The "right" age / time to have kids?!?

racheljoanne

okay, so ive been thinking about this a lot lately..
Im 21, my boyfriend is 24. He wants to have kids and i do as well but i keep putting it off and finding negative things to think about it.
We both have stable jobs, im a nursery nurse, he works for his dads business. We arent rich but we have enough money and we live in a one bedroomed flat. We dont have a lifestyle that would be 'destroyed' by having children, in other words we dont go out partying 24/7 etc.
So whats stopping me?!

I think i feel that I'm being pressured too much, as his parents have been saying for 4 years "when are you two going to have kids??" etc.
also i worry about telling other people... my family and work collegues etc. i feel that people might not be pleased for me and they might think this is the "wrong time" for us to have children.

so, anyways, im just having a rant here to get this off my chest, and also wondering what do other people think about the right time to have children? is there one? if so WHEN IS IT?? Please tell me!! haha!

X

fteale

When you have done the things you want to do for yourself. You probably won't ever feel mature enough to have children (until you do), but when it gets to the point where you have done all the selfish stuff and you feel "what more is there in life?", that's where children come in. They are the purpose you are looking for. I had my first at 28, and I felt that was about right. I was very immature before then, even though I was married and owned my own house at 22, I wasn't grown up enough to be responsible for a baby. At 28 I was young enough not to die of tired (just) but old enough to have done everything I had wanted to and not have any regrets.

itsuki

Whenever you want to. IMO 21 is pretty young, but that's just me. If you're feeling pressured, then you probably aren't ready yet! Just because you are able to support a child, doesn't mean you should have one right away.

Other things to take into consideration are how long you and your BF have been dating (do you think this is going to be a long-term relationship, that will last the life of the child?) Can you afford moving to a bigger space? Could you afford it if you ended up with twins, or triplets? Are you or your BF able to quit your job to take care of the child, or are you able to afford 8 hours a day of child care so you can keep your job? How much money do you have in savings? You may think you make enough money to take care of a child, but what if one or both of you lose your jobs, or ends up with expensive medical bills? Or your car breaks down and you need to buy a new one? Or you need to move to a bigger apartment (which can be really expensive!). Do you have enough money saved to deal with an emergency?

I think you'll know when the time is right because you won't have to question if the time is right.

Galletakek

if you are having second thoughts.. its safe to say you are not ready : /

rossi02

Well.. I didn't have my first til I was 30. My husband and I started dating when I was 25 and we lived it up and had fun, we got married when I was 28 and we started trying right at our first year wedding anniversary. It's great, don't me wrong, in fact we loved it so much we had another a couple of years later. This is one thing I wouldn't rush into.. because once they are here, that time of just the two of you being able to do whatever, whenever you want.. it's gone. For me, no way in the world would I have considered kids when I was 21. I wanted and needed to be selfish for a while. What does your boyfriend think about it? Also, do you want to marry before having kids? Not making it a debate about if you should or shouldn't.. but it something to factor into the decision. Has your boyfriend been talking about having kids??

macpatti

His parents have been pressuring you to have kids since you were 17? Wow. If negative thoughts come to mind at the thought of having a baby, you're not ready.

racheljoanne

i know im not ready im just confused as to why im not ready!! how do you know when you're ready though? thats the question thats puzzling me.

ah well i guess its one of those things... you know when you know... il just have to wait and see haha!

dmpizza

21 is young. You still have what are known as the "the salad days" ahead of you.(carefree adult fun)
Don't wait too long. Some people take years to conceive.
What you should do is make some financial sacrifices now to help later. Pay off loans, get a small house that you can afford even when you take off to raise the kids etc.....

rossi02

ah well i guess its one of those things... you know when you know... il just have to wait and see haha!

