am I crazy? or is he?

stcar

My son was about to walk to his dad's to pick something up, I tell him to take the dog with him so she gets a walk, My ex husband (his dad) tells him he doesn't have to bring the dog and tells me I'm being rediculous. Ummm, I asked him to walk his dog, not carry a 50 pound sack of bricks cause I like to torture him.

I think he needs to stop trying to be his buddy and remember our rights as parents, also that when he's in my house, it's my rules.

Anyways, just wondering, am I crazy and being "mean" by asking him to take his dog on the walk he was already going on???

katiepie111

no!

annabellj

how long have you been divorced? never been where you are but it sounds like he doesnt want to parent. the dog needs the walk also, you are right! and as pet owners our kids need to learn responsibility for them. dont take it on yourself. it will teach him better lessons and maybe you can tell ex that your house, your rules, or if possible sit him down and try to co parent even though you are not together the child will get much more out of life if you are a united front.

PedmomJill

1. Who's dog is it? If it's your sons he should be walking it.

2. Who cares whose dog it is? You're the mom and you told your kid to do something! Grrrrrrrrrrr parents that try to be more buddy than parents are just asking for trouble. This is coming from someone who was a totally "mean mom" when my 22 year old was young, and I can't tell you how many times he's thanked me. And I'm not kidding. He just told me he got such a great review at his job-his boss actually TOLD him to thank his parents for raising him with such good morals and ethics lol.

arewethereyet

My son was about to walk to his dad's to pick something up, I tell him to take the dog with him so she gets a walk, My ex husband (his dad) tells him he doesn't have to bring the dog and tells me I'm being rediculous. Ummm, I asked him to walk his dog, not carry a 50 pound sack of bricks cause I like to torture him.

I think he needs to stop trying to be his buddy and remember our rights as parents, also that when he's in my house, it's my rules.

Anyways, just wondering, am I crazy and being "mean" by asking him to take his dog on the walk he was already going on???

No. (will keep all comments to myself tonight as I am having a bad 'middleofthedivorce' moment):grumble:

rileamoyer

Sounds like a reasonable request to me (unless the dog is 200 lb uncontrollable critter and your little guy is 60 lbs) ;0

stcar

thanks all, sometimes I just need to hear that I am doing the right thing. we've been divorced for 9 years, my son is a big strong football playing 11 year old and our (rather, his) dog is a small puggle!

stcar

1. Who's dog is it? If it's your sons he should be walking it.

2. Who cares whose dog it is? You're the mom and you told your kid to do something! Grrrrrrrrrrr parents that try to be more buddy than parents are just asking for trouble. This is coming from someone who was a totally "mean mom" when my 22 year old was young, and I can't tell you how many times he's thanked me. And I'm not kidding. He just told me he got such a great review at his job-his boss actually TOLD him to thank his parents for raising him with such good morals and ethics lol.

This is great to hear and what I'm hoping for

fit4mom

It seems to me there are implications of you being over protective. But in this day and age I just don't think you can be. Oh and what ever issues you had are probably still in the back of his mind and because of the divorce his reasoning's are probably amplified. Acting in love toward him as the father of your child and not reacting to critical behavior/comments is a good way to go. I get it's easy to retaliate and be mean back but it reeks havoc on the kids. It's already tough on them to have to live 2 separate lives and then in most cases both parents want nothing to do with the other and the kids feel like they have to live secret lives that they CAN'T (only point making not yelling) tell either parent about. I.E. What happens with dad/mom, good times even, stays with dad/mom. And because the parents hold a grudge the kid gets the cold shoulder when it comes to discussion of this part of their lives with their parent. I mean feeling guilty that you have a relationship with your parent is no fun. This is only my advice, what I experienced growing up. Not saying this is your situation. Sometimes this does occur as it did with me. To this day my parents still look at themselves as having been the victim and having done no wrong. My siblings and I paid the biggest price. I just wish even having been divorced that they could have shown kindness to one another instead of battling it out all the time and us kids constantly dodging the missiles.
I don't take either side on this subject I just feel for kids. In general (and I saw this with my friends of divorced parents) pride got in the way of parenting and it ruined their lives. At 30 yrs of age were still putting the pieces of our lives back together that were tore apart unintentionally by parents that did not pay attention and humble themselves to see that it was affecting their kids. Be blessed and I wish you the best. You are right that it is your house and your rules but take care that children feel pain when their parents fight even divorced. The standard gets so skewed when you live in 2 separate places and causes internal conflict.:flowerforyou:

