Parents: What are we teaching our kids about bullying?

skinnydreams165

I just read a news article about a 10 year old boy who took his own life b/c he was being bullied. I started doing some research online and found another 10 year old girl who took her own life, a 14 year old boy who took his own life and so many more horrific stories of our children taking their own lives b/c of bullying.

I'm 26 years old, not older than some, but I've never experienced bullying. I've never seen it or even had to worry about it. Bullying is happening so much that it is all over the news! This is horrible. My poor heart goes out to anyone that had to suffer or is suffer from kids bullying them. I wish I could do something, anything to help stop it!

I'm sure the way some of these kids act is not just something they do at school so they muct be acting this way at home. Parents, what are we teaching our children? I have a 2 year old son and I am horrifed of sending him to preschool next year! What do you think causes our children to want to bully others?

skinnydreams165

To find stories just simply google bullying young teens

Felbsies

I work with teens and we just had a great program with the bullycide project. Check them out if you are interested in learning more about what is being done to remember these kids and help prevent future suicides: thebullycideproject.com

skinnydreams165

thank you for sharing that with me, I am going to look into it. I really wish there was more that could be done and more parents were willing to get involved you know

livnlite

It's not just parents who need to get involved ... It's the whole community. We all play a roll.

MassiveDelta

This is bull****. There has always been bullying much harsher then now. The problem is parents not raising children properly. Not instilling a strong sense of self worth/self confidence and coping skills. Additionally a basic sense of self preservation. Also parents who need to put down there iPads and listen to their children.

ProudDaddy

This topic makes me sick to hear.. I hate to think children have this problem and parents too busy to not know about it..Parents need to talk to their children every day and make sure this isnt happening to them..I have an 11 year old that was starting to have this problem. We put her in karate to give her some skills and to help her have self confidence..It is working...Not for her to do bullying because shes not that type of girl but just to help her deal with this problem.. parents..talk to your children..chances are..it could be happening to them.

CannibalisticVegetarian

There was a case of a ten-year-old girl who took her own life some time ago from being bullied that lived in my city. It's weird. I mean, bullying isn't a new thing, but all of a sudden it has become a pandemic. What are this kids being taught? Also, I don't know if there has been an increase, or just something new, but why are all these children choosing suicide as their way out? I'm not trying to say that kids are too stupid or anything, but just what goes on in their minds to push them to even contemplate it? It struck me as odd the first time I heard the case, but when ANOTHER girl the same age killed herself, it was really an eye opener. I don't even have kids yet, and I'm already worried.

christine24t

This is such a terrible issue to have to deal with. I luckily grew up in a great community where the cases of bullying I saw were very infrequent. I was teased a little about my weight, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it being bullied. I was however, bullied a little bit in elementary school when I told my dad about the identity of the person who spray-painted our local park, and my dad told the authorities.
I would just say you have to raise your children to have high self-confidence, and at the same, provide early intervention if your child is being bullied. I always felt comfortable talking to my parents about it too - so make sure you have a great relationship with your child!

I saw Jamie Nabozny speak recently about bullying and he was great. http://www.jamienabozny.com/Home_Page.html

This is also interesting: http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2008/10/do_children_commit_suicide.html

skinnydreams165

This is bull****. There has always been bullying much harsher then now. The problem is parents not raising children properly. Not instilling a strong sense of self worth/self confidence and coping skills. Additionally a basic sense of self preservation. Also parents who need to put down there iPads and listen to their children.

I do have to agree with you!

skinnydreams165

This topic makes me sick to hear.. I hate to think children have this problem and parents too busy to not know about it..Parents need to talk to their children every day and make sure this isnt happening to them..I have an 11 year old that was starting to have this problem. We put her in karate to give her some skills and to help her have self confidence..It is working...Not for her to do bullying because shes not that type of girl but just to help her deal with this problem.. parents..talk to your children..chances are..it could be happening to them.

I agree! Children neef a position outlet. You are a great parent for listening and responding to your childs needs!!

skinnydreams165

There was a case of a ten-year-old girl who took her own life some time ago from being bullied that lived in my city. It's weird. I mean, bullying isn't a new thing, but all of a sudden it has become a pandemic. What are this kids being taught? Also, I don't know if there has been an increase, or just something new, but why are all these children choosing suicide as their way out? I'm not trying to say that kids are too stupid or anything, but just what goes on in their minds to push them to even contemplate it? It struck me as odd the first time I heard the case, but when ANOTHER girl the same age killed herself, it was really an eye opener. I don't even have kids yet, and I'm already worried.

