Not sure how to handle this, need some advice
Replies
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is there an ethics hotline or an HR person you can talk to? that is very creepy, and you do need to go to someone about it. behaviour like that is technically sexual harassment and you MUST do something now before he does something worse to you.
It is not sexual harassment Especially if she has never said "Dude leave me alone" there is nothing wrong with someone complimenting you and telling you how great you look. Just because he doesn't have any social grace and comes off creepy doesn't make it sexual harassment
If you want him to stop ..Tell him to stop If he doesn't then you have a case0 -
I would confront him and tell him politely he is making you uncomfortable for example "i would appreciate if you would stop making comments about my looks etc I am a married woman and it makes me extremely uncomfortable" if he continues go to hr and report him... Document when you tell him this and when you tell hr. I would make sure you have a close coworker with you when you say something so it's not your word against his. Also, continue to document what he does so if you have to take it further you have all the info with dates.
I agree with this0 -
Tell him you're uncomfortable with him. Just be honest but nice.I work at a large retail store that employs about 400 to 500 people. The area I work in is set apart from most of the rest of the store, so I don't really interact with most of the other employees very often, however once every two weeks I cash out my card to get my pay and I have to deal with this guy. I don't know his name, but he has always given me the creeps, so when I am forced to deal with him, I flash my wedding ring, and work into the conversation how awesome my husband is. In fact I know he has seen me with my husband in the store on many occasions. Well, last week when I went to get my pay, there were two people cashing out the cards, and I went to the woman who was working there, I have known her for at least 6 years and she is really cool. Creepy dude starts going on about how pretty I look today, and how if they had a beauty contest at our store I would win hands down. He kept talking and it just made me really uncomfortable. He sent me a request on facebook later that day which I denied. (my facebook page has my husband's name on it), and then a few days later he sat by me in the break room. I got up and walked away, threw away part of my lunch just to escape (at least it is good for my diet though lol) Then the other day I was eating my lunch, with my nose buried in a book and I look up to see him sitting across the room just staring at me! I want to get this guy to go away, I am starting to get the feeling that he is not right in the head, and the way he was looking at me frigtened me. I have been ignoring him forever, trying to escape him forever, but it seems like the more I run away the more determined he gets. I don't really want to go to management and get him in trouble, I just want him to leave me the hell alone. I need some good advice!
And if he continues after that, drop his creepy *kitten* in the grease with your superior.0 -
I would suggest, looking him in the eye and politely, but firmly, telling him that you do not appreciate his attention and ask him to stop. He may just be socially inept and doesn't know the discomfort he is causing you.
If that doesn't work, go to HR.
this^0 -
Yep. I would summon the courage to tell him that his actions make you feel uncomfortable. If it continues, go to HR.
It is not sexual harassment Especially if she has never said "Dude leave me alone" there is nothing wrong with someone complimenting you and telling you how great you look. Just because he doesn't have any social grace and comes off creepy doesn't make it sexual harassmentis there an ethics hotline or an HR person you can talk to? that is very creepy, and you do need to go to someone about it. behaviour like that is technically sexual harassment and you MUST do something now before he does something worse to you.0 -
I agree with everyone one whose says go to your HR dept, also tell other people how uncomfortable he makes you get it out in the open. If your co workers know what's going on he might think twice about bothering you but make sure your never alone with him.
All the best.0 -
Because this is work related, you really HAVE to go to HR. If this was you in a bookstore doing your own thing, then yes, I would say tell him point blank to leave you alone. But because his job and your job are on the line if anything is crossed, you need to cover your own butt. If you confront him, and he IS mentally unstable and decides to turn the tables on you, it will become a he said she said battle. You need to have documentation of events. If this is the first time you are going to HR, he won't get fired, he'll (hopefully) be talked to, let them do the "confronting". If he keeps it up, report it again. And as someone who has dated a guy who worked in my building, broke up with him because he started being weird, and was then stalked by him....don't ever walk to your car, or get stuck in a stairwell alone, where he could potentially corner you alone. Try to stay near groups of people, just in case. Not to sound all scary, but you need to watch out for yourself. Hopefully this will end with HR. Good luck.0
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It wouldn't hurt to speak with a higher up to express your concerne and say you don't want to get anyone in trouble, you just wanted to make them aware you're uncomfortable and doing your best to avoid him. Good Luck0
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I would suggest, looking him in the eye and politely, but firmly, telling him that you do not appreciate his attention and ask him to stop. He may just be socially inept and doesn't know the discomfort he is causing you.
