a tragic loss....

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starblazing
starblazing Posts: 28 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
my cat of 19 years died in my arms today. i am completely broken. i obviously don't have healthy coping skills, i would appreciate it if you could suggest them. i used to use drugs and alcohol, then later food. help please.
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Replies

  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
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    That is a huge loss, don't feel that you aren't coping if you are upset - it can be so very traumatic to lose a much loved pet.

    The best stress release for me is running. Crying helps too. It's not unusual for me to run and cry at the same time.

    Or take a hot shower.

    Find someone who cares about you to give you a hug then take you out for a walk or to dinner or a movie.

    And most of all, don't listen to anyone who says anything along the lines of "don't worry, you can get another cat" or "it's just an animal, not a person". That's not the point at all, it is a real loss and grief is natural and its hard. But, you'll get through it, it truly does take time.
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
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    I lost my 20 year old cat last year. Unfortunately there is no magic way of coping with this. You just have to ride it out and experience it full force. Allow yourself to grieve. That is a gigantic loss.

    I'm so sorry.
  • shmunster
    shmunster Posts: 538 Member
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    I'm so sorry, losing a pet is like losing family :(

    I wish I could say something to help but instead will just let you know I'm thinking of you xxx
  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
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    Sorry for your loss. . . I remember when I had to put down my dog of 13 years. . nothing prepares you for it. But you have to allow yourself to grieve. .. time is what helps . . . My prayers are with you.
  • Eleanorjanethinner
    Eleanorjanethinner Posts: 563 Member
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    Wow, that is really sad! I've heard the 'grief is conmensurate with love' i.e. as much as you love someone or something, you'll grieve that much if it's gone.

    Great comment above bout not feeling like you're not coping if you're upset. Be upset and express it - talk to people who'll understand (in real life and online), write it down, cry, scream, thump a pillow etc. and be as good to yourself as you can - nurture yourself in whatever healthy ways you can find.

    It's hard to find the balance between allowing yourself to feel your feelings and unhealthy wallowing. Do the best you can and good luck!
  • jazzedorange
    jazzedorange Posts: 184 Member
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    Get a journal.
    When I lost my first husband to cancer, a dear friend brought me this beautiful journal. In it she wrote a wonderful story about the loss of her cat and her grieving process. She had a really hard time with it. So one day, she bought a journal and every day wrote her kitty a letter. Even the most basic things about her day at times were logged in this book. She felt that as long as she could put her thoughts down or just tell her cat that she loved her, made every day easier.

    I know this is really hard for you and I want you to know that its ok. I'm not sure if my story will help but it does get better.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    my cat of 19 years died in my arms today. i am completely broken. i obviously don't have healthy coping skills, i would appreciate it if you could suggest them. i used to use drugs and alcohol, then later food. help please.
    Those of us with addiction issues tend to look for a fix when under stress. It's really hard not to resort to that behavior when experiencing loss. But you have to walk through this grief with intention. You don't have to feel great. You won't. It sucks right now. And you hurt. That's OK. It's OK to hurt. You can cry. It's OK to cry. It's OK to feel the loss, feel the ache. I ask that you make the commitment to stay in touch with a healthy friend or family member that you trust and contact them regularly. You don't have to process all the grief with them if you don't want to (though that might be easier). Just commit to staying in regular contact with them.

    You don't have to use (drugs, alcohol, food, etc.) to not feel. You can still feel and be OK. Being OK does not mean feeling good. Being OK means feeling and the world not coming to an end. You can get through this. That doesn't mean it is easy or trivial. It simply means you can get to the other side - first to a point where you are really sad instead of freaking out with heartache, then wistful instead of really sad, and eventually you'll realize that you will miss this animal that was a part of your life and sometimes get sad, other times laugh about it.

    You aren't there yet. But you can get there. I don't even know you, and I can promise that you have the ability to get there. Make the choice to get there. It's OK to feel pain. Just do it safely. Realize it's a process. Remember that it will subside. Know that there is nothing you can do that will make you forget the the loss. You can only postpone the grief process (drugs, alcohol, food, etc.), you cannot skip it. You know this to be true.

    Hang in there. It really hurts to lose a beloved pet. I'm sorry you are hurting. It will hurt a tiny bit less tomorrow.
  • SummitGuy1208
    SummitGuy1208 Posts: 29 Member
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    I am sorry for the loss of your cat I hope you feel better soon! my prayers are with you
  • tamanella
    tamanella Posts: 500 Member
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    Get a journal.
    When I lost my first husband to cancer, a dear friend brought me this beautiful journal. In it she wrote a wonderful story about the loss of her cat and her grieving process. She had a really hard time with it. So one day, she bought a journal and every day wrote her kitty a letter. Even the most basic things about her day at times were logged in this book. She felt that as long as she could put her thoughts down or just tell her cat that she loved her, made every day easier.

    I know this is really hard for you and I want you to know that its ok. I'm not sure if my story will help but it does get better.