I agree! These kids are not dumb but when I was 10 i knew nothing of suicide let alone never saw kids being bullied. I guess it did not happen as much back then

skinnydreams165

This is such a terrible issue to have to deal with. I luckily grew up in a great community where the cases of bullying I saw were very infrequent. I was teased a little about my weight, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it being bullied. I was however, bullied a little bit in elementary school when I told my dad about the identity of the person who spray-painted our local park, and my dad told the authorities.
I would just say you have to raise your children to have high self-confidence, and at the same, provide early intervention if your child is being bullied. I always felt comfortable talking to my parents about it too - so make sure you have a great relationship with your child!

I saw Jamie Nabozny speak recently about bullying and he was great. http://www.jamienabozny.com/Home_Page.html

This is also interesting: http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2008/10/do_children_commit_suicide.html

Great links!!!! Thank you

TexasNurseMom78

Kids who are bullied are not allowed to stand up for themselves. If they are physically bullied, they and the bully can be kicked out of school and have criminal charges for assault broguht on the, My kids are terrified to defend themselves bc they will get in trouble with the school. And when my daughter has gone to teachers abut being picked on and bullied by other girls, she was told not to tattle and to just deal with it. No wonder kids snap these days. And yes, bullying has always been there, but I think it is being looked at in a different way now than it was in the past

adjones5

My heart goes out to the children who have to suffer through the cruelty of bullying and you're quite lucky to have never experienced it or seen it. I'm 22 so I am pretty close to your age and I was bullied terribly when I was younger, maybe it has to done with my red hair and freckles but bullying was pretty much ubiquitous until I graduated high school. It must be scary for you thinking about your child going to school and being exposed to something like this! You sound like an amazing mother and I'm sure you have taught/will continue to teach your child to be kind to others!

MFPfriend

See, from what my parents told me, and what I've personally experienced, bullying happens a lot less NOW then it did when my parents went to high school.

I'll probably be hated for saying this, but I'm blaming technology and the media. My generation has no idea how to communicate. We don't know how to ask for help, we don't like talking to our parents (unless over the internet). We don't talk to our parents, and things like cyberbullying make everything worse because kids sometimes don't even know WHO is bullying them.

Here's where I'm probably really going to get flamed: A few kids at my school have taken their own lives. And almost all of them (except for two boys) wrote about doing it because they hoped someone would notice them. I think hearing a lot about suicide in the media is almost... I don't know, sort of encouraging it (that's not the right word, I'm sorry for my horrible explanation). Like, I guess they just see so many people doing it and suddenly it makes it easier to do, maybe easier than talking to an adult about what's going on.

I also agree with the person who said parents need to listen to their kids. I think parents do WAY less parenting these days than parents did years ago. Parents are more of the child's friends now, instead of a parent.

I don't know, those are just my opinions.

skinnydreams165

Kids who are bullied are not allowed to stand up for themselves. If they are physically bullied, they and the bully can be kicked out of school and have criminal charges for assault broguht on the, My kids are terrified to defend themselves bc they will get in trouble with the school. And when my daughter has gone to teachers abut being picked on and bullied by other girls, she was told not to tattle and to just deal with it. No wonder kids snap these days. And yes, bullying has always been there, but I think it is being looked at in a different way now than it was in the past

Sorry but that pisses me off! You tell the teacher for help and they do nothing!!??? Wow! Im so speechless about that

MFPfriend

Kids who are bullied are not allowed to stand up for themselves. If they are physically bullied, they and the bully can be kicked out of school and have criminal charges for assault broguht on the, My kids are terrified to defend themselves bc they will get in trouble with the school. And when my daughter has gone to teachers abut being picked on and bullied by other girls, she was told not to tattle and to just deal with it. No wonder kids snap these days. And yes, bullying has always been there, but I think it is being looked at in a different way now than it was in the past

And this too. You can't defend yourself without getting in trouble. And teachers are afraid to intervene because of the consequences they themselves may face.


Bullying is such a touchy subject. It's scary to hear about. Especially with really young kids taking their lives because they see no other way out. It breaks my heart.

skinnydreams165

My heart goes out to the children who have to suffer through the cruelty of bullying and you're quite lucky to have never experienced it or seen it. I'm 22 so I am pretty close to your age and I was bullied terribly when I was younger, maybe it has to done with my red hair and freckles but bullying was pretty much ubiquitous until I graduated high school. It must be scary for you thinking about your child going to school and being exposed to something like this! You sound like an amazing mother and I'm sure you have taught/will continue to teach your child to be kind to others!

Im so sorry that happened to you! Its a shame what kids will say or do to others because they are a little different as far as features. Thanks for your kind words! It means so much

skinnydreams165

See, from what my parents told me, and what I've personally experienced, bullying happens a lot less NOW then it did when my parents went to high school.

