is an emphasized topic in the military world because of deployments. To spend 6-15 months apart from your spouse poses an unbelievable strain and temptation for a lot of people. And it's so easy to cheat and get away with it when you're thousands of miles from someone. I don't think anyone is denying the fact that civilians cheat just as much though. I mean, obviously what you do doesn't define whether or not you're going to cheat.

BUT...being a newlywed, being only one month into this deployment, the other wife's words did nothing to help my state of mind, that's for sure. That doesn't mean I believe my husband will cheat. It's not his personality. He's not a "player" by any means. He's a good natured, genuine man. He always has been, so I have no reason to doubt him. (And for that matter, I would NEVER EVER cheat on my husband. Oh my god...I couldn't even imagine it. I love him so freakin' much). I have not hung out with the other wife since that one time. I just get the feeling she would do nothing for my mental well-being. She's a perfectly nice human being, but I have to protect myself by knowing when someone is toxic. And she kind of is.

I'm going to also just mention that I was born on a base, raised in the Marine Corps lifestyle. My dad was a Marine. I've never NOT been around the military. So I don't tend to like it when someone tries to tell me "how it is," as if I don't know. That is probably going to keep me from getting very close to other young wives, because...they haven't been around it nearly as long as I have, but they "know everything." And I'm not the kind of person that tries to play "alpha female." I don't need to assert myself and my knowledge when I meet new people. I'm more laid back and reserved when I meet someone new. But if someone tries to treat me like I don't know something when they have no idea, that makes me very uncomfortable and a little irritated...

ChubbyBunny

when someone is toxic

I am just really excited that you used this phrase/term cause I am the only one I know who does, and I try to teach it to my students when we talk about relationships (in general....friends, family, so on....)!

Yay!
:flowerforyou:

fitchick99

I I need my husband more than the military does.

*huge sigh* :frown: :brokenheart:

is that really true? it may seem that way ..but...
think of the good things....
you can see and write and read and are in doors with running water...it could be worse and he is doing a service for all of us
hang in there

Yes, it really is true. I do need him more. I haven't encountered many people who like it when I say that, but I don't care how selfish I sound. I do need my husband more than they do.

Sometimes I feel like wearing a shirt everyday that says "DO NOT MESS WITH ME, MY HUSBAND IS DEPLOYED."

lol, you still find time for humour, that's good, I wish I knew what to say, i'm canadian, we don't know much about sending loved ones to war, in fact I only know of one family who has a son in the military who is over there doing peace keeping, I can't even relate, I would be devastated if my hubby was there, I believe your statement that you need your hubby more, and I believe that he probably thinks the same way about you, hang in there, go shopping, buy something super sexy for when he gets back!! my heart goes out to you, I just hate that families are put into these predicaments....the stress my be just awful, god bless!

ccano

when someone is toxic

I am just really excited that you used this phrase/term cause I am the only one I know who does, and I try to teach it to my students when we talk about relationships (in general....friends, family, so on....)!

Yay!
:flowerforyou:

Oh yeah! My degree is in psychology, so I definitely know all about toxic people! It's not that she isn't a nice person, and I know she loves her husband and they are a great couple, but she was very forward and didn't tread lightly on subjects that probably should have been left alone for a first time conversation with me. I had barely talked to the girl at all, and in the very first conversation she is laying into some very heavy topics. When you don't know how the other person feels/reacts to certain subjects yet, it's probably best to stick to lighter conversation until you get to know them! She just didn't seem to understand that.

ccano

I I need my husband more than the military does.

*huge sigh* :frown: :brokenheart:

is that really true? it may seem that way ..but...
think of the good things....
you can see and write and read and are in doors with running water...it could be worse and he is doing a service for all of us
hang in there

Yes, it really is true. I do need him more. I haven't encountered many people who like it when I say that, but I don't care how selfish I sound. I do need my husband more than they do.

Sometimes I feel like wearing a shirt everyday that says "DO NOT MESS WITH ME, MY HUSBAND IS DEPLOYED."

lol, you still find time for humour, that's good, I wish I knew what to say, i'm canadian, we don't know much about sending loved ones to war, in fact I only know of one family who has a son in the military who is over there doing peace keeping, I can't even relate, I would be devastated if my hubby was there, I believe your statement that you need your hubby more, and I believe that he probably thinks the same way about you, hang in there, go shopping, buy something super sexy for when he gets back!! my heart goes out to you, I just hate that families are put into these predicaments....the stress my be just awful, god bless!

Sometimes I wish I lived in Canada. Thank you so much for your kindness. It is so appreciated. :flowerforyou:

ChubbyBunny

when someone is toxic

I am just really excited that you used this phrase/term cause I am the only one I know who does, and I try to teach it to my students when we talk about relationships (in general....friends, family, so on....)!

Yay!
:flowerforyou:

Oh yeah! My degree is in psychology, so I definitely know all about toxic people! It's not that she isn't a nice person, and I know she loves her husband and they are a great couple, but she was very forward and didn't tread lightly on subjects that probably should have been left alone for a first time conversation with me. I had barely talked to the girl at all, and in the very first conversation she is laying into some very heavy topics. When you don't know how the other person feels/reacts to certain subjects yet, it's probably best to stick to lighter conversation until you get to know them! She just didn't seem to understand that.

Psychology! I love it! After the whole video of the guy who had the rod go through his head I was done with that class! :laugh: Oddly enough, I teach a smidge of things that I learned in that class.... my fav is stress management.... ahhhh happy place.... usually snoring accompanies that in class :huh:

I think we may have some of the same friends! :laugh: Kidding.

mrsyac2

take care of you and yours and you will be fine- Tell your husband to be safe- You stay sane and busy and you will be fine as well.

GIBride01

when someone is toxic

I am just really excited that you used this phrase/term cause I am the only one I know who does, and I try to teach it to my students when we talk about relationships (in general....friends, family, so on....)!

Yay!
:flowerforyou:

Oh yeah! My degree is in psychology, so I definitely know all about toxic people! It's not that she isn't a nice person, and I know she loves her husband and they are a great couple, but she was very forward and didn't tread lightly on subjects that probably should have been left alone for a first time conversation with me. I had barely talked to the girl at all, and in the very first conversation she is laying into some very heavy topics. When you don't know how the other person feels/reacts to certain subjects yet, it's probably best to stick to lighter conversation until you get to know them! She just didn't seem to understand that.

Psychology! I love it! After the whole video of the guy who had the rod go through his head I was done with that class! :laugh: Oddly enough, I teach a smidge of things that I learned in that class.... my fav is stress management.... ahhhh happy place.... usually snoring accompanies that in class :huh:

I think we may have some of the same friends! :laugh: Kidding.

Ooo..oooo goodie!! Subject change!!! I feel bad the original posters thread was completely turned around, I am afraid I may have pushed it in that direction..:blushing: I majored in Psych for about 10 min in college, figured out there were way too many diagnosis I could relate to. If someone is going to Canada, can I come?? Its gorgeous up there, go in the summer though. We went up to BC in January one year when stationed in WA, liked it until the news started talking about the Artic Freeze warning...what in the h-e-double hockey sticks is that!! I'm from San Diego, don't do Artic Freeze too well, until my husband and the Army drug me to Washington, Kansas is really cold at times too, stupid Army..ooops, back to the Army...I'm going away now.

ChubbyBunny

Hey.... my brother was stationed in Kansas forever! I think they may be headed back there sometime even (weirdos).

Canada is awesome, it's been one of my best vacations! Yay for Calgary!
:flowerforyou:

wwwtheselion11

Capping your pants while grocery shopping. Thinking it was only a fart.