How do you tell your friend....??

Options
24

Replies

  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
    Options
    The best thing you can do is lead by example. I don't know your friendship, so take this with a grain of salt, but if she isn't ready to take the plunge, then you bringing it up may only hurt her feelings. Once she sees your success though, it could motivate her to take action.
  • shamr0ck
    shamr0ck Posts: 296 Member
    Options
    Folks have mirrors, they know what they look like. More importantly, they know how they feel. No one can make the decision to change for them - it's personal. You can be supportive and offer a good example, but that's about it.

    And just getting someone to this site isn't the answer. I had a friend who started logging, saw how much she was eating, and deleted her account after about a week. She just isn't ready to face the truth.
  • mnwalkingqueen
    mnwalkingqueen Posts: 1,299 Member
    Options
    I don't really have friends like this but the part that bugs me is she is making fun of people and she is one of them. Personally, I would call her out on that if anything we are not put on earth to judge when we are not perfect.
    Sounds like she is not fully ready to change and I was her at one point with the eating and working out. When she is finally ready it will sink in it did for me.
  • beerbomber
    beerbomber Posts: 184 Member
    Options
    Maybe its because I'm a guy but i would go with hey fatty mcfat pants before you talk about others look in the mirror and if you want to lose the weight stop feeding yourself like a pig before you look like one and then change subject and move on.
  • bbbbb33333
    bbbbb33333 Posts: 1,107 Member
    Options
    I would take the focus off her and put it on you. Anyone is going to be defensive it they feel they are being attacked for their eating habbits.

    What I would say is: yes I was the same way until I realized that to lose weight I have to consume fewer calories than I ate or exercised off and this site has really helped me keep track of things and lose weight.... maybe you should try it.

    Say this every time she conplains about needing to lose weight. She will get so sick of hearing it, she will either join this site or quit complaining to you. Win either way!!!!
  • jessilyn76
    jessilyn76 Posts: 532 Member
    Options
    Okay before i begin i might sound a bit not so nice but my question was how do you tell your friend that if she's going to keep eating what she's eating like McDonald's and stuff, she's not going to loose weight! She complains about her weight 24/7 but yet eats the most junk food stuff you would think off!!

    If you want to keep this friend, you don't. It's not your place. Suggest the site by all means, but if you critique what she eats she will get angry at you. Not matter how well meaning you are.

    This
  • bbbbb33333
    bbbbb33333 Posts: 1,107 Member
    Options
    Duplicate
  • Demwitted
    Demwitted Posts: 163
    Options
    I just answered a similar thread. My feeling is this: you can't change a person, and you shouldn't try. She has to want to change. Right now, she doesn't want you to solve her problem. So stop wasting the energy. Consider this: Maybe it's -you- who has changed, and because of that, she's no longer the kind of friend you need in your life right now. But only you can make that decision. Otherwise, be her friend -- not her nutritionist, not her personal trainer, not her conscience. If you can no longer stand her because of her habits, then that's on you, and you need to decide if you want to still be friends with her.

    dont get me wrong i love her but the thing is, is not me that brings up diet, its always her. Today she was telling me that we should tip in for food ($$) when we move in since we both students and i told her straight up that i dont eat now the food she usually eats which is most of the time burgers etc.. and i rather spend my money wisely on better food that will last me for a week or two, unless my dad is Donald Trump!so i think she got the hint from there but my point was she is the one that always brings this subject up, i know she does wants to be thin and she should know how anyways since we both science students and do nutrition paper as part of our studies...

    I think you already told her ^
    Sounds like she doesn't want to listen, and there is not a thing you can do about that. Just don't let her bad habits get to you.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Options
    Friend of mine is 300+lbs....diabetic, MS, knee issues.....her middle name is "buffet" because all I hear is "Yeah I need to lose weight, blah, blah, blah as she goes to buffets every other day.....I have mentioned this site as well but still nothing. If they don't want to get healthier, there is not much that we can do to help.....I still support but I don't want to hear the b!tchin all the time.....not being mean at all!!

