Not feeling supported at all.

fiercewarrior1

I know they aren't intentionally judging ME when they post about how crappy they feel at whatever weight they are, but I want to scream at them "HEY LOOK AT ME! I'm super fit and I weigh more than you! Why are you so focused on your weight?!?!?!"

Right, but you need to remember that other people are struggling too. So it is great that you feel good at your current weight and fitness level. But your goals are not other people's goals. And if people say that they feel fat, or unfit, or w/e at a weight that you are at, that is because THEIR goals are different from yours. They are not walking up to you say, hey, you're fat! I think you need to weigh less! They are saying, hey, I am unsatisfied with the way I look and feel. So I would like to lose more weight/become healthier/exercise more/etc for ME.

Basically what I'm saying is that if you are comfortable with how YOU are, that is GREAT. And if other people are satisfied with how they are, that is great too. But if they are unsatisfied, that is truly their business, and not a stab at you.

Articeluvsmemphis

I agree with you, but it's personal. I like being on the higher end of the BMI thingy, I'd like to be 175 with muscle, but if I can go lower than that I would not mind. some people like the skin/bones look. there's nothing wrong w/ you for how you feel even if the BMI disagrees (man-made) tool, it's flawed

umachanxo

BMI was created not for medical use but it was created to categorize people for calculating averages and things like that. It was never intended to be used for medical reasons because it does not take into account a persons body size, bone mass, muscle mass, etc. It only takes into account height and weight. People are all built differently and someone that is 5"7 and has a very small bone mass could weigh 130 lbs whereas someone with a larger bone structure could be the same height and weight 160 lbs. They could have the same body fat %.

_VoV

I really like the 'Health at Every Size' philosophy. It encourages people to do the things they need to do for optimal health, no matter what the number on the scale says.

I am 5'4" and hope to get down to my all-time low adult weight from @1990: that being 140 lbs. If, like then, I am always cold, and have bluish-purple fingernails to show for it, I will reevaluate. We aren't all meant to be in a narrow BMI range.

Find your own comfort level, and if you want a new friend, please feel you can friend me.

jeni_Giedd

When I was 160 (with a 5'5" frame) I felt really healthy. I was happy. However, the BMI said 135 - seriously? I was 135 after a surgery that limited my eating abilities (deformed jaw correction) and although thin, I noticed I was being complusive about losing weight. I started on here at 204 and am thrilled to be ion the uppers 180's as of now! I'll friend you and we can be running healthy together!:flowerforyou:

jayliospecky

im 5'6 172 to 175 and perfectly happy with my weight where it is

Awesome.

Edit: And to the OP, I can understand how you feel. I have a goal weight that is closer to alot of people's starting weights. Some days this can really get to me, but other days I can shrug it off and realize we're all different. In an ideal world, we wouldn't all be judging each other, but it does happen. Also, I try to remember that most people aren't thinking about me nearly as much as they're thinking about themselves! Personally, I think the BMI scale sucks, but that doesn't mean it doesn't get me down some days, as well.

funkycamper

"I do feel the need to add that whenever you lose weight, no matter how slowly you lose it, no matter how much you work out while losing, and no matter how nutritiously you eat, you also lose muscle. Working out, especially strength training, will help you keep more of it so the ratio of fat to muscle loss is greater. But if you have lost around 100# then, yeah, a lot of that was muscle. "

Another false presumption. I have had a trainer since I weighed 275 and we have regularly tested my body composition. I have not lost muscle mass except during my marathon training (which frankly really pissed me off, and I've been working on regaining it). In fact, before I started training for my marathon, I had gained TWENTY POUNDS of lean body mass and lost 80lbs since I started working with my trainer.

While an obese person has more leeway in that regard, it takes a very strict and focused diet and exercise plan with intense strength training to achieve that. If you have done so, then you should write a book or your trainer should because you have achieved the near impossible and you would be a fitness legend. It's extremely hard to build muscle and can take many months for a man to build 20# of new muscle mass. A woman with lower testosterone levels would take even longer and needs more intense workouts lifting quite heavy than a man needs to achieve this. Frankly, I'm not sure I believe you because you are extrapolating expected body fat percentages at lower body weights that are quite inaccurate and show a misunderstanding of how our bodies work. But if you're happy with where you are, that's great no matter if the above is correct or not.

As for the BMI, it's been common knowledge for a long time that it's off for those who are carrying a high percentage of muscle mass. You're not introducing a new concept.

MaraDiaz

I have seen so many before and after pics on this site of people who look incredible at weights I look hideous at. 160s, 170s, even 180s. I accept that others can be fit and healthy at a weight I'm still a fat slob at.