I'll probably be hated for saying this, but I'm blaming technology and the media. My generation has no idea how to communicate. We don't know how to ask for help, we don't like talking to our parents (unless over the internet). We don't talk to our parents, and things like cyberbullying make everything worse because kids sometimes don't even know WHO is bullying them.

Here's where I'm probably really going to get flamed: A few kids at my school have taken their own lives. And almost all of them (except for two boys) wrote about doing it because they hoped someone would notice them. I think hearing a lot about suicide in the media is almost... I don't know, sort of encouraging it (that's not the right word, I'm sorry for my horrible explanation). Like, I guess they just see so many people doing it and suddenly it makes it easier to do, maybe easier than talking to an adult about what's going on.

I also agree with the person who said parents need to listen to their kids. I think parents do WAY less parenting these days than parents did years ago. Parents are more of the child's friends now, instead of a parent.

I don't know, those are just my opinions.

You hit the hammer on the nail!!!!!!!
Technology, lack of communication with parents, movies, games, lack of discipline, low self esteem.....it all plays a roll

MFPfriend

See, from what my parents told me, and what I've personally experienced, bullying happens a lot less NOW then it did when my parents went to high school.

I'll probably be hated for saying this, but I'm blaming technology and the media. My generation has no idea how to communicate. We don't know how to ask for help, we don't like talking to our parents (unless over the internet). We don't talk to our parents, and things like cyberbullying make everything worse because kids sometimes don't even know WHO is bullying them.

Here's where I'm probably really going to get flamed: A few kids at my school have taken their own lives. And almost all of them (except for two boys) wrote about doing it because they hoped someone would notice them. I think hearing a lot about suicide in the media is almost... I don't know, sort of encouraging it (that's not the right word, I'm sorry for my horrible explanation). Like, I guess they just see so many people doing it and suddenly it makes it easier to do, maybe easier than talking to an adult about what's going on.

I also agree with the person who said parents need to listen to their kids. I think parents do WAY less parenting these days than parents did years ago. Parents are more of the child's friends now, instead of a parent.

I don't know, those are just my opinions.

You hit the hammer on the nail!!!!!!!
Technology, lack of communication with parents, movies, games, lack of discipline, low self esteem.....it all plays a roll

Exactly. It's a combination of many things.

lilbigginz

I was bullied all throughout school. If anything it gave me rhino skin, nothing can offend me anymore. And I gained a sense of humor from it all. I fought back though and I fought a lot. If parents are getting angry at their kids getting bullied because they are getting suspended from school then it's the parents fault these kids are killing themselves by not listening to them. My dad was an alcoholic *kitten* but he taught me not to let people run over me and bully me. He never got mad when I got suspended from school for fighting because he understood what was going on.

FrenchMob

Like a few have mentioned, bullying these days isn't as bad as it use to be. But "back in the day" at least you could defend yourself without too much repercussions. I got bullied early in grade school, that was until I had enough, beat the crap out of the bully, and then gained much respect. Never had a problem after that. Yes I got in trouble...I got detention. That's it.

Also, you rarely heard of kids doing themselves in over bullying. They dealt with it. These days it's just easy since they hear it all the time on the news.

I agree that the blame lies on the parents, and the technology, and the granny state of the government that insists on raising kids with legislation instead of letting the parents do their job. This is not going to be popular but I believe in spanking. This positive reinforcement crap is part of the problem IMO.

TheAncientMariner

I tell mine to get like Ludicrous "Whoop Azz! Let security carry them out!" Walk away if you can, but if you can't they know what to do C-C-C-Combo B-B-B-Breaker!!! I will never tell them not to defend themselves. As long as it's talk, nothing to worry about.

blink1021

Kids who are bullied are not allowed to stand up for themselves. If they are physically bullied, they and the bully can be kicked out of school and have criminal charges for assault broguht on the, My kids are terrified to defend themselves bc they will get in trouble with the school. And when my daughter has gone to teachers abut being picked on and bullied by other girls, she was told not to tattle and to just deal with it. No wonder kids snap these days. And yes, bullying has always been there, but I think it is being looked at in a different way now than it was in the past

see thats the problem is no one is taking the children seriously. You see all the time on nickelodeon and the disney channel commercials that tell children to tell their teachers and parents to help them and then these same adults brush the complaints off as tattling. That is why there is a problem.

blink1021

Like a few have mentioned, bullying these days isn't as bad as it use to be. But "back in the day" at least you could defend yourself without too much repercussions. I got bullied early in grade school, that was until I had enough, beat the crap out of the bully, and then gained much respect. Never had a problem after that. Yes I got in trouble...I got detention. That's it.

