Not sure how to handle this, need some advice

Options
245

Replies

  • ReverendJim
    ReverendJim Posts: 260 Member
    Options
    You need to report his behavior. Sorry, I know you don't want to, but it's the only way. Don't delay.
  • Destinie589
    Destinie589 Posts: 211
    Options
    Go to management. Do not confront him about it. Let a 3rd party handle it. Confronting him may only set him off and from the way you are describing him, I don't think you should have that confrontation with him. If it was someone who was making jokes and making you uncomfortable, then I might agree with talking to him first but you are describing someone who sounds unbalanced, and potentially dangerous. Go to management. Do not give him an opportunity to interact with you where you are volunteering for that interaction.

    I second this!! If you are already unsure about his state of mind then confrontation could be dangerous. And you might think about carrying some pepper spray around.
  • mimaduck83
    mimaduck83 Posts: 175 Member
    Options
    agreed with all the replies...sending you a message.

    mima
  • fitnatic67
    fitnatic67 Posts: 154
    Options
    Call your two friends, Smith and Wesson! nuff said
  • surfrgrl1
    surfrgrl1 Posts: 1,464 Member
    Options
    I would go to HR, chances are with the number of employees there, you are not the first person he's been creepy to! But hopefully you will make sure you are his last!

    And lets hope he is not the HR manager - then you'll have a problem! :wink:
  • SLaw4215
    SLaw4215 Posts: 596 Member
    Options
    As a manager who supervises a team I encourage you to go to your Human Resources manager. You will not get him into trouble if he isn't doing anything wrong however -- I encourage you to trust your gutt instinct on this. You have a right to not work in a hostile work environment and "perception" wins in court cases. If your perception is that he is passive-aggressive (or creepy) and his advances are unwanted and "subtle" rejection isn't working then take it to the next level before you are cornered in a break room, rest room, parking lot, etc or he follows you home (name/address are usually on pay stubs) and confronts you (and your husband/family) You may not be aware if others have complained but the Human Resources manager may have information that isn't public knowlege. Protect yourself first and let "creepy guy" worry about himself. BE SAFE! :flowerforyou:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,695 Member
    Options
    The problem won't get resolved by ignoring it. This is "sexual harassment" by definition, especially when he talks about you in a sexual way on a consistent basis. HR gets involved. If not, then you are allowing it to continue. Ignoring the problem by you, means that to him it's still okay to advance.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ad0nna
    ad0nna Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    I think this is the best advice. I worked HR for many years and in my experience, the person stops when direcetly confronted with how their behavior is making you feel. In the few instances this does not stop the interactions, you must go to HR. At that point do not worry about getting him into to trouble. You have to let him know that you are serious. By approaching him first you give him the opportunity to correct his own mistake. After that he needs to get into trouble for continuing.

    ... And yes he sounds VERY creepy!
  • LeenaRuns
    LeenaRuns Posts: 1,309 Member
    Options
    Defintiely go to HR.
  • jmruef
    jmruef Posts: 824 Member
    Options
    I would suggest, looking him in the eye and politely, but firmly, telling him that you do not appreciate his attention and ask him to stop. He may just be socially inept and doesn't know the discomfort he is causing you.

    If that doesn't work, go to HR.

    I'd document, too, when you asked him to leave you alone and what you said. Couldn't hurt.
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
    Options
    is there an ethics hotline or an HR person you can talk to? that is very creepy, and you do need to go to someone about it. behaviour like that is technically sexual harassment and you MUST do something now before he does something worse to you.

    It is not sexual harassment Especially if she has never said "Dude leave me alone" there is nothing wrong with someone complimenting you and telling you how great you look. Just because he doesn't have any social grace and comes off creepy doesn't make it sexual harassment

    If you want him to stop ..Tell him to stop If he doesn't then you have a case
  • nakabi
    nakabi Posts: 589 Member
    Options
    I would confront him and tell him politely he is making you uncomfortable for example "i would appreciate if you would stop making comments about my looks etc I am a married woman and it makes me extremely uncomfortable" if he continues go to hr and report him... Document when you tell him this and when you tell hr. I would make sure you have a close coworker with you when you say something so it's not your word against his. Also, continue to document what he does so if you have to take it further you have all the info with dates.

