Divorced before 30

kelseyhere

stereotypes or no stereotypes, if it is the right decision to make you a happier person, then who cares? it is YOUR relationship, so you manage it however YOU like. don't worry about what all the people will say, just do whatever is right for you. and if/when they question your decision, you just tell them you did what felt right at the time with the knowledge you had.

_Timmeh_

Wasn't before I was 30, right after turning 30.
It was very tuff to get through, emotionally draining experience, kids were young enough where it didn't affect them too bad.
I had some really good friends and neighbors at the time, they would come over or call to check on me...make sure I had eaten that day or just wanted to hang out. That meant the world to me! But I did have some friends who once I told them what was going on I didn't hear from them for months...years even.

I didn't care less what the stigma is or was....in my opinion I was getting out of an unhealthy relationship.
In the long run it was the best thing I ever did. I've meet the best peole, and had the most fun...that I never would have had if I was still married. I don't mean single life fun, more like hanging out, taking my kids places, going camping with them...doing activities with them that my exwife would never do.

Wow some of you guys move on quick.

Not much you can do when one tells the other I'm outta here. You can either have a pity party for one or get busy living.

lorac321

What stigma?

The majority are divorced anyway. Who cares!

Ditto. People are used to it.

I was married for 6 yeas then got divorced. I am now remarried and am happier than I ever have been.

LadyKatie2010

I'm 24. I've been divorced for about a year. (about mid January will be a year). I got married right after my 21st birthday. we were married (including time of separation) 4 days shy of 2 years. There were choices made on both our parts that caused us to not trust each other. I was willing to work on it (and indeed did. I stayed for a year and half trying to make it work. But...he had given up. he didn't care. He wasn't interested anymore.) So when I walked away, I walked away with no regrets.

it SUCKS being so young and divorced. Especially because I'm Mormon. (Mormons don't generally go for divorce unless its necessary. Its frowned upon. not "illegal" or whatever...we just believe that Family is Forever and when you marry, its for eternity). Ive gotten a lot of people who think divorce is like contagious or something and so they now pretend I like...don't' exist. but I've gotten quite a few people who've told me they are impressed with what I've accomplished in the last year and how strong I've been. (which has meant a lot because i haven't "felt" strong.)

I say if its not working out and its not going to work out...do whats best for you. You have to be healthy and happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.

1FitMom326

I was divorced at 30, had been married for 10 years and have 3 daughters. It was the hardest thing ever and still continues to be. My situation was very controlling and verbally abusive. If it had not been for that I would never recommend divorce for anyone. If you don't get along now it only makes things worse when you are trying to work together with kids.

My advice would be to try all avenues and divorce be a last resort.

tomomatic

I don't think there's a stigma. I'm married but I have a lot of divorce in my family. None of us think there's any kind of stigma. Shoot, my parents got divorced as soon as I moved out of the house and I wish they did it sooner! We all knew where it was going before they did!

Anyways, as long as you two have done your best. Have you looked at getting counseling? I think marriage is something worth trying to save but I recognize that sometimes it can't be saved. Abusiveness... adultery... or even immaturity. There's wounds that are so deep that you have to cut your losses and move forward. Even the Bible recognizes that.

If you're worried about people looking at you with judging eyes, stop thinking that way. They shouldn't be a factor. (And they shouldn't be judging either!) They don't have to live with your decision.

Best wishes. I hope everything works out for the better.

pinkgigi

I was 38 when I got divorced, and there was stigma, I think because where I live the cost of living is high, so most people have to move out of the area when they divorce, so there weren't many divorced people around (none I saw). No other single parents at my children's school. The worst thing was a child told my daughter her mother told her she couldn't be her friend because my daughter came from a broken home. I had to get the school to intervene.

I thought that we should stay together because of the children because there wasn't abuse or infidelity. However, his life has spiralled out of control and he would have taken us down with him. I believe my children would not have achieved what they have if he had still been my husband, and I did have a chance to be married to a wonderful man for 4 years before he passed away. Now alone again.

