How do you tell your friend....??

xginanax · December 2011

Okay before i begin i might sound a bit not so nice but my question was how do you tell your friend that if she's going to keep eating what she's eating like McDonald's and stuff, she's not going to loose weight! She complains about her weight 24/7 but yet eats the most junk food stuff you would think off!!

she does exercise but what's the point if she eats way more then she exercises?? and i do hint her about this site and how I'm loosing weight but don't think its working. & not only that she makes comments about "fat girls" who are big but yet realisticly she's bigger then them no joke.

anyone have this problem with someone before? I'm just sick of her complaining but eating every junk food u can think off, and when u do tell her to eat more veggies, she says she doesn't like them or make it sound like they going to kill you.

Lozze · December 2011

If you want to keep this friend, you don't. It's not your place. Suggest the site by all means, but if you critique what she eats she will get angry at you. Not matter how well meaning you are.

EddieG77 · December 2011

Friend of mine is 300+lbs....diabetic, MS, knee issues.....her middle name is "buffet" because all I hear is "Yeah I need to lose weight, blah, blah, blah as she goes to buffets every other day.....I have mentioned this site as well but still nothing. If they don't want to get healthier, there is not much that we can do to help.....I still support but I don't want to hear the b!tchin all the time.....not being mean at all!!

ratherbeskiing · December 2011

It sounds like DENIAL and the fact that she is not ready to shred those lbs. I would say all the time that I wanted to lose weight- but I was not ready till this site. (which she is rejecting- so not her thing) I hate to tell you time will change her because it might not. I think the best thing you can do it keep doing what you are doing and maybe when she notices a drop in your weight she might want to jump aboard. (be careful she will (I am guessing) be jealous as well)... also just be the best friend you can be to her. If she brings it up too many times and it becomes uncomfortable change the subject- or maybe she needs a dose of reality - U R BIGGER THEN THEM!

xginanax · December 2011

see thats what i mean, if i hit her up about what she's eating, then she only going to get angry at me but in other hand shes my uni buddy and i hang out with her almost every day, we going to be flat mates next year and i was telling her every night we going for a walk for 2 hours, she agreed, so hopefully once i start eating maybe more healthy food, maybe she might start too is well.

xginanax · December 2011

see thats what i mean, if i hit her up about what she's eating, then she only going to get angry at me but in other hand shes my uni buddy and i hang out with her almost every day, we going to be flat mates next year and i was telling her every night we going for a walk for 2 hours, she agreed, so hopefully once i start eating maybe more healthy food, maybe she might start too is well.

xginanax · December 2011

see thats what i mean, if i hit her up about what she's eating, then she only going to get angry at me but in other hand shes my uni buddy and i hang out with her almost every day, we going to be flat mates next year and i was telling her every night we going for a walk for 2 hours, she agreed, so hopefully once i start eating maybe more healthy food, maybe she might start too is well.

xginanax · December 2011

see thats what i mean, if i hit her up about what she's eating, then she only going to get angry at me but in other hand shes my uni buddy and i hang out with her almost every day, we going to be flat mates next year and i was telling her every night we going for a walk for 2 hours, she agreed, so hopefully once i start eating maybe more healthy food, maybe she might start too is well.

kasarin · December 2011

I wouldn't say anything to her, honestly. Someday she will be ready and ask you questions. Until then, you can't force her to anything she doesn't want to do (it is a free country and all.) If you push her it will probably have the opposite effect and lead her to be more stubborn. Just keep setting a good example. Honestly, I am concerned you both are growing apart. It has happened with many friends in your situation...

galegetsthin · December 2011

I was kinda the same way for a long time. But one time I was at the beach with my best friend and saw a girl in a bathing suit with a skirt. Very round woman. I told my friend to never let me get big enough to need a skirt. She said "If you keep eating like you do, you may need one by next summer". It hurt, but I needed to hear it. It is what kicked my butt into gear.

