Kids Say the Darndest Things

jennajava

I'm a teacher, so I've got a lot of good ones...

Situation 1:

Give the kids trail mix. One of them eats all the chocolate drops out of it, then tells me: "Chocolate is my lady."
I like this kid.

Situation 2:
Kid: "Mrs. Coffee, you know what Imma be when I grow up? A vampire."
Me: "Do you know what vampires do?"
Kid: "Yeah, they suck blood."
Me: "Does your mama know you want to be a vampire?"
Kid: "Yeah, she said that if Imma do it, I betta not be one of them Twilight vampires. I betta be one of them Trueblood vampires."

:laugh:

Let's hear yours.

MegSommer

My son walks toward our stairs and says...
Devon: "Common Mom!!"
Me: "Where you going Doodle?"
Devon: "Up to take a bappy...."
Me: "Why do you need a bappy? You took one last night."
Devon: "Common Mom, I am just a little bit tinky (while holding his hand up motioning a little bit)"

lol!!!! He is too cute

We are pretty much done potty training so he is no stranger to the Phrase "i am super proud of you" so last week i was going potty and my son walks in and claps and says "Mommy, i am proud of you" lol!!!!

jennajava

My son walks toward our stairs and says...
Devon: "Common Mom!!"
Me: "Where you going Doodle?"
Devon: "Up to take a bappy...."
Me: "Why do you need a bappy? You took one last night."
Devon: "Common Mom, I am just a little bit tinky (while holding his hand up motioning a little bit)"

lol!!!! He is too cute

We are pretty much done potty training so he is no stranger to the Phrase "i am super proud of you" so last week i was going potty and my son walks in and claps and says "Mommy, i am proud of you" lol!!!!

aaawwwww!

HeelsAndBoxingGloves

I'm a teacher, so I've got a lot of good ones...

Situation 1:

Give the kids trail mix. One of them eats all the chocolate drops out of it, then tells me: "Chocolate is my lady."
I like this kid.

Situation 2:
Kid: "Mrs. Coffee, you know what Imma be when I grow up? A vampire."
Me: "Do you know what vampires do?"
Kid: "Yeah, they suck blood."
Me: "Does your mama know you want to be a vampire?"
Kid: "Yeah, she said that if Imma do it, I betta not be one of them Twilight vampires. I betta be one of them Trueblood vampires."

:laugh:

Let's hear yours.

Situation 2 is great! I love it! :laugh:

I don't have kids BUT I do have a step neice who just turned 3 :-)

I was painted with her a few days before her birthday and the conversation went like this:
Me: How old are you turning Mel?
Mel: 2
Me: No you're already 2 how old will you be on your birthday?
Mel: 22!
Me: really? That's pretty old
Mel: Yeah I'll be old... you'll have to trade me in for a new one

I just about died she was so serious! It was cute ... oh and that same day!...

My mom and I were talking about things she needs to have at her house for the kids to play with and I suggested play-doh so my mom asked Mel if she's ever played with play-doh before..
Mel: I don't know plaindo. Is plaindo a boy or girl?

hahaha my mom and I died laughing! :laugh:

shawnscott5

One of my twins has the funniest personality, and he knows how to make me laugh even if I'm a little upset. Jericho was doing something AGAIN to get into trouble.

Me: Jericho, leave the tree alone
JJ: I just want to move them
Me: Touch it one more time and I am gonna give you a spank
JJ: My butt ( while sticking out his hind end and smiling at me)

jennajava

I've got another one! Haha!

Four year old nephew story.

He was "helping" me change KB's diaper. Handing me wipes, etc.

Me: "You're so helpful. I need a four year old boy at my house."
Nephew: "Maybe you can get one for Christmas. I'll tell Uncle Stephen."

jennajava

I'm a teacher, so I've got a lot of good ones...

Situation 1:

Give the kids trail mix. One of them eats all the chocolate drops out of it, then tells me: "Chocolate is my lady."
I like this kid.

Situation 2:
Kid: "Mrs. Coffee, you know what Imma be when I grow up? A vampire."
Me: "Do you know what vampires do?"
Kid: "Yeah, they suck blood."
Me: "Does your mama know you want to be a vampire?"
Kid: "Yeah, she said that if Imma do it, I betta not be one of them Twilight vampires. I betta be one of them Trueblood vampires."

:laugh:

Let's hear yours.

Situation 2 is great! I love it! :laugh:

I don't have kids BUT I do have a step neice who just turned 3 :-)

I was painted with her a few days before her birthday and the conversation went like this:
Me: How old are you turning Mel?
Mel: 2
Me: No you're already 2 how old will you be on your birthday?
Mel: 22!
Me: really? That's pretty old
Mel: Yeah I'll be old... you'll have to trade me in for a new one

I just about died she was so serious! It was cute ... oh and that same day!...