    Whoa - your friend and my cousin must be twins separated at birth! She even had the lap band surgery but kept on eating like there was no tomorrow. She's done well in some aspects (cut down sugary drinks, exercises more) but I wish she could learn to eat better! I'm no saint in this area but I also don't have the health problems she does. If I was diabetic, you better believe I'd eat right and not jeopardize my health and future!

    To the OP, I'd have to say it depends on your friendship. When I talk to my friends, I tell them like it is in sort of a tough love way, but I do try to give them a chance to shut me up before I start lecturing. If you feel up to it, give her a heart to heart and say "hon, if you really want to lose weight like you say you do, you need to stop eating that way. It's ok to have a burger now and then but just have one and don't have the fries, or have a salad instead". Then drop it. She'll either learn from your help or she'll keep on doing whatever she wants to and complaining - some people are just like that and think skinny people are that way by nature and live is unfair, etc etc.
  • InnerPinup79
    InnerPinup79 Posts: 129
    Options
    If she's asked for advice then give it. If she keeps asking and not taking it then tell her "i don't know what to tell you anymore, I've given you all the advice and suggestions just for you to not only turn them down but keep eating like crap" a lot of us were in denial at one point about how bad we really eat. It was a slap in my face on days I only ate lunch ay McDonald's and nothing else was like 3000 calories.
    Honestly I would start saying, you know that "insert food here" is like 800 calories. Also tell her its wrong to call people fat. She doesn't know where they have been. For all she knows they could have lost 30# or are going through a bad depression.

    I call my best friends out. That's what good friends do. Yeah she will be mad at you bit she will get over it.
  • getitamb
    getitamb Posts: 2,019 Member
    Options
    I would try grocery shopping with her. Another thing I would do, is try to take things slow. Tell her to maybe cut down on her buffets. The truth is, once she sees how well you are doing and all the attention you are getting, she will most likely get serious about it. That's what happened with my best friend and a few of my others. I just showed my taurean determination and resilience and they didn't have a choice.
  • Going4Lean
    Going4Lean Posts: 1,077 Member
    Options
    You can encourage people an support them, but people always do what they want to do.

    My co-worker is always saying oh i have to start eating healthy and every day she says she is going to the gym and never goes.
    I was encouraging her, but like i said people do what they want to do.
  • Going4Lean
    Going4Lean Posts: 1,077 Member
    Options
    You can encourage people an support them, but people always do what they want to do.

    My co-worker is always saying oh i have to start eating healthy and every day she says she is going to the gym and never goes.
    I was encouraging her, but like i said people do what they want to do.
  • Hambone23
    Hambone23 Posts: 486 Member
    Options
    dont get me wrong i love her but the thing is, is not me that brings up diet, its always her. Today she was telling me that we should tip in for food ($$) when we move in since we both students and i told her straight up that i dont eat now the food she usually eats which is most of the time burgers etc.. and i rather spend my money wisely on better food that will last me for a week or two, unless my dad is Donald Trump!so i think she got the hint from there but my point was she is the one that always brings this subject up, i know she does wants to be thin and she should know how anyways since we both science students and do nutrition paper as part of our studies...

    I absolutely understand your point and frustration. It sounds, though, like moving in together might not be a good idea at this point. You can still love her, and you can support her if she decides to change her ways, but you do have to take care of yourself.

    I kind of get this from my boyfriend. I know he'd like to lose weight, but he's not absolutely committed to it. (He also doesn't go on and on about it either, though.) He is supportive of me, however, and he does want to eat better. So I told him that for me to be successful, I'm going to have to start cooking our dinners, and they're going to be healthy. He groused and grumbled about it because he didn't associate healthy with yummy. But after a few dinners, he's found that they can be yummy, and he feels better.