If that doesn't work, go to HR.
what I would do0 -
Right but then that poor guy who didn't mean anything by it now has a sexual harassment report on his record because some lady didn't have the ability to stand up and say stop bothering me. You all say all the time about how thick men are and they dont get the most obvious of signs and suggestions...Why or how is this any different?
Tell him to stop and be Very clear.0 -
I work at a large retail store that employs about 400 to 500 people. The area I work in is set apart from most of the rest of the store, so I don't really interact with most of the other employees very often, however once every two weeks I cash out my card to get my pay and I have to deal with this guy. I don't know his name, but he has always given me the creeps, so when I am forced to deal with him, I flash my wedding ring, and work into the conversation how awesome my husband is. In fact I know he has seen me with my husband in the store on many occasions. Well, last week when I went to get my pay, there were two people cashing out the cards, and I went to the woman who was working there, I have known her for at least 6 years and she is really cool. Creepy dude starts going on about how pretty I look today, and how if they had a beauty contest at our store I would win hands down. He kept talking and it just made me really uncomfortable. He sent me a request on facebook later that day which I denied. (my facebook page has my husband's name on it), and then a few days later he sat by me in the break room. I got up and walked away, threw away part of my lunch just to escape (at least it is good for my diet though lol) Then the other day I was eating my lunch, with my nose buried in a book and I look up to see him sitting across the room just staring at me! I want to get this guy to go away, I am starting to get the feeling that he is not right in the head, and the way he was looking at me frigtened me. I have been ignoring him forever, trying to escape him forever, but it seems like the more I run away the more determined he gets. I don't really want to go to management and get him in trouble, I just want him to leave me the hell alone. I need some good advice!
Talk to your supervisor. If he or she won't do anything, go to HR. If they still don't rectify the situation, then you have an EO (Equal Opportunity) complaint because his actions are in violation of Title VII of the 1964 Civil Rights Act. (I'm a business major and just took a class on all of this... LOL). Here are the proper steps to follow to make sure this gets handled effectively:
Say “No” Clearly
Tell the person that his/her behavior offends you. Firmly refuse all invitations.If the harassment doesn’t end promptly, write a letter asking the harasser to stop and keep a copy.
Write Down What Happened
As soon as you experience the sexual harassment, start writing it down.Write down dates, places, times, and possible witnesses to what happened.If possible, ask your co-workers to write down what they saw or heard, especially if the same thing is happening to them.Remember that others may (and probably will) read this written record at some point. It is a good idea to keep the record at home or in some other safe place.Do not keep the record at work.
Report the Harassment
Tell your supervisor, your human resources department or some other department or person within your organization who has the power to stop the harassment. If possible, tell them in writing. Keep a copy of any written complaint you make to your employer.It is very important that you report the harassment because your employer must know or have reason to know about the harassment in order to be legally responsible for a co-worker, client or customer’s actions. Even if your harasser was your supervisor, you may need to show that you reported the harassment to your employer or give a good reason why you didn’t.
Start a Paper Trail
When you report the sexual harassment to your employer, do it in writing.Describe the problem and how you want it fixed.This creates a written record of when you complained and what happened in response to it. Keep copies of everything you send and receive from your employer.
Review your Personnel File
It is your right to see your personnel file.If you work for a private employer, in certain states including California, you have the right to request and receive copies of everything in your file that you have signed.
Use the Grievance Procedure at Work
Many employers and schools have policies for dealing with sexual harassment complaints. You may be able to resolve the problem through this process.To find out your employer’s policies, look in your employee manual/personnel policies and/or speak to a human resources officer. It is important to follow your employer’s procedures.0 -
I agree with the people who are saying go to HR. They are trained to make things better for you and will make sure he gets the picture without any aggravation to yourself at all. If it's at work and it bothers you (sexual harassment!!), then it is HR's responsibility to fix it.0
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Go to management PERIOD! You can NOT take chances PERIOD! So what if he gets in trouble, he should! Stand up for yourself!
Peace! :flowerforyou:0 -
Have your husband Show him Mr. Left and Mr. Right.0
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restraining order? mace?0
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Go to management PERIOD! You can NOT take chances PERIOD! So what if he gets in trouble, he should! Stand up for yourself!