My mom and I were talking about things she needs to have at her house for the kids to play with and I suggested play-doh so my mom asked Mel if she's ever played with play-doh before..
Mel: I don't know plaindo. Is plaindo a boy or girl?

hahaha my mom and I died laughing! :laugh:

:laugh:

summalovaable

This one was from my younger sister whose about 8 now.
Me: Makayla, what should we buy mom for christmas?
Makayla: New bed sheets
Me: why?
Makayla: (with the most serious look on her face) Because she's always washing them, she could really use a break!

Makes perfect sense to me! New bed sheets it is mom

GinNouveau

My bf's 3 yr-old nephew J: "What keeps making me fall off the bed?
Me: Gravity is what makes you fall down.
J: "Grabb-ity? Is that the monster that grabs you and pulls you off the bed?" "Oh no! be careful Grabbity is going to get you!"
Me: Yep it already has....

CoryIda

Kiddo: I'm so glad you lost weight, Mom.
Me: I am too
Kiddo: Now no one will EVER be able to tell me those "Your mama's so fat" jokes!

macpatti

I have a son with autism who has no filter, so you'll get exactly what he's thinking. Last night he was going through one of our family photo albums. Here are his comments while flipping pages:

"Here's one of mom with blonde hair. Here's one of mom with black hair. Here's one of mom with black hair and blonde stripes".

I was just thankful he didn't focus on my weight changes over the years!

AwesomelyAmber

My friend's four year old confuses me with my cousin Janis all the time... Recently I told him that I would no longer answer or talk to him if he didn't call me by my name, here's what that got me...

Nathan: Amber?
Me: Yes, Nathan?
Nathan: AmBER?!
Me: I said "Yes, Nathan" so, did you need something?
Nathan: Yes, Amber I do need something...
Me: What is it, sweetie?
Nathan: Nuthin'! Just wanted to call you JANIS!!!!!
(I that little smart @ss :laugh: )

LuckyLeprechaun

Teaching first graders, after they had a clock reading lesson:
Child: Mrs, how come your watch doesn't have any numbers on it?
Me: Well, I know where the number should be, so I can figure out what time it is...
Child: Oh, wait, what does that word say? (on the face of my watch)
Me: It says, "Guess"
Child, shocked: So you just GUESS what time it is!!??

DGSki

My nephew was watching my mom do a work out video at home and he was very bored and tired of watching her. He wanted to play so bad.

Tay: MawMaw why do you have to work out so much?
Maw: So I can stay in shape, and won't get fat.
Tay: That's silly MawMaw you aren't fat, you are just short!!

I thought it was great!!

99clmsntgr

We were on our way home from dinner a couple weeks ago, and as we were pulling up to the house, my 4 1/2 year old daughter asks, "Daddy, did you park in Mommy's spot?"

(Note: Daddy usually parks on the right side of the driveway, Mommy parks on the left. And this is a cause for great concern in my daughter's world if it's ever backwards)

Since we could see the house, I replied, "Well, what do you think?"

"No, you didn't," she said.

"Well, why did you ask a question you already know the answer to?"

Her response? "Because I'm blonde, duh!"

Now, don't ask me where she heard that one. I have no idea. But my wife and I couldn't help but bust out laughing. Too funny.

jennajava

Teaching first graders, after they had a clock reading lesson:
Child: Mrs, how come your watch doesn't have any numbers on it?
Me: Well, I know where the number should be, so I can figure out what time it is...
Child: Oh, wait, what does that word say? (on the face of my watch)
Me: It says, "Guess"
Child, shocked: So you just GUESS what time it is!!??

I LOL'ed.

fit4mom

My son asked,"what's that saying mom"
Mom: "What saying?"
Son: "You know, Oh my cow?"
Mom: "Oh you mean Oh my bad!
I'm so using that!"
He smiled a little.

shawnscott5

Ok, I have another one. Our twins are in Kindergarden and they are learning to read. We bought some flash cards to help them along. These flash cards are only 3 letter words with a picture that you have to put together and it makes a word.

JJ: Daddy what does this say?
Dad: what are the letters
JJ: F I T
Dad: Now say the sounds of the letters
JJ: eff it

We laughed so hard!!

hazelmae123

Ok, I have another one. Our twins are in Kindergarden and they are learning to read. We bought some flash cards to help them along. These flash cards are only 3 letter words with a picture that you have to put together and it makes a word.

