Getting support from your Significant Other. NOT!

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alofay
alofay Posts: 127 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
In the past two months I have really took a leap towards a healthy life style. To put it simply, I've learned self control thanks to the help of MFP and all my amazing friends....

The issue is the significant other. He really hasn't "converted" with me. When you spend your evenings together and one person (him) is content to curl up and watch TV and the other person (me) wants to go for a run or a bike or a walk or weight lifting, SOMETHING other then sitting on the couch, BUT I don't want to give up my time with him either because of our long work days. We get maybe two hours a night together, if that. And quite honestly I could spend those two hours on MFP... He absolutely refuses to join MFP. I wish he would be my running partner :(

I guess my question is how do you merge a relationship when you've become two totally different people?

He represents the life I used to live. I'm not that fat, lazy person anymore. He could benefit from the same changes I have made. I try not to push him because when I was heavy everyone in the world could have told me I needed to lose weight but, it didn't happen until I was ready.

UGH!
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Replies

  • frogman4591
    frogman4591 Posts: 135
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    My wife and I are a team! We eat the same meals, takes walks together, and encourage each other to keep moving in the direction of a healthy lifestyle. Without a partner, I doubt that i would do it on my own.
  • carrie_eggo
    carrie_eggo Posts: 1,396 Member
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    My wife and I are a team! We eat the same meals, takes walks together, and encourage each other to keep moving in the direction of a healthy lifestyle. Without a partner, I doubt that i would do it on my own.

    That's nice, but it really doesn't help her. :(
  • alofay
    alofay Posts: 127 Member
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    My wife and I are a team! We eat the same meals, takes walks together, and encourage each other to keep moving in the direction of a healthy lifestyle. Without a partner, I doubt that i would do it on my own.

    That's nice, but it really doesn't help her. :(

    Agreed! lol
  • christinehetz80
    christinehetz80 Posts: 490 Member
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    My husband will NOT run...its not his thing. We have active time on the weekends and he helps support me in being verbally supportive, helping me cook healthier meals, but in the evenings the most he will do exercise wise is walk the dog with me. So I run in the morning and do all my "real" workouts at that time. IN the evening I do pushups/situps/kettlebell stuff for about 45 mins while he clears the dinner dishes and cleans the kitchen and then we walk the dog and then he watches tv. I go sit on the couch with him, with my laptop to peruse mfp (something he would also never join nor would I expect him to), or pinterest or whatever. He is 100% supportive of these choices for me, but he really doesn't need to lose weight and he stays active with work and his hobbies so....it is what it is for us. I'm fine with it. I love that he gives me moral support and helps with the cooking and cleaning. In the long run I'm doing this for me. Of course I want him to be healthier also, but just like he couldn't make me walk away from the chocolate cake, I can't make him run.

    I bet you guys will find the right groove for you both. I also think that he will eventually decide that he needs to get his *kitten* in gear because you are running circles around him. I think that my husband is starting to feel that pressure that his energy isn't as high as mine...I bet they will both see "the light" and join us soon. :)
  • pucenavel
    pucenavel Posts: 972 Member
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    You have to do what makes you happy. You owe it to your relationship to be happy on your own. You are better off spending less time with him and being happy than spending more time with him and being resentful or unhappy about it.

    If you have 2 hours, spend an hour doing your workout and an hour on the couch with SO. (I'd suggest doing the couch part afterwards - couches can be like velcro sometimes)

    There's a quote I like that goes something like this: It is not selfish to live your life the way you see fit. Selfishness is expecting others to live their life according to your ideas.
  • FunRun08
    FunRun08 Posts: 203 Member
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    My husband has a physically demanding job, so when he came home I would want to go for a walk or something because I have been cooped up with the short people all day and he wanted to relax. I discovered that I had to do it with or without him. I started running on my own and embraced that I couldn't force him to come with me and that I couldn't keep using him as an excuse. I have an advantage that I am sahm so I work out while he is at work so when he gets home we can relax. You have done amazing so far, don't let him set you back, maybe walk or run on a treadmill while he is watching tv, or try to workout at lunch so when you are both home you can relax together. Good luck.
  • carrie_eggo
    carrie_eggo Posts: 1,396 Member
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    I'm in sort of the same situation. My husband just doesn't "get it." He's naturally healthy and built because of his job. He's supportive--he'd buy me a gym if I asked him too, but he's not interested in talking about it too much. We have issues when it comes to weight loss. He believes in a lot of the myths but is uninterested in expanding his knowledge on the subject. And if I try to explain something he thinks he needs to be right. We don't argue or anything but it's so annoying. It's something that I have become passionate about and he really could care less....as long as he has a hot wife he doesn't care. That sounds awful, but that's how I feel. So, yeah, it sucks...The only thing you can do is tell him how you feel. But don't let it come between you and don't let him drag you down.
  • alofay
    alofay Posts: 127 Member
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    Great Input! Thank you very much
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
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    He can still support you without wanting to join you. My husband is not interested in jogging, walking, biking, etc. But he supports me and loves me and does allow me to do my 'diet thing' at my will. Could you do any of your exercises in the living room while he is there? Like a stationary bike or something? If you only have 2 hours together you could always go for a run for 1/2 hour or so then spend the rest of the time with him. Or better yet, get it in before the time you want to spend with him. It's all a matter of compromise---for you BOTH. :wink:
  • shelleycronan
    shelleycronan Posts: 51
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    I just started cooking healthier meals. My BF can either conform to a healthier lifestyle, or learn to fend for himself. After about 2 weeks of "rabbit" food. He wanted to join MFP and we now are going to the gym together nightly.