Peace! :flowerforyou:
I agree, it's not your problem that he get's in trouble. It's his :flowerforyou:0 -
I work at a large retail store that employs about 400 to 500 people. The area I work in is set apart from most of the rest of the store, so I don't really interact with most of the other employees very often, however once every two weeks I cash out my card to get my pay and I have to deal with this guy. I don't know his name, but he has always given me the creeps, so when I am forced to deal with him, I flash my wedding ring, and work into the conversation how awesome my husband is. In fact I know he has seen me with my husband in the store on many occasions. Well, last week when I went to get my pay, there were two people cashing out the cards, and I went to the woman who was working there, I have known her for at least 6 years and she is really cool. Creepy dude starts going on about how pretty I look today, and how if they had a beauty contest at our store I would win hands down. He kept talking and it just made me really uncomfortable. He sent me a request on facebook later that day which I denied. (my facebook page has my husband's name on it), and then a few days later he sat by me in the break room. I got up and walked away, threw away part of my lunch just to escape (at least it is good for my diet though lol) Then the other day I was eating my lunch, with my nose buried in a book and I look up to see him sitting across the room just staring at me! I want to get this guy to go away, I am starting to get the feeling that he is not right in the head, and the way he was looking at me frigtened me. I have been ignoring him forever, trying to escape him forever, but it seems like the more I run away the more determined he gets. I don't really want to go to management and get him in trouble, I just want him to leave me the hell alone. I need some good advice!
Talk to your supervisor. If he or she won't do anything, go to HR. If they still don't rectify the situation, then you have an EO (Equal Opportunity) complaint because his actions are in violation of Title VII of the 1964 Civil Rights Act. (I'm a business major and just took a class on all of this... LOL). Here are the proper steps to follow to make sure this gets handled effectively:
Say “No” Clearly
Tell the person that his/her behavior offends you. Firmly refuse all invitations.If the harassment doesn’t end promptly, write a letter asking the harasser to stop and keep a copy.
Write Down What Happened
As soon as you experience the sexual harassment, start writing it down.Write down dates, places, times, and possible witnesses to what happened.If possible, ask your co-workers to write down what they saw or heard, especially if the same thing is happening to them.Remember that others may (and probably will) read this written record at some point. It is a good idea to keep the record at home or in some other safe place.Do not keep the record at work.
Report the Harassment
Tell your supervisor, your human resources department or some other department or person within your organization who has the power to stop the harassment. If possible, tell them in writing. Keep a copy of any written complaint you make to your employer.It is very important that you report the harassment because your employer must know or have reason to know about the harassment in order to be legally responsible for a co-worker, client or customer’s actions. Even if your harasser was your supervisor, you may need to show that you reported the harassment to your employer or give a good reason why you didn’t.
Start a Paper Trail
When you report the sexual harassment to your employer, do it in writing.Describe the problem and how you want it fixed.This creates a written record of when you complained and what happened in response to it. Keep copies of everything you send and receive from your employer.
Review your Personnel File
It is your right to see your personnel file.If you work for a private employer, in certain states including California, you have the right to request and receive copies of everything in your file that you have signed.
Use the Grievance Procedure at Work
Many employers and schools have policies for dealing with sexual harassment complaints. You may be able to resolve the problem through this process.To find out your employer’s policies, look in your employee manual/personnel policies and/or speak to a human resources officer. It is important to follow your employer’s procedures.
I think this is the best advice. However, I would add to it, because it sounds like you might be a little worried about your safety, DO NOT be alone or let this person think you might be alone. There is something to following your gut, and these things can turn ugly very quickly. Pepper spray does work, as do lighters, keys, pencils, pens etc.
Your description of the escalating events makes it seem like this guy is doing this on purpose to intimidate you. Don't let him.0 -
Go to management. Do not confront him about it. Let a 3rd party handle it. Confronting him may only set him off and from the way you are describing him, I don't think you should have that confrontation with him. If it was someone who was making jokes and making you uncomfortable, then I might agree with talking to him first but you are describing someone who sounds unbalanced, and potentially dangerous. Go to management. Do not give him an opportunity to interact with you where you are volunteering for that interaction.
^^ This! ^^ You never know how'll he'll react... stay away.0 -
I would suggest, looking him in the eye and politely, but firmly, telling him that you do not appreciate his attention and ask him to stop. He may just be socially inept and doesn't know the discomfort he is causing you.
If that doesn't work, go to HR.