Also, you rarely heard of kids doing themselves in over bullying. They dealt with it. These days it's just easy since they hear it all the time on the news.

I agree that the blame lies on the parents, and the technology, and the granny state of the government that insists on raising kids with legislation instead of letting the parents do their job. This is not going to be popular but I believe in spanking. This positive reinforcement crap is part of the problem IMO.

You are right I believe in spanking too. You cannot always reason with a child especially my kid. There is a ditterence between spanking and beating. I was spanked and I turned out ok.

chubbybunnee

I was bullied A LOT throughout my life. In middle school is when it started. I had a bully who would knock books out of my hand, put gum in my hair.....one day in art class she got caught rubbing styrafoam pieces in my hair and pushind really hard. The teacher called her over and was giving her detention and I walked over and DEFENDED her. I told the teacher we were just playing around.....she thanked me and helped pull the small pieces out of my hair and would actually start defending me from other bullies from that point on! My mom was frugal with money back then and bought me "mom jeans" when girls were wearing american eagle and abercrombie and fitch...she would buy me shirts 2 sizes too big because they were on clearance and bought me the cheapest glasses she could find which were too big on me and kept sliding down and I had to wear that rope thing to keep them on my face! The bus was the worst! Bus drivers can't focus on kids getting picked on when they have the road to watch and a schedule to keep. They would tease me for having thick eyebrows. There was a slow boy on our bus and one day they talked him into eating elmers glue and I told on them and I was harassed by them all 3 years of middle school..6th 7th 8th grade. I would tell my mom and she just said sticks and stones...don't worry about it....I can't imagine if facebook was available back then how much worse it would have gotten! THAT'S what makes it worse for kids now a days. Before it was one or two kids and you thought you had the whole world ahead of you but with the internet and social websites they get attacked my MANY bullies at once and they feel that is their world that they are doomed to be made fun of their whole life. Parents need to care more and give good advice! I started cutting myself because I was so depressed back then and hurt by my mom not caring. I turned out ok today but if you ask me about my experience in school, especially middle school, I had Ds because I hated school and my life. Kids need to know there are other wqys around it, like sports, music, drama, etc... get them involved where they are on a team and meet kids that support them. Showing you care and support them is one of the best ways to help them get through those tough times!

1a1a

I have a strong sense of self, I grew up in a country town, I was different to the other kids (dunno how, just was), I was teased from grade 5 to grade 10 (finally kids started to grow out of it). I too have a tough skin now but the scars run deep.

Conclusion, kids are inherently cruel!

chubbieBunnie - I hear ya.

manderson27

Like a few have mentioned, bullying these days isn't as bad as it use to be. But "back in the day" at least you could defend yourself without too much repercussions. I got bullied early in grade school, that was until I had enough, beat the crap out of the bully, and then gained much respect. Never had a problem after that. Yes I got in trouble...I got detention. That's it.

Also, you rarely heard of kids doing themselves in over bullying. They dealt with it. These days it's just easy since they hear it all the time on the news.

I agree that the blame lies on the parents, and the technology, and the granny state of the government that insists on raising kids with legislation instead of letting the parents do their job. This is not going to be popular but I believe in spanking. This positive reinforcement crap is part of the problem IMO.

This for sure

My parents said I should always try and reason my way out as violence is the last resort but sometimes a fast show of strength can save years of bullying. My dad said, do it fast, do it hard and then walk away. They will always be wary of you after that because they won't be able to gauge your reactions anymore.

So I smacked my bully upside the head with my lunch box on day, no more trouble. Teachers said she had it coming and should have left me alone, we both got told off that was it.

snookumss

I am not really going to get involved in this topic much. I know its an issue, but we also need to understand and realize that its been happening for as long as anybody can remember, and before. The only reason we know more about it, is because our system of communication has improved (ie... the internet). Back in the day, there were WAY more problems with violence at younger ages, and in some areas its still much worse than others. I was one of those all-too-popular bookworms. I was picked on here and there. I had some uncomfortable things said to me. I had my stuff thrown out and ruined. I had people try to scare me into getting bad grades!!! Seriously! I later had a male friend of mine stabbed for getting involved in situation where a guy was treating his girlfriend roughly. Bullying is a big deal, but we also need to understand that its nothing new. We may even be more worried about it now, as we are allowing more of our kids to grow up being babies and not learn how to deal with real situations. Back in the day, kids were told to stand up to the bullies. Now, more often than not the parent marches into the school, makes a fuss and half the time makes it worse for the kid (who by then still hasn't learned to stand up for himself).