GG

jeffrodgers1

My husband and I have been talking about divorce alot. I'm not really sure how i feel about it, but I know there are some social stigmas that come along with it. Anyone else gotten divorced before 30yrs old, and faced certain sterotypes?

Been there and done that... to a whole different level.

I went thru a divorce at 28. I consider it an equitable one in that she got the assets and I got the liabil... hmm hmm.. sorry a little bitterness coming thru there. :laugh: Actually I gave her every material asset we had, but kept the important things in my life. I became a single custodial father raising a 3 year old. I took it as a learning lesson. Two people can't always get along and that sometimes, you need to do the things that are in the best interests of others (in my case a child).

Back then it was almost unheard of and there were no programs to help single custodial fathers. So yes, I faced the stigma of the single dad. It actually kind of ticked me off too. When I told people I was a single dad, the assumption was automatically that I didn't have my kids. It cheesed me hearing people refer to Deadbeat dads and yet when they talked about my wife they figured poor dear woman... something must have been the matter with her. 13 Years later and not a nickle in support, not so much as a Xmas card or a present. Real double standards.

As for social stigma's attached to being divorced before thirty... I don't know. Divorce is so common place these days. Take it as a life lesson and an admission that you've grown as an individual. When you can't get along now... you can decide together to fix it, or end it amicably as friends or it festers.

You go around once in this life... take time and evaluate what is broken, why its broken and if happiness means a divorce? No one should judge you... not today or ever.

Oh and as for that stigma... Maybe a little? But regret? None... I live with the fact that I made the right choice and as of a few weeks ago that choice started driving.

Good Luck with your journey!

ABeautifulDistraction

Divorced by 25. Trust me, stereotypes and judgement are easier to live with than an unhappy marriage. You'll get over all the bs and be happy someday (either alone or with someone better) and that's what life is about, not paying for the rest of your life for a mistake you made when you were young (or old, or middle aged for that matter, no one deserves to be stuck). Good luck.

This. I was married at 19 and divorced by 26. It was rough and I've endured many snide comments, but getting out of that marriage was the best thing I ever did.

ljbhill

It's funny you say that. My partner is divorced and he said the same thing when we first started dated (about the stigma and all that). We have been together over 2 years and live together. It doesn't worry me. It doesn't bother my friends, nor my family. He has gotton to know all of them and people based their judgments on him the 'person' and not the event of the past.

If it's not working and you have tried. If it cannot be fixed... why chain yourself to being miserable for the rest of your life because of what you think other people may think?

Be happy

LolaGotThin

I am happily married but I have two friends who have divorced within the last few years (one was only 20 when she divorced). Honestly, I think that THEY are the ones who perceive a stigma where I really don't think one exists anymore. Both did so for very understandable reasons, both are beautiful inside and out, and you know, neither has really had any problems with dating!

Hambone23

Wow some of you guys move on quick.

I've gotten this comment from other people before, and there are a couple of things to say to this: 1. When your marriage is going downhill and has been for a while, you do a lot of your grieving pre-divorce. Divorces don't happen overnight. Usually. (Not counting abuse, cheating, etc.) So by the time you divorce, you've worked through a lot of baggage already. 2. I couldn't and wouldn't let my divorce keep me from taking a chance at love again. That may seem like moving on quickly, but in terms of the people we meet in this life, we have only so many opportunities to find love and partnership. I'm not wasting mine.

Having said that, I'll still be crushed when my ex moves on and finds someone else. Hypocritical? Absolutely. But he deserves every happiness too, and I'd never begrudge him that. Feelings are just complicated things sometimes.

Mybetterme

No I got divorced at 30 and no one cared. But I live a liberal place so cal. Only a couple of my older coworkers maybe did. But my ex abused me so everybody thought I did the right thing. Either way good luck.