Vurbach · December 2011

I struggle with my best friend also- she has actually had 2 people come up to her and rub her belly asking when she is due and she still has done nothing to change it. She LOVES gas station hot dogs and a giant mt. dew, as well as McDonalds, Taco Bell, etc. And she smokes. She is a cute girl- and watching her let herself go (gaining 40+lbs) like this has been hard. I have asked her many times if she wants to go to the gym with me or go running etc and the answer is always the same- there is always an excuse. I have accepted that I can't change her, but I do still drop hints about how she needs to get healthier in order to be happier, and that I'm always there to help. It's hard to sit back and watch, but by hinting here and there that's the most you can do without pissing your friend off to the point where it causes a wedge between you both. I feel your pain! It's hard!

anulle2009 · December 2011

I think at some point all of us were in denial about how we ate and things like that. I would suggest the site and how its helped you but it is going to take HER and HER only to realize what she is doing isn't helping her weight loss. You may just have to suck it up and ignore when she makes weight comments.

xginanax · December 2011

yeah im not going to but when someone complains 24/7 u cant help it but scream at them. and what pisses me off the most when she makes comments about others being fat, but honestly realisticly she is bigger then them!!! and she has no children or anything to make that as an excuse. I know where she comes from, big girls is normal in their culture, like let say 5'2 who was 80 kg is considered like skinny when in reality its considered over weight or chubby... her whole family are over weight too expect her younger sisters who are 2 and 1..

galegetsthin · December 2011

when you live together, just dont let her derail you. If she doesnt want to go for the walk, you still go. As she sees your habits and success and determination, it may help her. Remember how overwhelmed you felt in the beginning...... she will too. But you may have a really positive influence on her, and you may not. But if you dont, dont make it come between you. And I might mention to her one time when she is being rude about those "big girls" that she isnt too far removed. I mean, be slick about it, If she wears a size 18 or something, say "I know, right? they must at least be a size 16!" If nothing else, it will make her think about it.

lupa01 · December 2011

Yes, I've had that problem with someone before, kinda still do. It's like the saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink". You've done your job, so ultimately, the rest is up to her. Sometimes people just aren't ready yet. When she gets really tired of being the way she is, she will make a real commitment to do something about it. Until then, concentrate on yourself and maybe she will be inspired.:-)

AmyLRed · December 2011

the next time she says it, stop, look at her, and say do you want advice? Truthfully? if she says yes, without going into details, just say something along the lines of "exercise is important, and you are doing great with that piece! however, nutrition is just as important, if not more. " See what she says. She is either interested in considering a change in her eating habits at that point-or not. Some people honestly just have no idea that they cant lose weight (well) by just adding some exercise and not changing their eating. By saying the above ^ you are not criticizing her or her choices, but opening the door for her to start thinking about nutrition and how she feeds her body.

MaximalLife · December 2011

Tell the truth and put the relationship on the line.

Advise her that you have moved into a new stage of life and there is no room for those unwilling to change.
And mean it!

You can meet new friends with health and fitness as a common interest and sever all connections with fat friends.

But if you want to try to change others, give it a go. You'd be better off just slamming your head in the car door, because it's less frustrating.

And one final thought.
I followed the very advice I just gave. Why?
It's a fact that when we hang with fat people, we pick up their habits, and the same is true for fit friends.

Tell her to change her disgusting ways or end the friendship. You'll be glad you did.

kapeluza · December 2011

"If you keep eating that crap you are not going to lose weight".

Just like that.

Hambone23 · December 2011

I just answered a similar thread. My feeling is this: you can't change a person, and you shouldn't try. She has to want to change. Right now, she doesn't want you to solve her problem. So stop wasting the energy. Consider this: Maybe it's -you- who has changed, and because of that, she's no longer the kind of friend you need in your life right now. But only you can make that decision. Otherwise, be her friend -- not her nutritionist, not her personal trainer, not her conscience. If you can no longer stand her because of her habits, then that's on you, and you need to decide if you want to still be friends with her.

Hambone23 · December 2011

Only partly true. Fat people -- like myself -- who want to change, can gain a lot of motivation from fit friends. They can learn from what types of food they order and how much they eat at restaurants or work. Fit friends can be excellent resources, full of information that can help their fat friends. But the caveat to this is that they have to want to change, to show commitment to it.

I also find these sort of threads vaguely offensive. There are a lot of "fat" people on this site, who are trying to change their ways, and constantly talking about fat people in a pejorative manner sounds a great deal like prejudice and almost hypocrisy coming from people who have struggled with their own weight -- even if they have won their struggle.