I agree with this. Some people just try too hard. While you feel that you have rejected him in many ways, you've never just told him to stop and some people are truly that slow on the uptake. This way, if you still have to go to HR, you can state that you said NO in no uncertain terms, and in a manner that is both adult and professional. Lot easier to defend in court if it ever got that far.
By the way, if / when you do tell him, I would write down date/time/location, and any possible witnesses to doing so. And if you can arrange for a witness, do so.0 -
It's a tricky one to be sure, the best option is to go to your manager. The scott option would be, mace, tazer, kidnap, car set on fire, house destroyed etc but thats just me and that's why i don't give good advice!
Good luck
Scott0 -
You could confront him about it OR you could chat to him and act really disgusting/annoying. Purposely make him despise you - I know it sounds like I'm joking but I hate confrontation, and did exactly this to a couple of male colleagues. They both hate me now and leave me to do my work in peace.0
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Call him out on it, but in front of witnesses. Then document it and have the witnesses sign it. Keep a log of the activities that creep you out , the number of times you have talked to him about it, and witnesses. Perhaps others feel the same way and will begin to document it, too. I once had a boss that everyone hated due to harassment. I kept a log and then went to the big bosses when he really crossed a line. He was gone in months.0
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I would suggest, looking him in the eye and politely, but firmly, telling him that you do not appreciate his attention and ask him to stop. He may just be socially inept and doesn't know the discomfort he is causing you.
If that doesn't work, go to HR.
DO THIS FIRST0 -
I know these responses have already been mentioned, but you need to report it to your manager first. If your manager is unable (or unwilling) to talk to the man, take it to your manager's manager, then to HR if nothing is still done. He may be creeping on a few women, and they may also be too afraid to speak up.
Speak up for yourself. Even glances are sexual harassment. (They are. I had to sit through a 2 hour meeting in December about EOA and Sexual Harassment). If he is making you uncomfortable that is definitely not okay. You're entitled to feel safe while at work, and if that man is disrupting your safety, or your feeling safe, then that's definitely a problem as well. Block him (not just deny) on Facebook, and start the steps in reporting him. Please.0 -
This guy has seen me with my husband on many occasions, so he knows I am married. The creepy guy is married too! Maybe I will send his wife a message on facebook! Lol
Haha, okay, everyone is telling what TO do here. I'm going to give my 2 cents on what NOT to do. See above!
As uncomfortable as you are, taking it to Facebook is NOT a good idea, even with a private message. The guy could genuinely think that he is causing no harm. Talking to his wife about it could cause tons and tons of unecessary harm and drama! It is better to talk to him directly or go to HR. As a previous poster stated, it is all about perception!
I'm thinking you were probably kidding about doing that anyway, but just in case, my 2 cents.0 -
Thank you everyone for the great advice! I feel better about this, and I feel better equipped to handle this situation. Next time he approaches me I will tell him, I do not appreciate his attention and I wish he would stop! If he doesn't stop I will go to management! : )0
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HUMAN RESOURCES This is their job, not yours.
And you need to report it to a manager ASAP.
Remember it is your word against his. He could think you are flirting with him. Don't confront him directly he may take it as a dare or even more of a challenge. He's total Stalker Material and with the internet making it so easy you need to handle it professionally.0 -
go directly to your boss about it- if hes creeping you out its better to get it documented than trying to handle it yourself0
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Does your husband know about this? If your husband ISN'T the type to get all silverback gorilla possessive and escalate the situation and make it worse, it might be a good idea to tell him what's going on and ask him to make a show of picking you up at work - come in and get you, put his arm around you, etc, so the creepy guy actually sees with his own eyes that you ARE taken. Of course, if your husband is the type that would get jealous and confront him, then that's not a good idea.
Maybe even as part of the show, introduce your husband to him the next time he comes to pick you up. I agree with everyone ( although I don't think he is just looking for a friend) and if you feel uncomfortable you sure aren't doing yourself a favor by keeping silent about it. I really agree with last comment by ckmama; it is HR's job... best of luck with this...0 -
I would confront him and tell him politely he is making you uncomfortable for example "i would appreciate if you would stop making comments about my looks etc I am a married woman and it makes me extremely uncomfortable" if he continues go to hr and report him... Document when you tell him this and when you tell hr. I would make sure you have a close coworker with you when you say something so it's not your word against his. Also, continue to document what he does so if you have to take it further you have all the info with dates.
THIS!0
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