Need advice on a situation I have never been in before

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MiniMichelle
MiniMichelle Posts: 807 Member
in Chit-Chat
I need some advice.

3 weeks ago I went to Mexico for one of my best friends weddings. I was in the wedding party. Well since I got back she has not spoke one word to me. I have called her, sent her texts, and messages on facebook several times. She has been conversation to other people but not to me. I am not perfect and could have easily said or done something to upset her in some way, however I have no idea what I could have done to upset her to the point of no longer talking to me.

I am really upset about this! I asked a “mutual” friend… well more her friend than mine, if she said anything to her about being upset with me and she naturally said no that she hadn’t said anything to her. I have not talked to anyone else about this. I don’t know what to do. Do I drop it and just wait for her to come to me? Do I send her one last message with additional thoughts/feelings (my other messages were pretty much like did I do something or are you just busy?). Do I message her husband and ask if he knows or can tell me anything.

I thought that she and I could talk about anything no matter what. We have had conflict before and gotten through it. Nothing like this has ever happened in the 8 years that we have been friends. I just don’t know what to do at this point.
Thanks for reading and giving me advice,
Michelle
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Replies

  • ilikeher
    ilikeher Posts: 78
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    Oh boy :( that's really tough honey. Can you think of anything that you may have done while you were there? Did you drink at all while you were there? I'm sorry, I hope it gets cleared up soon. Good luck
  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
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    I would send a message like 'geez you must be really busy, or I must have done something to piss you off. call me when you can so I know you haven't forgotten about me...even just to say hi'
  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
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    double post!
  • Jorra
    Jorra Posts: 3,338 Member
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    Maybe she really isn't upset and just busy being married? If she has never been upset with you before, and there is no reason for it now, it's probably not ok to assume she is upset.

    FYI: Nothing annoys me more than when my best friend asks, "Are you mad at me?" when I'm just busy or not feeling like talking.
  • classyhoney
    classyhoney Posts: 75 Member
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    I think you have done everything in your power to reach out to her and now it's just a matter of waiting for her to come around. I would send her another message in a month if she still hasn't responded.It's no fun to hold grudges like that and give someone the silent treatment without letting you know what is wrong or that something is wrong. Especially since you've been friends for so long. Just hang in there and try to enjoy the holidays! Maybe send her a Christmas card or something else if you don't celebrate and just let it be. Sorry you're going through this. I've been in a similar situation and it just took some time for the person to come around.
  • BobbyClerici
    BobbyClerici Posts: 813 Member
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    I need some advice.

    3 weeks ago I went to Mexico for one of my best friends weddings. I was in the wedding party. Well since I got back she has not spoke one word to me. I have called her, sent her texts, and messages on facebook several times. She has been conversation to other people but not to me. I am not perfect and could have easily said or done something to upset her in some way, however I have no idea what I could have done to upset her to the point of no longer talking to me.

    I am really upset about this! I asked a “mutual” friend… well more her friend than mine, if she said anything to her about being upset with me and she naturally said no that she hadn’t said anything to her. I have not talked to anyone else about this. I don’t know what to do. Do I drop it and just wait for her to come to me? Do I send her one last message with additional thoughts/feelings (my other messages were pretty much like did I do something or are you just busy?). Do I message her husband and ask if he knows or can tell me anything.

    I thought that she and I could talk about anything no matter what. We have had conflict before and gotten through it. Nothing like this has ever happened in the 8 years that we have been friends. I just don’t know what to do at this point.
    Thanks for reading and giving me advice,
    Michelle

    How about this option: BUTT OUT!

    She's just married, so maybe she's busy enjoying an extended honeymoon?
    Anyway, let it rest, go on with your life and wait for her to contact you.

    At some point if there is an issue, you'll find out, then deal with it, but remember, the one who cares the least rules the relationship. Just move on until YOU are contacted.
  • classyhoney
    classyhoney Posts: 75 Member
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    Maybe she really isn't upset and just busy being married? If she has never been upset with you before, and there is no reason for it now, it's probably not ok to assume she is upset.

    FYI: Nothing annoys me more than when my best friend asks, "Are you mad at me?" when I'm just busy or not feeling like talking.

    she's been talking to other people but not her best friend? That's why I ruled that conclusion out
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
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    chances are, it's not about you. I'd wait for her to come to you, she did just get married she's probably busy!
  • Jorra
    Jorra Posts: 3,338 Member
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    Maybe she really isn't upset and just busy being married? If she has never been upset with you before, and there is no reason for it now, it's probably not ok to assume she is upset.

