seperation anxiety?

ansonrinesmith

Maybe I'm just grumpy or my blood sugar is low, but for some reason this REALLY bugs me.
How is it they have been together for 5 years, neither apparently with a job and have had multiple kids?
My wife and I both work and barely eek out the payments every month.

annabellj

i was a stay at home mom for 18 years and it is hard work by yourself or with help. it sounds like you need to talk to someone. for me always getting the kids out of the house to burn off some steam helped tremendously. park, playplace, library, whatever. if you want to add me for support please do. i think you will be fine in time but it sounds like a huge adjustment. good luck!

Bahet

Add me to the list of people wondering how 2 grown adults can have multiple children over 5 years but haven't worked a day between them.

I'm also on the suck it up and deal with it bench. You might call that rude. I call it reality. I had issues when my husband of 10 years went off to Iraq for 14 months. Know what I did? I sucked it up and dealt with it even though our kids were 5 and 2. I had slightly less issues but still had some problems when he went to Kuwait for 18 months after 13 years of marriage. I sucked it up and dealt with it. We celebrated 18 years of marriage this past May. He got home from 9 months in Afghanistan in October. I'm a pro at sucking it up and dealing with it. So when I say "Suck it up and deal with it." I'm not being harsh. I'm being a realist and speaking from experience.

lucysposaro

I am from australia we get payments from the govement when not in work down here its hard to find work at this stage so he was really lucky this time to have found work but im happy and proud of him.I had a child before i meet him and we have always done fine but struggle at times like anyone else would.Im doing fine now it was just the sudden change that lead to anxiety but im more settled down now.To those still hateing on me dont bother replying to the post because you will get know were and with that attitude you shouldent even be here.Im a nice kind person looking for new friends tot alk to because i dont have actual real freinds and to see kind of stinky attitude is disgusting.Im here to lose weight and keep to my goal but at the same time get advice about other things i really wish people learnt to be nice to others and relise others have feelings to.Fine some of you are mothers with more then 2 kids ur hubbys work and always have great good for you but some others have diffrent situaations and without you guys knowing the whole entire story you already judge.Ill keep this in mind next time i ask for advice some are very nice and kind and know how to talk to others some here are rude disguting bad attitude people.Im not here to judge people when they put posts up i never have and never will because im not a low hearted person like some of you.Some of you really need to open your eyes and relise not everyone has the same situation just because they are a mother,.I love my kids im always with them im always spending time with them and i could never imagine my life without them but half of you are sitting there saying oh u never spent time alone with ur kids? like um hello i just said NOT alone not i never look at them or touch em or look after them? my parnter is with me all the time because he dident work we live in the same bloody house of course someone would always be with me i dont litreally mean i never step foot into the kids room with my partner......he would play his xbox id would go play with my kids....see some of u jump to it and think oh bad mother some people cant explain things right over the net because its the frinkin internet but gezuz read it right next time and think about what i mean IM NOT A BAD MOTHER AND NEVER WILL BE i have never ever said to my partner look after my kids while i go clubbing and drinking for the weekend like most mothers i know so SUCK THAT UP RUDE PEOPLE

Elizabeth_C34

I am from australia we get payments from the govement when not in work down here its hard to find work at this stage so he was really lucky this time to have found work but im happy and proud of him.I had a child before i meet him and we have always done fine but struggle at times like anyone else would.Im doing fine now it was just the sudden change that lead to anxiety but im more settled down now.To those still hateing on me dont bother replying to the post because you will get know were and with that attitude you shouldent even be here.Im a nice kind person looking for new friends tot alk to because i dont have actual real freinds and to see kind of stinky attitude is disgusting.Im here to lose weight and keep to my goal but at the same time get advice about other things i really wish people learnt to be nice to others and relise others have feelings to.Fine some of you are mothers with more then 2 kids ur hubbys work and always have great good for you but some others have diffrent situaations and without you guys knowing the whole entire story you already judge.Ill keep this in mind next time i ask for advice some are very nice and kind and know how to talk to others some here are rude disguting bad attitude people.Im not here to judge people when they put posts up i never have and never will because im not a low hearted person like some of you.Some of you really need to open your eyes and relise not everyone has the same situation just because they are a mother,.I love my kids im always with them im always spending time with them and i could never imagine my life without them but half of you are sitting there saying oh u never spent time alone with ur kids? like um hello i just said NOT alone not i never look at them or touch em or look after them? my parnter is with me all the time because he dident work we live in the same bloody house of course someone would always be with me i dont litreally mean i never step foot into the kids room with my partner......he would play his xbox id would go play with my kids....see some of u jump to it and think oh bad mother some people cant explain things right over the net because its the frinkin internet but gezuz read it right next time and think about what i mean IM NOT A BAD MOTHER AND NEVER WILL BE i have never ever said to my partner look after my kids while i go clubbing and drinking for the weekend like most mothers i know so SUCK THAT UP RUDE PEOPLE