koosdel

Yes.

Contrarian

Next time, make him carry the 50lb bag of bricks so he can compare.

gymshoe42

unless it's miles and miles and miles to his dad's house, I don't see anything wrong with you telling him to walk the dog. It's his dog, walk the darn thing. Your ex just may not want the dog over ....

lmelangley

How is your relationship with your ex? Can you have a reasonable discussion with him when your son isn't in the room? I think maybe you should take to him about the fact he's undermining your authority when you ask your son to do something at your home and your ex says he doesn't have to. Also puts your son in an awkward position. Let him know that you don't always agree with all of his rules but you respect that they are his rules and so will back him up when your son is at his house, and would like the courtesy returned.

dimpleschick

Yes.

Ah, the man's point of view. (from Kooldell)
As for me, (woman's viewpoint who has been down the same road you are on), I am wondering why your former husband wants to continue disagreeing with you. Let your son go to his dad's and walk the dog later. Maybe the dad doesn't want the dog at his house. Maybe it would interfere with the plans he has for the time he spends with his son. Who knows? Don't let it bother you.

fit4mom

How is your relationship with your ex? Can you have a reasonable discussion with him when your son isn't in the room? I think maybe you should take to him about the fact he's undermining your authority when you ask your son to do something at your home and your ex says he doesn't have to. Also puts your son in an awkward position. Let him know that you don't always agree with all of his rules but you respect that they are his rules and so will back him up when your son is at his house, and would like the courtesy returned.

That's what she said (in a more wordy statement)

lor007

Next time, make him carry the 50lb bag of bricks so he can compare.

I used to do this, but it was bags of seed or feed instead of bricks. I wish my biggest chore as a kid was to walk the dog.

pumpkinmoccasins

If he's going to walk there anyway I don't see why it's a big deal to take the dog in the first place...

stcar

It seems to me there are implications of you being over protective. But in this day and age I just don't think you can be. Oh and what ever issues you had are probably still in the back of his mind and because of the divorce his reasoning's are probably amplified. Acting in love toward him as the father of your child and not reacting to critical behavior/comments is a good way to go. I get it's easy to retaliate and be mean back but it reeks havoc on the kids. It's already tough on them to have to live 2 separate lives and then in most cases both parents want nothing to do with the other and the kids feel like they have to live secret lives that they CAN'T (only point making not yelling) tell either parent about. I.E. What happens with dad/mom, good times even, stays with dad/mom. And because the parents hold a grudge the kid gets the cold shoulder when it comes to discussion of this part of their lives with their parent. I mean feeling guilty that you have a relationship with your parent is no fun. This is only my advice, what I experienced growing up. Not saying this is your situation. Sometimes this does occur as it did with me. To this day my parents still look at themselves as having been the victim and having done no wrong. My siblings and I paid the biggest price. I just wish even having been divorced that they could have shown kindness to one another instead of battling it out all the time and us kids constantly dodging the missiles.
I don't take either side on this subject I just feel for kids. In general (and I saw this with my friends of divorced parents) pride got in the way of parenting and it ruined their lives. At 30 yrs of age were still putting the pieces of our lives back together that were tore apart unintentionally by parents that did not pay attention and humble themselves to see that it was affecting their kids. Be blessed and I wish you the best. You are right that it is your house and your rules but take care that children feel pain when their parents fight even divorced. The standard gets so skewed when you live in 2 separate places and causes internal conflict.:flowerforyou:

thanks for sharing this with me, my parents are still together so it's nice to hear a point of view from this angle

stcar

Yes.