    This is such a wonderful idea! I had to put my precious cat, Stella, down on Labor Day this past year and I cried and cried. I wish I would have thought of doing this idea. I think it would have helped a lot! My thoughts are with you and I'm so very sorry for your loss.
  • Fatchickslim
    Fatchickslim Posts: 396 Member
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    I think that it is amazing that instead of just turning to an old habit you reached out and chose to talk about how you were feeling and ask for support!
    It show's you have come such a long way. Losing a loved member of your family human or furry is so hard and it takes time to go through the grief process.
    I think the journal idea is fantastic from Jazzedorange (sorry for your loss also and amazed at your strength!).
    The important thing to remember is you are not alone and if you need support we are here for you. :flowerforyou:
  • COOKINATOR
    COOKINATOR Posts: 94 Member
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    sorry for your loss
  • avg1986
    avg1986 Posts: 69 Member
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    Im so sorry for your loss :-(, i remember when we had to get my 16 yr old dog put down, it was awful and i cries for weeks, just try and keep yourself busy, dont turn to food, if you feel crap go for a run and then take a nice hot shower! Dont stop yourself from crying, it helps with the grieving process!! Xxxxxx
  • Galletakek
    Galletakek Posts: 285
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    :( sorry mama! sucks when a family pet dies! D:...... when my dog died i stayed with him till my brothers dug his grave : / i was a hot mess ..... we had the dog for 15 years... One day i came home and my mom got a new dog :D it didnt replace my old one but it helped me get over it haha :).. It also helps to be around ppl you love and lean on... Or try going out and taking your mind off of it.
  • chatterbox3110
    chatterbox3110 Posts: 630 Member
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    Im so sorry for your loss :-(, i remember when we had to get my 16 yr old dog put down, it was awful and i cries for weeks, just try and keep yourself busy, dont turn to food, if you feel crap go for a run and then take a nice hot shower! Dont stop yourself from crying, it helps with the grieving process!! Xxxxxx

    I'm AVG1986's Mum and it was our family dog - it was a huge and very suddenly needed decision to have her put to sleep and we grieved for her as though it was a family member - we'd had her since she was just 8 weeks old, so she was an important part of our family. Your cat had a long and happy life, and I'm sure it knew just how loved it was.

    It is so easy to turn to food, drugs or alcohol for comfort - you do need to grieve though, but try to move on in little steps.

    I'm sorry for your loss and I really feel for you at the moment.
  • Ahluvly
    Ahluvly Posts: 389 Member
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    Hey hon, I'm really sorry to hear your sad news! I went through it with two dogs when I was in my 20s, completely heartbroken! We still get a bit teary now but....the best thing you can do is throw yourself into something you enjoy doing, whether it's seeing friends, going out to the pics, shopping or...our new best friend, exercise. 19 is such a good age for a cat and I think the companionship, is the hardest thing to get over....the upset will get less, but I think it's healthy to talk about it and grieve so you can move on when you're ready.

    Drugs and alcohol are not good things to turn to, all they do is heighten the mood you're in and if you're upset, you're not going to want to feel more upset than you are!

    Give me a shout and let me know you're okay!

    Sarah x

    ((((hugs))))
  • GroovyGma73
    GroovyGma73 Posts: 64
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    my cat of 19 years died in my arms today. i am completely broken. i obviously don't have healthy coping skills, i would appreciate it if you could suggest them. i used to use drugs and alcohol, then later food. help please.
    Those of us with addiction issues tend to look for a fix when under stress. It's really hard not to resort to that behavior when experiencing loss. But you have to walk through this grief with intention. You don't have to feel great. You won't. It sucks right now. And you hurt. That's OK. It's OK to hurt. You can cry. It's OK to cry. It's OK to feel the loss, feel the ache. I ask that you make the commitment to stay in touch with a healthy friend or family member that you trust and contact them regularly. You don't have to process all the grief with them if you don't want to (though that might be easier). Just commit to staying in regular contact with them.

    You don't have to use (drugs, alcohol, food, etc.) to not feel. You can still feel and be OK. Being OK does not mean feeling good. Being OK means feeling and the world not coming to an end. You can get through this. That doesn't mean it is easy or trivial. It simply means you can get to the other side - first to a point where you are really sad instead of freaking out with heartache, then wistful instead of really sad, and eventually you'll realize that you will miss this animal that was a part of your life and sometimes get sad, other times laugh about it.

    You aren't there yet. But you can get there. I don't even know you, and I can promise that you have the ability to get there. Make the choice to get there. It's OK to feel pain. Just do it safely. Realize it's a process. Remember that it will subside. Know that there is nothing you can do that will make you forget the the loss. You can only postpone the grief process (drugs, alcohol, food, etc.), you cannot skip it. You know this to be true.

    Hang in there. It really hurts to lose a beloved pet. I'm sorry you are hurting. It will hurt a tiny bit less tomorrow.

    Very nicely said :smile:

    And so sad to hear about your cat, always remember you have everyone here to chat too if needed
  • Nessiep
    Nessiep Posts: 171 Member
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    sorry for your loss..it will hurt for a long time...but time heals ...thinking of you...lost my cat 3years ago ...5dogs attacked him while minding his own buisiness...outside my house..ive moved since then but cant drive past there as still hurts me...xx
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    my cat of 19 years died in my arms today. i am completely broken. i obviously don't have healthy coping skills, i would appreciate it if you could suggest them. i used to use drugs and alcohol, then later food. help please.
    Go get a kitten or something fury to fill the void.
    Sorry for your loss.

    One must be an animal person to understand.
  • kendrafallon
    kendrafallon Posts: 1,030 Member
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    my cat of 19 years died in my arms today. i am completely broken. i obviously don't have healthy coping skills, i would appreciate it if you could suggest them. i used to use drugs and alcohol, then later food. help please.

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my cat to a progressive brain tumour at the end of November and it still hurts....I'm not sure what to suggest for you, other than to talk and share your feelings with those who care and truly understand you.
  • morenita71
    morenita71 Posts: 137 Member
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    I know how you feel - it's dreadful. I always want to get wasted when something bad happens to numb the pain. I had to put one of my cats to sleep a couple of years ago - it was the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life - Still see him padding around in my dreams and thinking about him still brings tears to my eye. Pets become part of the fabric of your life and you are also losing a part of yourself and your history when they leave you.
    How to cope - let rip - cry all you want, look at photos, find cat quotes and poems - indulge your grief - don't blot it out with drugs (alcohol or food). It WILL get better. Take care...

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