Not feeling supported at all.

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uberlaut
uberlaut Posts: 44
in Motivation and Support
I've been thinking about it, and I now know why I walked away from my weightloss forums including MFP for the last 4 months or so. (To the detriment of my waistline…I've gained 15lbs of fluffiness since I ran my marathon in the end of September.)

I feel really egocentric saying this, but it’s truly how I feel.

I have a hard time feeling supported by the communities (especially MFP and the forums on other food-tracking websites). I mean, I felt supported by a different (non-food-tracker related) forum when I was 270lbs plus and desperately trying to break into one-derland…

But then I realized I’m COMPLETELY HEALTHY AND HAPPY at a weight/height ratio that so many people seem completely horrified to be. I was REALLY happy and fit at 185-190 (the weight I was while training/running my marathon). My current goal is 180 (lighter than I’ve ever been, seriously) and is just *over* the cusp of obese for my height. I think the cutoff is 178 or something. Women who are bigger than me (like I used to be) have goal weights of “whatever the BMI says” and women who are smaller (or the same weight) as me have goal weights of “whatever the BMI says” and I feel like a freak over here with my head exploding because if I got to the weight the BMI says (120-155) without losing muscle mass I’d have a bodyfat percentage of less than 10% and I’d look like a skin-and-bones freak. Not to mention being an emotional monster from the horrific dietary restrictions I’d have to put myself through! (YES, I do test my body fat percentage on a regular basis, and NO, I am not exaggerating.)

But there’s so many people who are my height (or close) and they are like ”I’m a fat monster! I weigh 160lbs!”

I don’t believe that the BMI is right. I believe we shouldn’t be focusing so hard on weight, but focusing much more on fitness and healthy, nutritious eating! I believe that most people can (and maybe should) be carrying more MUSCLE weight than the BMI allows. Some weight might come off in the fitness/health journey (depending on your journey) but weightloss shouldn’t be the goal, or we risk losing muscle mass...and we all know and agree that losing muscle mass is very bad news, right??
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Replies

  • wannabehealthy1980
    wannabehealthy1980 Posts: 55
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    I understand how your feeling, I want to get alot of my weight off so I can run, walk and play with my kids and not feel like a heart attack is looming, but at 5'8, the BMI chart says 125 to 150? I mean seriously I'd look like death at 150lbs. I am going to lose until I am happy with myself and that's it. I don't care what others think of me, its about being happy with yourself and loving yourself.
    Once you accomplish that, goal has be met.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    Way to go! :drinker:
  • FiremanSam111
    FiremanSam111 Posts: 118
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    Happiness is key, no matter the weight or shape. As for the BMI, I can't believe it is still in use. Mine says I'm Obese, but I body build and have a large frame. The better measure would be body fat, and the mirror. Chuck the scales away, the lying brutal beasts! I have gained 2Kg in 5 weeks on my scale, but have lost 4% body fat and my mirror says "hey, keep it up!"
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
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    I know they aren't intentionally judging ME when they post about how crappy they feel at whatever weight they are, but I want to scream at them "HEY LOOK AT ME! I'm super fit and I weigh more than you! Why are you so focused on your weight?!?!?!"
  • alleyrat
    alleyrat Posts: 43
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    Well my goal right now is 176lbs (or 80g in my country)! I'm not too bothered what the 'norm' is or what everyone else thinks is ideal. I have been morbidly obese and slowly have lost weight (My ticker for MFP is set on when I started logging not on my original weight). So if you need a 'like-weighted' mate you can friend me!
  • Nieffenegger
    Nieffenegger Posts: 2
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    I know what you are saying about the BMI and all... If someone weighs 200 pounds pure muscle they look pretty lean... I think there is too much emphasis on BMI and where the world expects you to be. As long as you are healthy and happy, I don't see how anything else matters.
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
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    Lost 4% bodyfat in 5 weeks?!?!?

    Lucky you. You must be a man.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Why do other peoples' goals bother you? Live and let live. I was 5'9" and 162 and I did not look or feel my best. If you're happy with yourself, that's all that matters, don't worry about others. :)
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    I agree with you at all, sometimes it is not about a number. Without revealing my weight, I'll tell you that I have more "fat" days than skinny days. I am considered a normal BMI. However, I couldn't care less about the number on the scale. I just want to lose my belly! It took me a long time to realize that (a few months) but I'm glad I did!
  • LeanMeanFitnessMachine
    LeanMeanFitnessMachine Posts: 659
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    I don’t believe that the BMI is right. I believe we shouldn’t be focusing so hard on weight, but focusing much more on fitness and healthy, nutritious eating! I believe that most people can (and maybe should) be carrying more MUSCLE weight than the BMI allows. Some weight might come off in the fitness/health journey (depending on your journey) but weightloss shouldn’t be the goal, or we risk losing muscle mass...and we all know and agree that losing muscle mass is very bad news, right??