It would make it a lot easier for us to understand what you are trying to say if you would use punctuation and didn't write in text-speak.

lucysposaro

I am from australia we get payments from the govement when not in work down here its hard to find work at this stage so he was really lucky this time to have found work but im happy and proud of him.I had a child before i meet him and we have always done fine but struggle at times like anyone else would.Im doing fine now it was just the sudden change that lead to anxiety but im more settled down now.To those still hateing on me dont bother replying to the post because you will get know were and with that attitude you shouldent even be here.Im a nice kind person looking for new friends tot alk to because i dont have actual real freinds and to see kind of stinky attitude is disgusting.Im here to lose weight and keep to my goal but at the same time get advice about other things i really wish people learnt to be nice to others and relise others have feelings to.Fine some of you are mothers with more then 2 kids ur hubbys work and always have great good for you but some others have diffrent situaations and without you guys knowing the whole entire story you already judge.Ill keep this in mind next time i ask for advice some are very nice and kind and know how to talk to others some here are rude disguting bad attitude people.Im not here to judge people when they put posts up i never have and never will because im not a low hearted person like some of you.Some of you really need to open your eyes and relise not everyone has the same situation just because they are a mother,.I love my kids im always with them im always spending time with them and i could never imagine my life without them but half of you are sitting there saying oh u never spent time alone with ur kids? like um hello i just said NOT alone not i never look at them or touch em or look after them? my parnter is with me all the time because he dident work we live in the same bloody house of course someone would always be with me i dont litreally mean i never step foot into the kids room with my partner......he would play his xbox id would go play with my kids....see some of u jump to it and think oh bad mother some people cant explain things right over the net because its the frinkin internet but gezuz read it right next time and think about what i mean IM NOT A BAD MOTHER AND NEVER WILL BE i have never ever said to my partner look after my kids while i go clubbing and drinking for the weekend like most mothers i know so SUCK THAT UP RUDE PEOPLE

It would make it a lot easier for us to understand what you are trying to say if you would use punctuation and didn't write in text-speak.

well i am sorry by i do that when im really angry because i just type and type out of anger

dhakiyya

Hi Lucysposaro, don't worry too much about the unsupportive posts, that's just how it is on the internet sometimes. Glad you're feeling more settled, and I'm sure you'll be just fine You're stronger and better able to cope than you think you are hope everything goes well for your husband in his new job and spending less time with him means that the time you do spend is more special, better quality time

SheWillNotFail46_5

I don't have kids but I have seen Supernanny ion the TV, so I suggest you break your day down and establish a daily routine.

XX.00am get up
XX.30am get kids up
XX.00am get kids dressed
etc

If you add structure to your day you will feel better and




Good luck.

Lmfao maybe im going nuts and I need to go to bed but does anybody else find this posters first sentence funny as hell? This is the kind of thing i would have said 2 years ago before having a baby. Love Ur Super Nanny advice. You and Jo hit the nail on the head ! :-p Sorry about your situation OP....the extra income will make u feel better.

IDontLikeRegistering

Wow! Who would have thought you'd get such a bunch of Yahoo answers? If you feel anxious without someone around, that's a real feeling. It's likely to cause problems for you and your family that you feel that way, so I suggest you seek counselling or some other kind of help. It is available, and it doesn't necessarily cost the Earth. Just like weight loss, you don't have to do it on your own. Ask a doctor, or a pastor, or someone else who you trust. Don't ask these idiots.