I've never seen anyone post negative comments about the weight of the people in those pics, though, so I'm not sure where the lack of support thing is coming from. Then again, it never occurred to me that anyone would judge someone's fitness based on their scale weight rather than the person's appearance and even appearances can be deceiving!

TourThePast

BMI was created not for medical use

Really, are you sure? I thought that it was, it's certainly widely used by medical practitioners.

It was never intended to be used for medical reasons because it does not take into account a persons body size, bone mass, muscle mass, etc.

It is intended for use by health professionals whose training means that they can and do take into account the very small minority of people who, for instance, have an extremely high proportion of muscle. For the vast majority of people, BMI gives an accurate RANGE of weights which can be used as a GUIDE to what is healthy.

Note that BMI is about HEALTH not about how you look. When I'm at the bottom of my BMI range I look absolutely awful, like a walking skeleton, but my the point is that if I was stupid enough to lose that much body fat, my body is still as healthy as it is now, which is at the top of the BMI normal range.

someone that is 5"7 and has a very small bone mass could weigh 130 lbs whereas someone with a larger bone structure could be the same height and weight 160 lbs. They could have the same body fat %.

There are differences in bone mass, but I would be extremely surprised if it could ever be a variation of as much as 30lb between two people.

Out of interest, a lot of people who have always considered themselves to be "big boned" find that once they lose weight they realise that they are not. A good way to tell is to look at wrist size.

To the OP, none of this of course is supportive in the least, sorry for going off topic.

It sounds as if you are frustrated that so many other people have different goals to you, rather than not supporting you. As you say you've been away from the site, are you aware that there are now groups? Perhaps you could seek support among a group of others who share your goals - perhaps start a group and invite people who have posted to this thread saying they share your goals?

galegetsthin

I hate the BMI scale. I have the same issue. If I was at the lower end of healthy BMI for my height, I would weigh 130lbs and my body fat % would be 6%. I am not a professional athlete and this is not attainable or even desirable for me. My doctor wanted me to shoot for that and I changed doctors. The new one suggests 150. That would put me at upper end of BMI for healthy, but at a body fat percentage of like 15% (i think). I have a smallish frame too, so I can imagine that someone of my same height with a larger frame would need to shoot for 170-180 and would still be very healthy. I am 5'9" and some change. I never want to be down to 130. I have seen someone with my frame at 130 and i was concerned for her health. She has settled around 145 and looks amazing and healthy and seems like she has more life and vibrancy.

6% BF? How was that measured and quantified? Or are you just assuming that's what it WOULD be?

Edited: I get it, you're only assuming that's what your BF% will be - but that's an incorrect assumption. You can't predict BF% based on weight or where you are on the BMI scale. It doesn't work that way. I'm at the lower end of the BMI and at a healthy BF% of 21. 5'9", 134.

No. Now YOU are assuming.

My doctor figured up about what it would be. I know that is not exact, I dont know how he got it. I think it was figured on the current weight to current BF% to estimate what it would be at that weight. It was right around 6 or 9 I think. And you may be healthy where you are. I have a LOT of muscle in my legs and arms from 13 years of competitive gymnastics, dance and swimming that means my BF% is lower than a person of similar height/weight/measurements would be.

My whole point being that everyone is different. Everyone has different weight and muscle distribution. What is normal and healthy for YOU at the same height even, isnt written in stone that it will be for me. I am happy for you that you can be that weight at that height, I dont feel it is realistic for me. Even at my weight, I dont have any jiggle at all in my arms or legs. Its all muscle pretty much.

With all that jumping to conclusions that you are doing, it is easy to see how you got so slender!

fiercewarrior1

I've never seen anyone post negative comments about the weight of the people in those pics, though, so I'm not sure where the lack of support thing is coming from. Then again, it never occurred to me that anyone would judge someone's fitness based on their scale weight rather than the person's appearance and even appearances can be deceiving!

I agree, completely.

I'm 5'8", 132.4lbs and I have never looked at someone's pictures or posts and thought they were awful or disgusting or unhealthy just because they are 160, 170, 180, 200lbs. It isn't about how I feel about other people. I genuinely want people to be happy at their OWN goals. My goals are NOT anyone else's goals, and I think it is wrong to judge other people like that. I have seen a tonne of support on this website, and I agree that I have never seen anyone post negative comments towards other people's pics or posts either.
Cheer up! And 'friend' those of us that will support you regardless of what YOUR fitness goals are. Booyha.

bjshooter

Just don't let other peoples goals affect you, I couldn't care less what weight anyone else wants to be. BMI wise I am spot on in the middle and I still want to lose 14lbs, people have things to say and I really don't care, its about me and how I feel.