    She may turn up her nose at healthy food because she's never experienced it or doesn't think it'd be appetizing. Maybe you could cook her dinner one night and introduce her to how good -- and filling -- healthy food can be. I had this misconception, too, before I decided to make a change. Now I'm challenging myself to cook healthy recipes, and it's changed how I see food.
  • classycouture
    classycouture Posts: 888 Member
    Options
    A situation like this is definitely very touchy, and you must be careful with how you approach it. It almost sounds like she's looking for pity. This always makes me mad, mostly because if there's something I don't like about myself, or about something going on I'm not happy with, I do what I can to change it. I just feel like people who sit there and complain, and don't make the effort to change their situation, are really just looking for the attention. I also agree with the fact that at some point, you do have to keep your opinions to yourself, just because she may end up getting very defensive if you try to "tell" her what to do (even suggestions can be taken the wrong way). If anything, tell her you found this great diet plan and ask her if she wants to do it with you, or tell her you found this great healthy recipe, and ask her if she wants it. Other than that, I think your hands are pretty much tied :/ Good luck!
  • DenverKos
    DenverKos Posts: 182
    Options
    My husband is the same way. Always complaining about his weight, but not doing anything about it and eating way more food than he should eat. A couple of times when he was complaining (while shoving food in his mouth) I said "And you think those (3 hot dogs/2 bags of chips/2 burritos/insert any other bad food in large amount here) are helping out with that?" He just got ticked off. But it's ALL THE TIME! I get sick of it. I try to not buy that stuff (I do all the shopping, so if it's not there, he can't eat it).

    When I joined MFP, I sent him a "friend" request hoping he would use it and see exactly what he's eating, and I ask him in the evening "Did you log your food?" It's just been a couple days, but he hasn't yet. He says "I don't know how to use it..." Do you think I just knew how to use? NO, I had to learn it. I showed him the cool phone app where you can scan the bar code and it loads everything automatically. We'll see - I'll keep asking him if he's logging food. We've been through this before....once I start losing weight, he'll get jealous and get on the bandwagon....
  • bloodguilt
    bloodguilt Posts: 126
    Options
    I wouldn't say anything to her, honestly. Someday she will be ready and ask you questions. Until then, you can't force her to anything she doesn't want to do (it is a free country and all.) If you push her it will probably have the opposite effect and lead her to be more stubborn. Just keep setting a good example. Honestly, I am concerned you both are growing apart. It has happened with many friends in your situation...

    Such a sound advice bro. I'd like to add though... I guess, as a real friend, you did your part in educating her about healthy living and all that but don't sweat it if she declined. Someday, somehow she'll realize that physical fitness is 20% made in the gym but 80% made in the kitchen and it's a lifestyle!
  • lupa01
    lupa01 Posts: 162 Member
    Options
    It sounds like DENIAL and the fact that she is not ready to shred those lbs. I would say all the time that I wanted to lose weight- but I was not ready till this site. (which she is rejecting- so not her thing) I hate to tell you time will change her because it might not. I think the best thing you can do it keep doing what you are doing and maybe when she notices a drop in your weight she might want to jump aboard. (be careful she will (I am guessing) be jealous as well)... also just be the best friend you can be to her. If she brings it up too many times and it becomes uncomfortable change the subject- or maybe she needs a dose of reality - U R BIGGER THEN THEM!
    ^^^THIS!!
  • jquick823
    jquick823 Posts: 7
    Options
    I read the majority of every response and laughed. Everyone in this world isn't a winner and we as a society treat people like they are. I'm by no means saying be rude but at the same time tell this person the truth. A true friend will stick with you if you're a true friend to them. Truth hurts but people need to hear it. If this friend is closing in on deathly overweight than as a friend SAVE THEM or atleast tell them to eat better. Give them to tools to succeed with, knowledge is power and she is in need of the power to control her urges. It's tough to eat healthy while others fill up on the "FUN" stuff. i would much rather eat a pizza but my kids would rather me see them graduate.
  • jr1985
    jr1985 Posts: 1,033 Member
    Options
    Well ultimately, she is an adult so her food/exercise choices are her own business. But if you really are concerned about it... maybe try to be subtle about... So ahead and go to a fast food place with her once, (not all the time) And tell her that you are really trying to stay on track and ask for a nutritional information sheet in front of her before you order... if the nutritional information is right in front of them like that a lot of people out of curiosity will go ahead and look too before they order... maybe that will help wake her up to just HOW bad the food is for you... Fast food is my downfall too... being fast and cheap is a busy girl's friend, until it piles on the hips... yeah I knew it wasn't great for you but had no idea it was THAT bad until I started counting calories

Categories