It just something that evolves over time. When you both sit down and start talking to each other, regardless of outsider's opinions, about when is the right time for you two.

monroe61

I have two kids and I'm still not sure I'm ready!! LOL

If you have to ask the question to yourself then you probably aren't ready.
But I will tell you if you try to tell yourself we will when

1. We buy a house
2. Make more money
3. Pay off all our debt...etc

You will never have a baby!! LOL...if it happens then you always find some way to make it work you just end up spending less money on stupid crap you didn't realize before you had to buy formula or diapers...and so on.

ljd0693

21 is too young.

meli_medina

i know im not ready im just confused as to why im not ready!! how do you know when you're ready though? thats the question thats puzzling me.

ah well i guess its one of those things... you know when you know... il just have to wait and see haha!

To be honest, you're never ready until you are actually a parent. I thought I was ready for kids at 24, and then I had my first at 25. I was excited up until the last month or so and then I was SCARED ****less. What if I screwed up my kid? What if I was a bad parent? What if, what if, what if! And then he was born, and I still didn't feel ready, but I had to be at least try, even though I had no clue what I was doing.

Sometimes it's better to not try to analyze. You can think you're ready, but you never are until you're in the thick of it. Some days I still don't even think I'm ready to be a parent, and I have a 7-year-old now! LOL!

deadstarsunburn

Personally I think having kids without getting married is very dangerous. Having children tends to pull people apart rather than make the relationship stronger because it's so stressful. Besides 21 is young life your life =] sounds like you're very smart and understand this, he'll understand if you're not ready!

kardowling

Wanted to have my first by 30 that was always my plan because I knew that I wanted 3 kids. There is never a "best" time, but you will know. When you get that feeling that there is room in your life for more. Do something big for yourself first. I trained for and ran my first marathon before I got pregnant. Trust me, you will know and it won't be from other peoples well intentioned comments

bjohs

We had our first child when I was 32. Our second came when I was 40. Although you will NEVER be ready for a baby, waiting until we were older made a world of difference. Our jobs were more stable, we owned a home and felt we were more responsible. I don't know if we would have been able to provide for them the way we do now had we started our family earlier. Everyone is different. You will know when you are ready. You'll feel it.

engineman312

when you are ready, you won't have to post on an internet forum to figure out if you are ready.

engineman312

when you are ready, you won't have to post on an internet forum to figure out if you are ready.

Arabian♥Breeze

20s is the best to have a child. Your more fertile at this age. As you age it will get harder to get pregnant for most people. and you get to the older eggs and more likely of birth defects. But if your not emotionally ready then give yourself as much time as you need.

Take care

ahinescapron

You will know when you are ready. It sounds like you would be having a baby to make other people happy and that is a bad reason to have one now. I was 27 when I had my first baby and that was right for me. I just knew I was ready then to be a mom. Please don't let someone else pressure you into have a baby. If you aren't ready, you just need to be honest with your boyfriend and ask him not to pressure you about it. His family should not be a consideration in the decision and they should not be pressuring you to have a baby, especially from the age of 17.

lizgreenhill

is the guy your with the one that you will always want to be with? do you guys talk about marriage?? I only ask because i know how difficult it is for a child to grow up having 2 parents living together and then one day they arent together any more. I know that alot of people have made it thru divorce without screwing up a child but some children take divorce/break ups between parents pretty hard and it can traumatize them. 21 is pretty young i had my son right after i turned 19 and i really wish i would have waited just a little longer. Most people know when they are ready. I for one absolutely was not . Its just something that you will know. I for one would not have a child just because his parents are pressuring you. Do it when YOU guys are ready it doesnt matter what any one else wants. Good luck to you guys:happy:

fteale

i know im not ready im just confused as to why im not ready!! how do you know when you're ready though? thats the question thats puzzling me.

ah well i guess its one of those things... you know when you know... il just have to wait and see haha!

You aren't ready because you are little older than a child yourself! At 21 I still lived with my parents, I wasn't in the slightest bit ready to have my own baby.

I wouldn't even think about it for another 4 years. Just focus on yourself.