JJ: Daddy what does this say?
Dad: what are the letters
JJ: F I T
Dad: Now say the sounds of the letters
JJ: eff it

We laughed so hard!!

Now that one made me laugh!

hazelmae123

Eating dinner with my then three year old.

Him: What is this called?
Me: It's called fish.
Him: (a very concerned and serious look on his face) It isn't Nemo is it?

WifeNMama

Me: hey look, your pullup says "cool kid" on it. You must be one cool kid.
My son: yeah, I am a cool kid....... But sometimes I poop my pants.

monroe61

When my daughter was 3 she says

Regan: Mom do you remember when I was in your belly?
Me: Yes I do...do you?
Regan: Nope but I want to know how did I come out?
(oh boy)
Me: Well Regan um...well...(and I told her, don't knock my parenting)
(so after the funniest/confused look ever)
Regan: NO WAY MOM IT IS NOT BIG ENOUGH!!!!

You tell me how in the world a 3 year old knew to put that together!! Oy kids these days!


Or my favorite to date is that I'm a vegetarian and my daughter does not understand it and will ask

Regan: Mom why don't you eat meat?
Me: I just don't like the taste or texture.
(she takes a huge bite of her hamburger)
Regan: MMMM but it is such good cow!!

and a side note she calls a hamburger "killed cow" and milk "squeezed cow"

LOL

Mios3

I have to drive under the train tracks each day to get to our house....


Son: Mom.
Son: Mom.
Son: MOM!
Me: Yes Son
Son: Where's that train going?
Me: I don't know
Son: Mom
Me: Yes Son
Son: WHERE'S that train going?
Me: I Don't know son
Son: MOM, Don't Lie to me!


Son is 3

KMSForLife

My father-in-law puts up a Christmas tree outside and tells my boys not to play soccer in the front yard as Nanny doesn't want the tree to get messed up. My six year old says to my father-in-law, "Pop, you don't have to listen to Nan. You're 72 and she's only 60." Which, btw, is not accurate

odusgolp

"MOM! IT DOESN'T HURT WHEN I PEE!"

*shrug* made me smile...

Pocket_Pixi

my Niece is 6.. we had this conversation yesterday

Niece: Aunty its your birthday next week, how old are you going to me?
Me: Old as dirt.
Niece: No for real.
Me: how old do you think I am?
Niece: I don't know... maybe umm... 22?
Me: Your dad is 27 and I am older than him you really think I am 22?
Niece: Yup, I like 22, its a good age.
Me: I will be 29.
She pushes my shoulder and goes "Shut Up! you looke 22!"

kmbrooks15

My sister has 3 kids, ages 8, 10, and 12. My kids are 12 and 14. I had my sister's boys one night while she and her daughter were at ballet class. The kids were just chatting in general about stuff, and my 8 year old nephew, out of the clear blue, informs my 12 year old daughter that "If you move to Hawaii, you could meet a hot surfer dude to fall in love with". Have NO idea where that came from...

We live in SC (moved here from Douglas, GA), but we are very close to the Georgia border. We go over to Augusta, GA, to the mall and the movies. Saturday, I went to look at flooring with my son (he is 14 but has developmental delays and Tourette's Syndrome--his mind functions more like a 6 or 7 year old). We were sitting in the car waiting for the store to open, and I said something about being in Georgia.

My son: We not in Georgia, we in South Carolina.
Me: No, we are, at this moment, in Georgia.
Son: We back in Douglas?!
Me: No, we're in Augusta.
Son: So there are TWO Georgias?

Had to go through and explain how there is only ONE Georgia, but many towns and cities in Georgia. Still not sure he's got it...

MB_Positif

When my son was 3, he had a pet fish that died. This is how the conversation went...

Gabriel: Mommy, did Daddy flush my fish?
Me: Yes
Gabriel: Where did it go.
Me: The fish went to be with Jesus now.
Gabriel (with a big smile): OH! The poop went to be with Jesus last time!!

mallorybriann

My nephew Aidan (he's 5) sitting on toilet: MOMMMMMMY, do you have BAAAALLS like me?
Sister: No, Aidan, girls do not have balls.
Aidan: Why not?
Sister: They just don't.

kmbrooks15

I took my kids to the symphony for the first time back in October. As we were walking to our seats, we could hear the instruments warming up. My 12 year old daughter said, "Oh, so there are actual instruments here!" And she's my GIFTED child...

hewwokitty

Me: hey look, your pullup says "cool kid" on it. You must be one cool kid.
My son: yeah, I am a cool kid....... But sometimes I poop my pants.

LMAO.