Eleanorjanethinner

Wow! Who would have thought you'd get such a bunch of Yahoo answers? If you feel anxious without someone around, that's a real feeling. It's likely to cause problems for you and your family that you feel that way, so I suggest you seek counselling or some other kind of help. It is available, and it doesn't necessarily cost the Earth. Just like weight loss, you don't have to do it on your own. Ask a doctor, or a pastor, or someone else who you trust. Don't ask these idiots.

Agreed! It sounds like you're facing a major change in your life all of a sudden and it is going to be pretty hard to deal with. If your children have learned that you don't need to be obeyed it's going to be REALLY hard work to change things around so that they will do as you tell them (more or less).

Do what you can to find help in your local community - phone the Citizens Advice (if you have one in Aussie), go to your local library and ask if they know of useful (simple) books or DVDs or support groups etc. Do you have Plunket in Aussie? Or a parent's help line? What about a counselling phone line?

My advice (as a teacher, not a parent, so feel free to ignore) would be to plan a few clear rules and plan a few stages of response i.e. a mild response like a reminder of the rules, then a warning, then something like the naughty step or whatever. No matter how you feel, you must act calm (no shouting, swearing etc) and you must, must act as soon as they infringe the rules and every time they infringe the rules. They will push the boundaries until they see that you're going to enforce them.

Also - boredom and tiredness and hunger = naughtiness. Keep them occupied with enough sleep and healthy food and half your problem is solved (in terms of their behaviour, anyway).

In terms of your anxiety, go and see your Doctor - they might prescribe some medication to take the edge off and you might well be able to find subsidised counselling.

Good luck and best wishes! (and please don't take the haters to heart)

iamnotashley

Me and my partner have been together for about 5 years now we live together and have always been around eachother 24/7 due to him finding it hard to find work.Just yesturday he got a call saying he starts work today which was a sudden shock.He works from 3pm till 10pm so yeah i feel high anxiety being appart from him even though its small hours and also i need to look after the kids on top of it all to be hinest i have never ever been with the kids alone for longer then 2 hours because my partner is always with me and there driving me crazy because they never listen to me.How can i over come this its really over wehelmng and i need to make major changes next yr because my oldest is starting school next yr and the other is starting prep etc,

My dear, I am sorry that such horrible people exist. Some replies in this post are not helping, but actually hurting you and making you feel bad. I apologize on their behalf, they obviously do not understand the situation and are too focused on social norms.

It's normal to feel anxiety in your situation! You've been with him for several years almost non-stop and now he isn't there like he used to be. It's something you've been used to and now it's not there, so it will take some getting used to. I feel it's the same thing that happens to some people when they go off to college, they feel anxiety because they don't know how to cope, but in the end it all works out. I think you should ease yourself into it a bit by keeping a journal or a diary. I think that might be good to get some of the emotions out and understand how you are feeling. Spend some time with the kids and do things that he would have done, such as playing with the X-Box you said he played; maybe it will make you feel closer to him.

Most importantly, don't be scared that you're getting used to life without him around all the time. I think it's important to know that it isn't bad. I feel that because of your anxiety, you might also get anxiety because you are getting used to something else, and change might be scary. But it isn't, and everything should work out alright with time.

kenzietea

I am a licensed mental health therapist. Sounds like you have an anxiety disorder. The good news is it is VERY TREATABLE. Don't freak out, reach out for help to a therapist or your local mental health center. PS people who have never experienced clinical anxiety have a really hard time understanding it . It is an ILLNESS you cannot will it away. Good luck to you.

Just quoting this post because there's a lack of understanding from some people in their replies. I especially agree with the bit about how people who haven't experienced clinical anxiety don't understand it. Those of you who haven't experienced it, I sincerely hope you never do, but do please try to undertand that it's not something you can just turn off in your head with a flick of a switch, and "suck it up/deal with it" is not remotely helpful advice. It's like telling someone with pneumonia to suck it up and go to work. Better advice would be "see a doctor". Even if she doesn't have an anxiety disorder, maybe a little more understanding would help her to deal with her situation better all the same, i.e. help her to have confidence in herself. There are real people behind these IDs, they're not computer generated messages.

I've had severe anxiety, so I do understand, but- She is definitely reaching out to the wrong group of people. It is life, in the eyes of people who don't suffer from anxiety. Besides, who knows if she even has it or not? If she is truly having this much panic about being alone, she needs to seek help not ask for it here. Not a single member of MFP could help her via the web, not even a clinical therapist.