NicolioRussell

I feel the same way, too. I started this journey at 308 pounds. My long term goal is either 200 or 180 pounds. It will be the lightest I have been since 7th grade. And to me, that's enough. I've always been a big girl. I've always had large this, and large that.....Honestly, the transition down to 250 pounds will be tough! It's a whole new world of learning to love yourself in a new body. That is the hardest part, and I think the most important.

I think that you have to choose a goal that is realistic for you; that doesn't compromise your health, or what you feel comfortable as.

BioShocked89

It bothers me as well. I'm a broad-shouldered woman-it runs in my family. I'm 5'6 and currently around 280 lbs. (not sure after the Christmas period, haha.) And when I weighed 170, (my lowest ever was 165) I looked like a freakn' poster child for miracle weight loss. I felt wonderful, looked kick @$$ and even had relatives who didn't recognize me at the reunions! Whenever I chatted on the internet with people, and they asked my weight after viewing my picture. I was so PROUD to say 170lbs! And when I did say that number, if they were guys trying to chat me up as a date interest, they'd suddenly disappear and go "offline". It made me feel fat all over again, when I wasn't! I was 20 lbs into overweight, but it was my perfect number area.

At 165-170 I felt light as air, and sexy as hell. I looked healthy and if you saw me from afar, you'd probably guess my weight was 30-50 lbs lower than my actual weight.

We think of any number over 100lbs as a high weight, in modern society unfortunately. A random thought I had relates it to the grading system. In school, the grades were like this:
60% -below is bad.
70%-80% is okay.
90%- 100% is Awesome!
Then in terms of extra credit, if you got say, 115%, you'd think that's a really big good grade.

Now, replace the percentage marks with lbs signs. Same rules still apply for each set of numbers:
60 lbs-below is bad,
70-80lbs is okay,
90-100lbs is Awesome,
....and 115 lbs is EXTRA! a BIG number! Extra+Big+first word that comes to mind when discussing weight? =FAT!
DUN DUN DUN!

It's because when we think of weight we focus on that number, that bob-forsaken number, that defines us. We forget how good we feel at that number, how much happier we are at that number, BECAUSE the picture of that number in our head makes you feel heavy! It looks big inside our heads. Despite what anyone ever said, or how they reacted when I said 170 lbs as my weight (when they did not know my then previous weight of 275) I felt good at that wonderful weight.

Teens and models would kill to weigh 90-100lbs. I'd kill to weigh 170 again. Because THAT IS MY NUMBER. My feel good/look good number. I let people sway me into thinking it was a horribly high number for weight, but they were wrong. And this time around, I'm not going to let them sway me again.

busterbluth

I really like the 'Health at Every Size' philosophy. It encourages people to do the things they need to do for optimal health, no matter what the number on the scale says.

I am 5'4" and hope to get down to my all-time low adult weight from @1990: that being 140 lbs. If, like then, I am always cold, and have bluish-purple fingernails to show for it, I will reevaluate. We aren't all meant to be in a narrow BMI range.

Find your own comfort level, and if you want a new friend, please feel you can friend me.

HAES seconded. Focus on healthy eating and fitness. Your body will fall into place where it should.

KimmieBrie

Why is anyone focused on what everyone else is focused on??????

Focus on yourself. Fitness means different things to different people. Everyone is here for their own reason.

Being supportive isn't tooting your own horn and belittling other peoples goals and being all judgy.... it's supporting someone on their individual journey to achieve whatever goals they set. Just because the goal is different doesn't make it any less worthy or valuable than your own.

umachanxo

BMI was created not for medical use

Really, are you sure? I thought that it was, it's certainly widely used by medical practitioners.

It was never intended to be used for medical reasons because it does not take into account a persons body size, bone mass, muscle mass, etc.

It is intended for use by health professionals whose training means that they can and do take into account the very small minority of people who, for instance, have an extremely high proportion of muscle. For the vast majority of people, BMI gives an accurate RANGE of weights which can be used as a GUIDE to what is healthy.

Note that BMI is about HEALTH not about how you look. When I'm at the bottom of my BMI range I look absolutely awful, like a walking skeleton, but my the point is that if I was stupid enough to lose that much body fat, my body is still as healthy as it is now, which is at the top of the BMI normal range.

someone that is 5"7 and has a very small bone mass could weigh 130 lbs whereas someone with a larger bone structure could be the same height and weight 160 lbs. They could have the same body fat %.

There are differences in bone mass, but I would be extremely surprised if it could ever be a variation of as much as 30lb between two people.

Out of interest, a lot of people who have always considered themselves to be "big boned" find that once they lose weight they realise that they are not. A good way to tell is to look at wrist size.

To the OP, none of this of course is supportive in the least, sorry for going off topic.

