How the hell...

sexforjaffacakes

...did I ever think I was fat?



Me aged 13. Yep. 13. By this point I'd been convinced by bullies/society that I was huge. Like, obese. Massive. Genuinley thought I was. And I'd go on starvation diets from the age of 10 onwards, and binge eating, and all the bad things because I didn't know how to lose weight, and people don't want to tell underage girls how to lose weight for fear of developing a complex. Thing is though, I ruined my metabolism starving myself and started eating like a fat girl cuz I thought I was a fat girl. Which resulted in me being 210lb at age 17.
I don't think I ever realised how much the bullying affected me physically until now, but I guess having 20 kids tell you you're fat from age 5 onwards makes you believe it.
Even now, I look at girls the same size or even bigger than me and think of them as slim, I look at myself in the mirror and see so.much.fat.

I know it's in my head and I'm working on it, but really, looking at that pic...can't believe how heavy I thought I was.

sexforjaffacakes

haha, forever alone

Nike13

I thought I was huge in high school and turns out I was fine. I wish my bad body image came from the bullies - mine came from my grandmother who would pat my belly and breasts and tut at me. I just ended up starving myself when she had to move in with us and dropped to dangerously low weight in college.

When I realized what I was doing I over-corrected and now have to find a happy medium again.

KayteeBear

And that's why high school sucks...

lol I was kind of there. I was a bit chubby, but not actually fat but was always called fat by bullies. I weighed myself constantly and was horrified once I hit 100 pounds even though that was healthy for my age and I ended up going through slightly anorexic fazes where I wouldn't eat anything all day but an apple.


However, something good did come out of it...I started working out and LOVED it so I got older and stopped listening to bullies but I continued to workout and get stronger and healthier.

sexforjaffacakes

I thought I was huge in high school and turns out I was fine. I wish my bad body image came from the bullies - mine came from my grandmother who would pat my belly and breasts and tut at me. I just ended up starving myself when she had to move in with us and dropped to dangerously low weight in college.

When I realized what I was doing I over-corrected and now have to find a happy medium again.

That's terrible! I think my parents deffo had an influence too, but more because they were in denial? I was a little chubby but they'd just constantly tell me I wasn't fat - even when I was like 15 stone if they'd helped me lose a few pounds the healthy way, perhaps I'd never have gotten in such a mess.

inammorata

Kids can be so cruel.

Also it doesn't help seeing airbrushed models with their ribs sticking out, and we are told that that's what "beautiful" is, pfft.

sexforjaffacakes

And that's why high school sucks...

I wish it was highschool, this was in primary school - ages 5-12 It's really hard to get the ideas they put in your mind out of there when it's been enforced from such a young age

noiva

I was just always built differently than other girls in my grade. I grew tall very fast, developed boobs and hips, wayyyy before anyone else. I was a size 6-8 and thought I was huge. All of the other girls in my grade were 00-2, so of course I was huge in my mind! Silly kids.

I so wish I could have seen it for what it was...I had the body then that they want now! Only I let myself go, and now I have to work twice as hard to get there. I see pictures of myself from elementary and middle school and wish I could have woken up back then and realized how *perfectly fine* I was.

charcharbec

That happened with me too. I told a girl once that I was a certain size jeans...and she was like "yeah right." stupid.

thatsnumberwang

It can be really hard for girls who develop early. They look like women, and everyone around them looks like a fashion model. It's extra hard because that's the age when girls are at their cruelest and enjoy bullying the most. But well done for looking at yourself positively and taking charge now!

meggy_182

I had hips, boobs and periods all at the young age of 10! i felt like a giant whale, and spent most of school under eating and being dangerously unwell.
Then I too corrected myself, but in the wrong way, and now trying to tone out the ice cream filled tummy of mine

lc504

OP - I can relate. I had my first period at age TEN, flew up to my current height (5'5") and went up to 125 lbs within the course of a couple years. Everyone around me was still tiny, around 100 lbs or less probably and much shorter. I was teased by others who called me fat, and even my uncle made an off-hand comment, "How does it feel being the biggest girl in your class?", and I started thinking of myself as this huge disgusting overweight person... when now I look back on those photos and realize I was not fat at ALL!

stylistchik

I understand. I was stuck in the same mindset. I was never overweight but I was just kind of nerdy and I thought I could be more popular if I was "hot" (yeah, at 13...) and to me that meant skinny since my mom was always "dieting" and talked with me openly about how my younger sister was overweight so I never wanted to be her next target. Then in high school I had a boyfriend who treated me horribly and every time something went wrong between us I would stop eating, thinking if I was "prettier" (skinnier) he'd treat me better... you live you learn I guess...

AZKristi

Kids suck (and so do most parents). I hope to have my weight under control before I have children as I really don't want to pass any of my food craziness onto them. Demonstrating a healthy relationship with food is a difficult thing to do for a child.

meggy_182

^^^!
I used to get that comments like that all the time, and weirdly got bullied for having my period. I look back and think it was pathetic, and i shouldn't have let it bother me. I'm only 5'6 and most of my friends are now taller than me.
Damn you puberty!

servilia

Yeah kids can be really cruel.
I just wonder, you really got up to 210 lbs by starving yourself?

sexforjaffacakes

reading the above replies, it is horrible how many people have though skinny=happy at such a young age!
To be on diets at age 9/10 is just ridiculous. I was curvy with a wee bit of flab on my tummy/arms/legs, but I must have been like 8/9 stone in that pic (same height/figure as I have now)
My goal weight just now? 8 stone. Lmao.

Barelmy

OP - I can relate. I had my first period at age TEN, flew up to my current height (5'5") and went up to 125 lbs within the course of a couple years. Everyone around me was still tiny, around 100 lbs or less probably and much shorter. I was teased by others who called me fat, and even my uncle made an off-hand comment, "How does it feel being the biggest girl in your class?", and I started thinking of myself as this huge disgusting overweight person... when now I look back on those photos and realize I was not fat at ALL!

Same. I felt so HUGE, towering over everybody.

sexforjaffacakes

Yeah kids can be really cruel.
I just wonder, you really got up to 210 lbs by starving yourself?

" Thing is though, I ruined my metabolism starving myself and then started eating like a fat girl cuz I thought I was a fat girl."

derposaurus

yeah i started starving myself at 13 and thought i was ENORMOUS. i see pictures of myself then and i think 'HOW COULD I HATE MYSELF?" i hated myself SO much as a teenager. worse than i ever have now and hopefully ever will. i used to cut myself and litterally beat myself up (punch legs, and head, causing bruises, etc) because i hated myself for being "too fat".

i think it's just a teenage thing. hormones are crazy. you are much more vulnerable and insecure. i thankfully was never ever bullied. my self hatred came from within. i bullied myself. i see pictures now and yeah i would kill to be that size. but with that being said, i definitely was bigger than my peers. i was 13 adn a little ahead on puberty and a little heavier... so compared to other 13 year old i was definitely fatter. but compared to 21 year olds (what I am now), I was HOT lol. there's alot of factors that come into it.

i'm sorry that kids were so mean to you

Barelmy

...my mom was always "dieting" and talked with me openly about how my younger sister was overweight so I never wanted to be her next target.

My mom was exactly like that - but my sister was the thinner one.