Debbe2

What is so difficult for several of us to understand is the problem in being alone with your children who are 3 and 4 years old I believe you say on your profile. You reached out here and I urge you to listen to what people are saying in response to your post. Please seek help locally and get the assistance for your children's sake as well as your own. You don't want to jeopogize your partners new job because of you needs. With help I believe that you could and need to be, a support system to your partner.

My husband and I raised 4 children. The greatest achievement of my life by far! Our first two are 11 months apart. My husband left for work before they woke and returned when they were asleep five and a half days every week for many years. It was stressful for me BUT it was a gift. I was given the opportunity to have time with my kids. Many people don't have the luxury of staying home to raise their children. Our next two were 17 months apart. I was exhausted but still saw it as a gift. You need to connect with other parents especially moms and build a support system. Have play dates, meet for coffee. Connect with people... we are social creatures and need interaction. If this sounds good then go for it. If it sounds impossible given your situation, then seek help professionally through your church, government, school system. Whatever means available where you live. Your children need you to be the adult and their parent. From the bottom of my heart i wish you good luck!

_Ben

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dhakiyya

I am a licensed mental health therapist. Sounds like you have an anxiety disorder. The good news is it is VERY TREATABLE. Don't freak out, reach out for help to a therapist or your local mental health center. PS people who have never experienced clinical anxiety have a really hard time understanding it . It is an ILLNESS you cannot will it away. Good luck to you.

Just quoting this post because there's a lack of understanding from some people in their replies. I especially agree with the bit about how people who haven't experienced clinical anxiety don't understand it. Those of you who haven't experienced it, I sincerely hope you never do, but do please try to undertand that it's not something you can just turn off in your head with a flick of a switch, and "suck it up/deal with it" is not remotely helpful advice. It's like telling someone with pneumonia to suck it up and go to work. Better advice would be "see a doctor". Even if she doesn't have an anxiety disorder, maybe a little more understanding would help her to deal with her situation better all the same, i.e. help her to have confidence in herself. There are real people behind these IDs, they're not computer generated messages.

I've had severe anxiety, so I do understand, but- She is definitely reaching out to the wrong group of people. It is life, in the eyes of people who don't suffer from anxiety. Besides, who knows if she even has it or not? If she is truly having this much panic about being alone, she needs to seek help not ask for it here. Not a single member of MFP could help her via the web, not even a clinical therapist.

I pretty much agree, although it doesn't excuse all the unsympathetic answers (although they are to be expected via the internet, I agree about that!)

As for clinical therapists helping via the internet - they can. I'm doing counselling for PTSD via the internet, I have no choice about that as the mental health services in the country where I live are really bad. The therapist is properly qualified, and it's been very effective and beneficial. The sessions are done via skype. If I'd had a choice I'd've done face to face counselling, but I didn't. Anyway just wanted to say that in case anyone else is in a position where they can only access mental health services via the internet. It can work, but it's very important you check the therapist's qualifications and experience carefully and they should also be supervised by someone, you can check their qualifications too. But anyone who is having anxiety problems - there is help don't be afraid to ask for it

Elizabeth_C34

I am from australia we get payments from the govement when not in work down here its hard to find work at this stage so he was really lucky this time to have found work but im happy and proud of him.I had a child before i meet him and we have always done fine but struggle at times like anyone else would.Im doing fine now it was just the sudden change that lead to anxiety but im more settled down now.To those still hateing on me dont bother replying to the post because you will get know were and with that attitude you shouldent even be here.Im a nice kind person looking for new friends tot alk to because i dont have actual real freinds and to see kind of stinky attitude is disgusting.Im here to lose weight and keep to my goal but at the same time get advice about other things i really wish people learnt to be nice to others and relise others have feelings to.Fine some of you are mothers with more then 2 kids ur hubbys work and always have great good for you but some others have diffrent situaations and without you guys knowing the whole entire story you already judge.Ill keep this in mind next time i ask for advice some are very nice and kind and know how to talk to others some here are rude disguting bad attitude people.Im not here to judge people when they put posts up i never have and never will because im not a low hearted person like some of you.Some of you really need to open your eyes and relise not everyone has the same situation just because they are a mother,.I love my kids im always with them im always spending time with them and i could never imagine my life without them but half of you are sitting there saying oh u never spent time alone with ur kids? like um hello i just said NOT alone not i never look at them or touch em or look after them? my parnter is with me all the time because he dident work we live in the same bloody house of course someone would always be with me i dont litreally mean i never step foot into the kids room with my partner......he would play his xbox id would go play with my kids....see some of u jump to it and think oh bad mother some people cant explain things right over the net because its the frinkin internet but gezuz read it right next time and think about what i mean IM NOT A BAD MOTHER AND NEVER WILL BE i have never ever said to my partner look after my kids while i go clubbing and drinking for the weekend like most mothers i know so SUCK THAT UP RUDE PEOPLE