    I agree with this
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    Options
    I work at a large retail store that employs about 400 to 500 people. The area I work in is set apart from most of the rest of the store, so I don't really interact with most of the other employees very often, however once every two weeks I cash out my card to get my pay and I have to deal with this guy. I don't know his name, but he has always given me the creeps, so when I am forced to deal with him, I flash my wedding ring, and work into the conversation how awesome my husband is. In fact I know he has seen me with my husband in the store on many occasions. Well, last week when I went to get my pay, there were two people cashing out the cards, and I went to the woman who was working there, I have known her for at least 6 years and she is really cool. Creepy dude starts going on about how pretty I look today, and how if they had a beauty contest at our store I would win hands down. He kept talking and it just made me really uncomfortable. He sent me a request on facebook later that day which I denied. (my facebook page has my husband's name on it), and then a few days later he sat by me in the break room. I got up and walked away, threw away part of my lunch just to escape (at least it is good for my diet though lol) Then the other day I was eating my lunch, with my nose buried in a book and I look up to see him sitting across the room just staring at me! I want to get this guy to go away, I am starting to get the feeling that he is not right in the head, and the way he was looking at me frigtened me. I have been ignoring him forever, trying to escape him forever, but it seems like the more I run away the more determined he gets. I don't really want to go to management and get him in trouble, I just want him to leave me the hell alone. I need some good advice!
    Tell him you're uncomfortable with him. Just be honest but nice.
    And if he continues after that, drop his creepy *kitten* in the grease with your superior.
  • mussmom
    mussmom Posts: 362 Member
    Options
    I would suggest, looking him in the eye and politely, but firmly, telling him that you do not appreciate his attention and ask him to stop. He may just be socially inept and doesn't know the discomfort he is causing you.

    If that doesn't work, go to HR.


    this^
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
    Options
    is there an ethics hotline or an HR person you can talk to? that is very creepy, and you do need to go to someone about it. behaviour like that is technically sexual harassment and you MUST do something now before he does something worse to you.
    It is not sexual harassment Especially if she has never said "Dude leave me alone" there is nothing wrong with someone complimenting you and telling you how great you look. Just because he doesn't have any social grace and comes off creepy doesn't make it sexual harassment
    Yep. I would summon the courage to tell him that his actions make you feel uncomfortable. If it continues, go to HR.
  • Angel1066
    Angel1066 Posts: 816 Member
    Options
    I agree with everyone one whose says go to your HR dept, also tell other people how uncomfortable he makes you get it out in the open. If your co workers know what's going on he might think twice about bothering you but make sure your never alone with him.
    All the best.
  • blueyegrl
    blueyegrl Posts: 248 Member
    Options
    Because this is work related, you really HAVE to go to HR. If this was you in a bookstore doing your own thing, then yes, I would say tell him point blank to leave you alone. But because his job and your job are on the line if anything is crossed, you need to cover your own butt. If you confront him, and he IS mentally unstable and decides to turn the tables on you, it will become a he said she said battle. You need to have documentation of events. If this is the first time you are going to HR, he won't get fired, he'll (hopefully) be talked to, let them do the "confronting". If he keeps it up, report it again. And as someone who has dated a guy who worked in my building, broke up with him because he started being weird, and was then stalked by him....don't ever walk to your car, or get stuck in a stairwell alone, where he could potentially corner you alone. Try to stay near groups of people, just in case. Not to sound all scary, but you need to watch out for yourself. Hopefully this will end with HR. Good luck.
  • SweetMegz04
    SweetMegz04 Posts: 459 Member
    Options
    It wouldn't hurt to speak with a higher up to express your concerne and say you don't want to get anyone in trouble, you just wanted to make them aware you're uncomfortable and doing your best to avoid him. Good Luck
  • zenzoes
    zenzoes Posts: 187
    Options
    I would suggest, looking him in the eye and politely, but firmly, telling him that you do not appreciate his attention and ask him to stop. He may just be socially inept and doesn't know the discomfort he is causing you.

    If that doesn't work, go to HR.

    what I would do
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
    Options
    Right but then that poor guy who didn't mean anything by it now has a sexual harassment report on his record because some lady didn't have the ability to stand up and say stop bothering me. You all say all the time about how thick men are and they dont get the most obvious of signs and suggestions...Why or how is this any different?

    Tell him to stop and be Very clear.

Categories