Bullying is an issue for BOTH the family of the BULLY and the family of the BULLIED. There is NO REASON a person should have so little confidence, understanding of how reality works, and think they have to resort to suicide. If bullying drove them over the edge, would it have changed over a stressful workplace or horrible husband years later? Also, the family of these kids whom are doing the bullying. Yes and no, sometimes they may understand that their son/daughter has a mean streak, but bullying tends to happen behind the backs of the teachers and parents. I personally have some horrible younger stepsisters who are the worst little devils you could possibly know. I saw my stepsister push her younger four year old sister down stairs, this same stepsister killed a pet parrot with a broom once. These girls have a horrible mother that doesn't really take responsibility for the children. Even then, what are you supposed to do in that situation besides ground them? The only answer modern society provides? Get them to a counselor (which they see and just lie anyway).

These are problems that are a fact of life. Just because you weren't exposed to it personally, doesn't mean it hasn't been going on. Just because all of a sudden people can communicate effectively and quickly across the world, and because our population has grown therefore increasing the number of occurrences... doesn't mean its hasn't been happening anyway. I personally first-hand have seen both sides, but there is a bit more of a problem than just the mean kids when the bullied takes his or her own life.

I too was also picked on for being poor. I never had the money to do cool things, I always had funky clothes because my Dad was born in the fifties and gave me what his Mom bought him. I was in 8th grade wearing smiley face overalls and granny shoes. I was picked on for having second-hand clothes and my pants being too short. I also was the homeschooled kid who showed up in 8th grade for the first year of public school. After that, I went to five DIFFERENT schools in only two years. Beleive me. Was I the outcast. I've grown to be independent. To not rely on my social network for my acceptance. I run a food cart in bustling downtown Portland Oregon myself at night. I can handle my own.

Nowadays, we breed adult women and men who can't take care of themselves and have no idea how the real world works. Why not help these kids who are being picked on catch up and understand that life is tough. We wont always have Mommy to kiss our boo-boos. I sure didn't.

chubbybunnee

See, from what my parents told me, and what I've personally experienced, bullying happens a lot less NOW then it did when my parents went to high school.

I'll probably be hated for saying this, but I'm blaming technology and the media. My generation has no idea how to communicate. We don't know how to ask for help, we don't like talking to our parents (unless over the internet). We don't talk to our parents, and things like cyberbullying make everything worse because kids sometimes don't even know WHO is bullying them.

Here's where I'm probably really going to get flamed: A few kids at my school have taken their own lives. And almost all of them (except for two boys) wrote about doing it because they hoped someone would notice them. I think hearing a lot about suicide in the media is almost... I don't know, sort of encouraging it (that's not the right word, I'm sorry for my horrible explanation). Like, I guess they just see so many people doing it and suddenly it makes it easier to do, maybe easier than talking to an adult about what's going on.

I also agree with the person who said parents need to listen to their kids. I think parents do WAY less parenting these days than parents did years ago. Parents are more of the child's friends now, instead of a parent.

I don't know, those are just my opinions.

I completely agree with the Cyber bullying and think this is what makes it harder today then before. I also agree that some kids don't feel they can talk to their parents but some of them try and are turned down. Some people are bad parents! If they ASKED their kids what was wrong and helped them by finding support groups and activities to build their self confidence then it wouldnt be as bad or get as extreme as it has been. Parenting is everything when it comes to having a bullied kid or having a bully. Discipline, and knowing how to communicate are key as well as follow through.

Telling them to fight doesn't work for everyone...I have never thrown a punch in my life and had I, I would have probably gotten the **** kicked out of me and then REALLY been bullied! Not everyone is a fighter. There has to be some feelings for those who haven't been taught to express thiers openly. There are so many factors in a situation where a child commits suicide. I really think cyber bullying and the fact that in todays economy most families have both parents working that its hard for kids to feel like they matter unless the parents make the effort to tell them or show them. Parents can also cause more harm then good when your child is a bully. We had a child throw a closed can of pepsi at my friends head because he was gay and he was sent to the office and my friend was sent to the hospital with a concussion. The kids dad not only yelled at our principle saying that his child did the right thing because they don't tolerate "*kitten*" but he was overheard telling his son good job! It made me sick. There is so much hate out there that sometimes the parents ARE the problem and they even encourage bullying. We will never stop it. The only thing we can do is teach kids how to cope when they are a target. Usually if they can make it through school, they meet friends and do better in the future. I am stronger now then I was back then from life experience and I can now say that after school programs and important programs like art, sports, choir, band, and drama play a big role in helping self esteem for those that are bullied.