It sounds as if you are frustrated that so many other people have different goals to you, rather than not supporting you. As you say you've been away from the site, are you aware that there are now groups? Perhaps you could seek support among a group of others who share your goals - perhaps start a group and invite people who have posted to this thread saying they share your goals?

"BMI provided a simple numeric measure of a person's "fatness" or "thinness", allowing health professionals to discuss over- and under-weight problems more objectively with their patients. However, BMI has become controversial because many people, including physicians, have come to rely on its apparent numerical authority for medical diagnosis, but that was never the BMI's purpose; it is meant to be used as a simple means of classifying sedentary (physically inactive) individuals, or rather, populations, with an average body composition"

-http://www.math.utah.edu/~korevaar/ACCESS2003/bmi.pdf

Just passing on what I meant, and the information that I found. ^-^ I was relaying what my Nutritionist told me when we went over my BMI, in that it was to categorize and show where I was at, and not meant for medical purposes. But I'm not here to argue, I could be wrong, and that's fine. I'm not a doctor, and I won't pretend to be!

Have a Happy New Year!

_VoV

I am so happy that all my MFP's tend to keep the negative self-talk at bay. It would make me sad to read someone I care about beating themselves up over a number on the scale. The fact that the number might be *smaller* than the one I see on my scale would be secondary to their harsh self-judgment. I would say delete anyone on your friend list who trashes themselves as a matter of routine. Spouting off every once in a while is one thing, but if someone is tearing her/himself down too much, they probably need more help than MFP can give them. It may sound cruel, but the focus should be on mutual support, not rescuing.

bcattoes

BMI was created not for medical use

Really, are you sure? I thought that it was, it's certainly widely used by medical practitioners.

It was never intended to be used for medical reasons because it does not take into account a persons body size, bone mass, muscle mass, etc.

BMI was created for and is used by medical pratitioners. But, on an individual level, your doctor will likely factor in other things like waist size and muscle mass. This is from the CDC website:

Why does CDC use BMI to measure overweight and obesity?
Calculating BMI is one of the best methods for population assessment of overweight and obesity. Because calculation requires only height and weight, it is inexpensive and easy to use for clinicians and for the general public. The use of BMI allows people to compare their own weight status to that of the general population.

http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/adult_bmi/index.html#Why

servilia

I hate the BMI scale. I have the same issue. If I was at the lower end of healthy BMI for my height, I would weigh 130lbs and my body fat % would be 6%. I am not a professional athlete and this is not attainable or even desirable for me. My doctor wanted me to shoot for that and I changed doctors. The new one suggests 150. That would put me at upper end of BMI for healthy, but at a body fat percentage of like 15% (i think). I have a smallish frame too, so I can imagine that someone of my same height with a larger frame would need to shoot for 170-180 and would still be very healthy. I am 5'9" and some change. I never want to be down to 130. I have seen someone with my frame at 130 and i was concerned for her health. She has settled around 145 and looks amazing and healthy and seems like she has more life and vibrancy.

6% BF? How was that measured and quantified? Or are you just assuming that's what it WOULD be?

Edited: I get it, you're only assuming that's what your BF% will be - but that's an incorrect assumption. You can't predict BF% based on weight or where you are on the BMI scale. It doesn't work that way. I'm at the lower end of the BMI and at a healthy BF% of 21. 5'9", 134.

No. Now YOU are assuming.

My doctor figured up about what it would be. I know that is not exact, I dont know how he got it. I think it was figured on the current weight to current BF% to estimate what it would be at that weight. It was right around 6 or 9 I think. And you may be healthy where you are. I have a LOT of muscle in my legs and arms from 13 years of competitive gymnastics, dance and swimming that means my BF% is lower than a person of similar height/weight/measurements would be.

My whole point being that everyone is different. Everyone has different weight and muscle distribution. What is normal and healthy for YOU at the same height even, isnt written in stone that it will be for me. I am happy for you that you can be that weight at that height, I dont feel it is realistic for me. Even at my weight, I dont have any jiggle at all in my arms or legs. Its all muscle pretty much.

With all that jumping to conclusions that you are doing, it is easy to see how you got so slender!

No I was right. You never were at that weight or BF%, someone (your doctor, and btw doctors are not that educated in nutrition/exercise) just did some calculation to come to that hypothetical conclusion. He probably assumed you'd only be losing body fat and nothing else. As someone else has already mentioned, it is hard if not impossible to lose ONLY fat. It is normal to lose some lean body mass as well. Remember, lean body mass is not only muscle but includes fluids, connective tissue, etc. When someone loses fat they will lose some lean body mass as well because with a lower weight their bodies don't need all that extra infrustructure to move the new, lighter body around.
I'll assume your last remark wasn't meant to sound so snarky