It would make it a lot easier for us to understand what you are trying to say if you would use punctuation and didn't write in text-speak.

well i am sorry by i do that when im really angry because i just type and type out of anger

I can appreciate that, but you're upset about people not understanding you. One thing you can do to fix that is to write more clearly so the readers (us) can clearly understand the problem. Take a moment to take a deep breath, and try to explain it better next time. I think people attacked because you didn't explain yourself well, and it came off as irresponsible and strange.

amfaery

just a quick note, I ma going through a divorce and now have my kids 24/7 with no help for a week at a time. It did take getting used to to have no one to fall back on. I have had to set strict rules and they listen better.

Sicne I no longer have my husband I have decided I need a hobby ill let you know if I find a good one, you just need to find something fun to do with yourself and youll be fine

its great he found work right?

stylistchik

Me and my partner have been together for about 5 years now we live together and have always been around eachother 24/7 due to him finding it hard to find work.Just yesturday he got a call saying he starts work today which was a sudden shock.He works from 3pm till 10pm so yeah i feel high anxiety being appart from him even though its small hours and also i need to look after the kids on top of it all to be hinest i have never ever been with the kids alone for longer then 2 hours because my partner is always with me and there driving me crazy because they never listen to me.How can i over come this its really over wehelmng and i need to make major changes next yr because my oldest is starting school next yr and the other is starting prep etc,

I know it doesn't help but you will just get used to it. It will be hard at first just because it is a disruption to routine but I'm a military wife (no kids though) and all my friends have small children and our husbands leave for months at a time, sometimes up to a year. The first few weeks are really hard but as time goes on you develop your own routine and it gets easier. You might not miss your partner less, you just deal with it better. My advice (like many others have said) is to develop a routine for yourself and your children to give you all a sense of comfort again. You'll be so busy he'll be home before you know it. The nice thing about having to deal with issues on your own is that you find out you are much stronger than you ever thought you were. Good luck with all your positive life changes! Remember, a new job is something to celebrate and be thankful for!

grobbygru

I am a licensed mental health therapist. Sounds like you have an anxiety disorder. The good news is it is VERY TREATABLE. Don't freak out, reach out for help to a therapist or your local mental health center. PS people who have never experienced clinical anxiety have a really hard time understanding it . It is an ILLNESS you cannot will it away. Good luck to you.

Just quoting this post because there's a lack of understanding from some people in their replies. I especially agree with the bit about how people who haven't experienced clinical anxiety don't understand it. Those of you who haven't experienced it, I sincerely hope you never do, but do please try to undertand that it's not something you can just turn off in your head with a flick of a switch, and "suck it up/deal with it" is not remotely helpful advice. It's like telling someone with pneumonia to suck it up and go to work. Better advice would be "see a doctor". Even if she doesn't have an anxiety disorder, maybe a little more understanding would help her to deal with her situation better all the same, i.e. help her to have confidence in herself. There are real people behind these IDs, they're not computer generated messages.

I've had severe anxiety, so I do understand, but- She is definitely reaching out to the wrong group of people. It is life, in the eyes of people who don't suffer from anxiety. Besides, who knows if she even has it or not? If she is truly having this much panic about being alone, she needs to seek help not ask for it here. Not a single member of MFP could help her via the web, not even a clinical therapist.

I suffered crippling phobias in my early years and the only way I don't suffer now was facing them head on. So it is life really - you have to just forge through it and marvel at your wins.
For the OP - there is a wonderful therapy called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), you can look it up online and teach yourself how to do it and it really is a remarkable help.