    FYI: Nothing annoys me more than when my best friend asks, "Are you mad at me?" when I'm just busy or not feeling like talking.

    she's been talking to other people but not her best friend? That's why I ruled that conclusion out

    I wouldn't rule it out because there is admittedly no known reason for her friend to be upset. She also said this woman is "one of her best friends." That doesn't mean they necessarily talk every day. This woman is a newlywed and a bit preoccupied.
  • kristilovescake
    kristilovescake Posts: 669 Member
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    She might just be busy or not feel like talking. Right after my wedding, I was busy honeymooning and then trying to play catch-up with thank-you cards, opening gifts, etc, and THEN busy trying to clean the house and get back into the swing of things with work and daily routine.

    She might just be overwhelmed with the life change, so it might be good to give her some more space and text her again in a couple weeks so she has time to settle into her new life. If you get too obsessive about it, it might just annoy her and make her more likely to not respond.

    Regardless, it doesn't seem like there's much else you can do at this point, so I would just try to not nag her about it and wait for things to slow down in her life.
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
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    Give her a little time, it's probably nothing you did at all. She is probably having a really good time being a newlywed. Sometimes newlyweds "go off the grid" for a while.
  • Mallory0418
    Mallory0418 Posts: 723 Member
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    Oooo I hate these kind of situations. One my least favorite things about our gender is that so many of us (not all) would rather sit on our anger and spew about than communicate and resolve the issue...ARG!

    But anyway, if it were me in your position, I would just come out and ask her if you did something to upset her. Give it a little time first, like a week or 2. Then, if she still hasn't gotten back to you, tell her exactly how her ignoring you is making you feel. Tell her if you did upset her somehow, you did not intend to and to please let you know so that you guys can get past it. Maybe once she realizes that by not responding to you, she is upsetting you, and it will give her the kick in the pants to get back to you she needs. If she is upset, maybe she thinks you know exactly why that is. Just let her know that you care. :flowerforyou: Good luck hun.
  • JJhoney
    JJhoney Posts: 29
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    I think that If you have tried to get a hold of her and expressed how it's upsetting that she isn't responding, then you should leave it at that. As hurtful as it is. I would just wait. She may be incredibly busy, or she may be mad. Either way there's no point in "chasing after" her. She'll either get unbusy, or stop being mad. And if she doesn't stop being mad, maybe it wasn't worth it. If she is mad and never responds back for quite some time, perhaps try to get in touch with her one last time. perhaps... I'm sorry about the situation. Just try to sit on the back burner.
  • hello_kitty3
    hello_kitty3 Posts: 98 Member
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    I lost my best friend of almost 10 years around the time of my wedding because I picked another one of my best friends to be my maid of honor. The main reason I didn't pick her was because she has a habit of being really flaky, not to mention I knew that money was tight for her. She never said anything to me, she kept giving me excuses on why she couldn't buy her dress for the wedding, I even offered to help but in the end she didn't even attend my wedding. I was very upset about it, and to be honest it still bothers me to this day that she never said what happened and gave me a chance to fix it. Its been over 2 years and I still make an effort every now and then to reach out but every time she ignores me. If I were you I would let it just it lay and see if she comes around, the more people you ask the more they're going to tell her and the more frustrated she's going to get. Hopefully she'll come around soon!
  • Galletakek
    Galletakek Posts: 285
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    I would just leave it alone.. i had a friend do this to me.... my best friend... she just didnt want to talk to me... soo i said screw it not going to waste my time with someone who doesn't have time for me. Let her have her space... If she wants to talk, she knows how to reach you :) . but it seems like you tried to reach out to her already. best of luck hun :)
  • MiniMichelle
    MiniMichelle Posts: 807 Member
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    Thank you all for your great comments. I will go with what my gut (and the majority) says. Just let it be for a while and hope that she comes around sooner than later.

    I think that what hurts the most is that I know she is not on an extended honeymoon and is talking to and hanging out with other people that went to the wedding (and some that didn’t make it) since she’s been back. It just hurts :brokenheart: :cry:
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    Maybe she really isn't upset and just busy being married? If she has never been upset with you before, and there is no reason for it now, it's probably not ok to assume she is upset.

    FYI: Nothing annoys me more than when my best friend asks, "Are you mad at me?" when I'm just busy or not feeling like talking.

    x10
  • Beeazlebub
    Beeazlebub Posts: 38
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    A good friend like you deserves better. This is obviously her moving on but not having the courage to tell you it's over. I would cut her out of your life forever. And once this dud she marries screws her over and she comes crawling back to you for support, slam the door in her face.
  • WilliamsPeggy
    WilliamsPeggy Posts: 440 Member
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    It's only been 3 weeks. yikes! Give her some space.
  • CurlyQTee
    CurlyQTee Posts: 62
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    Call. Take her out for coffee. Just talk as though life has been crazy for the both of you.

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