    I completely understand where you're coming from. However, if a person truely is eating clean, eating healthy, and eating nutritiously, then they wouldn't have a weight problem. You know what I mean? And I am not intending this to be mean or negative or make you feel as though the forums are unsupportive, just trying to broaden the perspective a bit. I know that many professional athletes are bigger and more muscular, and it is very true that their muscle weight puts them outside a healthy BMI - I totally agree! But lets face it - most people on MFP aren't bodybuilders (and don't intend to be) and I think the BMI calculator holds them accountable for their health and wellness.

    I hope you can at least understand where I'm coming from. Just looking at this from a different perspective.
  • MountainMamaMarissa
    MountainMamaMarissa Posts: 202 Member
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    I don't care what the "BMI" says I should be. I set a goal that I felt comfortable with. I knew if I set my goal weight for what is recommended for me, that I would be overwhelmed and just fail. If I were 170 pounds and I felt good, had no health problems due to that weight...then I'd be tickled pink to be there.

    Congratulations on your success and the marathon!
  • Longbowgilly
    Longbowgilly Posts: 262 Member
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    Stuff the BMI, its flawed anyway, personally I have a small frame and know that I really do look and feel a hell of a lot better at 130-120lbs so at the moment I am a "fat monster" as far as I am concerned.
    If you feel great and are happy at your weight then good for you, its obviously "right" for you, everyone has different factors that the BMI just does not take into account.
    NEVER feel pushed into being something you are not happy with! :flowerforyou:
  • Famzav8
    Famzav8 Posts: 97 Member
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    My doc told me not to even worry about the scale - that it really truley isn't the best tool to show you how you are doing on your journey. I was getting frustrated thinking that I needed to lose pounds, when in fact my doc said....well how are your clothes fitting? She was right.... the scale wasn't budging much, but my body shape was changing. My goal is not to be a stick - it is to be a strong, healthy, fit role model for my children, to be happy for myself, and to bring a better attitude to the table each day. Whoot whooot!!!! Don't listen to all the crazies out there........ ya pick and choose what you read on here - but take it with a grain of salt. :)
  • firesoforion
    firesoforion Posts: 1,017 Member
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    I agree with a lot of what you're saying. Plus, you ran a marathon which means you've gotta be doing something seriously right! Good job on your fitness and I really do think that if you feel healthy (and, again, if you can done a marathon, you've accomplished more than I've ever dreamed of...), then you're at a good place. Keep up the good work!!
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
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    "However, if a person truely is eating clean, eating healthy, and eating nutritiously, then they wouldn't have a weight problem."

    This is a false presumption. There are lots of reasons why people are "overweight" that have nothing to do with their eating habits.
  • FiremanSam111
    FiremanSam111 Posts: 118
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    Lost 4% bodyfat in 5 weeks?!?!?

    Lucky you. You must be a man.

    Yup, I'm a man last time I checked. I lost that 4% with sheer grit and determination. I burned over 13,000 Cals in that 5 weeks. I would like my success to motivate people, not intimidate them. It is not an easy journey, I worked damn hard for those losses.
  • CRMrunner
    CRMrunner Posts: 88 Member
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    I don't think we are locked in to the guidelines, but most people need help getting started. I think it's very healthy to make your goals personal. I set mine after a health screen at work.

    I get most of my support/motivation from friend comments. Feel free to add me if you want.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    "However, if a person truely is eating clean, eating healthy, and eating nutritiously, then they wouldn't have a weight problem."

    This is a false presumption. There are lots of reasons why people are "overweight" that have nothing to do with their eating habits.

    Sure, there are a couple of reasons other than diet/exercise. But they only apply to a tiny minority. Most people do not have some medical condition that causes them to be obese or overweight while they are eating healthily.
  • SalishSea
    SalishSea Posts: 373 Member
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    Life is hard enough. If you are happy then that's great! Many people struggle just to be happy and content. I am happy, gloriously so. But my weight is taxing my health. I need to lose weight. I need to lose 50lbs. It is challenging because my family doesn't care if and am round. But they do want me to be healthy. Be thankful for your happiness!
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
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    Also, I'm going to school to become a personal trainer.

    I currently lift 2x a week, I do yoga 1x a week, and I do another 120min of cardio each week.

    And I am solidly in the "obese" category but I have a BodyComp of 29%.

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