The next thing I'll hear is "But I'm not prejudice! Several of my friends are fat!" ;}

xginanax · December 2011

dont get me wrong i love her but the thing is, is not me that brings up diet, its always her. Today she was telling me that we should tip in for food ($$) when we move in since we both students and i told her straight up that i dont eat now the food she usually eats which is most of the time burgers etc.. and i rather spend my money wisely on better food that will last me for a week or two, unless my dad is Donald Trump!so i think she got the hint from there but my point was she is the one that always brings this subject up, i know she does wants to be thin and she should know how anyways since we both science students and do nutrition paper as part of our studies...

daffodilsoup · December 2011

The best thing you can do is lead by example. I don't know your friendship, so take this with a grain of salt, but if she isn't ready to take the plunge, then you bringing it up may only hurt her feelings. Once she sees your success though, it could motivate her to take action.

shamr0ck · December 2011

Folks have mirrors, they know what they look like. More importantly, they know how they feel. No one can make the decision to change for them - it's personal. You can be supportive and offer a good example, but that's about it.

And just getting someone to this site isn't the answer. I had a friend who started logging, saw how much she was eating, and deleted her account after about a week. She just isn't ready to face the truth.

mnwalkingqueen · December 2011

I don't really have friends like this but the part that bugs me is she is making fun of people and she is one of them. Personally, I would call her out on that if anything we are not put on earth to judge when we are not perfect.
Sounds like she is not fully ready to change and I was her at one point with the eating and working out. When she is finally ready it will sink in it did for me.

beerbomber · December 2011

Maybe its because I'm a guy but i would go with hey fatty mcfat pants before you talk about others look in the mirror and if you want to lose the weight stop feeding yourself like a pig before you look like one and then change subject and move on.

bbbbb33333 · December 2011

I would take the focus off her and put it on you. Anyone is going to be defensive it they feel they are being attacked for their eating habbits.

What I would say is: yes I was the same way until I realized that to lose weight I have to consume fewer calories than I ate or exercised off and this site has really helped me keep track of things and lose weight.... maybe you should try it.

Say this every time she conplains about needing to lose weight. She will get so sick of hearing it, she will either join this site or quit complaining to you. Win either way!!!!

jessilyn76 · December 2011

This

bbbbb33333 · December 2011

Duplicate

Demwitted · December 2011

I think you already told her ^
Sounds like she doesn't want to listen, and there is not a thing you can do about that. Just don't let her bad habits get to you.

MinnieInMaine · December 2011

Whoa - your friend and my cousin must be twins separated at birth! She even had the lap band surgery but kept on eating like there was no tomorrow. She's done well in some aspects (cut down sugary drinks, exercises more) but I wish she could learn to eat better! I'm no saint in this area but I also don't have the health problems she does. If I was diabetic, you better believe I'd eat right and not jeopardize my health and future!

To the OP, I'd have to say it depends on your friendship. When I talk to my friends, I tell them like it is in sort of a tough love way, but I do try to give them a chance to shut me up before I start lecturing. If you feel up to it, give her a heart to heart and say "hon, if you really want to lose weight like you say you do, you need to stop eating that way. It's ok to have a burger now and then but just have one and don't have the fries, or have a salad instead". Then drop it. She'll either learn from your help or she'll keep on doing whatever she wants to and complaining - some people are just like that and think skinny people are that way by nature and live is unfair, etc etc.

InnerPinup79 · December 2011

If she's asked for advice then give it. If she keeps asking and not taking it then tell her "i don't know what to tell you anymore, I've given you all the advice and suggestions just for you to not only turn them down but keep eating like crap" a lot of us were in denial at one point about how bad we really eat. It was a slap in my face on days I only ate lunch ay McDonald's and nothing else was like 3000 calories.
Honestly I would start saying, you know that "insert food here" is like 800 calories. Also tell her its wrong to call people fat. She doesn't know where they have been. For all she knows they could have lost 30# or are going through a bad depression.

I call my best friends out. That's what good friends do. Yeah she will be mad at you bit she will get over it.

How do you tell your friend....??

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