    123512.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods
  • ladykate7
    ladykate7 Posts: 206 Member
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    Do you know of any activities that he used to enjoy? Might be able to lure him into tossing a football or playing catch with a softball in the backyard. Or golf frisbee... heck even just golf. Do you have a Wii? The Wii sports game has bowling, which is great for parties too, but is fun to do together. Its not moving around much, but its more than sitting on the couch.
  • alofay
    alofay Posts: 127 Member
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    Do you know of any activities that he used to enjoy? Might be able to lure him into tossing a football or playing catch with a softball in the backyard. Or golf frisbee... heck even just golf. Do you have a Wii? The Wii sports game has bowling, which is great for parties too, but is fun to do together. Its not moving around much, but its more than sitting on the couch.

    lol we have a wii but that has resorted to bowling on the couch! haha But ultimately I get your point and I do need to become more creative.

    UNFORTUNATELY, this has spilled into our personal life and I feel like a terrible person but, I haven't scheduled our engagement photos because our weight issues bother me. I don't want to take an expensive photo that we're going to look back at and think YUCK! Obviously I need to start letting go of that as well and just take it as it is...
  • petergarcia82
    petergarcia82 Posts: 122 Member
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    I just posted a thread with the same. I don't have any advice I am in the same boat. No help and she get annoyed when I look at lables and talk about food.
  • Erica002
    Erica002 Posts: 293 Member
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    I'm in sort of the same situation. My husband just doesn't "get it." He's naturally healthy and built because of his job. He's supportive--he'd buy me a gym if I asked him too, but he's not interested in talking about it too much. We have issues when it comes to weight loss. He believes in a lot of the myths but is uninterested in expanding his knowledge on the subject. And if I try to explain something he thinks he needs to be right. We don't argue or anything but it's so annoying. It's something that I have become passionate about and he really could care less....as long as he has a hot wife he doesn't care. That sounds awful, but that's how I feel. So, yeah, it sucks...The only thing you can do is tell him how you feel. But don't let it come between you and don't let him drag you down.

    My husband is the same. I've finally come to the conclusion that I am doing this on my own and he supports me by paying for my gym membership. The rest is on me. I don't tell him anymore about my goals or how my work out went cause he's not very positive. So basically I'm doing this for myself and in the end, he'll either have a hot wife or a hot ex wife...And I'm happy with knowing that.
  • carrie_eggo
    carrie_eggo Posts: 1,396 Member
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    So basically I'm doing this for myself and in the end, he'll either have a hot wife or a hot ex wife...And I'm happy with knowing that.

    Lol....YES!
  • alofay
    alofay Posts: 127 Member
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    I just posted a thread with the same. I don't have any advice I am in the same boat. No help and she get annoyed when I look at lables and talk about food.

    Sorry to hear that cause I know exactly what you are going thru... I guess you just "do you" and if they don't get it then time will tell whether the relationship is meant to be or not. *kitten*! IDK!
  • mommamindi
    mommamindi Posts: 273
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    My husband and I have a contest going, so every time he works out, I work out and every time I work out, he works out.
  • alofay
    alofay Posts: 127 Member
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    So basically I'm doing this for myself and in the end, he'll either have a hot wife or a hot ex wife...And I'm happy with knowing that.

    Lol....YES!

    You girls are too funny!
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
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    I am learning this right now. When we cook meals together we eat the same thing, but I make his with a little more cheese, add noodles, etc. becasue thats how he likes it. We sat down and made a list of more healthy activites to do together, and go to the gym together sat AM's when I stay over there on the weekend. When we go out to dinner now we each get a side salad and share a dish. He ordered light ranch the other day and I was nearly in tears - I was a proud girlfriend. He also has been helping me with cravings. When I saw lets get ice cream he will laugh and say nooo nooo remeber how many minutes on the treadmill it takes you to burn it off? Instead of freaking out on him like a crazy person, I laugh and know he is right.

    Sit down with him and share how imporant this is becasue you want to feel better about yourself. You can true only be happy with someone else when you are happy with yourself first.
  • Cortez123
    Cortez123 Posts: 78 Member
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