you sound super reasonable, thanks for chiming in lol

crochelle17

hmm.. i would be happy to be ur kid if the only chore i had to do was walking the dog! We had a huge chore list growing up, dad ran a lovely tight ship.. everyone pulled their weight

LosingWeight2012

In this day and age i wouldnt let my child walk down the road alone. If they did they better take a dog, stick, or something. Its a crazy world. I dont get the comment about you being over protective. I never let mine leave the yard alone unless i walk them there.

violetsaresweet

No. You are not doing anything wrong by suggesting your son to walk his dog to his father's house so it is not a big issue here. The big issue is if he was asked to walk the dog as a favor to you and his father is disagreeing with it.

LosingWeight2012

Im not bashing your parenting. I just dont trust strangers around my kids. I hope that wasnt offensive. I read it back and thought it might be taken that way. Your ex sounds like a joke

fit4mom

In this day and age i wouldnt let my child walk down the road alone. If they did they better take a dog, stick, or something. Its a crazy world. I dont get the comment about you being over protective. I never let mine leave the yard alone unless i walk them there.

This was my opinion of where he may be coming from. That's how it sounds in the opening statement. But I also agreed that you can't be too protective this day and age. Sadly even in our own homes with the internet. Sometimes I wish the world would chill a bit.

inlander

From a non-parenting perspective, I probably wouldn't let a kid walk my dog (even a puggle!) because kids aren't responsible enough to make sure the dog doesn't get hit by a car/pulls away from a leash/whatever. BUT I have no response to your actual question because I'm not a mom.

stcar

Im not bashing your parenting. I just dont trust strangers around my kids. I hope that wasnt offensive. I read it back and thought it might be taken that way. Your ex sounds like a joke

not at all, it's only about a 5 or 6 minute walk between our houses and I was of the same mind as you up until about 6 months ago. it is a scary world out there, I make him carry a cell phone and he is 5'2" and 140 pounds, very sweet and responsible.
oh, and yes my ex is a joke lol

stcar

In this day and age i wouldnt let my child walk down the road alone. If they did they better take a dog, stick, or something. Its a crazy world. I dont get the comment about you being over protective. I never let mine leave the yard alone unless i walk them there.

This was my opinion of where he may be coming from. That's how it sounds in the opening statement. But I also agreed that you can't be too protective this day and age. Sadly even in our own homes with the internet. Sometimes I wish the world would chill a bit.

he was fine with the walk, just thought I was being mean by making him take the dog when my son complained about it..

LosingWeight2012

These two kids on my street walk their pair of mastifs down the street and onto the main rd. The kids get yanked all over. My kids stay in the yard due to these dogs and the fact im paranoid.

fit4mom

These two kids on my street walk their pair of mastifs down the street and onto the main rd. The kids get yanked all over. My kids stay in the yard due to these dogs and the fact im paranoid.

Or your just a good mom.:flowerforyou:

LosingWeight2012

You are right. I was hurt assaulted by a man at 5 yrs old in sarasota fl. Took me right out of the driveway. Luckily mom called the cops and i was ok before anything too bad happened. He got 2 yrs for that. Had he gone all the way he probably would have killed me

katyejean

I think it's a fair request to ask. Plus, if the dog is protective, it can benefit the child, no matter the age. I am assuming a good age because not many parents let their 5 year old's walk around the block. Unless you are in a very VERY good neighborhood. I don't think you should stress it. You are right, parents can't be "friends". That's why my generation and ones younger than me are becoming so completely worthless. Parents haven't been doing their jobs as PARENTS. I see every day a case of a mom smoking pot with her 17 year old daughter. WHAT PARENT DOES THAT?!